Nostalgic when I think about how I never used to cry, ever. But for the past month or so, its all I've felt like doing. My left eye in particular seems to permanently sting and itch because its constantly a little water-y. My parents know something is wrong but if I told them, honestly, how sad I am at the moment and the true reasons why, it would hurt them so much because there's nothing they can do about it.
I am just an existence at the moment. I'm not living in my life. I am trying to but lately its felt like everything I'm trying, fails or goes against me. I've tried to get on with things but the problem is still there in my head. I'm running out of things to try that can help me get through this.
I just want to sleep all the time because its the only way I'm not thinking about it. I don't know what to do anymore.
I can relate a lot, minus some of the crying. It feels so daunting and hopeless at times - I don't know what you've tried - I know what I haven't tried like real CBT help and consistent relaxation and healthy diet (consistently) always seems to be key, consistent. My mind is so used to the habit of avoiding and giving into the more negative or just giving up on something - comes so natural hard to fight that but we can! =)
And I need to get on it but it's hard. Esp when you lack social support around you.
I'm sorry that you feel the same, Lemur.
I've tried things like keeping busy, joining clubs, reaching out to others and putting in an effort but I feel like none of it is paying off. Phases like this... make me really paranoid... I've always felt like people don't like me and when I feel like this I go from beyond thinking, to believing it, and then I don't like myself either. The determination and smiles come back in short spurts but the problem is still there and I miss feeling happy because most of the time I am smiling and laughing. Or. I was smiling and laughing. The only place I have to talk about what things are really like is on this forum because even if people don't read my comments I feel better just for writing them as its the only place I don't have to pretend that I'm ok.
I know we'll get through it, both of us will, but that light at the end of the tunnel just sometimes seems a lot further away.
Hey Twiggle - if you don't feel like laughing and smiling - don't.
Maybe you can say something like 'a bit under the weather today' or such... (to tone it down) but I recommend being honest about your feelings at least with one person in RL...
I used to be 'cheerful' and thought I had to be 'cheerful' all the time too ('The Great Pretender' song sums it up nicely)
You can feel very lonely even with lots of people around you if you're constantly 'faking it'... And sometimes being real with someone trustworthy can actually bring you closer...
People don't NEED to like you, they just need to respect you enough/be respectful... so that life together is possible, if you're living/working together etc. When I fully realized this it was a huge liberation. And they actually started liking me more. (Shock, I know!)
Can you find at least one member of the forum in your area? Or someone else from a similar forum (or with similar problems) in your area?
Sometimes it's okay to be sad, you know... Life is not a 'sit-com' all the time... And yeah, we all here believe in you!!
Thanks, Jonesy, but trust me, it's been a long process, and easier to be optimistic for others but it's a mindset that's a long process to change when ones been on the other end for soooo long. Esp for me now. But as Twiggle said, we must never give up being doing so and nothing will definitely make things worse.
parents like to nag, but when my mum nags me, i feel like she is right. i am not really doing anything these days to make her proud. and that doesnt make me feel any better as a person. she reminds me of what im not, in her aggressive way, but its still true. i got to stop being unhappy whenever she scold at me, but really change now.
Parents will always nag that's just what they do. There probably only nagging because they love you and want the best for you in life. It might be that their nagging is their way of trying to give you a push in the right direction to help you get better. Even though you say your not doing anything to make your parents proud. I bet they are still proud of you.
lol you're welcome.. twiggle.. I don't feel so caring sometimes, but people keep telling me that, lol.
I just try to cheer people up (or share my life experience), especially if they seem like really COOL people with lots of potential and level-headed and with great sense of wit and intelligence and I really admire them and everything
I understand about not wanting to burden your family, yeah... hm that's tough then, yeah.. My mum can be easily upset so I try to not burden her too much either - my sis is not such a great source of wisdom either...
There may be other forums for people in similar situations, maybe look for any of the keywords, it doesn't have to be all of them... (or maybe even try to put local towns into the search) What about any people you might study/work/volunteer with, could any of them be developed into 'acquaintances' and then maybe steps taken toward 'friendship' (slowly) ? Could there be any local support groups or a day center or something, with maybe free counselling or such?
It inspires me how EscapeArtist, Saskia and some other people are doing big steps with support team behind them... I wish there would be support teams and friendly clubs/orgs everywhere...
Sometimes writing a song or story about things can help too...
I think we all on this forum both give & get advice... It's a two-way street...
So take your time and know that already you're making the forum (and the world) a better place just by your presence
Wish there was more stuff here for geeks to do in groups. There's only one comic book store in the whole city but there's bars, churches and strip clubs everywhere. Never mind the fact that you have to travel hours to get to a convention. Why can't I be just like everyone else?