Post what you cannot say
- Thread starter kihira
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Invisibleman
Well-known member
Well theres nothing I want to say to anybody in particular,but I know that "I love you" and "I need help" are probably the two phrases that ive uttered maybe a few times in my life.
Dead_on_Arrival
Well-known member
No sis I'm not babysitting your kids. You only speak to me when you want something from me, the last time we spoke was nearly 2 month ago.
Sorry mum I can't do your garden for you. You have another son who lays on his back all day and does nothing. Ask him to do it for once.
Wife, get off my SPW profile and stop checking up on me. Marriages are built on trust and so far I can't tell you what is going on in my life and in my head because I can't trust you any more.
Dad, I miss you. You never answer the phone when I call. I haven't seen you for 6 months since you were in hospital. Have I done something to upset you?
Mum, Sis, I have OCD with Exestential Nihilistic thoughts, I know neither of you believe me cos you think my wife planned for me to go into therapy to justify me not working to you. As it happens it has nothing to do with my wife, I have been this way since I was five. And here is something else you won't believe cos you think I'm a pathological liar, the reason I am the way I am is because I was sexually abused for years. My wife is the only one that knows because I trusted her.
So you can all go *** yourselves. If you don't like it leave me alone.
Sorry mum I can't do your garden for you. You have another son who lays on his back all day and does nothing. Ask him to do it for once.
Wife, get off my SPW profile and stop checking up on me. Marriages are built on trust and so far I can't tell you what is going on in my life and in my head because I can't trust you any more.
Dad, I miss you. You never answer the phone when I call. I haven't seen you for 6 months since you were in hospital. Have I done something to upset you?
Mum, Sis, I have OCD with Exestential Nihilistic thoughts, I know neither of you believe me cos you think my wife planned for me to go into therapy to justify me not working to you. As it happens it has nothing to do with my wife, I have been this way since I was five. And here is something else you won't believe cos you think I'm a pathological liar, the reason I am the way I am is because I was sexually abused for years. My wife is the only one that knows because I trusted her.
So you can all go *** yourselves. If you don't like it leave me alone.
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
I'm sorry I never made you proud.
Maybe some day I'll be strong, like you always wanted me to be?
I just don't want you to hate me for never being able to live up to everyone's expectations... but you understood me the best, so I guess you already know exactly how I am and what I'm capable of.
You're just not here to push me to be better, anymore.
Maybe some day I'll be strong, like you always wanted me to be?
I just don't want you to hate me for never being able to live up to everyone's expectations... but you understood me the best, so I guess you already know exactly how I am and what I'm capable of.
You're just not here to push me to be better, anymore.
burdeninyourhands
Active member
You were exactly what I prayed to God to have In my life. I am not.surprised. you disappeared I never deserved you. You played games with my heart, oh how quickly I was willing to change this life I hate. I was a fool to believe someone would want me. A total fool. I hate myself and I hate you.
Extended family - I love you all dearly, but there are only a couple of you that I actually like.
Grandma - I love you, but I'm not your slave. You only call me or want to see me when you need something done. That's why I don't like coming around often. You make me feel like I'm being used. Remember that horrible poison ivy I got trying to clear your shoreline and that $1200 hospital bill that came with it? Yeah, thanks for not paying a penny of it even though you are loaded.
Mom, Dad, and younger sister - I love you guys so much and I'm sorry that I can't get myself straightened out quicker. I want nothing but to make you proud.
Older sisters - I've spent my entire life telling people how much I love my older sisters and how cool they are, even though they are adopted and not really my sisters. But you guys have let our family down. Cheating on you husband, stealing from your employer, doing drugs IN my mother's house when she said that was the one thing that she would not tolerate. I'm starting to get used to telling people I only have one sibling. And it's your loss. I know you had a hard childhood and I know my parents aren't perfect, but they were your best chance to make something of yourselves and you blew it big time. I only hope that, for the sake of my two nieces and nephews that I may not ever get to see again, you guys figure out what it means to be a parent and stop acting like you're still teenagers.
Mom - I'm not mad at you for not getting me treatment sooner. You know how stubborn I am. It took almost 20 years for me to realize that you were right. Without you, I would have spent the rest of my life that way. Please don't beat yourself up about it any more. It won't help anyway.
My former boss - I generally don't hate people. I am mostly indifferent. But god help me, I hate you. I don't know if you know it, but you really screwed with my head. It's been almost a year since I quit and you still pop up in my dreams, criticizing me. Would it have really killed you to say a nice thing or two every once in a while? I hope you are sitting at home, wondering why you have such a massive turnover rate, and finding that the common denominator is you. How are you still a GM? I don't get it. You must have some dirt on someone, because you are the stupidest and most unprofessional person I have ever worked with. I've always been a little bit of a mess, but that night when I broke down at work and called you, crying, was one of the worst days of my life. (And you couldn't even muster up an ounce of sympathy. You were only worried that it meant you would have to work on your day off.) I haven't been the same since. I am terrified to get another job because I cannot work with someone like you again.
Well, that feels good to get off my chest, but I kinda feel guilty now. :\
Grandma - I love you, but I'm not your slave. You only call me or want to see me when you need something done. That's why I don't like coming around often. You make me feel like I'm being used. Remember that horrible poison ivy I got trying to clear your shoreline and that $1200 hospital bill that came with it? Yeah, thanks for not paying a penny of it even though you are loaded.
Mom, Dad, and younger sister - I love you guys so much and I'm sorry that I can't get myself straightened out quicker. I want nothing but to make you proud.
Older sisters - I've spent my entire life telling people how much I love my older sisters and how cool they are, even though they are adopted and not really my sisters. But you guys have let our family down. Cheating on you husband, stealing from your employer, doing drugs IN my mother's house when she said that was the one thing that she would not tolerate. I'm starting to get used to telling people I only have one sibling. And it's your loss. I know you had a hard childhood and I know my parents aren't perfect, but they were your best chance to make something of yourselves and you blew it big time. I only hope that, for the sake of my two nieces and nephews that I may not ever get to see again, you guys figure out what it means to be a parent and stop acting like you're still teenagers.
Mom - I'm not mad at you for not getting me treatment sooner. You know how stubborn I am. It took almost 20 years for me to realize that you were right. Without you, I would have spent the rest of my life that way. Please don't beat yourself up about it any more. It won't help anyway.
My former boss - I generally don't hate people. I am mostly indifferent. But god help me, I hate you. I don't know if you know it, but you really screwed with my head. It's been almost a year since I quit and you still pop up in my dreams, criticizing me. Would it have really killed you to say a nice thing or two every once in a while? I hope you are sitting at home, wondering why you have such a massive turnover rate, and finding that the common denominator is you. How are you still a GM? I don't get it. You must have some dirt on someone, because you are the stupidest and most unprofessional person I have ever worked with. I've always been a little bit of a mess, but that night when I broke down at work and called you, crying, was one of the worst days of my life. (And you couldn't even muster up an ounce of sympathy. You were only worried that it meant you would have to work on your day off.) I haven't been the same since. I am terrified to get another job because I cannot work with someone like you again.
Well, that feels good to get off my chest, but I kinda feel guilty now. :\
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Steppen-Wolf
Well-known member
I really, really miss you.
I remember all my mistakes, all my wrong doings, but that was never what I really wanted... I was, I am sick, and you knew that but you felt you could cure it all with just love, but it was never that easy.
I know your life has nothing to do with me anymore, I mean nothing to you and I understand that's the way it should be and nothing can ever change that. I only wish you a happy and long life, but with you gone I've felt even more lost through this years.
You made me feel special and worthy for the first time... I'm truly sorry for what happened, I'm just a scared and confused child who didn't want to be alone, and that's exactly how I ended up.
I remember all my mistakes, all my wrong doings, but that was never what I really wanted... I was, I am sick, and you knew that but you felt you could cure it all with just love, but it was never that easy.
I know your life has nothing to do with me anymore, I mean nothing to you and I understand that's the way it should be and nothing can ever change that. I only wish you a happy and long life, but with you gone I've felt even more lost through this years.
You made me feel special and worthy for the first time... I'm truly sorry for what happened, I'm just a scared and confused child who didn't want to be alone, and that's exactly how I ended up.
To extended family
I know you wanted me to be social and more chatty but this is who i am and I'm going to be this way all my life so you better accept me for who I am.I'm sorry I'm not perfect like my cousin.
To a very caring person....
Thanks for always supporting me. And never being disapointed even though I truly deserve it.Thanks for believing in me and loving me unconditionally.I really miss you,I'm sorry i let you down.
To SPW
I love you all
I know you wanted me to be social and more chatty but this is who i am and I'm going to be this way all my life so you better accept me for who I am.I'm sorry I'm not perfect like my cousin.
To a very caring person....
Thanks for always supporting me. And never being disapointed even though I truly deserve it.Thanks for believing in me and loving me unconditionally.I really miss you,I'm sorry i let you down.
To SPW
I love you all
Phoenixx
Well-known member
I like this thread..... I'm feeling kinda emotional atm too so.....
To my parents: I feel guilty for all that you've given me, the fact that I feel like I haven't done a thing to pay you back. Growing up, you spoiled me (and my brother) because we grew up mostly without grandparents, and we lived near the few crazy relatives that didn't even give a crap about us (And the ones that did care were the best relatives I ever had). All those years, you were there through health problem after health problem, paying for whatever treatment I needed. You moved us to a healthier location, even if it is horribly boring and leaves me feeling trapped. You've taught us so much, I feel like I haven't done even the slightest thing to thank you, or even to make you extremely proud of me. Sure, I get good grades and you're happy that I easily do well in school and I teach myself new things, but I still feel that even those things still aren't good enough. And honestly, I don't think there's anything I could do that would make up for all that you've done.
To my Mom: It's awful I had to go through your pain at 13, bringing me down to your level, taking it all out on me for what would be the next 3 years and contributing to depression and, what I would find out to be, SA. Even through all that you've given me (And I thank you), I still find a part of myself holding you against all this. It was an awful time for you, and I'm finally realizing that it was so much more than just an illness. You were going through so many situations at that time, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Because of this past, I hold back most of my feelings, I refrain from telling you anything personal, and that's why I'm so secretive (not just from you, but from pretty much anybody), even if you may or may not know it. I want to just forget everything that happened, bring myself to trust you again and to just spill everything, even tell you about my SA and the depression, but I don't think I can.
To my parents: I feel guilty for all that you've given me, the fact that I feel like I haven't done a thing to pay you back. Growing up, you spoiled me (and my brother) because we grew up mostly without grandparents, and we lived near the few crazy relatives that didn't even give a crap about us (And the ones that did care were the best relatives I ever had). All those years, you were there through health problem after health problem, paying for whatever treatment I needed. You moved us to a healthier location, even if it is horribly boring and leaves me feeling trapped. You've taught us so much, I feel like I haven't done even the slightest thing to thank you, or even to make you extremely proud of me. Sure, I get good grades and you're happy that I easily do well in school and I teach myself new things, but I still feel that even those things still aren't good enough. And honestly, I don't think there's anything I could do that would make up for all that you've done.
To my Mom: It's awful I had to go through your pain at 13, bringing me down to your level, taking it all out on me for what would be the next 3 years and contributing to depression and, what I would find out to be, SA. Even through all that you've given me (And I thank you), I still find a part of myself holding you against all this. It was an awful time for you, and I'm finally realizing that it was so much more than just an illness. You were going through so many situations at that time, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Because of this past, I hold back most of my feelings, I refrain from telling you anything personal, and that's why I'm so secretive (not just from you, but from pretty much anybody), even if you may or may not know it. I want to just forget everything that happened, bring myself to trust you again and to just spill everything, even tell you about my SA and the depression, but I don't think I can.
B
Beatrice
Guest
I like this thread a lot. It's getting me choked up though.
As for what I want to say....
Grandparents/aunt: Go **** yourselves. Mmmmmmkay? You think it's okay to treat a new mother like that? Or any mother for that matter? What goes through you people's heads? What's wrong with you? You think what you've done and are doing shows love? Do you honestly think I LOVE you back? The saddest part is, you're completely, utterly oblivious to the fact that you are so sick. It boggles the mind. It turns the stomach. It drives one away. And it's your fault. I don't bear any of the blame for the way things will inevitably turn out, and I have to remember that no matter what. Because it will be tough to cut the cord.
As for the people I went to school with..... You couldn't give me a chance, could you? You had to pick on me just because I was insecure and quiet? And when I tried to stand up for myself, you made my life worse. Thank you so much for that. At least I know what type of people I DON'T want as friends, even if it sometimes hurts when I feel on the outside looking in.
And lastly....... My mother. You. I don't know what to do about you. I love you, you're everything to me, but you really broke my heart. I feel your pain, and I'm so sorry. But why can't you just take that step to be free again? Start making things right? I miss the old days. Your children all miss you and how things used to be. Sure, things change, but when the dynamics of a household and family take a seemingly permanent negative turn, it's a bitter pill to swallow. I wish I could express myself better than that......
As for what I want to say....
Grandparents/aunt: Go **** yourselves. Mmmmmmkay? You think it's okay to treat a new mother like that? Or any mother for that matter? What goes through you people's heads? What's wrong with you? You think what you've done and are doing shows love? Do you honestly think I LOVE you back? The saddest part is, you're completely, utterly oblivious to the fact that you are so sick. It boggles the mind. It turns the stomach. It drives one away. And it's your fault. I don't bear any of the blame for the way things will inevitably turn out, and I have to remember that no matter what. Because it will be tough to cut the cord.
As for the people I went to school with..... You couldn't give me a chance, could you? You had to pick on me just because I was insecure and quiet? And when I tried to stand up for myself, you made my life worse. Thank you so much for that. At least I know what type of people I DON'T want as friends, even if it sometimes hurts when I feel on the outside looking in.
And lastly....... My mother. You. I don't know what to do about you. I love you, you're everything to me, but you really broke my heart. I feel your pain, and I'm so sorry. But why can't you just take that step to be free again? Start making things right? I miss the old days. Your children all miss you and how things used to be. Sure, things change, but when the dynamics of a household and family take a seemingly permanent negative turn, it's a bitter pill to swallow. I wish I could express myself better than that......
SeniorRedrings
Banned
Mum,Dad,your fridge freezer is way too big for your kitchen.It's high time you downsized.
Summoning
Well-known member
I probably have a ton of things to say, but, if I had to choose a moment and a person it would definitively be at my cousin's birthday party, where someone commented to me (in front of everybody) in a very awful way, how social inapt I was and making critics to my choices, the way I spent my time, just everything. I was 14 I think.
To you: Why the hell don't you put your nose into your own business, uh? So, A big **** you. **** you, **** your mentality and specially, ****. YOUR. GOD.
Oh man, I wish I could throw this at her face. That would feel soooo god.
To you: Why the hell don't you put your nose into your own business, uh? So, A big **** you. **** you, **** your mentality and specially, ****. YOUR. GOD.
Oh man, I wish I could throw this at her face. That would feel soooo god.
I'm sorry to hear that. She seems like a total idiot.She has no right to comment about other people's lives. She should get a f***ing life of her own!
LOL!
This thread got me thinking and I just posted two very random and rambling posts on Tumblr. It seems I've been holding a lot of things in.
ScaredToBreathe
Well-known member
I really like you a lot. Why do all of you never even bother to get to know me?; you're all just caught up with the obvious; what's right in front of you but there's more to me than you think; i'm not just that girl that "doesn't talk"; you don't know me AT ALL so f*** the f*** off or realize and accept me for who i really am. Back the f*** off and shut the f*** up, you think you're everything and that everyone else is a piece of s*** but really it's the other way around; you're honestly a psycho and need professional help and need to get your s*** together and know that the world doesn't revolve around you, that's how it is hun. I miss you. If you died and i didnt cry, or didnt even feel sad, is that bad?; don't blame me. You people dont understand so stop trying to think you do; you might be sympathetic and close to understanding, but even then you'll NEVER understand unless you're in my shoes feeling what i feel.
thanks for this thread i need to vent some things as you can see ^.^ although i dont think ill ever be able to says those things to someones face...
thanks for this thread i need to vent some things as you can see ^.^ although i dont think ill ever be able to says those things to someones face...
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
Hi. I know you like to drink, party, and do drugs and there's nothing wrong with that but if it wasn't to much trouble could you be a little more considerate of me. I know I'm in the minority in that I don't do any of those things, and you probably rightfully view me as a loser who spends all his time alone and I'm sorry you got stuck with me as a roommate. I know I seem stand-offish and don't seem to be putting any effort into getting to know you or even making small talk, and I'm sorry and it's nothing personal. That being said though, if it wasn't to much trouble could you not make so much noise coming in at 3 am in the morning. I have enough trouble sleeping already, and when you come in, turn on your light and music it is very difficult for me to continue sleeping. I may invest in some ear plugs and a face mask if this persists. I'd also like it if you didn't bring people in here while I'm trying to sleep, that is also uncomfortable. I hope I don't make too much noise in the morning while you are still asleep. Going back to your music, I'd rather you not play it as loudly when I'm in the room, I prefer not listening to it. I'll try to get out of the room though. And I'd really like it if you didn't play it all night, while I too like listening to music while I sleep, it's not the same music as you do. Between this and you coming in late I have great difficulty sleeping. Also if you could try to keep the "smells" of your extracurricular activities as out of the room as much as possible it would be appropriated. While it's fine by me you do them, I'd rather not smell it. Thanks.
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Thank you for being so nice to me. I doubt you know how much it meant to me, and just wanted to let you know. I liked you bunches, and you gave me some hope I thought I had lost for good. You are a wonderful person I hope you know, you will make many more people happy throughout your life, including one lucky someone If this was real I may have given you one of my rare hugs, so consider that to be a compliment
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Thank you for being so nice to me. I doubt you know how much it meant to me, and just wanted to let you know. I liked you bunches, and you gave me some hope I thought I had lost for good. You are a wonderful person I hope you know, you will make many more people happy throughout your life, including one lucky someone
If this was real I may have given you one of my rare hugs, so consider that to be a compliment 
*I have no idea of how to ask out a gilr without sound like I'm unsuing some stupid and lame predetermined formula, so no idea what to write either, I hope I make my point.
*To my father: I'm sick of you you egomaniac senile gullible man! You think you're f****** perfect with your crazy fairy tales that doesn't even are a real religion, a I'm sick of you criticizing everyone and everything! You destroyed my self steem, you're more aware of the needs of your fake friends that the ones of your family! and I CAN'T STAND LIVING WITH YOU!!
I think I feel a bit better now.
*To my father: I'm sick of you you egomaniac senile gullible man! You think you're f****** perfect with your crazy fairy tales that doesn't even are a real religion, a I'm sick of you criticizing everyone and everything! You destroyed my self steem, you're more aware of the needs of your fake friends that the ones of your family! and I CAN'T STAND LIVING WITH YOU!!
I think I feel a bit better now.