Positive success stories/tips for social phobia

[sahxox]

Social Phobia can be beaten by changing thinking. We need support and gain positivity from eachother.
One question to get the ball rolling how do you stop being overly-aware of the presence of others and try and focus on yourself? It does not matter if you've only been able to do this once or twice or if it's a daily battle. The avenue of cure is hope itself.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

how do you stop being overly-aware of the presence of others and try and focus on yourself?

I'm not sure if I quite understand you, but I wouldn't say that focusing on yourself will help you do that. I think it's more like, try to put yourself in the shoes of the person standing next to you by imagining how you feel about them during the same conversation.

Do you care about every detail of what they're wearing? Then why should they care about your details?

Are you waiting to seize upon a stumble of their words and laugh at them? Then why would you think they're going to make a big deal if you do?

And so on, for all the concerns that go through your head.

 

[laure15]

One question to get the ball rolling how do you stop being overly-aware of the presence of others and try and focus on yourself?

I often find myself doing this in public. I become hypervigilant. I care so much about what people wear, say, and think about me. So what I try to tell myself is this: "It's none of your business what other people think about you." I got this advice from someone on this forum. It does help me focus more on myself and alleviate the anxiety a bit.

 

[Flanscho]

Well, I've always been quite sensitive and was mobbed a lot at school. I guess both together caused my SA. It was worst in my early 20s (I'm now in my early 30s). I feared that if I stay at home, I'll never become independant and be able to take my life into my own hands, because I know my family would always care for me. So, I decided to move out.

I chose a town I knew a girl in, from the internet, with whom I was friends, so that I'd already have one person I know a bit. The town is one of the largest towns in Germany with a huge university. I thought that this would be a good choice, because the more people there are, the more options I have in the long run. Also the town is known to be very open minded, which seemed nice as well. It would be about 400km away from the town my family lives in, so enough for a weekend visit and Christmas and stuff, but far away that I'd have my privacy.

That girl told me that she has some friends who share a flat and that they're looking for a new roommate. At first I decided not to join them, so someone else did, but that person only stayed for two months, and by then I kept thinking about this, and thought that this is a good idea.
- the rent would be cheap
- I'd get to meet more people living in that town, which would increase my chance to make friends
- I could get advice and help on all kinds of stuff
- I wouldn't be totally alone and thus reduce the risk of depression

So I moved in there. My SA was really bad at that time, which caused quite a lot of problems. Not with my roommates, who were really friendly, but just with other stuff.

Over time I met more people. And especially one of them kept motivating me to join them on events, like movie evenings, festivals, birthday parties and so on. And the better I got to know them the weaker my SA got.

I lived in that flat for about 10 years, and moved out last year into my own flat, closer to my circle of friends. And it's nice. My SA got so weak that people still consider me to be somewhat introverted, but also like my presence. With one friend I go swimming every now and then, with some others I have a role playing round, with others a board game evening, cooking evening, video evening and so on and so on. And with each event I attend, I become more confident.

Today some friends meet in a park since the weather is so nice, but I decided to stay at home, since I already spent last evening with friends, and I want an evening for myself today. I don't have to accept all offers my friends make me, but I will make sure to accept most of them, because I know that those events will be nice and to show them that I'm thankful for their help and friendship.

Careerwise my SA destroyed my university studies. So once I realized I'd fail at that, I did a two year education thingy (it's very popular in Germany) to have some certificate in my hands, which was about programming, since in the long run in programming, work experience counts for a lot, which would even out the lack of my university certificates. I now have about six years of work experience. I'm not rich, but I can pay my rent, have enough money left, and since programmers are always wanted, I don't have to worry to be unemployed any time soon.

 

[Raichel]

^ These are the kind of stories that motivate me to keep trying and socializing, no matter how miserable it makes me feel at this time. I know it will get better the more I practice, I just have to keep at it. Thanks for sharing, Flanscho! You did great for pushing yourself to overcome your fears.

 

[sahxox]

^ These are the kind of stories that motivate me to keep trying and socializing, no matter how miserable it makes me feel at this time. I know it will get better the more I practice, I just have to keep at it. Thanks for sharing, Flanscho! You did great for pushing yourself to overcome your fears.

couldn't agree more. Thanks for sharing

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I'm not sure if I quite understand you, but I wouldn't say that focusing on yourself will help you do that. I think it's more like, try to put yourself in the shoes of the person standing next to you by imagining how you feel about them during the same conversation.

Do you care about every detail of what they're wearing? Then why should they care about your details?

Are you waiting to seize upon a stumble of their words and laugh at them? Then why would you think they're going to make a big deal if you do?

And so on, for all the concerns that go through your head.

I agree with you that we should be focusing on the others and be able to let go of ourselves while interacting with people (I hope this sentence is intelligible).

I understand what the OP means though, because when you are alone and not interacting with anyone, but still anxious because too self-conscious, it's the other way around. We should be focusing on ourselves and be able to let go of others.

Does it make sense?

 

[Quietguy11]

This seems to be my underlying problem with social anxiety. I am super conscious of other peoples' presences around me, and can't focus on myself. Everyone can become a distraction to me that interrupts my ability to concentrate and think with a clear mind. I always feel forced to say hi to someone when I'm passing them by on the street, when a greeting is only necessary if you really want to greet. It shouldn't feel forced.

 

[coyote]

my advice would be to NOT focus on yourself by focusing on the the person you are interacting with instead

it's being too self-conscious and inward looking that feeds the anxiety in the first place

try, instead, to get out of your own head and live in the present moment

if you are in a social interaction, try focusing on what the other person is saying, then respond without thinking too much

practice - it gets better

 

[xDreamseller]

I'm not sure if I quite understand you, but I wouldn't say that focusing on yourself will help you do that. I think it's more like, try to put yourself in the shoes of the person standing next to you by imagining how you feel about them during the same conversation.

Do you care about every detail of what they're wearing? Then why should they care about your details?

Are you waiting to seize upon a stumble of their words and laugh at them? Then why would you think they're going to make a big deal if you do?

And so on, for all the concerns that go through your head.

That's how I try and look on it. You don't care when other people aren't perfect, so why care so much when you aren't either.

 

[Kiwong]

Running, observing nature and photography are my distractions. I become like a child lost in a game, lost in imagining. I forget who I am, my thoughts become neutral.