(poll) How important are looks in terms of dating someone?

[Jim_Bergerac]

I know at first glance this may not look like a topic for the social anxiety forum, but it is in this case.
When I was growing up it seemed like when it came to the opposite sex being interested in you, it all was about how good looking you are. And this was equal for guys and girls.
I am just so confused because I got a lot of put downs about how I looked in my teenage years, I now aim to look my best but all the negative judgements has made me believe people don't see me as good looking at all, quite the opposite in fact.
But I am living my life with an inferiority complex believing I am not good looking enough for women to be interested in me. It makes me so self conscious and feel so inadequate around women because I just don't believe I am good enough because I don't look good enough.

So what is the reality when you get into your late 20s and 30s, is it still a shallow world where looks is everything? I just have no idea any more. If I am going on my past experience of what I have seen for myself and for others then I believe that looks is so important - that if you don't look good enough then you will never get a date, whereas if you are good looking then you definitely will get a date but its how well you then get on that depends if anything happens. Good personality = friend material. Good looks = dating material.

I want honest answers, how important are looks when it comes to wpuld people date you?

 

[Krista]

I'm sorry you felt like that during your teen years. In my opinion and I'm being truthful, not going for the girl sympathy thing, looks don't matter to me really. Obviously I'd like to be attracted to that person but if I don't like your personality your face doesn't mean sh*t to me.

Case in point, I was at a party where my friend brought this guy she liked. He was an ass but in all purposes what most girls would consider "extremely hot" and flirted with everyone. It didn't matter to me that he had looks most guys would want, his attitude made me sick. Which I told him. If I don't mesh well with your personality, I just don't like you. Because I like a guy who's caring, compassionate, funny and someone I get along with that makes them so much more attractive to me.

I like nerdy guys anyways, lol.

 

[mrb]

the biggest thing in a relationship is trust ...

 

[Brokenx]

When guys say 'Look's aint a big deal' i believe 80% of the time they are lieing lol

 

[mrb]

When guys say 'Look's aint a big deal' i believe 80% of the time they are lieing lol

same goes to you gals lol

 

[Brokenx]

same goes to you gals lol

Nope!!!

 

[cure]

Looks are very important for me. I'm good looking though so that's not a problem for me. Thanks mom & dad.

 

[mrb]

Nope!!!

ohhhhhhhh temper temper :: settle down yorkshire lass

 

[klytus]

When guys say 'Look's aint a big deal' i believe 80% of the time they are lieing lol

They actually aren't. I find most women my age I see quite pretty. Looks are insofar a "big deal" that you want your partner to be sexually attractive. Physical attractiveness is undeniably a part of it. There are plenty of men, myself included, who find lots of different body shapes attractive. What I find most important are weight and facial features. The only deal-breaker would be chubbiness (and beyond), and unhealthy skinniness. Luckily there is a very broad spectrum in between.

If her looks aren't -that- good, a great personality and matching interests can easily compensate that insufficiency.

 

[Brokenx]

ohhhhhhhh temper temper :: settle down yorkshire lass

I don't get angry!! ::

 

[Krista]

They actually aren't. I find most women my age I see quite pretty. Looks are insofar a "big deal" that you want your partner to be sexually attractive. Physical attractiveness is undeniably a part of it. There are plenty of men, myself included, who find lots of different body shapes attractive. What I find most important are weight and facial features. The only deal-breaker would be chubbiness (and beyond), and unhealthy skinniness. Luckily there is a very broad spectrum in between.

If her looks aren't -that- good, a great personality and matching interests can easily compensate that insufficiency.

Agreed. Although I can't say much because I think my boyfriend is the most gorgeous person on the face of the planet. Bias, yes but it's more than that.

 

[mrb]

I don't get angry!! ::

really ? looks pretty mad to me lol

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

There is a general tendency for people to become less shallow as they get older. There is also a general tendency for looks to be, to an extent, less important to women than they are to men. The latter is a product of evolutionary biology.

Like pretty much everyone, someone can go up or down in hotness quite a bit as I get to know them.

 

[lunarla]

Basically, like Krista said, when you like someone they're the most attractive and appealing person everrrrrrrr for the most part! It's kind of ridiculous like that, but biasty is awesome in that sense.

 

[Jim_Bergerac]

If you are talking about "dating", that classic stupid ritual you can see in movies, then yes, looks are important. But who needs dating? Just make friends... friends don't care if you are not hot, you know. And anyway, when someone is looking for a long-term partner seriously (and for some reason I can't take the word "dating" seriously"), they place more importance on other characteristics (interests, personality, similar sense of humor, etc.)

Looks can't really be important in serious relationships, because they can only be relatively important in the beginning, but once two people know each other well enough, physical appearance doesn't really mean anything anymore.

But I don't think I have ever felt so unworthy when my friend and I both liked this girl a few years back and she treat my friend like he was so amazing and desirable and would always look at him and flirt with him and she showed nothing but just being a friend to me.
I am friends with lots of women at work and I hate only ever being seen as a friend. I want to be the guy that is treat like he is so amazing and desirable. I can't imagine how amazing that must feel right now.

 

[Nicholas]

As you can see, I deleted my message, but unfortunately you were already quoting it. I deleted it because it was not really true, on second thought, because it depends on what you mean by "are looks important?"
The truth is they are, at least for me, because I need to find my partner attractive, pretty, even if I'm not picky (I find the vast majority of the girls who have posted their pics in the pic thread to be very pretty). I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with a girl that I find "ugly", I can't deny that.
So now the problem is, what does "attractive" mean? What is ugly? And also, how can my perception of attractiveness change when feelings are involved? That's all subjective, so my opinion will definitely be different from somebody else's. I have seen people I would consider "very ugly" that have partners that I would consider pretty normal or even attractive. That must mean that our single opinions wouldn't count anyway, and that there's a chance to be happy for everyone.

 

[Jim_Bergerac]

As you can see, I deleted my message, but unfortunately you were already quoting it. I deleted it because it was not really true, on second thought, because it depends on what you mean by "are looks important?"
The truth is they are, at least for me, because I need to find my partner attractive, pretty, even if I'm not picky (I find the vast majority of the girls who have posted their pics in the pic thread to be very pretty). I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with a girl that I find "ugly", I can't deny that.
So now the problem is, what does "attractive" mean? What is ugly? And also, how can my perception of attractiveness change when feelings are involved? That's all subjective, so my opinion will definitely be different from somebody else's. I have seen people I would consider "very ugly" that have partners that I would consider pretty normal or even attractive. That must mean that our single opinions wouldn't count anyway, and that there's a chance to be happy for everyone.

I do agree that looks do matter, only a fool would say they don't matter anything. Lke you say no one wants to be with someone they think is ugly looking, there does have to be some physical attraction.
But what about average looks - not good looking and not bad looking and you do not have any thoughts on the person in terms of attractive looking. Is that person still not good enough to get a date with someone he or she likes?

I just have this belief that unless someone totally fancies the arse off you for how you look then they won't be interested. I wish I could believe it wasn't all about looks.

 

[Nicholas]

But what about average looks - not good looking and not bad looking and you do not have any thoughts on the person in terms of attractive looking.

Average looks don't matter, because that can potentially mean either very attractive, or very ugly... it depends on the person who judges you. But then again, who defines what "average looking" means?
You know what? We could just start some kind of poll with some random pics taken from the internet, pics of girls, boys, celebrities, whatever... and then ask the members here to rate them... you would probably see how much difference in taste there is among both guys and girls.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Looks don't really get my attention. I mean sure, you see a good looking guy and think "huh, he's nice to look at..." but really that's all it's good for. If the purpose in a relationship is to stare at each other dreamingly in silence for pretty much the entire duration of a date, then sure. Looks would be a defining factor.
The values, interests and personality in someone is - in my personal taste - what turns my head. Looks are secondary, but are not what I fall in love with.
Would I go out with an over-weight man? No. That's where I draw the line.

Just my two cents.

 

[userremoved]

What it comes down to is what that persons standards are. Some have high standards on beauty and some don't. Even the sexiest of people aren't good looking enough for some people out there.