Physical relationships *mature topic*

[Ignace]

i totally disagree.. of course sex is lust.. but you can have it with love..
Make it feel special and not only going for lust feelings
but Yeah sex is lust, but it is love... for me
because im not going to have sex with someone i dont love..

+1

So 2 people who love each other have sex for lust and not because they want to feel close ?

 

[BlackPuma]

+1

So 2 people who love each other have sex for lust and not because they want to feel close ?

^ It's possible to feel two feelings at once. ;3

Arousal is generated by lust, but it doesn't necessarily fuel it. It can, but needn't. Love, or even strong admiration, will strongly add to the experience. Or in other words, will make you feel closer to said person.

Some studies actually show that sex improves a relationship due to a toxin being separated in the brain. That toxin (or whatever it is called. x3) is said to make the people feel closer to one another. :3

 

[Ignace]

^ It's possible to feel two feelings at once. ;3

Arousal is generated by lust, but it doesn't necessarily fuel it. It can, but needn't. Love, or even strong admiration, will strongly add to the experience. Or in other words, will make you feel closer to said person.

Some studies actually show that sex improves a relationship due to a toxin being separated in the brain. That toxin (or whatever it is called. x3) is said to make the people feel closer to one another. :3

Ok ok, jullie winnen.

Let's start over again: Brooklynn said sex is always lust, never love. There are people enough who wouldn't have sex if they're not in love with some one, even if she/he got the chance. So in that point, Love wins it from lust. So, let us now talk about 99% of the other people who prefer lust from love.

 

[vj288]

sex is lust, its never love.

I hope that's not true...

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

What physical relationships?

 

[Remus]

I hope that's not true...

Not in my experience

 

[awkwardamanda]

I had a bf for a few months and our sexual relationship was okay (he wasnt very good at it but.. *shrugs*) He was my first partner. Everything was okay for a month or two, but then I started having severe panic attacks during intimate moments. It got so bad to the point where I just broke up with him so i wouldnt have to do it again. I was sexually abused when I was a child (hence the all the anxiety issues) so I can understand why i began to panic, but what i dont understand is why didn't I panic the first time we did it? Is anyone else having anxiety during times of intimacy?

Hmm you both have a good point. I've been going to therapy for years but I recently stopped because I havent had any problems (other that this) with my anxiety. Do you guys think I should talk to my therapist and maybe try again? I just loath the idea of having sex now, but I know i have to get over it if i want to have a bf.


ugh maybe spinsterhood is more for me

I think You're right about this. I wasn't really emotionally involved with him when we first had sex. I guess i just wanted to know what sex was like when you actually wanted it. Then after a while my mind started to drift and i began to get uncomfortable.. then i started thinking about panic attacks...and it just went down hill from there.

I think I'm going to talk to my therapist then maybe see if my ex wants to try again. I kinda doubt it tho.. :/

I was sexually abused as a child too so I can understand how that makes intimacy difficult. I think it messed me up in a lot of ways. But when I had a boyfriend I didn't have much of a sex drive and I wasn't too adventurous. I'm not sure how much different I would be otherwise, but I'm pretty sure that played a role in me being a prude. Sometimes bad memories can pop into my head at random and that can kill the mood. I've tried to block it from my mind but it doesn't always work. You might want to consider discussing your past experiences with your boyfriend if you do get back together, or with any future sexual partners. Be careful though. I wouldn't recommend confessing to just anyone. Make sure you can trust the guy first. And don't feel you have to discuss the abuse before having sex. Just be aware that you may need to explain why you're having issues.

 

[Anti Matter]

sex is lust, its never love.

Well I have no idea anyway, but I do believe that there isn't such a thing as love. I mean it would make no sense as a species, spread the genetics to as many people as possible.

More babies = more chance of human progression. (Looking at an animalistic point of view).

 

[Ignace]

Well I have no idea anyway, but I do believe that there isn't such a thing as love. I mean it would make no sense as a species, spread the genetics to as many people as possible.

More babies = more chance of human progression. (Looking at an animalistic point of view).

Too many babies atm.

 

[Kinetik]

Yikes. Some of these responses... look, the chance that it's purely love or lust is very slim. There are a million reasons why people sleep together. Humans are complicated which makes sex complicated, but sadly, it's just a bargaining tool for a lot of people. If two folks are intimate, then one person always wants it more than the other, but the one who's less receptive to it tolerates it for certain reasons. It can be out of a sense of obligation, it can be to get ahead, it can be due to peer pressure, it can be to stop our partners from straying. People are petty and we're very susceptible to emotions that make us seem weak. We want solidarity, we want to believe we're improving our relationship with the person we're with. These are the types of feelings that cause us to have sex, but this doesn't really constitute love - it's us marking our territory and trying to protect our egos. Nor is it lust, otherwise jerking it at home would suffice. Instead, we want the physical aspect in order to feel validated and attractive, which again is a symptom of our egos acting up. Either way, it's complex.

 

[mismeek]

Sooooo I talked to my ex....

I've never been so humiliated in my life.

I met him for lunch and we talked about my issues. I guess I had really hurt his pride/feelings when I rejected him the last time we had sex. After I explained to him what had happened to me and how I wanted us to work through it, he looked at me like I had admitted to him that I was half alien or something. He pretty much said that I was f****ed in the head and wanted no part of it. He went on to further hurt me by saying that I should stick to family members...and that I was obviously a better lay for them (I was hurt by a relative)

my anxiety around men is back at a ridiculous level again. I guess he wasn't the right person to share my secret with.

so yeah I think I'm done with the whole relationship thing. I'm really embarrassed.

anyone want to be my online bf? :/

 

[Asherah]

Im sorry you had to go through that, what an *******! Not every man is like that, so dont give up relationships. My ex was really understanding when i told him and im sure most guys will be. If theyre not, theyre not even worth being your boyfriend!

 

[userremoved]

Wow...I've met some bastards in my day but thats on a whole new level. I wouldn't feel too humiliated because you gotta think, anyone who would taunt someone for suffering that kind of abuse obviously is very cruel and probably capable of being abusive themselves. So you might have dodged a bullet by getting out of that relationship.

 

[mismeek]

yeah. I think he was just trying to hurt me because I embarrassed him. He's really childish like that.

 

[Anti Matter]

Too many babies atm.

Society is awesome right? Over populating the earth is sure to help us as a race.

 

[BlackPuma]

Well I have no idea anyway, but I do believe that there isn't such a thing as love. I mean it would make no sense as a species, spread the genetics to as many people as possible.

More babies = more chance of human progression. (Looking at an animalistic point of view).

Well, yes and no. I think there is such a thing as love, but its not the kind of love most people speak of. The concept of love is really generalized by romantic novels and movies. Let me explain. My apologies in advance for this possibly uncomfortable comparison.

The act of climax is a perfect example of this. Even though semen is deployed at that stage, it is the feeling that lures the person/animal/creature that far. If said male entity didn't know that it would cause impregnation, he'd do it anything because it feels good. In essence, the body is tricking the person into doing something that would/will benefit the species in the long run without him/her consciously knowing it. If sexual intercourse was just meant to be for procreation, people wouldn't bother to masturbate, as it wouldn't be satisfying. Initially, it's the feeling that people are after.

I figure love is a similar thing. Essentially a enticingly good feeling to bring people together and have them consummate for the sake of the species, but can also be enjoyed without completing the cycle, because people (that are in love) are after the feeling of ''love'', not directly sex. :3

 

[Anti Matter]

Well, yes and no. I think there is such a thing as love, but its not the kind of love most people speak of. The concept of love is really generalized by romantic novels and movies. Let me explain. My apologies in advance for this possibly uncomfortable comparison.

The act of climax is a perfect example of this. Even though semen is deployed at that stage, it is the feeling that lures the person/animal/creature that far. If said male entity didn't know that it would cause impregnation, he'd do it anything because it feels good. In essence, the body is tricking the person into doing something that would/will benefit the species in the long run without him/her consciously knowing it. If sexual intercourse was just meant to be for procreation, people wouldn't bother to masturbate, as it wouldn't be satisfying. Initially, it's the feeling that people are after.

I figure love is a similar thing. Essentially a enticingly good feeling to bring people together and have them consummate for the sake of the species, but can also be enjoyed without completing the cycle, because people (that are in love) are after the feeling of ''love'', not directly sex. :3

Tricking the human mind into pleasure is a clever ploy I agree, but I still do believe that the values and essence of "love" has been twisted and folded into what we see today. Which is what most of society would like to see it like (Happy families etc). It would make sense for a man to spread his seed correct? Progression as I stated in my last post, but now in modern day society "love" goes too fast. People get married, it falls apart too fast.

I think love doesn't really exist only the human nature of progression and that feeling of ecstasy for a split second keeps us going. Selfish in a way when you think about it.

 

[Ignace]

Tricking the human mind into pleasure is a clever ploy I agree, but I still do believe that the values and essence of "love" has been twisted and folded into what we see today. Which is what most of society would like to see it like (Happy families etc). It would make sense for a man to spread his seed correct? Progression as I stated in my last post, but now in modern day society "love" goes too fast. People get married, it falls apart too fast.

I think love doesn't really exist only the human nature of progression and that feeling of ecstasy for a split second keeps us going. Selfish in a way when you think about it.

True, it goes way too fast. Especially teenagers and younger. They see each other and 1 day later they're in love. When they split after a week, at least 1 of them wants to kill themselves.. Finally, a solution for overpopulating.

 

[Feathers]

mismeek, oh gosh, this guy really sounds like 'good riddance'...

it's better to really get to know the person first.. you could also indirectly find out his opinion about abuse, eg if you talk of a movie or book where it's an issue, or watch such a film together.. Or just say something like, 'Hey, I read this and that in the newspaper, did you know/hear that...?' (latest statistics on abuse victims or such) and see what he says? If he's not sympathetic and expresses odd views, probably better a no go.. and just say 'next'..

We had the topic come up at University in a class, and I was quite surprised by the strong (positive) beliefs of some male classmates..
It also depends what age group we are talking here, some 15-20 or even up to 25 can be really kinda immature.. (and even some older guys too, it really depends on the personality..)

So maybe you can take some time to be nice to yourself and get over him? and maybe come up with a list of 'deal-breakers' and issues to discuss first in an indirect way, to find out his opinion about stuff?

Some people who are 'big kids' can be a lot of fun, it's important to know if you can rely on them or not..

 

[Feathers]

Ignace, lol.. You've summed up the whole emo culture...

Though I'm not sure if this is exactly helpful to the original poster right now...

Love and sex happen (or don't happen) for a big variety of reasons..

It also really depends upon the inidividuals.. Some maybe aren't capable of more than attraction and lust and enjoying the pleasure moments.. Some prefer going for the long-term..

It's important that people who both want the same thing are together..
If one wants to start a family and the other just wants a bit of fun without any obligations or responsibilities, that's probably a no go.. (although sometimes minds are changed...)

I think that for people with traumatic/problematic past or any issues someone who's in it for the long-term and isn't just obsessed with getting sex the easiest way would probably be better..