People not responding right away!

[Unspoken]

A woman asked me to look at her profile and contact her. She seemed nice so I sent her a message.
A week after I got her reply. There was no apology, sorry I have been away, unwell, busy, nothing. She says she is interested in me. Why wait a week to reply if you are?. I think I am being played. Am I wrong or is this just the kind of thing that women do.

Has she been online regularly? Is the dating site on her list of places to check daily? How many messages does she receive - including for work, personal e-mail, etc? Does she respond to each, and if so how much time and energy does she put into each? Was there a backlog she had to work through?

I feel like the only person in the world sometimes who's baffled by these expectations in casual social settings.

 

[Hellhound]

I'm one of those people who tends to just remove or block people who bother me about my response times...

I come on the Internet to relax, listen to music, and read/write leisurely, sometimes after having written and/or edited a whopping 5-15 pages in Word, and the last thing I can handle is people who want me to write more, write it well, and write it straight away, especially if the messages are long. It's only an Internet conversation, and unless we're very special to each other the friendship just isn't worth the stress and anxiety that comes from that.

I've had that happening to me in the past. It was draining to have to reply right away because the other person would throw a fit if I didn't

I remember I had to go to sleep, so I said "I will reply tomorrow", then, the next day, I had two more messages asking me if I got the message and why I didn't answer, then proceeded to whine about how I ignore them, etc. They were really insecure, so it always lead to them demanding ridiculous things.

After repeated experiences like this one, I've decided to dump whoever acts like this. I don't feel like going through that pressure. If I talk to someone, it's to enjoy the conversation. In the moment I start feeling like I MUST act a certain way to keep the other pleased, then it's bye bye.

 

[sullyS25]

A woman asked me to look at her profile and contact her. She seemed nice so I sent her a message.
A week after I got her reply. There was no apology, sorry I have been away, unwell, busy, nothing. She says she is interested in me. Why wait a week to reply if you are?. I think I am being played. Am I wrong or is this just the kind of thing that women do.

Being played? Seriously man you cant be played until an actual physical relationship exists. In this instance there is absolutely no commitment nor should any be expected.

If you're talking about online dating and the girl is cute I am sure she is getting hundreds of messages from all sorts of guys and youre lucky she even responded! She doesn't owe you an apology at all. You are talking like you guys are in a relationship already. That type of attitude will scare women off 100% of the time.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

Ive decided to just not text certain friends, obviously they are too good now to talk to me, what with their kids and mistresses.

 

[sullyS25]

Ive decided to just not text certain friends, obviously they are too good now to talk to me, what with their kids and mistresses.

Have they actually said they are too good for you or is that just an assumption?

 

[Barrier]

what bothers me is when I make the effort with someone and get little in return. i'm not so worried about getting something back straight away, I usually reply to messages within about 5-6 hours of getting one or i'll pace it the same as what other people are sending them to me (like if a person sends one message a day at the same time, i'll write one back once a day) but if I notice someone is sending messages or replying to other people ahead of me and then delaying our conversations by a long time it kind of bothers me. feels like a lack of respect and i'm bottom of the list of priorities of people to talk to.

You said it so much better than I did. It's not about a reaction right away, but just no reaction at all in the end. After two weeks or so I can't be bothered anymore.

 

[PGT]

Being played? Seriously man you cant be played until an actual physical relationship exists. In this instance there is absolutely no commitment nor should any be expected.

If you're talking about online dating and the girl is cute I am sure she is getting hundreds of messages from all sorts of guys and youre lucky she even responded! She doesn't owe you an apology at all. You are talking like you guys are in a relationship already. That type of attitude will scare women off 100% of the time.

Calm down I was only asking a question.

You don't have to be in a physical relationship to be messed around.
I don't expect any commitment, just Common courtesy.
You are right she doesn't owe me a damn thing.
In no way did I imply we are in a relationship.

I would not ask somebody to contact me and then wait ten days to reply without apologising but hey I have respect for other people and their feelings.

 

[sullyS25]

I would not ask somebody to contact me and then wait ten days to reply without apologising but hey I have respect for other people and their feelings.

Well if you expect others to have the same ideas as you and the same perspective on what constitutes respecting people and their feelings then you have a lot to learn.

 

[onehandclapping]

You said it so much better than I did. It's not about a reaction right away, but just no reaction at all in the end. After two weeks or so I can't be bothered anymore.

yea thats it. there has to be a degree of patience. but if someone doesn't want to talk to talk to another person and seems to make that clear and they don't enjoy the same type of talking then it might be better to just cease communication and find someone that won't trigger a personal insecurity. theres no point in putting in more effort when its not reciprocated you'd just be putting yourself through unnecessary stress.
there is the option of just easing off and treating them the same way they are treating you, but some people just like to communicate a lot, irrespective of social phobia.

 

[Unspoken]

I would not ask somebody to contact me and then wait ten days to reply without apologising but hey I have respect for other people and their feelings.

I wouldn't contact someone and then get complain when they don't respond right away without knowing anything about the cause, but hey I have respect for other people's schedules, priorities, desire to think before speaking, and their autonomy as someone who will answer a casual message when they find the time and not as my ego demands.

 

[onehandclapping]

^ its actually just polite to apologize if you have not replied for a long time though, its basic manners. relationships and friendships are about mutual effort if there is no co-operation here, then it ends up being very one-sided and unfair. also something to keep in mind, if you value alot of other things (priorities aside) over a friendship then people may value you less as a friend.

 

[sullyS25]

^ its actually just polite to apologize if you have not replied for a long time though, its basic manners. relationships and friendships are about mutual effort if there is no co-operation here, then it ends up being very one-sided and unfair. also something to keep in mind, if you value alot of other things (priorities aside) over a friendship then people may value you less as a friend.

This is an initial contact with a girl online. She doesn't even have to respond if she doesn't want to. You cant even consider this a friendship or a relationship. It can be one sided because before the initial contact nothing existed. I realize that if you value other things over a friendship you people may value you less as a friend but that simply doesnt apply in a situation where he didnt even know the girl at all. There was nothing there to honor. Not a friendship or a relationship so she has the option to respond when she wants and she even has the option not to respond at all.

 

[onehandclapping]

^ yea I guess i'm kind of fascinated by where the boundaries exist between an acquaintance, friendship and also casual interactions between that. you're right when there is nothing there to honour there is no responsibility. its up to the individuals as to whether its something they wish to pursue or not and their actions or lack of, will dictate the course of the interaction.

 

[Lea]

I think I am quite tolerant to people not responding quickly, as long as they respond at all. People have other things to do as well or other people to speak to, and to write an email not seldom requires a lot of work and focus. I know myself how hard it is sometimes to keep replying in time, that´s why I don´t judge others too harshly. Unless when it´s obvious that they don´t reply out of neglect or even impoliteness. Like when you send an elaborate or urget email to someone and they don´t bother to even send a short note.

 

[Remus]

I often take my time reading the message, I have to take my time as I'm dyslexic. I often take time to think of a reply. I'm forgetful though, often forgetting I was messaged. So on that premise I always forgive anyone not messaging me back.

Ahh I see some of them posted here

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

Have they actually said they are too good for you or is that just an assumption?

This is my assumption because Ill send a text and get no answer, theyll send a text, I'll reply, then get no answer if I asked a question in my reply.

 

[itisgoingtobefine]

I know I've change a lot over the years. Back in the day I went out of my way to make my responses fast. But doing that never changed the response time of the other person. I decided that people have a life outside of the internet etc. My suggestion is just be patient. If they never get back to you. Then it is their loss.

 

[Marc7]

Nobody is answering me on another site, I understand hey have life but not responding in a few days or a week though . maybe i send them to much messages when they don't respond because i see them online so yea

 

[rosewood]

sometimes a person might (if it is on this site) be having problems...like a panic attack in regards to online communication.

one can never know what they are doing or where they are at in relation to access to a computer as well..

but i can see how you might feel weird waiting.

 

[Marc7]

sometimes a person might (if it is on this site) be having problems...like a panic attack in regards to online communication.

one can never know what they are doing or where they are at in relation to access to a computer as well..

but i can see how you might feel weird waiting.

How about not answering texts and if you see them online and they don't answer

yea that could happen but the whole day they don't answer via text or message

why would i feel weird?