People not responding right away!

[mikebird]

end-2-end

Understanding what the other needs
and the other way around
does sound mesmerisingly simple

I've faced a fairly simple example just now
A very good way to rethink

It's a cascading requirement for every possible aspect of life
I annoy people; as you read?

eg. Phone calls.
It takes effort at both ends. Simple things can get overcomplicated and compounded

Want / Need are different. And / Or knows

I don't want to go through this basic example and annoy you. I will:

Skype is so perfect for sharing screens between any machine.
It should be so simple. Look & see. Do it. Can be any myriad of compounded failures to be ready for. Ignore Skype. I assume everybody hates it and never touches it. It becomes a mirror of the soul. Not limited to just desktop, picture or video sharing. A lesson on being ready for any difficult communication scenarios, when getting lost, eg. in exactly in the same room. eg. argument to manage, and settle

Both screen sharing if both of you were typing a post on SPW...

You watch something on TV. You can't see the face of the cameraman. You can't see what the cameraman sees. Watch a movie. You never saw the set and how it was all being directed.

Share screen after a few seconds of web video to confirm the other's face mood and movements. As you share, if they share simultaneously (BAD MISTAKE) you get a tunnel of repeated looping. Hard to offer advice if the other can't manage their mess of windows which you see at your end.

Phone call for services when your washing machine leaks water all over you home and downstairs to theirs. When the engineer can't get there, if they explain instructions for a fix to disconnect taps, but you can't see how, until you move the machine out of the way, and don't know how. I've done all of this across IT, remotely, or right next to someone's desk. If I say 'look here and click on this', but they don't know what a mouse in or how to use it, and they turn it upside-down... I could say move your fingertip carefully over that lazer or turn it back on its feet, but then have to explain 'when you were a child' do you remember what up, down, left and right mean? A life of clashes - spreadsheets and more, when these numbers are all accurate, but the person argues very strongly that this one or that one is wrong, or they all are

or being charged in court for a jail sentence, and the wrong evidence, and you weren't there...

Sorry h:

 

[Pacific_Loner]

why would you do that purposely? if you do that

Sometimes I don't know what to answer so I take time to think about it.

Sometimes I know that if I answer, the person will call me right away and I hate talking on the phone.

Other times it's because the answer is NO but I know the person will call me or text me back to insist or ask me to justify myself.

Very often, my phone is on silent.

And sometimes I'm just busy at the moment. So I tell myself that I will answer when I'm done. Then I forget about it and I remember only 2 days later.

 

[KiaKaha]

I do think it's rude if you've taken the time to send someone a note and they never even bother to send a response, even if it's just a quick "thanks".

I agree. It only takes a few moment to acknowledge that you have received a message. People are busy but it isn't that difficult to extend a small courtesy to someone else - especially if you have made an effort with them.

Of course - The other answer is that they might just be ignoring you cause they can't be bothered with you.... or they don't like you.

 

[Marc7]

Sometimes I don't know what to answer so I take time to think about it.

Sometimes I know that if I answer, the person will call me right away and I hate talking on the phone.

Other times it's because the answer is NO but I know the person will call me or text me back to insist or ask me to justify myself.

Very often, my phone is on silent.

And sometimes I'm just busy at the moment. So I tell myself that I will answer when I'm done. Then I forget about it and I remember only 2 days later.

your answer is no to what?

 

[Pacific_Loner]

your answer is no to what?

Well that one applies when someone text me to go do this or that... you know

 

[Marc7]

Well that one applies when someone text me to go do this or that... you know

to go do what? :idontknow: im confused

 

[Pacific_Loner]

to go do what? :idontknow: im confused

"Want to go have a beer?"

"Climbing tonight?"

"Let's go hiking next week end!"

"Hey would you come with me to that concert next tuesday please please please please"

etc. Anyway that's not really the point of your thread is it

 

[Marc7]

"Want to go have a beer?"

"Climbing tonight?"

"Let's go hiking next week end!"

"Hey would you come with me to that concert next tuesday please please please please"

etc. Anyway that's not really the point of your thread is it

It isn't but we were having a conversation and i was confused.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

It isn't but we were having a conversation and i was confused.

No worries, english is not my first language so maybe I wasn't using the proper words. I hope it's clear now

 

[coyote]

sometimes people intend to respond when they get a minute to formulate a response, but then they forget or are otherwise preoccupied

it doesn't mean they don't like you or have anything to do with you at all

you'll only get frustrated by holding everyone else in the world to standards of absolute perfection

you'll only get disappointed waiting for everyone else in the world to do what it is you want them to do

if you want to hear from someone, reach out to them again

 

[coyote]

(and if you expect people on a social anxiety forum to adhere strictly to any particular code of social behavior, you may be in the wrong place)

 

[Marc7]

No worries, english is not my first language so maybe I wasn't using the proper words. I hope it's clear now

oh so what is your first language?

 

[1BlackSheep]

I used to reply to things straight away on the premise that I may forget later, but now I've become a lot slower at responding. Being busy is the main reason, but also because sometimes I'd like to reply to a message in detail, and take more time and care to write it, rather than just whittle something off quickly for the sake of replying sooner.

Same here. I like to take the time to write my reply and sometimes I just don't have a block of time available to do so. It's not like writing a quick response on here.

I agree. It only takes a few moment to acknowledge that you have received a message. People are busy but it isn't that difficult to extend a small courtesy to someone else - especially if you have made an effort with them.

Of course - The other answer is that they might just be ignoring you cause they can't be bothered with you.... or they don't like you.

I guess I'm just different in that I would at least thank the person for their response, even if it was someone I didn't really like or feel a connection to. But, as Coyote mentioned, you can't always expect this from people, especially on a forum such as SPW.

 

[jaim38]

I used to reply to things straight away on the premise that I may forget later, but now I've become a lot slower at responding. Being busy is the main reason, but also because sometimes I'd like to reply to a message in detail, and take more time and care to write it, rather than just whittle something off quickly for the sake of replying sooner.

I agree with Twiggle. The more serious or public the response, the more time I take to write it.

 

[sullyS25]

I have been noticing this impatience arise in me since I got a girlfriend. I think it comes down to me always expecting to get rejected.

The crazy thinker in my head equates someone not responding in a timely manner to being rejected so if I don't get a response when I expect it, I assume rejection is imminent or that I have already been rejected.

This is a small example of how my perception is completely skewed and how I need to work on MYSELF and the way I perceive someone not responding to me right away.

The truth is people have lives, like has been said earlier and if we expect to be the center of their world at all hours of the day then that is quite selfish of us and it is unrealistic to expect that.

That being said, when I am awaiting a text from my girlfriend or someone else, it is very very very easy to get caught up in the mental chatter and impatience that tells me them not responding has to do with me as a person. It eats me up sometimes and until I put things in perspective and remember that there are 100's or 1000's of other possible factors other than myself that may contribute to their lack of a timely response, then I will continue to suffer at my own hands....or thoughts....

 

[odetoanoddity]

It doesn't bother me *too* much, and that's because I *can* be one of those people that doesn't reply to someone's text/msg/email asap for like weeks/months. So I'm empathetic if they're busy or if they don't know what to say or if they're avoiding parts of my messages - I get all that.

However, this is strictly about friends/family/everyone else, if my boyfriend doesn't reply asap - I get all paranoid, anxious and panicky that he's talking to some other chick <-- In that sense, then sure, I get impatient.

 

[Barrier]

I get a bit anxious, because often I am the last one sending a message and not getting a reply. Communication always ends with the recipient. Makes me very insecure.

 

[onehandclapping]

what bothers me is when I make the effort with someone and get little in return. i'm not so worried about getting something back straight away, I usually reply to messages within about 5-6 hours of getting one or i'll pace it the same as what other people are sending them to me (like if a person sends one message a day at the same time, i'll write one back once a day) but if I notice someone is sending messages or replying to other people ahead of me and then delaying our conversations by a long time it kind of bothers me. feels like a lack of respect and i'm bottom of the list of priorities of people to talk to.

 

[Unspoken]

I'm one of those people who tends to just remove or block people who bother me about my response times...

I come on the Internet to relax, listen to music, and read/write leisurely, sometimes after having written and/or edited a whopping 5-15 pages in Word, and the last thing I can handle is people who want me to write more, write it well, and write it straight away, especially if the messages are long. It's only an Internet conversation, and unless we're very special to each other the friendship just isn't worth the stress and anxiety that comes from that.

I'm hopefully going to be working again soon, too, so the last thing I need is an obligation to perform to quality and response time standards in my fun place of all places.

 

[PGT]

A woman asked me to look at her profile and contact her. She seemed nice so I sent her a message.
A week after I got her reply. There was no apology, sorry I have been away, unwell, busy, nothing. She says she is interested in me. Why wait a week to reply if you are?. I think I am being played. Am I wrong or is this just the kind of thing that women do.