Others pointing out your faults

[cowboyup]

Have any of you encountered friends, family, or co-workers who point out flaws?

Recently, I have been trying to take more initiative to get out more, try to not crumble under SA pressure when someone speaks to me, getting out for walks, swimming, even exercising and of course, eating better.

I will be the FIRST to admit I've made some really Dumb a$$ choices in the past and screwed up big time. I can't change what I've done, only learn from it and NOT repeat the past.

Then again...we've all made mistakes, made bad choices, etc. - unless you are not human, I don't think there is one person here who has never made a mistake of some kind.

With that said, I hate, hate, hate when someone I know has to make it their daily routine to point out my flaws, past mistakes, quirks, odd tics, etc., every flipping chance they get.

Some things I've been told about 'me':

"you are not the most responsible person, you never have been, but that's ok and I accept that is who you are."

"you are such a dork. You spaz out at everything and worry about everything when there's really no point."

You are very flighty, unreliable and a dark person. But you have been that way since I've known you. I just accept that's who you are."
(This statement I hear quite often and I will say that while I admit being flighty and unreliable in the past re: friends in the past, I am sincerely working on my 'flaws' because simply it is in my best interest)

"You put up walls and don't let anyone in."
(again, I have to say while this was the OLD me, I am working hard to help myself overcome this)


"ever since I've known you, your weight has fluctuated."
(and yes I have been told this before...for what reason, I don't know but it annoys the hell out of me)

I am a hard worker. I am a responsible person when it comes to work. People and relationships, I will admit, I have not been in the past... But I can't justify every little thing I do. I don't think many people can (at least to an extent). I know why I am in the situation I am in and yes, it does stink, but I am working to better myself (not for anyone else-just for ME). I don't like to be 'reminded' of my past dumb mistakes, flaws, etc. all the time.

Also, when someone asks me if I have a boyfriend, married, single, gay, children...etc. and I say, "no I don't have a bf, I am NOT looking, no there is nothing wrong, I am just fine being single right now...END OF STORY. No more, No less" --- Why, Why, Why can't people understand this? I feel like such a freak and anomaly in today's society as it is but to be badgered by this and made to feel like a a$$ for not having a bf makes me feel even more uncomfortable.

Look, the reality is that Yes, I used to put walls up and not let others in. I had my reasons but that's in the past. I am trying really hard to remedy this and even if it is going for coffee or lunch with someone from college, so be it...for me, that is progress. And truth is, I do not want to get into a relationship at this time due to my financial state, due to the fact that I live with relatives, due to the fact that personally, I just want to spend time with ME, getting to know ME ... if I meet someone down the road, good for me. But right now, I am not putting forth an effort to do so, therefore I do not expect to meet a man. It is really the least of my worries at this point.

Is this being too unreasonable or what? I know these things are somewhat trivial but to be reminded over and over again is really wearing on my nerves and getting old.

 

[jaim38]

Have any of you encountered friends, family, or co-workers who point out flaws?

Yes some relatives from my dad's side call me stupid, even with my parents around, and tell others to ignore me. One certain female cousin took it upon her pleasure to stare me down when I visit just to make me feel uncomfortable.

I will be the FIRST to admit I've made some really Dumb a$$ choices in the past and screwed up big time. I can't change what I've done, only learn from it and NOT repeat the past.

Me too. I was a rebel and tried to go against the rules as well as authority figures (i.e. older relatives who think they know it all, parents). I made the mistake of openly displaying my dislike for them. Now i suffer the consequences.

Then again...we've all made mistakes, made bad choices, etc. - unless you are not human, I don't think there is one person here who has never made a mistake of some kind.

Exactly. But some people act like they're always right and like to demonize others for their flaws, like the second aunt from my dad's side. They have to realize they are flawed too. I try not to hold grudges against people and move on.

Look, the reality is that Yes, I used to put walls up and not let others in. I had my reasons but that's in the past. I am trying really hard to remedy this and even if it is going for coffee or lunch with someone from college, so be it...for me, that is progress. And truth is, I do not want to get into a relationship at this time due to my financial state, due to the fact that I live with relatives, due to the fact that personally, I just want to spend time with ME, getting to know ME ... if I meet someone down the road, good for me. But right now, I am not putting forth an effort to do so, therefore I do not expect to meet a man. It is really the least of my worries at this point.

Is this being too unreasonable or what? I know these things are somewhat trivial but to be reminded over and over again is really wearing on my nerves and getting old.

This is very reasonable. Who says we have to have a relationship or graduate from college by a certain age? Each person's life circumstances are different. Each of us should do what we think is best for ourselves, as well as have our loved ones in mind.

 

[theoutsider]

I've noticed that a lot of friends and relatives feel that it's their right to point out your wrongdoings unless you stand up to them. Then they will act like you are overly sensitive for not allowing them to criticize you. But try criticizing them and they will act like you've committed the biggest crime ever. I have a feeling they think that because a lot of us are quiet and appear to be shy, they think it's the natural order of things to run over us with their attempts to magnify our faults.

 

[MikeyC]

cowboyup, I'm sorry there's some people that make it their duty to point out all your flaws. I'm sure they believe they have the best of intentions saying it, unless they're flat-out rude, but I know it doesn't help you out to have these things out in the open.

Maybe you can thank these people for pointing out your flaws and that you're trying to work on being a better person. They will have nothing to say to that and you'll take the high road. I can imagine all you want to do is yell and scream at them for saying such things, but that'll get nowhere fast.

Nothing wrong with not wanting a boyfriend, but when people ask you why, it's because they see it from their point of view as a social person who wants a partner. They can't see your side of it.

 

[Kiwong]

If I listened to some of the worst things I have been called, then I would've topped myself a long time ago.

 

[Steelsoul]

I've noticed that a lot of friends and relatives feel that it's their right to point out your wrongdoings unless you stand up to them. Then they will act like you are overly sensitive for not allowing them to criticize you. But try criticizing them and they will act like you've committed the biggest crime ever. I have a feeling they think that because a lot of us are quiet and appear to be shy, they think it's the natural order of things to run over us with their attempts to magnify our faults.

I agree. It's so annoying that these people think they have the right to criticize everything we did wrong and we can't do the same to them. We are so quiet that they consider us shy and helpless, and that's why they think we don't have the right to stand up against them. Sometimes i wish to teach those a**h**es a lesson or two about placing themselves above others.

 

[jc972]

I'm sorry people act that way towards you, nobody deserves that. Yes, I have to be around people like that and I hate it when they take off talking of my flaws. I usually stoop to their level and cuss them pretty good before walking off. I don't offer opinions on anyone until I'm asked by that person. Are they saying these things just to be hurtful to you? Do they think they are helping you somehow by doing this? What would be a constructive point in saying all that to you? people = :thumbdown:

 

[neohorizon]

my co-worker called me a weirdo this week, because i'm too quiet and isolated (in front of everybody) :s

 

[Odo]

LOL at 'You put up walls and don't let anyone in'
'Yes, I do… it's because you're a douche.'

I have to admit, I'm absolutely horrible with criticism… but it's mostly because so many people out there suck at giving it. 85% of the time they're just saying it because they're in a bad mood and feel like dragging me down with them.

If someone wants to say something about me then they should at least learn some gd tact, otherwise they're just going to make me hate them.

Unfortunately, this is probably a pretty big factor in why I don't have any friends.

 

[Section_31]

ohhhh yes. my inlaws love to do this all the damned time. one of the reasons we dont talk. Nothing is ever good enough, or you did somthing the wrong way and it just takes the wind out of your sails so to speak. And then these idiots wonder why later you dont want to talk to them!

i feel for you!

 

[OceanMist]

My answer to your post is this:

We all get insulted if we have SA issues. Not a single person truly understand what it's like to be in your shoes and deal with what you have at that particular time that you are being insulted.

Something I've learned about life is most people talk sh%^. It's what they do. If it sounds like it can help you, then listen to it. If it's just some idiot talking trash, ignore it and move on with your day.

Btw, it's usually some idiot talking trash.

 

[cowboyup]

I see I am not alone. Well, it does make me feel better - but at the same token I am sorry you guys go thru similar with family and/or friends.

I used to take every single thing to heart until I became a little older and (hopefully) wiser, lol. Now when others say something to me I don't take it too much to heart, I just think it is rude (unless it is sincerely said and i know the person is trying to be helpful - constructive criticism, I suppose) but otherwise, I feel they have maybe even lower self esteem than I and are spewing crap from the mouth and they just want to bring you down to their level, at least in some cases.

But like I said when starting this post, I am getting to the point to where it's just plain irritating the %#$! out of me!

Thanks for the replies, everyone

 

[jc972]

LOL at 'You put up walls and don't let anyone in'
'Yes, I do… it's because you're a douche.'

:lol::lol::lol: Love that!

 

[SilentBird]

Sometimes being criticised helps me once I get past the initial hurt. For example I am more inclined to put my shoulders back when someone mentions it. Once someone said that I was fat for a vegetarian and that I would be a fat b@stard with the amount of weight I had put on in the last month. That motivated me and I slowly lost weight.