Online Dating

mmmm

Well-known member
She sent another message wanting to know more. I'll have to shorten what I say, my last message was 500 words long. Will she think I'm too eager?

Rather show her up front how eager you are. If she's as eager as you, she'll reply with 500 words or more and probably end off with a ? . If she think's you're too eager, it probably means you are not on the same page, which you'd rather find out ASAP.
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
500 words! was that your life story?
I think you need to relax abit and flirt more, maybe not be too upfront and reserve and air of mystery.

also don't be at all negative about yourself in any message to a potential date.

make yourself out to be some sort of bleeding heart and artist, something someone with SA may seem like to others.
 

iamthenra

Well-known member
The same thoughts were going through my mind as well. When you first sign-up, create your profile, and then send out a couple of responses, you know your chances are slim. It feels not real and somewhat separate from real life. A couple of interested emails and you may be closer to having that first date and ending the online relationship.

The only other dating sites I've tried or Okcupid, which was kind of a waste of time and just full of quiz takers. Apparently, I’m an EHarmony Reject, incompatible for a normal relationship. Was not in a good mood that day let me tell you.

Thanks for your advice; I may pick your brain a little more at some point, if you don’t mind. ;)

You may pick my brain anytime you wish. My door is always open!
 

aj

Well-known member
Hi. I'm having a go on OkCupid and I'm talking to someone. I'm really worried because if it does get to the point of meeting up with someone at some point... well, how can I? I feel like a massive fraud, cos she's going to get someone who can barely take her out for a coffee. Do you say anything before you meet up? How much do you let on? Isn't there a 95% chance they'll disappear the instant you start getting weird?
 

2Crowded

Well-known member
do you guys/girls state that you have soical anxiety & or no current job (as in my case) up front in your profile?....seems to me that would be a way to make sure you get someone who atleast is ok with that & willing to work with you & wont run away once you get nerve to talk about it...or maybe they have it too by chance.
 

aj

Well-known member
I don't. I understand I may be better upfront but... surely if anyone sees that they're going to say far, far away, unless you're extremely lucky? You can always say via email if it looks like it's going in the direction of meeting up, can't you? Then again, if you did and you are lucky, you could find someone who has the problem - maybe someone from here :)
 
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I stated flat out that I have social anxiety. The women who replied to my first message has not mailed me back in a couple of days. Don’t think she will. However, my social anxiety wasn’t an issue with her. I’ve just started talking with a new woman who does have a little anxiety, and said she thought it was gutsy of me to tell the truth. She sent me two responses in an hour. She seems nice.

It pays to be truthful
 

iamthenra

Well-known member
do you guys/girls state that you have soical anxiety & or no current job (as in my case) up front in your profile?....seems to me that would be a way to make sure you get someone who atleast is ok with that & willing to work with you & wont run away once you get nerve to talk about it...or maybe they have it too by chance.

You know I would NOT post anything that could be misinterpreted as being a "negative" about you in any way shape or form! I have learned this the hard way. It is OKAY not reveal everything about you up front. That is perfectly fine to do. It isn't being deceiving or lying about it. You just don't have to give them everything about you up front is all... Save that information much further down the road after they get to know you first. You have to get your foot in the door, before you tell them more about you. In today's economy it is more accepted that you are without work, so it isn't that big of a deal anyways... I mean, look at me... I have had a job for the last 16+ years at only one place of employment. In April they laid me off along with 23 others, for no reason or fault of our own... Just a crappy economy. I am retraining to become a nurse.... 180 degree career change from electronics to nursing... Sorry for changing the subject. Just don't give everything up front.
 
Like the saying goes, "a wise man doesnt tell everyone everything"

Trust me everyone on those personal sites doesnt write about all their issues. Hell even mentioning you are shy will scare many away.

I've messaged many on personal sites, but it doesnt get very far, usually cuz my messages arent that long, plus I usually message those living in another area, so that probably makes them even less interested.
 

krs2snow

Well-known member
Hey Barnvard. How's it goin? Looks like it's been awhile since u posted here so thought I should ask! My advice for on-line dating is to not have too much invested in it. If ur not expecting anything then u'll feel more relaxed & able to be urself than if ur expecting to meet ur soul mate. Try to remember that it's a two way street, too. The person responding is just as insecure as u, they may just have different problems. If they don't understand what u tell them about urself then they're probably not for you anyway. I know that's really hard to believe but I think its especially true for on-line.

I don't like on-line dating sites. I hate them, actually! But if u wanna try them u have to put things into perspective. With on-line dating there's so much room to be untruthful & fake and it's really hard (I think) to make a real connection. I'd say to post/respond w/ things that are true for you. I think if you come from a place of truth then u'll eventually meet up with it. So just be honest & try to not worry about what the other person might think.(I know, impossible for the person with SA!) But eventually, if its worth exploring, u'll meet up w/the other person & find out what's really going on & if ur truly interested in them.. in real life.
 

LostInLife

Member
I'm new to this Internet dating thing. I recently posted an ad and pretty much listed all my problems and insecurities! lol:) Luckily I was set straight by a couple of guys here. I just didn't see the error of my ways. It was EPIC failure! Believe or not 2 women and score of prostitutes answered my bat shit crazy ad. I am now realizing more than ever that I need to see a Psychiatrist. I'm just so extremely nervous about going to the next step of meeting someone because my SA is so bad!

And the 2 girls you’re wondering? . I emailed one girl back describing more of my insane problems. No response obviously. It’s so bad and funny at the same time. The 2nd girl is actually talking to me!? Somethings not right with her. (kidding) But that's all I want to do at the moment. Just converse until I work up the courage to go out.
 

JCS008

Well-known member
I'm new to this Internet dating thing. I recently posted an ad and pretty much listed all my problems and insecurities! lol:) Luckily I was set straight by a couple of guys here. I just didn't see the error of my ways. It was EPIC failure! Believe or not 2 women and score of prostitutes answered my bat shit crazy ad. I am now realizing more than ever that I need to see a Psychiatrist. I'm just so extremely nervous about going to the next step of meeting someone because my SA is so bad!

And the 2 girls you’re wondering? . I emailed one girl back describing more of my insane problems. No response obviously. It’s so bad and funny at the same time. The 2nd girl is actually talking to me!? Somethings not right with her. (kidding) But that's all I want to do at the moment. Just converse until I work up the courage to go out.

That's great that you got some responses. Hope things work out for you!
 

aj

Well-known member
I've been talking to a girl, asked her if she'd like to get together and she said 'meeting up sounds like it would be cool'. Now what do I do? What could I do with her when all the basics (seeing a film, eating out as a couple of examples) being so new to me? BTW I would need to drive for probably 30-40, possibly a few more minutes to get to her. I suppose having never been to the place I at least have a semi-excuse because I won't know where anything is.
 

Lorraine Manca

Well-known member
online dating sounds way worse than the real kind. at least you dont have to buy the computer dinner. id think it would be very awkward for anyone, the meeting part, so at least theyd be just as freaked out as you!
 

Emily_G

Well-known member
After many many rejects online (both ways, me being rejected and me rejecting guys), I found a guy that is now my hubby online :) Not that dating site, but another one.
 

aj

Well-known member
In fact, as I'm so used to being uncomfortable, maybe I'll be less freaked out than her. Haha. I've asked for a clue about what she'd like to do, no answer yet. What would you start off with? A coffee?

After many many rejects online (both ways, me being rejected and me rejecting guys), I found a guy that is now my hubby online :) Not that dating site, but another one.

Aww, congrats :D
 
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aj

Well-known member
So for the last three or so weeks I've been talking to another girl! The last one kind of fizzled out. This one likes some of the things I like, is apparently really shy with new people, and wants to get to know someone before meeting them because she hasn't had much luck with guys. It's been going great. Tonight I notice on Facebook that she's now 'in a relationship'. It didn't say that up to last night, which was also when I was last talking to her.

I'm getting an idea of that feeling of wanting to curl up in a ball and die that you presumably get when you're dumped. I don't know what the hell's happened but I thought that could have been at least a first stab at it. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, it was going so well. But, of course, no. If this doesn't happen then all I have left is to go back to the 'get drunk and going out on a Friday night' thing because there will be nobody left on the site.
 
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mari_13

Member
I have tried those on-line sites but I never get around the profile lol I am very insecure and half way to the descripion of myself I give up :D

Re: Online Dating
In fact, as I'm so used to being uncomfortable, maybe I'll be less freaked out than her. Haha. I've asked for a clue about what she'd like to do, no answer yet. What would you start off with? A coffee?

I think aj if you are taking someone out for a first date, think about the place you feel more confortable in. That way, right away you can tell if the person is into what ever you like and also you wont feel so insecure and they provably will get to see more of the real you.
 
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