on the outside looking in

Aletheia

Well-known member
It's such a relief to finally find other people who get it.
But I realize that even here, I'm not free of anxiety. I still worry I don't belong.

Here are some of the things that worry leads me to do:
* wince and close my eyes every time I click the post reply button.
* delete things I've written, for fear they'll go over badly.
* hope that people strike up conversations with me because I'm unable to do so with them.
* take more than a day to find the courage to look at messages.
* worry that if I post too much, people will see what a loser I am and stay away.
* avoid talking about the most broken aspects of my life in case people don't relate.

Anyone else feel like this? What anxious things do you do here?
 

coyote

Well-known member
i do all those things

i think we all feel that way

congratulations - you fit right in!
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I sometimes will strike up a conversation with someone on here, but even online it's still pretty hard. Also I always preview my posts before posting them in case of any mistakes, and whether or not it sounds right. I can sometimes easily spend 10 mins. or more on a post, rereading it over and over again to make sure it sounds okay.

Sometimes I don't even post at all in some threads for fear of what everyone would think. Yep, still get that occasional fear here.

Other than that though, I am usually pretty open here, and feel mostly comfortable doing so. When I first joined, I was even more anxious, but once I stuck around longer, got to posting more and talking with these lovely people, it became easier.
 

Aletheia

Well-known member
rereading it over and over again to make sure it sounds okay

I do this obsessively.

but once I stuck around longer, got to posting more and talking with these lovely people, it became easier

They are lovely people.

But I can become more anxious as I get to know people. I become more invested in my relationship with them, so I become more fearful I'll do something wrong.
 

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
They are lovely people.

But I can become more anxious as I get to know people. I become more invested in my relationship with them, so I become more fearful I'll do something wrong.

Don't worry about doing something wrong Aletheia. We won't judge you or get angry with you, unless you do something completely out of order, like insulting or degrading someone. But, you won't do that; I don't sense that you are capable of doing that. Humans mess up because it's just who we are; all we can do is decide how we handle our screw-ups.
 

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
It can certainly be overwhelming, especially as a new member; I know where you are coming from. When I first joined I just couldn't believe how many members this forum has, and how many guests are here at any given time. There is almost like an audience. And I have this huge fear of like being judged, having people think I am stupid etc. I cannot post anything without editing it a bunch of times. I also wince when I hit the submit button! Sometimes I can't go back to a thread once I have posted in it 'cause I am afraid of any responses I might get. I rarely start threads too. One of my goals to overcome my SA is to share my opinions more readily, so that means posting here. I have posted stuff I never thought I would. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, but at least I am sharing I say. Don't worry about saying anything wrong. Just say it. We all understand how hard that is to do, so we won't judge! :)
 

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
Same. I get a lot of anxiety here on SPW. Always get nervous when posting, and I've never and probably will never start my own thread. If I did, I wouldn't be able to look at the replies, actually I'd probably logout and not came back for a week. I'm not even game enough to use the chat window so I'm always set to 'invisible'. I preview everything, sometimes more than once... like maybe 10 times before posting (after making corrections). I always hope that my post isn't the first one on a new page. I also avoid threads I've posted in because I'm worried someone has replied negatively. I try not to say stupid things, but I know I probably have in the past. *wince*
Sometimes I don't even reply to PMs or comments because I don't know what to say or I'm too nervous. I usually try to though, but if I don't then you know why.

*deep breath*
*presses "submit reply" button*
*but actually doesn't and presses "preview post" button instead*
<_<
>_>
Ok, for real this time...
 

-lonestar-

Well-known member
Just remember nobody is perfect, we are just us, specially here. I suppose my anxiety isn't as bad so I shouldn't say anything but you gotta be free in your own home. Think of this as a safe haven where everyone is like you, if you get anxious about your opinions it will be much harder to defeat being around others in public, this place is like training.
 
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this_portrait

Well-known member
Y'know, I really don't find myself getting anxious on here. This place functions more as an outlet for me to vent out all the frustrations I have with being anxious around other people outside of here. I guess I feel like I can say whatever and ya'll will mostly relate in some way or another. I don't have any fear on here because everyone is going through the same thing as me.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Don't fret, Aletheia, we're all the same. Although, I must admit, I don't have much trouble posting, but I do like to be frugal with my spelling and grammar whenever possible.

Everyone else has replied better than I could, but yeah, don't fret...we're all here for a reason. :)
 

megalon

Well-known member
I find myself typing what I want to post and backspacing it before I click the post button more often than I actually do click post. Like this post for instance, I can't find the right way to word it and I think it might be confusing.
Anyway Aletheia, from what I've read of your posts, I don't think you'll have trouble fitting in and finding friends here.
 

Ms Cloud

Well-known member
Anyone else feel like this? What anxious things do you do here?
I try to keep my posts short and impersonal. If I do write something longer or more personal, I leave it up until it's obvious no one is going to reply and then I delete it.

I'm used to being ignored so I don't get anxious about it. If I keep coming back to a particular website, I figure there must be something about it that interests me, or I'm curious about, and until that curiosity is satisfied I'll keep hanging around. But I always know it's temporary, and I can leave at the drop of a hat.

In other words, I keep a detached view. I don't get too involved, I keep my expectations low, and I don't invest too much of my emotional energy.
 

IcedEarth25

Well-known member
I do those things aswell, I tend to post without thinking and either i delete the post myself or someone else has leading me to think i've done the wrong thing.
 
I sorta remember being like this, but after posting so much on forums, I no longer care. I can safely say that I feel completely 100% s/a free on this forum. I think the trick is to post so much that you just don't care after a while. Maybe that works in real life too? Probably... ;)
 

anxiety1408

Well-known member
Ha, Cos im on the outside and Im looking in, I can see through you, See your true colours, cos inside your ugly, your ugly like me, I can see through you, See to the real you ♪
 

Aletheia

Well-known member
Humans mess up because it's just who we are; all we can do is decide how we handle our screw-ups.

Wise.

Sometimes I can't go back to a thread once I have posted in it 'cause I am afraid of any responses I might get.

I absolutely do this. I live in fear that someone will "tell me off" (yes, it really is that deep seated) so I can't always look.

One of my goals to overcome my SA is to share my opinions more readily, so that means posting here.

I do see the community here as an opportunity to practice. In particular, I'm trying to initiate contact with individual people, something I find especially scary, by private or visitor messages or *gasp* friend invites. (Chat may be a bridge too far.)
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Ha, Cos im on the outside and Im looking in, I can see through you, See your true colours, cos inside your ugly, your ugly like me, I can see through you, See to the real you ♪
^ Hey, I see I'm not the only one who thought of that song when looking at the thread title. :D
 

anxiety1408

Well-known member
^ Hey, I see I'm not the only one who thought of that song when looking at the thread title. :D

Ha, Im glad someone noticed ;) Staind are my favourite band, and Aaron lewis my favourite solo singer! hehe and also that is one of my fav songs like lol. I went to see aaron's acoustic performance, and staind aswell last month :) it was awesome!
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Ha, Im glad someone noticed ;) Staind are my favourite band, and Aaron lewis my favourite solo singer! hehe and also that is one of my fav songs like lol. I went to see aaron's acoustic performance, and staind aswell last month :) it was awesome!
^ That's cool. :) I love Staind's old stuff, don't really care for their newer stuff. Absolutely love their album Dysfunction, with that metal, grungy sound. So awesome!
 
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