Och aye the noo
- Thread starter Graeme1988
- Start date
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Go back a page and you'll see. But if ye cannae be arsed, here ye go... Take a swatch at these.
^ Ma sister talk me intae buying this as practise for get an actual set of bagpipes.mg:
No idea why ah picked the Great Highland, though. Probably more tradition more than anythin' else.
^ And these have been sittin' in ma bedroom still unopened, until ah figure oot how ah want them setup, and get a new computer desk to accomodate them.
Depends how much yer tryin' tae hoof off me... :bigsmile:
Though, tae be fair, ma disability benefit doesnae add up to much, half o' it goes towards bills and rent, a smaill percent gans towards the council tax. Since ah pay considerably mair in those areas compared to ma mum.
Y'know, 'cause in the eyes o' the UK government, I'm scroungin' c*nt. (Sorry, got a wee bit political there)
Anyway, ah'll be lucky if ah cun afford a DVD boxset by the end o' each month with ma benefit money, never the stuff ah bought recently.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah feel really burned out lately. Six months in, and ah just want ma rehab and recovery to be over n' done with. Feelin' depressed as well. :sad:
Hard to express how it feels to constantly be let down by those around ye and feel like you're lettin' them down anaw.
Hard to express how it feels to constantly be let down by those around ye and feel like you're lettin' them down anaw.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
That reminds me, i must get a replcement g-string for ma acoustic guitar!. Asked for one at a superstore th other week, said to this pretty shop assistance 'have u any silky g-strings?', she started to say that they might be in the women's clothes section, then i told her its for my guitar (deliberately tried to "trick" her!
Cheers. That made me laugh... :bigsmile:
Ya got that Monty Python title correct, it's actually called that.
Ah did contemplate learning fingerpicking, but don't feel confident enough in that regard. Huvin to keep yer fingers and fretting hand in sync. For me it's hard enough playing with a plectrum. Don't know if ah'll back intae playin' ma guitar on a daily basis, though. :idontknow:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
All that gear u bought inspires me for sure, & i aint even got em!
Gettin back into guitaring just might give u some purpose back in your life? (you know, not goals so much, but more of a deeper sense of life purpose). I'd say GO ALL OUT on that dude!! Get PASSIONATE & OBSESSIVE & EXCESSIVE about it. I mean, WHY NOT eh??? (in fact wish i could get like that for guitar meself!) :thumbup:
Ah appreciate yer encouraging words and sentiment. But, ah don't know if I'm as passionate about it as I used to be. That's not tae say ah don't love playin' guitar, it's just I'm no as obsessive about it as I was when ah wus 14. Like between 2004 to 2006, I was well intae it, to the point ma guitar teacher said I have a real passion for playing for the guitar. Then, y'know, depression hit and aw went tae shite... Self-confident, self-doubt issues kicked in. :sad:
Still, I'm looking to get back intae it. But ah still need a few more bit of gear/equipment before ah start playing again.
Mainly these for ma guitar and laptop.
AmpliTube 4 - Hyper Realistic ToneLine 6 Relay Wireless Guitar System
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Quite depressing tae realise that ah seem to be the only one who give a shit about how I'm going tae be in a year's time, as far as the outcome of this surgery goes. Mibbe ah care too much? :question:
Since, gettin' back upstairs, it's back to be out of the way, ignored and forgotten. But it's summit ah've gotten used to over the years, being the youngest and the only male sibling in the family on my mum's side. And generally everybuddy's emotional punching bag. Easy tae manipulate, humilate and blackmail - that's me! The scapegoat. Anybuddy relate to that?
Because whenever ah do stand up for myself, it's seen as a threat. But, y'know, whit d'ye expect, considering the bloody size o' me. Nae wonder people tend to just staight-up avoid me at all costs. :kickingmyself:
Ah hate how ma family seem to excert more control and influence over me, constantly huvin to get the last word in, or contradict me. Tell me what to do, or say, some of the time. But the worst yin has to be, telling how ah should be so ah cun fit in. When ah'd rather be alone than around people who frequently bring me down. Or people, in general, to be honest. Sorry, just rambling. Basically, ah don't think ma recent surgery will be typically triumph over adversity story commonly associated with disabled folk. :sad:
Since, gettin' back upstairs, it's back to be out of the way, ignored and forgotten. But it's summit ah've gotten used to over the years, being the youngest and the only male sibling in the family on my mum's side. And generally everybuddy's emotional punching bag. Easy tae manipulate, humilate and blackmail - that's me! The scapegoat. Anybuddy relate to that?
Because whenever ah do stand up for myself, it's seen as a threat. But, y'know, whit d'ye expect, considering the bloody size o' me. Nae wonder people tend to just staight-up avoid me at all costs. :kickingmyself:
Ah hate how ma family seem to excert more control and influence over me, constantly huvin to get the last word in, or contradict me. Tell me what to do, or say, some of the time. But the worst yin has to be, telling how ah should be so ah cun fit in. When ah'd rather be alone than around people who frequently bring me down. Or people, in general, to be honest. Sorry, just rambling. Basically, ah don't think ma recent surgery will be typically triumph over adversity story commonly associated with disabled folk. :sad:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Mibbe ma mum's right about me - I'm just like my dad in many ways. A nasty piece o' work.
Though, ah do wonder what they relationship was like, as a abusive as it was, y'know? Sadly, ah'll only ever know my mum's side of the story, since it wasn't summit ah talked to ma dad about in those 8 years that he wus part of ma life. Then ah wus never brave enough to do so, since awkward topics always got avoid in ma family. At least, where ah wus concerned, anyway.
Because it is funny how my mum constantly does things to piss me off. Almost seems deliberate at times. Not trying excuse ma dad's behaviour, like. But, y'know, ye have to provoke someone and goad them intae reacting certain way. Only a f**kin' psycho would batter the f**k outta ye for no reason.
Though, ah do wonder what they relationship was like, as a abusive as it was, y'know? Sadly, ah'll only ever know my mum's side of the story, since it wasn't summit ah talked to ma dad about in those 8 years that he wus part of ma life. Then ah wus never brave enough to do so, since awkward topics always got avoid in ma family. At least, where ah wus concerned, anyway.
Because it is funny how my mum constantly does things to piss me off. Almost seems deliberate at times. Not trying excuse ma dad's behaviour, like. But, y'know, ye have to provoke someone and goad them intae reacting certain way. Only a f**kin' psycho would batter the f**k outta ye for no reason.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Is it even worth the time and effort tae change ma situation for the better? Not that I'm unwilling to change, it seems my family aren't as accepting of that idea. Particularly my mum, who, I'd rather leave her living by herself than be burden with caring for me.
Yet, everytime I mention that the possibility of moving out it, it's instantly painted as ye can't survive on yer own. Maybe because she refused to teach me any basic life skills, too busying filling me heid with the utter nonsense she believe.
Still don't get that whole disabled/handicapped = co-dependent idea. Yeah, some that is true if the disablity is quite severe.
Though, my mum fill my heid with her bat-shit crazy idea of what it means to be disabled. Even my sister got mad at how accepting I was as far as how unfair it was for me, being left behind in many cases, all but forgotten. Isn't the most patronising thing in world? Being told by an abled-bodied person how ye should feel about yer experience as a disabled person.
Yet that's how life is for me, a struggle to get treated with the same respect and digity as the rest of humanity.
Aye sure, there's folk who have it worse than me, but that doesnae change the fact ah don't exactly have it easier by comparison. Plus, ma family focused so much upon my weakness and what I was incapable of doing, no wonder being called "useless" and "worthless" still hits a nerve with me.
Ah guess, the point that people seems to forget when it comes to people with cerebral palsy is, stuff that comes naturally to abled-bodied folk isn't so for the likes me. Ah mean, I'm thankfully to still have the some use of ma legs. 16 years ago doctors wrote me off as being wheelchair bounded for the rest of ma life, once my disabiity started to show early signs of worsening.
Yet, everytime I mention that the possibility of moving out it, it's instantly painted as ye can't survive on yer own. Maybe because she refused to teach me any basic life skills, too busying filling me heid with the utter nonsense she believe.
Still don't get that whole disabled/handicapped = co-dependent idea. Yeah, some that is true if the disablity is quite severe.
Though, my mum fill my heid with her bat-shit crazy idea of what it means to be disabled. Even my sister got mad at how accepting I was as far as how unfair it was for me, being left behind in many cases, all but forgotten. Isn't the most patronising thing in world? Being told by an abled-bodied person how ye should feel about yer experience as a disabled person.
Yet that's how life is for me, a struggle to get treated with the same respect and digity as the rest of humanity.
Aye sure, there's folk who have it worse than me, but that doesnae change the fact ah don't exactly have it easier by comparison. Plus, ma family focused so much upon my weakness and what I was incapable of doing, no wonder being called "useless" and "worthless" still hits a nerve with me.
Ah guess, the point that people seems to forget when it comes to people with cerebral palsy is, stuff that comes naturally to abled-bodied folk isn't so for the likes me. Ah mean, I'm thankfully to still have the some use of ma legs. 16 years ago doctors wrote me off as being wheelchair bounded for the rest of ma life, once my disabiity started to show early signs of worsening.
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Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
My life feels so lacking in direction. Startin' tae wonder why ah bother wakin' up in the morning. Because it's just the same ol' shit day in, day out. Ma family hate being around me because I'm so shy and quiet. Wondering if ah really should try and be more outgoing, despite not being much o' a people person? :question:
Aside from that, ah just wish ma rehab and recovery was over, since I'm fed-up walking intae every physiotherapy sessions and ma team and sister constantly make sarcastic comments at my expense. Apparently, I'm afraid of them (my physio team) when I'm not some who's at ease aroon folk in general. Wish ah didnae huv this constant anxiety and depression to combat in ma daily life. It's no easy living with a family that constantly judges ya negatively for just trying to be you.
Aside from that, ah just wish ma rehab and recovery was over, since I'm fed-up walking intae every physiotherapy sessions and ma team and sister constantly make sarcastic comments at my expense. Apparently, I'm afraid of them (my physio team) when I'm not some who's at ease aroon folk in general. Wish ah didnae huv this constant anxiety and depression to combat in ma daily life. It's no easy living with a family that constantly judges ya negatively for just trying to be you.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah feel like I've lost that happy-go-luck personality ah used to have, along with ma sense of humour. Ah guess that's what I get for not gettin' the proper help to rid myself of my depression and anxiety. And living with a pessmistic, dour, bitter parent doesnae exactly help.
If only living on my own didnae seem as daughting for me, being disabled.
Yet, it's funny how much more relax I feel when I'm actually in the house on my own, knowing no-one else is here but me.
If only living on my own didnae seem as daughting for me, being disabled.
Yet, it's funny how much more relax I feel when I'm actually in the house on my own, knowing no-one else is here but me.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Totallly lackin' motivation to get better at the moment. Which is worrying, because ah've feel so utter alone in the past month, as far as my post-surgery recovery goes.
No words of encouragement, or family support. The only support I get is from my physiotherapy team and Amanda, ma consultant surgeon. Total strangers.
Constantly being discouraged by my mum everytime ah take the initiative. And letdown whenever ah asked for help. It's so frustrated as a disabled person to rely upon people who put themselves before my needs.
No words of encouragement, or family support. The only support I get is from my physiotherapy team and Amanda, ma consultant surgeon. Total strangers.
Constantly being discouraged by my mum everytime ah take the initiative. And letdown whenever ah asked for help. It's so frustrated as a disabled person to rely upon people who put themselves before my needs.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah'd probably do a lot more if ah hud confidence. Like ah'd start makin' YouTube videos if ah felt less self-conscious, as well as huvin somethin' to say as far living with a cerebral palsy. But, ah sadly don't - well, at least nothin' that would inspire or uplift anyone in the a similar situation to me.
theslowesthand
Banned
How's yer gaming going? You have a box right?
Thinkin i might setup my old PS2 again. Also my PSP. Could be useful for when all else is boring...
Thinkin i might setup my old PS2 again. Also my PSP. Could be useful for when all else is boring...
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Aye, I've got a PS2 as well. Huv'nae played in years, though. Nor do ah huv many games, since ma cousin practically begged me to part ways with half ma games. :kickingmyself:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Cannae wait for ma physiotherapy sessions tae end. Constantly huvin tae pit up with huvin assumptions made aboot ma character. Which ah dinnae correct 'cause that could be seen as me gettin' aw defensive.
Kinda wish it wus just me and Minaj (the Indian fella) since it's hard tae be around a bunch o' wimmin who constantly judge ye everytime ye when ye need to rest after a few minutes. Tryin' tae get tae know me personally, when am no there fur small talk. Get inside ma heid, which isnae a pleasant place when ye struggle with depression and anxiety as ah do.
And whole being afraid of them, which is nonsense, but understandable considering ma sheltered upbringing, which instill a sense of mistrust in everybuddy who isn't family. Despite the fact, my immediate family are some of the most violatile, hateful, closed-minded, dumb, immature, insenstive, dis-honest, entitled wimmin ah huv met in ma life. Harsh, but true.
Aye, they do good things for me, but ah don't believe it's done outta any sense of being kind or caring. Because it always seems forced, even simply asking for help is met with a disapproving groan. Yet anyone else other than me, they can't get off their arses quick enough.
Also, ah feel like they'd rather not have to care for me, really. Ah mean, deep down ah feel they really despise me more than think highly of me. Y'know because ah still value things like honesty, respect, and beng grateful.
But then I'm pretty much the outcast, the freak, the weirdo and the black sheep o' ma family. An afterthought in many ways. :sad:
Sorry, just rambling about ma current situation and because my relatives were round for a visit yesterday, and it was quite fascinating how ma mum made their need a priority over mine, even though I was asking for much or for her to help with something.
Kinda wish it wus just me and Minaj (the Indian fella) since it's hard tae be around a bunch o' wimmin who constantly judge ye everytime ye when ye need to rest after a few minutes. Tryin' tae get tae know me personally, when am no there fur small talk. Get inside ma heid, which isnae a pleasant place when ye struggle with depression and anxiety as ah do.
And whole being afraid of them, which is nonsense, but understandable considering ma sheltered upbringing, which instill a sense of mistrust in everybuddy who isn't family. Despite the fact, my immediate family are some of the most violatile, hateful, closed-minded, dumb, immature, insenstive, dis-honest, entitled wimmin ah huv met in ma life. Harsh, but true.
Aye, they do good things for me, but ah don't believe it's done outta any sense of being kind or caring. Because it always seems forced, even simply asking for help is met with a disapproving groan. Yet anyone else other than me, they can't get off their arses quick enough.
Also, ah feel like they'd rather not have to care for me, really. Ah mean, deep down ah feel they really despise me more than think highly of me. Y'know because ah still value things like honesty, respect, and beng grateful.
But then I'm pretty much the outcast, the freak, the weirdo and the black sheep o' ma family. An afterthought in many ways. :sad:
Sorry, just rambling about ma current situation and because my relatives were round for a visit yesterday, and it was quite fascinating how ma mum made their need a priority over mine, even though I was asking for much or for her to help with something.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah feel like ah've kinda slipped back intae being lazy when ah huv no right to. And nevermind, the next 6 months, ah starting to slightly doubt ma fitness in 2 months time, when ah'll be in Edinbugh at the Fringe. Still huv'nae got all the shows booked that ah'd like to see, because my sister can make up here mind on which day she'd prefer/
And, speaking of the Edinburgh festival, ma sister wants to get some free show in as well this year. Could she not huv telt me that before we starting planning it. :veryangry: Ah hate when ma family leave things til the last minute to inform me, or they conveniently "forget" to tell me and leave me outta the loop altogether. :kickingmyself:
And, speaking of the Edinburgh festival, ma sister wants to get some free show in as well this year. Could she not huv telt me that before we starting planning it. :veryangry: Ah hate when ma family leave things til the last minute to inform me, or they conveniently "forget" to tell me and leave me outta the loop altogether. :kickingmyself:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Kinda in 2 minds aboot this, simply because when ah wus younger, people (ma peers, teachers, family) would laugh at the notion of me wantin' to be a musician. Y'know, the rockstar BS. When, fur me, it wus aboot mair than that, in fact it wus'nae aboot that ataw. In fact, James Hetfield from Metallica articulates what I'm tryin' tae say better than ah ever could...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Eq9RVKT9XQ
If there's nothin' holdin' ye back, by all means, goan yersel'. :thumbup:
Just keep in mind, it's no as easy as the pros make it seem, just summit tae keep in mind if yer a beginner or intermidate level in terms of playin'.
Oh, and buy yersel' a digital metronome if ye can afford tae part ways with £30, which would be about $15. That's the yin thing ah regret no gettin' when ah started buyin' the guitar.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
This year is certainly gonna be memorable for me, though, ah don't know that's a good or bad thing? :idontknow:
Just wish ah hud mair time tae jist sit doon and reflect on things so far. Ah dinnae think ah've hud a moment tae pit everythin' that's happened since January intae perspective. The good moments, funny moments and the really shitty moments.
Also, ah kinda wish ah wus'nae as f**kin' borin' as ah really am.
Just wish ah hud mair time tae jist sit doon and reflect on things so far. Ah dinnae think ah've hud a moment tae pit everythin' that's happened since January intae perspective. The good moments, funny moments and the really shitty moments.
Also, ah kinda wish ah wus'nae as f**kin' borin' as ah really am.
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
Take a look at smartphone/tablet apps if you happen to have such a thing. I've seen a lot of tuner, metronome, and chord apps, many of them free. I can't say how well they work from experience, but it could be worth a try and might save you having to shell out for another expensive piece of kit.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Whit da f**k am ah talkin' aboot? Kinda borin'? That implies I'm not as borin' as I am. Or at the very least, just say ah wish ah wus mair interesting. Though, ah think ma disability does hinder me in terms o' being more outgoing, and likeable.
Cuz it does get me down a lotta the time. And socially, ma disability has been a barrier tae feelin' like ah belong. Though, ah do wonder if I am likeable at times. Since it's quite difficult fur me tae be extroverted, given how ma nature is mair introverted, quiet and withdrawn. Though, thinkin' is a pain in the arse at time, wish ah wus mair like ma cousin - y'know, content? Anti-intellectual but self-confident. Not much o' a reader.