Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

Hello the och aye nooers!

The first tattoo (scottish flag) looks amazing, the message this would send to people is "patriot inside".

I'm still tryin' tae decided if ah should go with the Scottish flag or ma family tartan? Or should I combine both - the under the skin design and the flag blending into the tartan? Or would that look weird?

Considerin' it might be a cover up for self harm scars on ma inner forearm. And ah'll need to get the mole in the middle of ma left forearm removed afore gettn' tha tattoo.

 

[Jungle]

I'm still tryin' tae decided if ah should go with the Scottish flag or ma family tartan? Or should I combine both - the under the skin design and the flag blending into the tartan? Or would that look weird?

Considerin' it might be a cover up for self harm scars on ma inner forearm. And ah'll need to get the mole in the middle of ma left forearm removed afore gettn' tha tattoo.

Sorry buddy, I am not what you call a tatoo expert.
It's Harram in my religion -_-

 

[Graeme1988]

My mum's fine with me gettin' a tattoo, ah thought she'd freak oot like she did when ah got ma right eyebrow pierced when ah wus 14. :bigsmile:

Still, don't know if ah should inform ma sister aboot me gettin' a tattoo. Since she tend tae react with shock at anythin' ah decided to do, and constantly questioning ma reasons. Always wanting me to justify why... :kickingmyself:

Which is summit ah kinda hate doin' 'cause ah don't feel the need to explain ma decisions to anybuddy, especially ma family. Since they usually just summit to gossip about. Does that make sense?

 

[Jungle]

My mum's fine with me gettin' a tattoo, ah thought she'd freak oot like she did when ah got ma right eyebrow pierced when ah wus 14. :bigsmile:

Still, don't know if ah should inform ma sister aboot me gettin' a tattoo. Since she tend tae react with shock at anythin' ah decided to do, and constantly questioning ma reasons. Always wanting me to justify why... :kickingmyself:

Which is summit ah kinda hate doin' 'cause ah don't feel the need to explain ma decisions to anybuddy, especially ma family. Since they usually just summit to gossip about. Does that make sense?

freak oot, eh ?
you sound like a canadian.

Well if you want my opinion, I think you should inform them, just to avoid having any surprise reaction, since they'd find out one day or another.

 

[Graeme1988]

Sorry buddy, I am not what you call a tatoo expert.
It's Harram in my religion -_-

Oh, fair enough! Nae need to be sorry, though. Am no tatoo expert, either. Though, most o' ma family huv tattoos themselves. Ah just hope they don't construe my gettin' a tattoo as tryin' to be like them.

 

[Graeme1988]

freak oot, eh ?
you sound like a canadian.

Funny you should say that, did y'know Nova Scotia translates in English to "New Scotland"? And Canada also hold the Highland Games like Scotland does. Though, Canadian aren't as sweary like the Scots or Americans.

Well if you want my opinion, I think you should inform them, just to avoid having any surprise reaction, since they'd find out one day or another.

True, though it'd be cool to surprise 'em. :bigsmile:

 

[Jungle]

Funny you should say that, did y'know Nova Scotia translates in English to "New Scotland"? And Canada also hold the Highland Games like Scotland does. Though, Canadian aren't as sweary like the Scots or Americans.



True, though it'd be cool to surprise 'em. :bigsmile:

Yeah, I was aware of that, it's in latin I think.

In french it's "Nouvelle Écosse"

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah worry aboot the person ah've become, constant bottling up ma feelings. :sad: Huvin to put up with being the butt o' jokes aw tha time, because ah cannae be arsed wasting ma intelligence trying to come up with retort that would silence the other person.

But ah only do that - keepin' everything to masel' - cuz naebuddy seems to understand ma perspective. Plus, they've labelled me so why bother trying to change folks assumption based perception o' ye once that's done? In ma case, it's a waste o' time. Because it doesnae matter how polite or nice I am to folk, they'll still think I'm a stuck-up c*nt or retarded cuz o' ma learning disabilty, which is due to my cerebral palsy.

The above being ma main reason for being reallt reluctant o' makin' YouTube videos aboot ma experience cerebral palsy. Since both ma experience with and ma life huv'nae been particularly happy.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, that's me... back tae square effin' yin! :kickingmyself: Back tae practically huvin tae beg fur help off ma family, and being perceived as a domineering c*nt when ah take matters intae ma ain hands. :thumbdown:

Why is it when yer the youngest bairn, you always get ignored - or in my case, neglected - by yer parents?

Ah hate this, always huvin tae make up fur their shortcomings, and inability to take responsibility for their words, nevermind actions. Funny how it's always ma fault. But then the wimmin in ma life dinnae exactly take kindly to the idea o' being taken to task over something they've said or done wrongly. Yet, ah gettin' it tha f**kin' neck fur no being in a cheery mood aw the time.

That said, ma family are either too dumb, ignorant or afraid to openly talk aboot the topic o' mental health and actually acknowledge ma depression and anxiety, they always huv been like that. Though, they aren't exactly the most emapthetic folk.

If that wus'nae bad enough, the next 6 months buckin' terrifies me as far as expectations go. Me - ah just want to be walking better than ah wus, doesnae nned to be perfect. Whereas ah think everybuddy else's expectation are higher than mine.

It's no easy livin' being burden by others expectations, as well as being expected tae instictively know how to do stuff ye were never taught. As if being physically disabled wus'nae bad enough.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah dinnae ken whit am doin' with ma life - ah really don't. :idontknow: :sad:
Ma sister - the eldest yin - is trying to convince me to learn...

... the bagpipes!​

Because I'm the only yin o' the family with "musicial talent". While am no against the idea, ah get outta puff just walking a short distant. How tha f**k can ah be expected tae learn the bagpipes?. There'd be nae shortage o' folk tae learn fae, what with there ma town huvin their ain pipe band. It just, ah dinnae huv any formal music training.

To be honest, ah kinda got intae music and playing instruments by accident, as a means of finding an outlet for ma feelings, an escape fae ma dysfunctional family and it gave something I was good at - except when people are watching. Ah know, right... Wanker!

And, a couple o' weeks ago, ma sister suggested thar ah volunteer at a computer skills workshop in ma area for young folk with learning disabilities. Because apparently ah've got a good rapport with people. While ah huv a learn disability myself due to my cerebral palsy, and would be able to relate, ah huv to disagree with the whole rapport thing. Since ah don't feel at ease with people 99% of the time.

Plus, ah've spent much of ma life hiding the fact ah huv a learn disability. Making up for my physical shortcomings intellectually, as it were. Though I'm no hiding ma learning disability outta shame or anythin'. Am just too proud to admit that I'm a bit slow in the heid at times. :bigsmile:

And there's the whole idea of the less disabled you appear, the more accepting people are of ye. But that whole another disability related topic.

 

[Graeme1988]

Dreading this coming physiotherapy session, yet again.

Me being the butt of the jokes, because ah don't talk much, which is funny cuz ah thought ah wus there to actual get better? No make small talk. Huh! Unless I'm mistaken? :question:

Sorry if I'm too focused on what ah go there to do, y'know, to the point of not gettin' overly personal. Oh, and ah just get up an hour afore ma weekly session, so excuse me if ah dinnae huv the rest o' ma day planned oot n' ready to divulge.

^ Ah love to say this to ma physiotherapy team, but know ah come across as a right c*nt.

 

[Graeme1988]

Been listening to Green Day, recently. Huv'nae listened to their music in a few years. Also, wouldnae huv thought ah'd find masel' relatin' to their songs more as an adult than when ah wus a teenager. Ah know... weird, right?!

These 2 songs, in particular.​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UymN5scMpZM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ydpSVvXE9k

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah desperately need tae start doin' summit productive with ma time.
Cannae concentrate long enough to read a book, whit da f**k's happened tae me?! mg: So, it'll huv to be gettin' back intae playin' the ol' guitar.

Or, ah could go the whole hog, get decked oot like a Scottish shortbread tin - tartan bunnet, kilt, sporran, white knee-length socks, a tuxedo - and learn the bagpipes. :question:
It'd certainly up the noise complaints fae folk where ah live.

 

[Graeme1988]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJgYH2t_ea4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsEPMB5Usck

 

[Graeme1988]

The stress of everythin' has been gettin' tae me lately. :sad:
Startin' tae feel less positive about things.

 

[Graeme1988]

Awww f**k! The guilt, man. The guilt ah feel at decidin' tae cancel ma physiotherapy session the morra. :: Wus a right to do so? Whit with ma right knee feelin' a bit strained this week.

Should even feel guilty for wantin' a wee break from ma rehab? :thinking: Since ah huv'nae gave masel' much time to relax or reflect upon things since the end o' February. Y'know, due tae me no really relenting on how much ah push masel' even away from the half hour sessions at the clinic at the community hospital.

 

[Graeme1988]

Meh! :idontknow: It doesnae matter anyway... :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

So, that's me finally takin' a nice wee 2 week break from physiotherapy. Not that ah'll stop exercising, just need a break fae being nagged every week.

And it'd be nice to take stock o' the last 5 months, since things huv been movin' at a rapid pace fur me, lately. Huv'nae even hud much time tae fully enjoy those genuinely happy moment, like being at a concert or comedy gig and be able to just forget aboot ma situation and just be in the moment.

Oh, and eh... Am gonnae learn the bagpipes! mg: Bought a Great Highland chanter to practise on, should get it next week. I'm a bit daunted aboot takin' lesson, like.

Other that, I'm trying to get a basic home recording studio setup, as ah want tae start playing ma guitar again, and possibly record a bit - upload it tae Soundcloud? :question: Oh, as well as wonderin' whit da f**k am daein with ma life? :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, these arrived at ma front door this afternoon. No bad, considering ah order them yesterday afore mid-day, and opt from free 2 days courier postage. No that I'm complainin', like, just surprised they've came a day earlier than expected.

£320 quid, but I'm sure they'll be worth the dosh once ah get them setup with ma laptop.

Just need to save up for the guitar effects and amplifer modeling software, a midi footswitch controller and a wireless guitar system, then I'll be good to go with playing ma electric guitar again.

 

[theslowesthand]

That reminds me, i must get a replcement g-string for ma acoustic guitar!. Asked for one at a superstore th other week, said to this pretty shop assistance 'have u any silky g-strings?', she started to say that they might be in the women's clothes section, then i told her its for my guitar (deliberately tried to "trick" her! :bigsmile. So she told me where this music store is, so i might pop in there some day soon.

Baby steps for a guitar baby. Must get around to learn some songs again. Got the lyrics & chords for monty python song 'always look on the bright side of life' (dunno name of it). Wouldnt mind learning say some spanish guitar, blues fingerpicking tunes. Gotta get back into habit of playing guitar, ideally every day or so.

All that gear u bought inspires me for sure, & i aint even got em!
Gettin back into guitaring just might give u some purpose back in your life? (you know, not goals so much, but more of a deeper sense of life purpose). I'd say GO ALL OUT on that dude!! Get PASSIONATE & OBSESSIVE & EXCESSIVE about it. I mean, WHY NOT eh??? (in fact wish i could get like that for guitar meself!) :thumbup: