Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

Pondering whether or not, ah should huv a go at walkin' up the full flight of stairs to ma room tomorrow? :question: It's not so much the going up that worries me, just how I'm going to go about gettin' back down the stairs.

And manoveuring about upstairs. Since ma bedroom is quite wee. And ma legs are still in the process of healing, but ah need to pushing myself to get better. To get masel' back tae how ah wus before New Year - ie, lazy as f**k.

 

[Graeme1988]

Just realised that ah'll huv only hud a months use outta ma new splints (leg braces for you Yanks) come the time o' ma next check-up appointment with ma consult surgeon. When ah should've been wearin' an walkin' aboot in them since late February, after ah got ma plaster casts off... F**K!! :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Why am I even bothering? Ah mean, whit the point? Tryin' tae convince somebuddy who's so f***in' pessimistic it's pathetic to actually stop thinkin' aboot themselves for once an help me for a change? But naw, everything ah says is dismissed as ridiculous, every well-thought-oot suggestion disregard with contemptible laugh.

It's like nuthin' ah say or do will every be good enough. Cuz it's me who f***in' suggests it, rather than ma family tryin' tae pressure and shame me intae doing things their way. Sensible, yet whenever ah say summit sensible it's meet with reaction that implies am the stupid c**t for even huvin the nerve to go against everybuddy else's advice as tae whit ah should do.

Despite it being me who hud and is currently recovering from surgery, not the rest of ma family. But they cannae seem tae shut the f**k when it comes tae whit's best for me.

Better just shutting up an agreein', cuz the wimmin in ma family don't take too kindly tae huvin their advice ignore or being ignored for that matter. Always gotta humour the c**ts wae ma time.

But am just "weird, possibly autistic" lad tae them. Cuz am not open either emotionally or personally - in that ah don't really enjoy talkin' aboot masel' much. Ah don't really reveal many of ma likes or dislikes. Also, ah don't particular like spending time with people that are very loud, obnoxious, self-opinionated, and narcissistic. Constantly feeling the need to be centre of attention. Aye, ah used tae be like that too up until ah wus 16, but depression soon pit an end tae aw that, and made realise those weren't particularly great trait tae huv if ye wanted tae be likeable.

Anyway, just venting there.

Hopefully ah'll get back upstairs tae ma solitude then ah cun really let loose with aw the stories ah've been dying tae share since early January of this year. Naebuddy wonderin' in and peerin' ower ma shoulder, askin' whit am daein - as if it's of any interest tae them. Nosy c**ts! :no:

 

[Graeme1988]

Meh! Here's another boooring update regarding ma rehab. Ma oldest sister phoned our mum just an hour ago. Apparently ma sister got a call fae the one of ma physiotherapy team in Lochmaben. Nae appointment this week to ma sister gan away it the weekend. So, it'll next Thursday, same time as last week - half past 9 in the morning. F**kin' boo! :thumbdown:

Oh, and they've been informed o' ma progress. Meanin' ah'll get praised tae the point o' embarrassment. :shyness: Ah know that's no a big deal or owt, at least for me, but ma family always seem to get over enthusiastic whenever ah achieve summit. Whereas am mair modest about it, y'know?

Ah mean, this whole rehab is just summit that needs the be done, whether ah feel motivated or no. And ah've hud a few days where ah've greet cuz ah wonder if ah've made the right decision, huvin baith legs operated on?

Then there's days am just powering through - this is the goal fur the day, let see if ah cun achieve. And, aye, ma mum & sister are proud, but if am honest, they're no exactly great motivational speakers. Ma mum's still as pessimistic 'n' hesitant tae help me... so ah've kinda hud tae charge an be a man. Which is rare, usually it her tellin' whit tae do.

Also, huvin tae rely on ma own judgement hus been weird, since ah huv yet tae be contradicted as far as - for example - how ah got intae the bathroom. Or how ah'll get up the stairs.

May only remaining hint of optimism at the moment is that am prayin' tae be back up them stair afore the week's done. raying: Because ah don't want to sitting in the living room with a hyperactive niece - who hates me, subssequently - runnin' aboot. And me sat between 2 people who dinnae get along at the moment.

Also, ah hate f**kin' makin' small talk with ma older sister. Us huvin summit in common doesnae change the fact that she'll start an argument over the most meaningless thing. Like if the fact ye can't be arsed comes across n yer tone o' voice... And ah dinnae f**kin' any grief direct it me - efter whit ah've been through so far this year.

So am hoping to just keep to myself as much as possible next week. And if do start gettin' any hassle fae anybuddy, ma response will just be two words which is another way of saying "Go away and leave me alone".

 

[Graeme1988]

F**kin' hell doesn't time fly when yer daein f**k all, eh? It's 4 month ago the day since ah hud ma orthopedic surgery. Doesnae seem that long ago tae me. Though, it wus a hellish experience, no summit I'm in any hurry tae go through again. And it's a long few day, or months. Given that everything wus scheduled a months in advance during the summer of 2015.

But, that said, it's been quite surreal for me these past few months, especially last month. Ah sure as f**k will'nae forget this year's Glasgow Comedy Festival any time soon.

Och! Ah might as well share those stories first, since they are quite amusing. And there far quicker tae tell than the whole story of ma orthopedic surgery and hospital stay...

 

[Graeme1988]

Right... here we f**kin' go! Am gonnae attempt tae get back upstairs the night.

Wish me luck, ah've never attempted this afore.

 

[Hoppy]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRt3AENQtBU

 

[Graeme1988]

^ Cheers for that, Hoppy. :thumbup:

Ah'll update soon, am just waitin' fur the hot water bottles to get filled. Mum's doing that shortly. Then it's back upstairs the ma usual comforts.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, eh... I'm typing this post fae the comfort o' bedroom.

Still cannae believe ah did it. Made it aw the way back upstairs tae ma bedroom. And ah only just attempted the small set of stairs in the physiotherapy clinic this past Thursday.

And nae mair being forced tae sit through Everybody Loves Raymond repeats every morning. Thank f**k! Ah hate that series - lotta feminist pish. And ma mum an sister constantly doubted if ah'd be able to get upstairs soon.

Well, get it up ye!

Never underestimate a crippled c**t like me, who cun do summit when he sets his mind tae it. So happy right now. Long lies and solitude, it's been awhile.

 

[Graeme1988]

 

[Graeme1988]

YouTube

 

[Hoppy]

Congratulations.

Are you ever going down again?

 

[Graeme1988]

Congratulations.

Are you ever going down again?

Aye, but I was advice by Minaj during last week's physiotherapy clinic to come down the stair on my bum, at least until I'm feeling more confident, balanced and ma legs are strong. But to keep attempting going up and down on the stairs at the bottom landing, next to my bathroom, for the time being.
He's fine with me going up the stairs, since I'm leading with my stronger left left leg. But he's a bit wary of me going down as I'm leading with my weaker right legs on the way down. And that leg needs to regain it's stength since I wasn't allowed to weight bare on it for 7 weeks.

Still, it's early days yet and I'm made quite a bit of progress. Just need to keep walking as much as I can, and doing my exercises. And working on my posture as well. Little and often, so as not to overworking myself.

But everything will come back eventually. And things should improve once I get my orthopedic trainer to wear with my splints (leg braces).

 

[Graeme1988]

Congratulations.

Are you ever going down again?

Aye, but I was advice by Minaj during last week's physiotherapy clinic to come down the stair on my bum, at least until I'm feeling more confident, balanced and ma legs are strong. But to keep attempting going up and down on the stairs at the bottom landing, next to my bathroom, for the time being.

He's fine with me going up the stairs, since I'm leading with my stronger left left leg. But he's a bit wary of me going down as I'm leading with my weaker right legs on the way down. And that leg needs to regain it's stength since I wasn't allowed to weight bare on it for 7 weeks.

Still, it's early days yet and I'm made quite a bit of progress. Just need to keep walking as much as I can, and doing my exercises. And working on my posture as well. Little and often, so as not to overworking myself.

But everything will come back eventually. And things should improve once I get my orthopedic trainer to wear with my splints (leg braces).

Though, the progress I've made with the space of just 4 months is quite impressive since I don't know if ma consultant surgeon's expectations were for my rehab and recovery, as far as the long-term goes. I wasn't given any specific goals to achieve by the end of each week or month. Other than both of us hoping for the same results.

She'll be quite surprised by my progress since last seeing me briefly in early March and pleased that I've stuck with and pushed myself in my recovery. As she rightly predicted I'd do.

 

[Graeme1988]

Hud a huge argument with ma mum last night. Aw because ah refused to answer a question she'd asked earlier that day. Don't know if ah wus a bit harsh when ah said: "Y'know you're supposed tae be the parent, right? You're the yin who should huv mair common sense than me"

She just gave me the silent treatment, spat the dummy oot, and stormed off to bed in a huff. It's always ma fault, even when ah've done nuthin', it's still ma fault. Typically f**kin' feminist behaviour. Hate that ma family cannae admit when they're in the wrong an decide tae lie to me, as if that makes things anythin' better.

Oh, and here's summit else that doesnae get said or acknowledge enough single parent mothers who identify as feminists are shite when it comes to raising boys. Mainly because they're oblivious tae just how different boys and girls are, as most feminists are.

And ah've got intae a fair few arguments with ma mum and sisters aboot this over the years, believe me. Cuz ye see, they're too busy tryin' tae figure oot just why ah don't like the same things as them - chalk it doon tae autism if ye want. But ah think it's go mair to do with how we're physically different and think differently? :idontknow:

Of course, ah could just be talkin' shite. Since ah grew up with nae positive male influence in ma life. Nae guidance as such. And, basically, hud tae figure most of things ah know out on ma own. Cuz the wimmin ma family were to busy pretending to be dumb as f**k to help me. Still amazes that ma sisters went to college, yet I'm mair sensible than either of them. No that am any smarter, ah just tend to think things through afore ah make decision or doing things.

 

[Louco]

Hud a huge argument with ma mum last night. Aw because ah refused to answer a question she'd asked earlier that day. Don't know if ah wus a bit harsh when ah said: "Y'know you're supposed tae be the parent, right? You're the yin who should huv mair common sense than me"

She just gave me the silent treatment, spat the dummy oot, and stormed off to bed in a huff. It's always ma fault, even when ah've done nuthin', it's still ma fault. Typically f**kin' feminist behaviour. Hate that ma family cannae admit when they're in the wrong an decide tae lie to me, as if that makes things anythin' better.

Oh, and here's summit else that doesnae get said or acknowledge enough single parent mothers who identify as feminists are shite when it comes to raising boys. Mainly because they're oblivious tae just how different boys and girls are, as most feminists are.

And ah've got intae a fair few arguments with ma mum and sisters aboot this over the years, believe me. Cuz ye see, they're too busy tryin' tae figure oot just why ah don't like the same things as them - chalk it doon tae autism if ye want. But ah think it's go mair to do with how we're physically different and think differently? :idontknow:

Of course, ah could just be talkin' shite. Since ah grew up with nae positive male influence in ma life. Nae guidance as such. And, basically, hud tae figure most of things ah know out on ma own. Cuz the wimmin ma family were to busy pretending to be dumb as f**k to help me. Still amazes that ma sisters went to college, yet I'm mair sensible than either of them. No that am any smarter, ah just tend to think things through afore ah make decision or doing things.

I was also raised by a single mother, I know the feeling.

Our situation was a little different though. My mother was never around, leaving me in the hands of my sadistic psychopath of older sister.

My grandmother helped a little, but she was already too old and frail to take care of me very often. She was a catholic and gave me the few guiding values I have been taught instead of learning by myself.

The thing is, I became the man I wanted to be. I still hold dear those conservative values to this day though, not because I have been indoctrinated, but because they make sense. There is good and evil, there is right and wrong, to say that everything is relative is an excuse to do not take responsability and make an effort to be a better person. This is my personal example, the important thing is to keep what is good of our uprising and forging ourselves into what we want to become. The feminine traits passed over to me, without them taking notice because they knew it would be bad for me otherwise, like being too passive, were discarded for good when I became an adult.

By the way, the religious faith, which probably was the most important thing to her, dried up and I became an atheist, something that would upset her for the remaining years of her life.

Sorry grandma, I can't believe in what I don't believe. It's not a choice. I hope you understood this...

 

[Graeme1988]

I was also raised by a single mother, I know the feeling.

Our situation was a little different though. My mother was never around, leaving me in the hands of my sadistic psychopath of older sister.

My grandmother helped a little, but she was already too old and frail to take care of me very often. She was a catholic and gave me the few guiding values I have been taught instead of learning by myself.

The thing is, I became the man I wanted to be. I still hold dear those conservative values to this day though, not because I have been indoctrinated, but because they make sense. There is good and evil, there is right and wrong, to say that everything is relative is an excuse to do not take responsability and make an effort to be a better person. This is my personal example, the important thing is to keep what is good of our uprising and forging ourselves into what we want to become. The feminine traits passed over to me, without them taking notice because they knew it would be bad for me otherwise, like being too passive, were discarded for good when I became an adult.

By the way, the religious faith, which probably was the most important thing to her, dried up and I became an atheist, something that would upset her for the remaining years of her life.

Sorry grandma, I can't believe in what I don't believe. It's not a choice. I hope you understood this...

Fair enough, it's just I was raised in a lower-middle, deeply conservative household, where male sexuality was seen as shameful and disgusting. And you'd can't express an opposing opinion cuz yer youngest in the family, therefore those older than you are always right.

Don't get me wrong I do have values that I hold dear, just didnae get any of them from ma mum. Got most of them from ma dad for the, albeit, brief period where he actually wanted to be a part of my life.

Oh, ma mum believed for a time that just because wimmin are mair likely to talk openly about their depression, that men don't suffer from it too. She also had a warped view that anyone whon wasn't family wasn't to be trust, which made makin' friends really difficult for me. Still does to this day...

Oh, and being different in anyway was look upon with contempt, so me not liking the exact same music, movies and TV shows as the rest of ma family made me very much the black sheep of the family. Being a reader doesnae help, either, since not many of my family read much.

Plus, ma mum wus well intae her 40s by the time she had me. Not exactly the ideal age to be having a 3rd child, in ma opinion.

She didnae like me much when ah wus wee, still doesnae particular like me much now, either, to be honest. She's closer with ma sisters than she is with me, which say it all, really. Don't know if ah've turned into the man ah always wanted to be, though. Or even the man that ma parents envisioned me being? Since ah got a lotta mixed and warped messages growing up. As well as pressure from ma siblings to be the person they wanted me to be, rather than the person I wanted to be.

 

[Louco]

Fair enough, it's just I was raised in a lower-middle, deeply conservative household, where male sexuality was seen as shameful and disgusting.

That's odd... I mean, over here a conservative education emphasize exactly the idea of turning the boy into a man: being strong physically, brave, ready to help who needs, able to protect your family, attractive and daring with the ladies, and so on.

But teaching these things actually is supposed to be the role of the father, my grandmother did her best to teach me only what comes from the mother side, good manners mostly, and also the christian values.

Maybe we should avoid words like that to be safe of misunderstandings? I'm also not a native English speaker, I just noticed I wrote "uprising" when I meant "upbringing", so help me here.

Don't get me wrong I do have values that I hold dear, just didnae get any of them from ma mum. Got most of them from ma dad for the, albeit, brief period where he actually wanted to be a part of my life.

I never thought you had no values my friend, I was just giving an example of something I kept from my troubled childhood, along with something that I let go.

Oh, ma mum believed for a time that just because wimmin are mair likely to talk openly about their depression, that men don't suffer from it too. She also had a warped view that anyone whon wasn't family wasn't to be trust, which made makin' friends really difficult for me. Still does to this day...

Oh, and being different in anyway was look upon with contempt, so me not liking the exact same music, movies and TV shows as the rest of ma family made me very much the black sheep of the family. Being a reader doesnae help, either, since not many of my family read much.

Plus, ma mum wus well intae her 40s by the time she had me. Not exactly the ideal age to be having a 3rd child, in ma opinion.

She didnae like me much when ah wus wee, still doesnae particular like me much now, either, to be honest. She's closer with ma sisters than she is with me, which say it all, really. Don't know if ah've turned into the man ah always wanted to be, though. Or even the man that ma parents envisioned me being? Since ah got a lotta mixed and warped messages growing up. As well as pressure from ma siblings to be the person they wanted me to be, rather than the person I wanted to be.

I see. I also happen to be the third and youngest, and my mother had me in her mid 30's.

Today I have a very nice relationship with my mother, but things were not always like this. I couldn't even begin to explain how messed up my family and my childhood was, but my mother is a good natured and understanding person, when I grew up and was able to forgive her for all the bad stuff that happened to me while she was not around (and you have no idea...) we had a fresh start.

If your mother is a good person, I really hope one day you will be able to get along well, with love and patience. I say this "if" because my father is a person who didn't care about his children starving, and my sister is a person who actually feel pleasure in making other people suffer, and I don't want and will never have anything between me and them besides a good distance. So yeah, there are such a thing as evil natured people who should be avoided at all costs, and sometimes they are in your family, but I really hope that's not the case with your mother.

I don't call anyone evil by simple personal tastes by the way, but by objective facts. Usually if said person have knowingly ruined the life of more than a couple of innocent people at least. Luckily they are an insignificant minority, most people are nice.

 

[Graeme1988]

That's odd... I mean, over here a conservative education emphasize exactly the idea of turning the boy into a man: being strong physically, brave, ready to help who needs, able to protect your family, attractive and daring with the ladies, and so on.

But teaching these things actually is supposed to be the role of the father, my grandmother did her best to teach me only what comes from the mother side, good manners mostly, and also the christian values.

Exactly. But kinda hard to teach that stuff when yer days only in yer life from the time that yer aged 15 to 23. That's a lotta stuff learn, but even then ma dad much like ma mum weren't all that interested in teach me how to be a man. More interested in me being top of the class, getting excellent grades and becoming an accountant for ma dad's business. Well, that's what dad wanted of me. Sadly, I failed.

Never really knew what my mum wanted me to become, since she never really made her expectations for me clear. Then again, she never spelt anything out clearly for me, I was expected to be a mind-reader and know what she wanted. As well as giving me "I don't know..." responses to questions or avoid the question altogether. Not to mention, the dumb advice that I follow like a fool because ah didnae realise how mentally unbalanced she was until my teens.

Maybe we should avoid words like that to be safe of misunderstandings?

I'm also not a native English speaker, I just noticed I wrote "uprising" when I meant "upbringing", so help me here.

Didn't even notice that grammatical error in yer post there. But don't worry I'm not going to start correcting you. I'm Scottish, so English isn't my native language either.

I never thought you had no values my friend, I was just giving an example of something I kept from my troubled childhood, along with something that I let go.

Oh, got'cha! :thumbup:

Don't know what I kept from my troubled childhood? To myself mostly. :bigsmile: Sorry that was an awful attempt at humour, there. h:

I see. I also happen to be the third and youngest, and my mother had me in her mid 30's.

Today I have a very nice relationship with my mother, but things were not always like this. I couldn't even begin to explain how messed up my family and my childhood was, but my mother is a good natured and understanding person, when I grew up and was able to forgive her for all the bad stuff that happened to me while she was not around (and you have no idea...) we had a fresh start.

If your mother is a good person, I really hope one day you will be able to get along well, with love and patience. I say this "if" because my father is a person who didn't care about his children starving, and my sister is a person who actually feel pleasure in making other people suffer, and I don't want and will never have anything between me and them besides a good distance. So yeah, there are such a thing as evil natured people who should be avoided at all costs, and sometimes they are in your family, but I really hope that's not the case with your mother.

I don't know, man. My mum rountinely makes herself out to be the victim whenever she does anything wrong, apparently ever wrong she has done to me has been my fault. She also delights in asking me seemingly serious question, then saying she was only joking. As well as finding fault with every thought or opinion, I utter. Or every decision I make for myself.

As well as my mother indirectly called me a usless, worthless b****rd, cuz every relatioship discuss I tried to have with her during my hormonal teen years, always went off route and end up being about her hatred of men.

Hard not read into that as a hatred of yer own son, y'know? Ah mean, if you truly love yer children ye don't given that sort of message about relationships between men and women.

Also, it hard to look at yer mother with that same love in yer eyes once she's stabbed ya for refusing to let her cut yer fingernails.

My sisters delight in mocking everything about me. And reminding me just how weird and different I am from them in terms of my personal tastes.

And my dad, well, he passed away 4 years ago now, but he wasn't a particular nice person, either. He actually disowned one of my step-sisters because he felt she should still be working, despite her leukemia diagnosis. Ironically, like his eldest daughter, he died from cancer too.

So, living in love and peace is a long way off between me and my mother. To be perfectly honest, I'd rather be on my own. Since my family just give me nuthin' but grief for being a shy, quiet, unopinionated, simple man who prefers his own company.

I don't call anyone evil by simple personal tastes by the way, but by objective facts. Usually if said person have knowingly ruined the life of more than a couple of innocent people at least. Luckily they are an insignificant minority, most people are nice.

You go by their words and actions, yeah?

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, that wus has handled in a mature manner. Here's whit just occured a few hours ago.

Now, tell me whether ah wus too rude or wrong to react to my mum's behaviour in the way ah did... Don't worry ah won't rely with a rage filled rant. Just want yer honest opinion, that's aw.

Right, so me an mum are getting ready for bed, it's just after 10 o'clock at night. Ah tell her I'll be leaving the laptop on overnight, as there were updates installing. And ah wus just in middle of finishing a thread post for this site. Then this incident happens....

Mum: "How long will ye be? Ah want tae git tae ma bed as well."
Me: "Aye, shouldnae be long. Just let me finishing typing this up, an ah'll go straight to bed. Okay?
Mum: "Can ye give an exact time as tae how much longer you'll be?"
Me: "Ah don't know... It's just about done, any way"​

Then she just standing in the doorway of my room gawking at me...

Me: "D'ye mind?"
Mum: "What?! Am daein anything!"
Me: "Yer just standing there staring at me... It's off-putting"
Mum: "Am waitin' fur you tae hurry up, so we cun baith git tae bed"
Me: "Sorry, ah cannae type any faster"
Mum: "Just hurry up!"​

By this point she still standing there, watching me like a f**kin' hawk. Then I calmly and politely ask...

Me: "Could you please go and read for a minute, yer really distracting me standing there"
Mum: "Oh! So it's dae as am telt, is it?! Ya treat me like f**kin' wean, so ye dae!"
Me: "Fur f**k sake! Ah telt ye that ah wouldnae be long, didn't ah? An ah'd huv got this type quicker if you didnae keep askin' questions an gawkin' at me. D'ye ken how uncomfy it is - huvin somebuddy lookin' oor yer shoulder as yer tryin' to do summit? D'ye, eh?! Aw, the old silent treatment, is it? Fine, be like that, then"​

Then as ah get intae bed and settled doon, this happens...

Me: "Ah'll be huvin a long lie the morn, so if Sus..."
Mum: "Oh, suit yer f**kin' sel' !"

And she just storms off to her bed. By this point ah wus still pissed off, so ah just went off on her. Raising ma just loud enough so she could hear me.​

Me: "Thanks for interruptin' me mid-sentence an stormin' off like that. Y'know, mum? Yer attitude better seriously f**kin' change. Cuz I am fed up with it. If ye wanted behave like a child, ah'll happily treat ye like yin. It's your choice"
Mum: "Whit were ye going to say before..."
Me: "Nuthin', it wus'nae anythin' important"
Mum: "Tell me..."
Me: "It doesnae matter..."
Mum: "C'mon, please tell me"
Me: "Ugh! Would you please f**k off n' go to bed"
Mum: "Don't swear at me!"
Me: "Didn't you just swear at me, just a second ago?"
Mum: "Aye, but that wus different, ah didnae mean it"
Me: "F**k off" And, on that note, she leave ma room.​

Now, I'm fully aware that ah might be just as in the wrong here. But in ma defence, ah tried to be reasonable with her, and was polite until the point where she snapped at me.