Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

Ye dinnae half appreciate sleepin' in yer ain bed when you've spent a week spendin' in somebuddy else's bed.

Ah, well that's ma sister's visit over. Her an' ma brother-in-law 're back in Ireland. A week of constant greetin' an' moanin' - and ma baby niece wus tha same. :bigsmile: Naw, ah'm only jokin'... It wus good to see them.

And ah still feel really awkward when asked whit ah've been up tae if ah huv'nae seen somebuddy for a while because... Well, ah'm borin'. Honestly, borin'. And ah dinnae git up tae much.

 

[Graeme1988]

Hiya folks.

Eh, you've probably no doubt noticed that ah finally modified ma avatar on here tae summit a bit mair appropriate. :bigsmile:

Awrighty, anyway, that's no' whit ah wanted tae talk aboot. Ah actually wanted tae say summit regarding Scottish people in general - didnae worry it's nuthin' offence, afore any Glaswegians start takin' umbrage an' givin' me any jib.

Mibbe it's jist me, but huv ye notice how some Scottish folk - ah say some because ah don't speak Gaelic fluently enough tae speak for all of Scotland - insist oan writin' in their native tongue aw tha f**kin' time? Funny that, innit? It's almost like their proud o' their unique dialect.

Right, that's tha closest ah'll every git tae observational humour without developing a considerable cocaine habit.

Jist thought ah'd clarify ma reasons fur typin' in ma ain dialect oan here. Now that ah've stop laughin' at you c*nts who were still bemused by it. No' that ah need tae justify it, ah jist thought ah'd enlight anybuddy whose still wonderin' why ah write this way.

Jist in case any uh youse thought ah wus dyslexic or summit. Naw, only jokin', ah'm jist thick as f**k!

 

[NamiraWilhelm]

Too right Graeme!

 

[Graeme1988]

Huvin a panic attack for no apparent reason, hate when that happens - especially when yer in the house on yer ain.

Get tae fu...! Sorry, that's ma internal dialogue aboot tae start ragin'.

 

[Graeme1988]

By tha way, an' mibbe it's just me, but does anybuddy feel really anxious whenever you've got to a doctor's appointment or any medical related (hospital checkup, surgeries), ah do. Ah never use to, which is weird - but then ye cannae comprehend much medical lingo when yer three years old, can ye?

Ah don't why, but see when ye sittin' in that chair or lyin' doon on that bed where they examine ye an' they start raising it up... F**kin' hell, ah git vertigo, so ah dae. Probably doesnae help that they're no' exactly design tae make ye comfortable. Ah even get anxious goin' tae tha podiatrist for tha same reason.

Nae idea why ah'm tellin' ye this, like, jist summit that's bin oan ma mind, lately. Coz ah've still no' heard when ah'll be going fur ma orthopedic surgery, yet. Also, ah dinnae really like stayin' in hospital efter ye huv the surgery. Ah mean, ah git why they huv tae keep ye in a while, ah jist wish the food wus a bit better.

Though, it's been well over 10 years since ah last stay in a hospital overnight, so mibbe the food gotten better, ah don't know. Oh, an' here a tip, if yer feelin' hungry after ye come outta surgery, drink summit instead, if yer allowed tae. Didnae make tha same mistake ah did an' eat two tuna sandwiches yer mum brought in for yer lunch then lie tae tha nurse by sayin' ye huv'nae ate anythin'.... Then ye git another sandwich tae eat on way hame. :bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

How um ah unwillin' tae learn, if you cannae be bother makin' an effort tae teach me, eh? Though, tae be fair, yer hardly yin tae lead by example, are ye? But then, ma opinion uh you as a parent and a person are a lot tae be desire, believe you me.

Twisted ma wirds aw ye want, but, at the end o' tha day, tha sooner you start take responsibility for yer wirds an' actions tha better. Instead of constantly place tha blame oan me. Nae wonder ah want tae distance masel' fae you.

 

[Graeme1988]

Sometimes, ah feel like me askin' tae be treated as an equal is too much tae ask.
Even askin' fur summit simple is askin' too much uh some folk.

 

[Graeme1988]

Just f _ _ kin' kill me noo. Goan, pit me outta ma misery ! C'mawn, ye'd be daein me a favour.

Ah mean, it's no' like ah got huv much tae live fur, anyway - or much goin' fur me. Funny, smart, an' guid lookin', ye say? Aye, but only compared tae somebuddy like Katie Hopkins.

Anyway, ah'm still co-dependent oan people ah've come tae f _ _ kin' loathe ower tha last 14 years o' ma life because o' ma physical disability. Despite me actually wantin' tae be as independent as possible. But, oh naw, mammy will'nae allow it because she still wants tae feel needed. Or is that controlling an' manipulative? :thinking: It gits awfy hard tae tell tha difference efter a while.

Ah supposed it could be worse, ah mean, imagine if they didnae cut tha f _ _ kin' cord?

Also, being tha f _ _ kin' "sensible yin" in a dysfunctional family full o' nutters is nae picnic, either - believe you me. Ye tend tae staun oot like a bullimic at a Weight Watchers weight-in session. But then that's yer typically Scottish family upbringing if yer poor as f _ _ k an' come fae a deprived area.

Ah mean, ah'm as mental as the next Scottish person - unless yer fae Greenock. :sarcastic: But, at least, ah tried tae no' makin' blantly obvious that ah'm a few slices short o' a full loaf, y'know whit ah mean?

 

[Graeme1988]

Hiya, ye awright, aye...? I'm no' - but that's seems tae be a common 'hing wi' me. Cannae dae anythin' right. Constantly be telt there's summit wrong wi me. Aye, ah know cerebral palsy, slight learning disability, depression an' anxiety.

Ah don't know... Look ah've jist got tae a point where endin' it aw would be a great relief. Does that seem selfish uh me?

Ah've just hud enough. Enough o' being criticism for no' being like tha rest o' ma family. Enough o' being asked if there's summit wrong when I'm being "awfy quiet". Hud enough o' constantly be telt I'm weird. Fed up o' ma oldest sister if she said summit tae upset me. Ye mean aside fae aw those times ye comparing me to a racial stereotype? Because insultin' somebuddy appearance is always a good laugh. Naw! Ye huv'nae said anything.

Some folk just dinnae belong in this world - me being yin o' them. :sad:

 

[Hoppy]

Sorry, there is not much I can offer except my good wishes.

"There's naething here but Highland pride,
And Highland scab and hunger;
If Providence has sent me here,
'Twas surely in an anger."

 

[Hoppy]

Sorry, there is not much I can offer except my good wishes.

And if you ever get to South Africa I will give you a bed and food.

(Terms and conditions apply.)

"There's naething here but Highland pride,
And Highland scab and hunger;
If Providence has sent me here,
'Twas surely in an anger."

 

[Graeme1988]

Sorry, there is not much I can offer except my good wishes.

And if you ever get to South Africa I will give you a bed and food.

(Terms and conditions apply.)

Thanks fur tha offer, Hoppy. :thumbup: And that Rabbie Burns verse did make me smile, ah must say. Huv'nae read any o' his poetry in years.

 

[Graeme1988]

Sorry ah cannae be mair social or talkative. But tha fact o' that matter is ah've never bin yin tae yap aboot masel' or enjoy huv aw eyes oan me. Ah didnae even 'hink ah'm aw that. Ah'm no' that funny or interestin'. Ah mean, ah'm nuthin' special. Quite boring in fact.

 

[Graeme1988]

Is it possible tae actually be happy on yer own...? :idontknow:

 

[theslowesthand]

Sorry ah cannae be mair social or talkative. But tha fact o' that matter is ah've never bin yin tae yap aboot masel' or enjoy huv aw eyes oan me. Ah didnae even 'hink ah'm aw that. Ah'm no' that funny or interestin'. Ah mean, ah'm nuthin' special. Quite boring in fact.

But on the positive side of things:
- you ARE a "child of God" (just like every other human being out there)
- you have some UNIQUE/SPECIAL traits/qualities that not many people have
- you are a "character"! (he he)
- not viewing yourself as special (altho i said that above) is a good thing, as it shows your ego has diminished somewhat (may be termed "humbleness" which is a good (& godly as well) trait to have developed .. if you devlop that humbleness sufficiently, it can be one essential tool to use with the trials of life, say to never ever be offended again by people's remarks, as you know its not them but their ego-identity thats doing the talking)
- you are loveable (in spite of all the "stick"/etc you get from family/etc; they love you, but perhaps are afraid to usually show it in a "nice" way? thats just the way way they are able to express their love & affection towards you; one ex-gangster's fist had words "L-O-V-E" tattoed on his knuckes - he believed that violence = the way to show love; my family almost never hugged, & very low-key expression of love to one another; being laughed at also, is i think a form of affection, as laughter brings people together .. so you need to laugh WITH them, thats i think their main intention deep-down (ie love/afection, not fear/hostility)
- i think you'll find you have some reaaly "deep" qualities that few few people have
- we are all special in the unique sense, yet we also are all non-special (each like 1 grain of sand in beach)
- you can see ALL of your "negative" aspects as "positive" (or at least not so negative), if you so choose. eg if some people find you boring, turn it around to "it takes two to tango" (ie its not just you having not much to say, but also THEM not having the mental skills to FIND sth to talk about with you, as they most likely require "interesting" to be "handed on a plater" to them, & never having to "work at" gleaning the interesting from things, that is they are shallow people)
- ... (thats WAY more than enough for now! hehe)

 

[theslowesthand]

Is it possible tae actually be happy on yer own...? :idontknow:

From my many years of experience with isolation, my take on it is:
- if you're a well-developed & enlightened yogi/master/etc, then being happy alone is a quite attainable (mind you, they're "above" hapiness (as its a dual-state thing: hapiness<->unhapiness) .. but they live constantly in a PERMAMENT state of hapiness - that is, joy; they don't "enjoy" things briefly, only returning immediately to non-enjoying, but they STAY in a state of "joy" at all times .. which is i would say definately superior to what we term "hapiness" in this modern world)
- but for the majority of people, tryng to be happy alone (by that i mean live life as hermit, not being single) is a constant battle, & i think you end up with "substitutions" for your deep human needs of real company (such as tv, music, reading) .. but those substitutions don't always work, so you might then feel the loneliness that you keep running from (as you are not "enlightened", "at one with god/universe", etc)

 

[Graeme1988]

But on the positive side of things:
- you ARE a "child of God" (just like every other human being out there)
- you have some UNIQUE/SPECIAL traits/qualities that not many people have
- you are a "character"! (he he)
- not viewing yourself as special (altho i said that above) is a good thing, as it shows your ego has diminished somewhat (may be termed "humbleness" which is a good (& godly as well) trait to have developed .. if you devlop that humbleness sufficiently, it can be one essential tool to use with the trials of life, say to never ever be offended again by people's remarks, as you know its not them but their ego-identity thats doing the talking)
- you are loveable (in spite of all the "stick"/etc you get from family/etc; they love you, but perhaps are afraid to usually show it in a "nice" way? thats just the way way they are able to express their love & affection towards you; one ex-gangster's fist had words "L-O-V-E" tattoed on his knuckes - he believed that violence = the way to show love; my family almost never hugged, & very low-key expression of love to one another; being laughed at also, is i think a form of affection, as laughter brings people together .. so you need to laugh WITH them, thats i think their main intention deep-down (ie love/afection, not fear/hostility)
- i think you'll find you have some reaaly "deep" qualities that few few people have
- we are all special in the unique sense, yet we also are all non-special (each like 1 grain of sand in beach)

Well, ah don't if this counts, but ah've never really been yin tae brag aboot the things I'm good at, like I'm the best or stuff like that. Since ah've never really saw masel' as superior or better.

Ah mean, aye, I'm a pretty decent guitar player but ah don't think I'm, like, better than anybuddy else at it. Ah mean practice an' ye become skilled at anythin'.

Also, I'm still tryin' tae get comfy wi' the idea o' being laughed at. Ah guess the bullyin' ah endure during ma school years has left a lasting impression?

- you can see ALL of your "negative" aspects as "positive" (or at least not so negative), if you so choose. eg if some people find you boring, turn it around to "it takes two to tango" (ie its not just you having not much to say, but also THEM not having the mental skills to FIND sth to talk about with you, as they most likely require "interesting" to be "handed on a plater" to them, & never having to "work at" gleaning the interesting from things, that is they are shallow people)
- ... (thats WAY more than enough for now! hehe)

So, basically it's like when I'm expect me to be funny all the time? It's so they don't have to make an effort being equally as funny - if that makes sense? Or if someone's really interesting they'll carry the bulk of a conversation because the other person might feel they haven't got much to contribute. Mibbe that last yin's a shite example?

From my many years of experience with isolation, my take on it is:
- if you're a well-developed & enlightened yogi/master/etc, then being happy alone is a quite attainable (mind you, they're "above" hapiness (as its a dual-state thing: hapiness<->unhapiness) .. but they live constantly in a PERMAMENT state of hapiness - that is, joy; they don't "enjoy" things briefly, only returning immediately to non-enjoying, but they STAY in a state of "joy" at all times .. which is i would say definately superior to what we term "hapiness" in this modern world)
- but for the majority of people, tryng to be happy alone (by that i mean live life as hermit, not being single) is a constant battle, & i think you end up with "substitutions" for your deep human needs of real company (such as tv, music, reading) .. but those substitutions don't always work, so you might then feel the loneliness that you keep running from (as you are not "enlightened", "at one with god/universe", etc)

That's true.

Jeezoh! You dinnae half haver oan with aw that enlightenment/philosphy stuff, d'ye?
Nae offence intended there - it's buckin' great, makes fur interestin' readin'. :bigsmile:

 

[theslowesthand]

Well, ah don't if this counts, but ah've never really been yin tae brag aboot the things I'm good at, like I'm the best or stuff like that. Since ah've never really saw masel' as superior or better.

I always flip-flopped constantly between inferior & superior, which was really stressful & upsetting. It's the ego that always is struggling with inferiority/superiority. If you can get past all that, then that's a better place to be.

Also, I'm still tryin' tae get comfy wi' the idea o' being laughed at. Ah guess the bullyin' ah endure during ma school years has left a lasting impression?

I think it's a hard (but not impossible) task to get over reacting to people's laughter at you, if you were ridiculed/etc during childhood/teenhood.

So, basically it's like when I'm expect me to be funny all the time? It's so they don't have to make an effort being equally as funny - if that makes sense?

I think it's just easier for them, to let you "entertain" them. Also, people like to have a good laugh, as it relaxes them.

Jeezoh! You dinnae half haver oan with aw that enlightenment/philosphy stuff, d'ye?
Nae offence intended there - it's buckin' great, makes fur interestin' readin'. :bigsmile:

Yeaaah .. it's just the "way i roll" these days. I'm a fair wee bit of an obsessive type, esp with details, maybe you can tell? lol :thumbup:

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah dinnae feel like ah fit in anywhere within today's society, or society in general. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]