Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

Ah give up. :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Nothing I do will ever be good enough. :sad:

 

[theslowesthand]

Things huv'nae been good, lately. It seems ah wake up a miserable basturd an' go tae bed feelin' tha same way. :sad:

Ah don't know, really... Ah guess ah've just accepted ma lot in life. Nuthin' gonnae change, so don't hope for it
...
But in terms of emotional development, nah! Didnae make that much o' an effort, really. Ah think ah was very much the after-thought in most ways. Ah mean, a parent should help their kids through the difficults times. If the best advice you can give is just to ignore somethin'... Then, yer pretty much a shit parent in ma book. Because that's sayin' "Don't solve problems by confronting them and, eh, mibbe growing as a person an' learning a valuable lesson. Naw, naw - run fae yer problems! Leg it an' don't look back."

Great, innit? Nane o' that pish aboot "learn from this experience an' be a better person as a result". Because who needs that in their lives, eh? Naebuddy. Well, it's handy if ye want to be a good person or yer well intae eastern philosophy. Which, clearly, ah'm no' - the eastern philosophy bit, ah mean.

It's quite sad, really. To feel unloved, unwanted an' pushed away. Ah guess, ah dinnae want tae git close to people outta fear, they'll push me away eventually, or ah'll do it to them.

I can relate much to all the above. I'm kinda resigned to a lifetime of misery, and am really just waiting for death to take me away. But until that happens, i am of course waiting, effectively postphoning my end, and so i keep on trying & hoping. Often i feel at ~95% hopelessness, other times i have a glimmer or little bit of hope, depending i guess on my mood (have biploar manic or sth).

You're not into eastern religion, so what about metaphysics?. A good site i'm studying is Iasos - Some of Bashar's core Concepts (see "Neutral Props"; assigning positive meaning to all events, not negative meanings). Also has good stuff on beliefs, law of attraction, purpose, etc. Might be worth a read, just for intrest if nout else, yeah?

So, hang in there bud...
(i've gotten thru my sh*t times with depression, so can then you :thumbup

 

[Graeme1988]

I can relate much to all the above. I'm kinda resigned to a lifetime of misery, and am really just waiting for death to take me away.

Aye, same here.

But until that happens, i am of course waiting, effectively postphoning my end, and so i keep on trying & hoping. Often i feel at ~95% hopelessness, other times i have a glimmer or little bit of hope, depending i guess on my mood (have biploar manic or sth).

Ah'm like that, sometimes. But it's rare. If yer happy ye git asked: "Whit's wrang wi' you?!". If yer no' happy ye git asked tha same bliddy question. h: But then being fae a country know fur tha expression: "Abandon aw hope ye who enter" or "Scotland Welcomes You", as tha sign says. :bigsmile:

You're not into eastern religion, so what about metaphysics?. A good site i'm studying is Iasos - Some of Bashar's core Concepts (see "Neutral Props"; assigning positive meaning to all events, not negative meanings). Also has good stuff on beliefs, law of attraction, purpose, etc. Might be worth a read, just for intrest if nout else, yeah?

Whoa, haud oan a minute pal! Ah didnae say ah wus'nae intae eastern religion. Aye, mibbe no' intitally. But noo ah've actually got quite intae Zen Buddhism. Well, ah've read a few books.

Though, ah dinnae 'hink ah'm a brainy enough c*nt tae comprehend it aw, really - even tha metaphysics. No' infuring it's a load o' pish, jist that aw tha info tends tae make me go:

"Eh...?!"

So, hang in there bud...
(i've gotten thru my sh*t times with depression, so can then you)

Aye, here's hopin'. Whit helped you git thru tha crappy, miserable depressions? Y'know tha yins where ye can barely drag yer arse ootae bed in tha mornin'? Ye feel irritatible an' cannae be bother wi' anythin'.

Though, that said, it'd be nice if ah wus'nae aroon ma pessimistic folk aw tha time, y'know? Ye tend tae be mair depressed when yer aroon a depressive parent. Ah mean, ah know us Scots ure known fur bein' dour-faced, miserable, tight-arsed basturd but cheer tha f**k up! Merely an observation. Ah'm no' sayin' ah'm aboot tae kick tha chair oot fae under me. :sarcastic:

 

[NamiraWilhelm]

The way you type is so charming, yet I have so much trouble reading it xD

 

[Graeme1988]

The way you type is so charming, yet I have so much trouble reading it xD

Ah'll, eh, take that as a compliment. Charming yet incomprehensible... Aye, that sums up tha Scottish accent perfectly. :sarcastic:

 

[Graeme1988]

That feelin' when yur mind just goes completely blank and ye cannae process yur own thoughts - f**kin' awful, innit?

Talk aboot embarrassing... D'oh! h:

 

[theslowesthand]

Though, ah dinnae 'hink ah'm a brainy enough c*nt tae comprehend it aw, really - even tha metaphysics. No' infuring it's a load o' pish, jist that aw tha info tends tae make me go: "Eh...?!"

The Iasos site is "channelled" knowledge, and is quite "light" metaphysics - easily to understand. Eg...

The Feed-Back Loop:
your Beliefs ===> your Perception of reality ===> your Feelings ===> your Thoughts, which then reinforce the original Beliefs

Neutral Props
Beliefs ==> Perception ==> Interpretation ==> Emotional reaction ==> Thoughts ==> Action

Positive Interpretation ==> Positive Desireable Experience
Negative Interpretation ==> Negative Undesireable Experience

If an event occurs to you that you would normally automatically assign a negative meaning to
("This is a real bummer!"), choose to assign a positive meaning to that event - even if it "appears" negative and you do not yet know what is so positive about it. Just by assigning a positive meaning to this event and choosing to believe there is something really "good" about this for you, this will produce an experience that you will consider quite positive! Try it! Next time you think "This is just terrible!", turn it around and believe "This is really positive! This is really going to be good! I can't wait to find out what is positive about it!" You may even be startled by how effectively this works.

Hard to do?
Okay, try this:

"Okay, I know this looks just terrible. But I don't care! I am now going to DECIDE that this is JUST GREAT! (even though I can't imagine ANYTHING great about it!) I'm not going to "hope" it's great. I'm not going to "pray" that it's great. I am going to DECIDE that it's great, and I know that sooner or later, I will discover what is so wonderful about it."

First time you see this work, it will STUN you!
It's like *Magic*! It's like reality transforming right before your eyes.

Aye, here's hopin'. Whit helped you git thru tha crappy, miserable depressions? Y'know tha yins where ye can barely drag yer arse ootae bed in tha mornin'? Ye feel irritatible an' cannae be bother wi' anythin'.

I'm afraid i can't offer a real reliable solution as yet, as am presently not managing to arise in the morning, and when do arise it's a real struggle to do sweet-f*ck-all. I just don't wanna do nout. So it's very much a work-in-progress, again, in my Nth stretch in the sea of depression/misery/despair. I'm just trying to search for the answers, every single day. At present, am looking into law of attraction, beliefs, thoughts i think, etc. Am thinking that our INNER lives has far greater influence on our OUTER lives than i used to believe.

Though, that said, it'd be nice if ah wus'nae aroon ma pessimistic folk aw tha time, y'know? Ye tend tae be mair depressed when yer aroon a depressive parent

Yeah, its true that pessimism is "contagious", but also is optimism. Whatever the case, you "feed" off each other's energy/vibes/etc, gaining more of the same.

 

[NamiraWilhelm]

Ah'll, eh, take that as a compliment. Charming yet incomprehensible... Aye, that sums up tha Scottish accent perfectly. :sarcastic:

It is a compliment! Definitely charming, the incomprehensible part is my own failure. Though you've made me disappointed in all your kin, you're the only Scot I've encountered that types this way!

 

[Graeme1988]

It is a compliment!

Ah know...

Definitely charming, the incomprehensible part is my own failure. Though you've made me disappointed in all your kin, you're the only Scot I've encountered that types this way!

Awww, dinnae be disappointed. At least, y'know yin Scot who types in his ain accent - even if it's jist me. :bigsmile:

Ah mean, aye, it's rare. But some Scots actually do type in tha native accent/dialect. Ah'd assume mainly Glaswegian Scots because only they come away wi' such brilliantly comic insult as...

"Away an' fling hot pish at yurself!" :bigsmile: Which is a belter o' an insult.​

But ye do find 'em, occassional on Scottish-related comedy videos on YouTube (ie Frankie Boyle videos or the sitcom Still Game, for example).

Though, ah think some Scots dinnae writin' their dialect because it's looked down upon in some social circles, y'know? Yer middle-class Scots don't really use Scots dialect wirds that often. Whereas it follows mair naturally wi' yer working-class Scots.

Also, another thing you'll notice is if Scots are aroon other Scots, they tended tae slip intae tha dialect quite quickly. Whereas a Scot, if around other people of a different nationality tend tae try an' use proper English, in an attempt to be understood. And end up soundin' like total fannies, sometimes. :bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

The Iasos site is "channelled" knowledge, and is quite "light" metaphysics - easily to understand. Eg...

The Feed-Back Loop:
your Beliefs ===> your Perception of reality ===> your Feelings ===> your Thoughts, which then reinforce the original Beliefs

Neutral Props
Beliefs ==> Perception ==> Interpretation ==> Emotional reaction ==> Thoughts ==> Action

Positive Interpretation ==> Positive Desireable Experience
Negative Interpretation ==> Negative Undesireable Experience

If an event occurs to you that you would normally automatically assign a negative meaning to
("This is a real bummer!"), choose to assign a positive meaning to that event - even if it "appears" negative and you do not yet know what is so positive about it. Just by assigning a positive meaning to this event and choosing to believe there is something really "good" about this for you, this will produce an experience that you will consider quite positive! Try it! Next time you think "This is just terrible!", turn it around and believe "This is really positive! This is really going to be good! I can't wait to find out what is positive about it!" You may even be startled by how effectively this works.

Hard to do?
Okay, try this:

"Okay, I know this looks just terrible. But I don't care! I am now going to DECIDE that this is JUST GREAT! (even though I can't imagine ANYTHING great about it!) I'm not going to "hope" it's great. I'm not going to "pray" that it's great. I am going to DECIDE that it's great, and I know that sooner or later, I will discover what is so wonderful about it."

First time you see this work, it will STUN you!
It's like *Magic*! It's like reality transforming right before your eyes.

So, just think positive? Easier said than done when ye struggle wi' pretty bad depression an' anxiety, like ah do. But ah know it's not impossible.

I'm afraid i can't offer a real reliable solution as yet, as am presently not managing to arise in the morning, and when do arise it's a real struggle to do sweet-f*ck-all. I just don't wanna do nout.

Aye, same here. Though, ah realise this cycle cannae go oan forever. Gotta break oot uh it, eventually.

So it's very much a work-in-progress, again, in my Nth stretch in the sea of depression/misery/despair. I'm just trying to search for the answers, every single day. At present, am looking into law of attraction, beliefs, thoughts i think, etc. Am thinking that our INNER lives has far greater influence on our OUTER lives than i used to believe.

Yeah, its true that pessimism is "contagious", but also is optimism. Whatever the case, you "feed" off each other's energy/vibes/etc, gaining more of the same.

So, ye git whit ya pit oot, basically? If you're happy, other people around ye will be as well and vice-versa.

 

[theslowesthand]

So, just think positive? Easier said than done when ye struggle wi' pretty bad depression an' anxiety, like ah do. But ah know it's not impossible

Yep. You gotta "fake it till you make it". You can CHOOSE whether you view things as positive or negative, & by how much a degree of.

There is no "basic" reality that is any "more real" than any other reality.
There are only the realities generated by any belief.

That is, nothing is truly positive or negative, but it's only by our beliefs that we assign it as positive or negative; ie we can choose how to "judge" events, that is, what we focus on, and therfore how we react to these events.

Aye, same here. Though, ah realise this cycle cannae go oan forever. Gotta break oot uh it, eventually

It seems like if i doen't break out of it myself, then things just get worse and worse until i cannot bear to stay in bed all the time, so it kinda "forces" me to (want to) break out of it. Nothing lasts forever. It is just another temporary "cycle" or "phase", which we must by its nature exit sooner or later (but hopefully ASAP, as it's actually very unhealthy to be constantly idle, as i've found out)

So, ye git whit ya pit oot, basically? If you're happy, other people around ye will be as well and vice-versa

Yeah, thats about the sum of it

Ya gotta realise that the thoughts/feelings you have (eg concerning them), will reach others by way of its energy field, and then they react to this energy field which they receive, by pretty much having very similar types of thoughts/feelings, which they then "send" back to you by way of associated energy field (or vibration/vibe). And so you end up thinking/feeling more of the same of what you originally were thinking/feeling.

 

[Graeme1988]

Hullo! Aw, it's good tae be back... :bigsmile:

Anyway, ah huv'nae bin up tae much, lately. Spent last Friday night oot in Carlisle, hud a ticket to a comedy show and decided tae leave the hoose fur a wee while. In case yer wonderin' ah hud a ticket to see Omid Djalili. Mer him after the show and got a signed copy of his autobiography as well.

Overall, it was a good night, a great laugh - so very funny questions during encore of the show. Cumbrian might be a bit mental but they are also very funny.

Eh, what else... Oh! On a rather sombre but ironic note ah got a letter fae the solicitors sayin' ah'm entitled tae claim part of ma late father's estate - three thousand pound. Ma da wus a stingy c*nt when it came tae partin' wi' his dosh, so... That amount is surprising. Mind you, it makes a changes fae the occassional fiver or tenner ah'd git fae him during ma birthday or Christmas, if he managed tae remember.

Equally surprising wus ma surname being misspelt. Only tae fin oot it's ma actual surname but ma mum hud it changed tae summit mair pronounceable.

Kinda feel slightly guilty aboot the amount o' money ah'm gittin'. Mainly because ah dinnae feel ah deserve it, since ah didnae really know ma dad aw that well.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah feel as though ah've relapsed... That's whit happens when ye spend a weekend oot in Leith. Naw, ah'm jist kiddin'.

Awright, jokes aside, ah feel as though ah've relapsed back intae a bad habit in terms of not being as independent as ah could be. Because ma family insist oan daein stuff fur me because o' ma disability. It's quite frustratin'. :kickingmyself: Ah've gotten lazy an' used tae no' takin' charge. Or mibbe ah've jist gotten used tae no' being taken seriously? :idontknow: You'll notice how ah didnae turn this post intae a series o' darkly humourous jokes aboot tha pit falls o' being a junkie. :bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

British accents seduce the world - but which is the most attractive? - BT

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah dinnae think ma life story'll huv a happy ending. Or mibbe it will...? Ah don't know, really. Jist lately things huv'nae bin aw that good. Ah feel like detached fae everythin'. Things ah used tae enjoy or take an interest in are kinda naff, at best. Any remaining natural talents ah have or hud has evaporated like cat's piss oan a hot tin roof.

Ah jist feel in a rut the noo, forced tae be aroon folk who huv long since stopped makin' me happy but ah guess ah huv nae choice but tae keep them around since ah rely upon them. That's tha downside o' being physically disabled ye rely on folk a bit too much.

Ah don't know ah guess I'm just tired of having to fake it all the time. Ah've really like the idea of "fake it til ya make it", masel'. Ah mean it's fine if ye want win an Academy Award or a BAFTA but no' much especially. Pretendin' tae be somebuddy yer no' doesnae really work in tha long term, kinda like how pretendin' tae be happy just make ye mair depressed. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah don't what ah'll do wi' that money I'm gettin' fae ma dad's estate. Over 3 thosand, one hundred pounds. Wise thing would be tae save it up an' keep addin' to it so ah can finally afford a place of ma ain. Or ah could blow the lot on guitar related stuff, like effects pedals? Which would be tempting, but no' worth it.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah've always hud issue with the expression "There's light at tha end o' tha tunnel", mainly ah keep expectin' an' hopin' a train hits me. Is that too dark a joke tae be makin' where yer feelin' depressed? :sad:

Well, it's apt since ah kinda hud enough o' livin'. Ma life's crap, the only 'hing o' an encouragin' nature is tha fact ah've managed tae maintain a sense uh humour despite ma depressing life thus far.

Mibbe ah wus'nae meant fur this world, y'know? Bein' aw nice an' treatin' folk as equal - who tha f**k wants tae live in a world like that, anyway?

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah wish ah hud some life aboot me. Lately ah jist cannae be arsed wi' anythin'. Everythin' takes an effort.

Still don't know whit ah actually want tae do wi' ma life. Ah'm nearly 30 tae, gittin' tae that age where it becomes mair difficult tae make an' maintain friendships. No' that ah've hud a great deal uh luck in that area.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ma memory's been aw ower tha place, lately. Becomin' forgetful, huvin a hard time rememberin' anaw, even tha smallest 'hing, like rememberin' if ah did summit ah wus supposed tae. Need tae git that sorted afore startin' becomin' a recurrin' worsening problem.