Och aye the noo

Huv'nae really got much tae say... Nuthin' new there. Bin in awfy thrawn mood lately. :sad:

Ah don't know, ah guess ah'm jist at a point where ah'm no' sure whit tae dae wi' ma life. :idontknow:

In hindsight, ah really should've got help fur ma problems 10 years ago, especially ma depression. Because when ah wuz 16 that when things started gan doonhill fur me. But ma family didnae take me seriously enough tae actually git me the help ah needed. Y'know despite me being quite open aboot ma feelin's at the time. Efter a while, ah stopped openin' up because ah got fed up wi' ma family laughin' at me whenever ah'd answer the question as tae how ah wuz feelin' in a deadpan tone uh voice.

Probably, should uh posted summit mair positive or amusin', but ah've been think aboot a lot uh things frae ma past, lately.
 
Why dae ma family insist on forcin' their expections uh me?

Plus, ah dinnae want the responsibility o' lookin' efter someone else - no' tae sound cruel - but ah huv a hard enough time lookin' efter masel'. Me bein' an uncle? Naw, yer awright - ah'm better off on ma ain. Though, ah feel they'd be better off withoot me, tae be honest. :sad:
 
Being an uncle is just a part time job, in my experience. You can play with them and then put them back on the shelf when you're done. I view this as the ideal relationship with small children. :bigsmile:

Speaking of nothing that you were talking about, as our resident Scot, could you explain to me why there's such a dearth of bagpipes in rock? Can you? It's a freakin' crime.

It's like it peaked with this

AC/DC-It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock 'N' Roll) - HD BEST AUDIO QUALITY 1975 - YouTube

and then we didn't get much after. :thumbdown:
 
Being an uncle is just a part time job, in my experience. You can play with them and then put them back on the shelf when you're done. I view this as the ideal relationship with small children.
Aw, thank Christ fur that! Ah could pit up wi' huvin' tae be aroon wee bairns constantly. Ooops, ah'm fair geein' it laldy wi' aw the Scots words. Och! Read ma recent post frae a few days ago aboot that book ah yappin' aboot.

Sorry, ah digressed there fur a wee minute...

Speaking of nothing that you were talking about, as our resident Scot, could you explain to me why there's such a dearth of bagpipes in rock? Can you? It's a freakin' crime.

It's like it peaked with this

AC/DC-It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock 'N' Roll) - HD BEST AUDIO QUALITY 1975 - YouTube

and then we didn't get much after. :thumbdown:
Oh, ya beauty, thanks fur the unofficial title, by the way. Anyway, tae answer yer question: Ah huv'nae got a clue, pal.


Could huv summit tae do wi' some folk no' likin' the sound o' the bagpipes - especially folk in Edinburgh. :bigsmile: Only jokin', well, kinda....

Also, ah think the bagpipes would need tae fit the song in order fur them to be used as best they can, if ye git whit ah'm sayin'?

Aside from AC/DC, Rod Stewart is probably the only other musician who uses bagpipes in a few of his songs. Oh! And Jonathan Davis from nu-metal band KoRn. Ah know, great band, just a shame they're associated wi' such a shite subgenre.

KoRn - Dead - YouTube

The only mair recent example ah can think of would be one of ma favourite bands, and fellow Scots (sorry, couldnae help but mention that fact), Biffy Clyro​
Biffy Clyro - Stingin' Belle (Official Video) - YouTube

The bagpipes start just efter the 2 minutes 40 seconds mark and are epic as f**k!
 
Still feelin' depressed, actually ah feel like this at the moment.​
Transpotting - It's shite being Scottish!
But, y'know, ah'll pit that feelin' aside fur a wee minute...

Ah found this BBC Scotland documentary aboot the Scots language, which ah thought might be worth sharin' on here.
It's a few year aul' but still very interestin' nonetheless.​
So, eh, haud yer wheesht and gie this a swatch​
:bigsmile:​
Blethering Scots - 1 of 3 - YouTube
Blethering Scots - 2 of 3 - YouTube
Blethering Scots - 3 of 3 - YouTube
 
Ah don't know whit it is wi' me? Ah don't know if ah really huv'nae got anythin' tae say? Or um ah jist too feert tae actually say anythin', in case, ah say summit wrong, or upset and offensive people? :thinking:
 
Strugglin' tae cope, lately. Thoughts an' feels aw over the place. Depression doesnae exactly help things, either. But openin' up aboot that just makes me really how alone ah um in the how ah feel. Which is probably why ah feel weary talkin' aboot issues like ma depression or ma disability (even on here, which is kinda odd).

Needless tae say, ma relationship with ma family isn't the best because how ah feel is usually disregard in favour of what everyone else thinks ah should do. And ah just go along wi' it - because there's no point goin' against the older members of ma family since they like tae git their own way, and know everything. And are never wrong. Plus, ah'm apparently too dumb to know what best for me, anyway.

Sorry, just ventin' the feelings ah cannae say oot loud. D'ye no' feel if ye took the social stigma and judgement away from certain issues, like depression for example, it'd be a lot easier tae talk aboot?
 
Ah don't know if ye could actully take anythin' from this wee journal - especially in relation tae overcoming anxiety and depression because ah kinda feel like I'm still dealin' with a lot of ma past issues now. Aye, ah know it might doesnae make good reading, at times, but ah feel it's better tae git it oot than tae keep inside. Ah suppose ah've done that fur the last, oh, 11 years - probably ma biggest reget as well.

In hindsight, and even at the time, things started gettin' worse, ah know summit wuz wrong, but naebuddy in ma family seemed willing tae face the fact ah wuz strugglin' was strugglin' with depression in ma mid-teens. Ah mean the sign were aw there, but still a shrug o' the shoulders and "Ah don't know whit wrong with 'em" wuz ma mum's reaction. Though, ah think she went intae denial aboot ma depression because of her ain struggle with it. Cannae really blame her fur doing that, tae be honest.
 
Feelin' quite unmotivated and uninspired, lately.

Ah'm kinda startin' tae really doubt ma creativity. Ah mean, ah've always hud that sense uh self-doubt when comes tae bein' creative. It's only in the last few years it's been really gittin' tae me. Even wi' this journal here... Half the time ah feel like I'm jist ramblin'.
 
[Insert yer own daft, amusing one-liner here] Because ah can't think of anythin' funny tae say.

Actually, startin' tae doubt if I'm even funny or as funny as people always tell me I am. Coz it's helluva lot o' pressure tae actully be funny, y'know. And ah should know because nearly everythin' ah say is usually prefix by yin uh ma irritatin' sisters gan: "Oh, here we go... This'll be funny" or somebuddy'll laugh right efter ah've said summit that wuz'nae even meant tae be funny.

Nae idea where ah'm goin' with this post, by-the-way... A lot uh the time ah dinnae plan these oot in advance. Which means there's a 99.9% chance uh me makin' a total fanny of masel'. :eek:mg: Which doesnae really bother me as miuch as it use tae - coz, well, ye git a good laugh, even if it's at ma expense. :bigsmile: Ah huv'nae really got oot the hoose much, lately. Probably should try gittin' outside more.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
So people think you're being funny even when you're not? I guess if you're known as the happy-go-lucky jokester, it's hard to discuss serious matters when you need to.
 
So people think you're being funny even when you're not? I guess if you're known as the happy-go-lucky jokester, it's hard to discuss serious matters when you need to.
Aye, basically. Ma family seem tae think ah don't take stuff seriously, because ah come out with witty, deadpan, surreal or darkly-humourous one-liners, sometimes.

The fact that "funny" is the first that comes tae ma family's minds when describing me says a lot.

Ah think me being serious can be easily mistaken for me bein' deadpan, so that's probably why ah git unintentional laughs, a lot of the time.

Other than ventin' on here, it's quite difficult talkin' aboot serious matters like ma struggle wi' depression. Ah guess ah use comedy when ah'm feelin' really doon an' depressed. Laughter is the best medicine efter aw. And ma mum's always tell me: "If ye didnae laugh, you'd be greetin' aw the time" :crying:

Plus, few of ma family seem tae be empathetic enough to try and understand how I feel from my perspective if ah try opening up - if that makes sense?

So, aye, serious matters are kinda off-limits fur me most uh the time.

When ye git a laugh from yer oldest sister just by sayin' "Depressed" in reply to her askin' how yer feelin', pretty much give you an idea of how frustratingly difficult it is fur me tae even open up aboot ma depression. ::(:
 
Did ah tell youse that story aboot that under age binge drinkin' evening when ah wuz 14 years old? Ah cannae remember if ah did or not... :thinking:

The reason ah ask is because ah found this photo from that night, also hud a chat wi' ma cousin about it. And it jist brought back the few memories ah huv uh that night.
 

Attachments

^ That photo was taken durin' ma cousin's wedding reception. That's me on the right, obviously. :blushing: Wi' the big grin on ma face.


The big lassie in the middle is ma cousin Tina - sister of the cousin who wuz gittin' married. And that ginger-hair, freckled-face lad is Scott - we'd knew each other since primary school, and still hung oot occasionally durin' high school. And that's ma older sister in the red top - jist thought ah'd mention that fur no particular reason. Coz, y'know, attention tae detail and aw that...

By the way, feel free tae respond with "Aye" or "Naw, ye didnae" regarding the question in ma previous post. That's "Yes" or "No" fur those who aren't Scottish. :giggle:
 
So, eh... Ah take ah didnae tell youse that story, then? Huh, that's weird. Coz ah wuz almost certain ah hud telt it. :question: Must've forget tae post it... Anyway, ah'm gan ootside fur a moment, since it's a lovely sunny day here in Scotland. Might as well git oot while the weather's guid.

Though, ma family're daein' that cynical Scottish thing o' complainin' when we git good weather. "Ah cannae take much mair uh this heat" :bigsmile:

Efter ah git back, ah'll tell ye that story.

A wee disclaimer afore ah do that - It might be shite or it might amusin'... We'll see, eh?

Awright, ah'll post again soon. :thumbup:
 
Hiya. :greeting: So, ah suppose ah'll tell ye that wee story. Or mibbe it's more of cautionary tale of the consequences o' binge drinkin' underage... Here we go.

Don't worry, it's no' tragic, naebuddy dies. Well, except a few dozen brain cells. :giggle: Ah know, shouldnae coz that no' funny.

Right, so, using that photo ah previously posted ah'll recall the night of ma cousin's wedding reception. Well, whit ah can remember, anyway. This'll be much the "Morning-after-the-night-before" edition.

So... Ah git this wedding invitation, ma mum tells ah can take somebuddy with me. Because aw intivitation were "plus yin". Sorry, that's "plus one" fur youse non-Scots on here. Not as fluent in talkin' shite, ah mean Scots, as I am. :sarcastic:

Anyway... Initital ah thought ah'd jist gan by masel' wi' the family. But then, aboot 3 days afore the reception, ah phone Scott, one of ma best friends and fellow school classmates. Ah telt 'em aboot the wedding... The actual phone conversation went summit along these lines:

Scott: "Hullo, who's this?"
Me: "Hiya, Scott, it"
Scott: "Graeme, ye awright, mate?"
Me: "Aye, no' bad... Hey, 're you daein' anythin' this weekend?"
Scott: "Naw, how?"
Me: "Aw, it's jist ah've got this invite tae ma cousin's wedding reception. And ah'm allowed tae bring somebuddy wi' me"


Then Scott asks this geniune question, withoot missing a beat is: "Will there be drink?" Ah, Scotland! Where alcoholism isn't just a problem, it's a hobbies. Jokin' aside, ah think that question pretty much sums up the Celtic attitude tae drink for most part. Nae offense tae any fellow Scots. Or Geordies, Irish or even the Welsh...

Coz it's no' worth gan tae the pub if yer jist gan fur the conversation. Unless, of course, you're the sober c*nt driving everybuddy hame at the end o' the night.
:bigsmile:

So, anyway, ah response tae Scott question in a typically Scottish fashion: "Aye, of course", tryin' not to laugh as ah said it.

He says: "Aw, great! Ah'm gan then, when it is it?" Ah tell 'em that it's on Saturday. The next day, at school, we arrange what we were doing - ie, whether he would walk to my place or whether he get picked up at his house. We got a lift in ma oldest sister's car. Me, ma mum, Scott and ma 2 sisters.

By the time Friday came round, we were fair excited aboot the prospect o' gittin' total shit-faced during the weekend.

Ma cousin's wedding reception was held a this hotel, not far from Annan, which is a wee town in the Scottish Borders. Oh! And a crucial wee detail which ah probably should mention before ah git intae what ah remember from that night. When ah wuz talking to Scott on phone inviting 'em to this reception, after he asked aboot there being booze at this reception, he followed that question up with: "D'ye think ah'll git served at the bar?" I laughed and sarcastically said: "Aye, right!"

Ma dismissive response kinda triggered an argument as to why it'd be more likely that ah'd git served at the bar than Scott. Because ah look older than 14 years old at the time. It wuz a fact... That didnae stop Scott daring me to buy a drink at the bar by masel' during the evening.

So, we aw arrive. Two of ma cousins (Tina and Megan) and ma auntie (Margaret) greet us at the door, hugging me askin' how ah wuz keeping. Here's where aw goes a bit blurred-eyed...

We gan up a flight of stair, and turn left intae the lounge/bar area. There's a pool table in the middle of the room. Me and Scott sit down in the first booth where my cousin "Wee" Wull is sitting by himself. The nickname wuz'nae because he small or anythin, he wuz quite a big, chubby lad. It wuz just a way tae distiguish between him and another older family member also called Wull.

Wull is basically the Scots pronuncation of the name "Will". Fun wee fact fur youse, there.

So, I introduce the two of them, we're chatting away for a wee while. Then ma cousin Tina comes and chats to us. Jokingly remarks aboot how ah've "pit the weight", sayin' ah'd "need a bra shortly" Ma cousin Wull whispered tae me, saying: "Just ignore her, Graeme. Your tits are no' as big as hers, anyway" This cruel-humoured insult got a such a laugh that I whispered it in Scott's ear. And three of us laugh to ourselves, despite Tina wantin' tae be in on joke. But we didnae let her... Telling she'd probably git offended if we repeated it.

So, then Tina huz a wee chat with us, and gets me and Scott our first round of drinks. At some point, I think it wuz either ma mum or ma oldest sister asked if she could take a photo of us, which she does. It's that one ah previous posted.

Tina then leave us tae our pints, making her way past the bar area and turning left to the dancefloor area, which was on the other side of room. But ye couldnae really see from where me and Scott were sitting, because the bar kept it from view. Ye could jist see a few tables where folk were chattin; way to each other, and the part of the buffet table.

Me and Scott would have Tina bring us food - sandwiches and that - because we were too lazy and preoccupied wi' gittin' total trashed tae walk the short distance tae the buffet table.

Oh! And after ah huv ma first pint, Tina, just as she about to make her way to the toilet. asks if ah want another. Ah just nod, then ask if ah could git it masel', since Scott hud dare me to do before we arrived at the hotel. Tina says "Aye", and ah get out of the booth, sticking ma tongue oot at Scott as ah made ma way to the bar.

"You ordering? Or will ah?
"Naw, you gan ahead. Whit ye huvin'? Ah'll pay"
"A pint"
"Awright, ah'll huv the same. Ah'm away for toilet, jist git them and ah'll pay when ah come come back"
"Awright"

Ah walk up tae the bar: "Twa pints, please, mate". Two pints git poured, as ah look at Scott and smile. He flips me off, ah jist laugh. The barman put them on the counter, tell me the price, and ah tell Tina'll pay fur them once she's back fae the toilet, and that one pint was hers. And ask if it awright if ah take ma pint, despite no' huvin' paid for it.

Ah make ma way back tae the booth where ah wuz sittin' wi' Scott, a big grin on ma face.

"See, ah telt ye ah would git served. Didnae even huv pay fur it either"
"Eh! How no'?"
Tina. Afore she went tae the toilet, she said just order a pint fur masel' and yin fur her and she'd pay when she got back
You, jammy basturd!"

So, ah leave it there, for now. Ah post the rest uh this story tomorrrow.
 
Bin feelin' too depressed tae actually write or be creative, lately. :sad:

Jist came on aw of a sudden, cannae quite explain it. Summit must be botherin' me? Ah know that, ah jist dinnae huv a clue how tae deal wi' it. Y'know, whit it's like bein' depressed.... The black dog humpin' yer leg, metaphorically speakin', of course. Och, well, at least ma sense uh humour's still in tact. :bigsmile: Though, ah've noticed ah tend tae git mair depressed if ah reflect on ma past, is that weird? :idontknow:

Oh! Ah'll tell youse the rest uh that story o' when ah got totally wasted at ma cousin's weddin' once this depression's lifted. Dinnae worry, ah didnae forget aboot it.
 

shyflower

Well-known member
Bin feelin' too depressed tae actually write or be creative, lately. :sad:

Jist came on aw of a sudden, cannae quite explain it. Summit must be botherin' me? Ah know that, ah jist dinnae huv a clue how tae deal wi' it. Y'know, whit it's like bein' depressed.... The black dog humpin' yer leg, metaphorically speakin', of course. , .
Sorry you are feeling depressed too.. I have been feeling that way for a few days now and it is worse today.. bad things happen and it makes the depression take over. I either want to sleep or I am awake half of the night thinking and feeling sad. It sucks to feel this way.. Hope we both get to feeling different then this soon.
 
Sorry you are feeling depressed too.. I have been feeling that way for a few days now and it is worse today.. bad things happen and it makes the depression take over. I either want to sleep or I am awake half of the night thinking and feeling sad. It sucks to feel this way.. Hope we both get to feeling different then this soon.
Aww, sorry tae hear yer also goin' through a similar, struggle - fur lack of a better word. Aye, ah know it's shit, but ye jist got tae fight through it and hope it passes eventually. Ah find tryin' tae focus on somethin' that makes ye happy helps a lot, even if it's somethin' simple. Like watchin' yer favourite movie or TV show.

I'm the exactly same, though. Ah mean, in terms of the whole stay awake some nights thinkin'. Ah can relate. Though, with me, it's usually it's about a past incident where ah should've hud the confidence tae spoke up, but didnae.

I'm like that ye see, not one tae verbalise how ah feel, a lot o' the time because ma words usually git misunderstood or misinterpreted. Either way ah git told how ah feel is wrong. Anyway, that's a completely different topic which ah will'nae go intae detail aboot jist now...

Anyway, how we both feel a wee bit better soon. :thumbup:
 
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