Not good enough?

[man on the hill]

This has been bugging the crap out of me for a long time so I guess i'll just get it off my chest. Basically....I feel like im not good enough for anyone, more specifically, getting a girl friend. Im 24, still live at home. here lately my mom has been on my case trying to get me out of the house and look for a girl friend. I got two younger brothers who moved out into their own place about a month or two ago. We used to all be pretty close, but in the last 4 or 5 years we've kinda grown apart. They are completely opposite of me, they are the life of the party and im the quiet dude hiding in the cornor. they can do almost everything better than me, literally. Thats why I dont like hanging out with em cause I just feel so awkward and dumb and out of place that I cant even pretend to have a good time with em. I guess you can say im pretty jealous of them. I just feel like im not good enough for any girl when I cant do even half the stuff like my brothers can do. Its like, "why would any girl want to waste their time with me". and feeling this way for so long has killed my self esteem and confidence to the point where I feel so wierd even going out and doing things most people consider "normal". Im way to embarassed to talk to anyone I know about the way I am, but I feel like im getting worse and worse every day. Honestly I am getting tired of doing nothing on the weekends after working all week and would love to have a girlfriend to go out with and do stuff with. But I guess as alot of us on here know, its not so easy to break away from the norm' andstart doing things different

 

[Blabla..]

you are good enough, it's all about what you believe , of course if you don't see it you won't believe it , and by not believing it you just sink yourself further , it's all about learning to like who you are

 

[MikeyC]

Mate, you are who you are. Your brothers have a different personality to you, but that doesn't make you worthless.

Go out with a friend some time. Get that confidence up. Pretty soon you'll start to feel confident to talk to girls.

I will say that having your mum "on your case" will NOT help you do anything. Trust me, I know.

 

[Necrucifer]

I can relate to you some, I am 23 and still live at home almost 24 now only have had 2 jobs lasted 3 monthes each and now unemployed and got dumped recently. I usually just dont leave rarely it is sad and makes it seem like the end of the world...

You work though so that is good and if you have friends especially old ones that maybe from school you have not contacted for awhile try that. That is what I been doing has not been working so well though haha...I am just in a bit of a good mood oddly enough...I barely got to know my brother he moved out before I grew up.

Also 2 of my sisters moved out already so now 1 more sister left but I think I will be gone before her she's the youngest but almost 18...it is tough and seems like the world is against you and not having a gf sucks I know I was single for 2 years straight because of my bad SA...dont let that be the case if it has not arisen already.

You're good enough...I may not think I am most the time but I know deep down I am sometimes and will meet someone you will to though. I am also very quiet in person unless I get to know someone really well but thats 99.9% of the time them coming up to me otherwise I'll freak and not talk to no one especially at parties.

You're already working so also if you have friends from work try making plans with them...also I always think girls would not want me because I am unemployed and have bad SA but I get nervous as hell do not get me wrong...but I go through with it somehow but I manage lol...You can do fine...I hope some of this helps and makes you a bit relieved knowing some of us are somewhat having the same issues

 

[Agent_Violet]

you are good enough, it's all about what you believe , of course if you don't see it you won't believe it , and by not believing it you just sink yourself further , it's all about learning to like who you are

I agree with this.definitely.

Most girls are pretty turned off by the vibe of self loathing. We can feel it and see it pretty clear. I always wonder if someone doesn't know how to appreciate themselves for who they are, how do they know how to appreciate someone else for who they are?

The fact that you're concerned about being good enough tells me that you are most certainly good enough. The general population of men wander around acting like a woman should be thankful he has looked her way and given her a wink. For someone to be concerned about being good enough for a woman tells me that person is definitely worthy

 

[SPV]

This has been bugging the crap out of me for a long time so I guess i'll just get it off my chest. Basically....I feel like im not good enough for anyone, more specifically, getting a girl friend. Im 24, still live at home. here lately my mom has been on my case trying to get me out of the house and look for a girl friend. I got two younger brothers who moved out into their own place about a month or two ago. We used to all be pretty close, but in the last 4 or 5 years we've kinda grown apart. They are completely opposite of me, they are the life of the party and im the quiet dude hiding in the cornor. they can do almost everything better than me, literally. Thats why I dont like hanging out with em cause I just feel so awkward and dumb and out of place that I cant even pretend to have a good time with em. I guess you can say im pretty jealous of them. I just feel like im not good enough for any girl when I cant do even half the stuff like my brothers can do. Its like, "why would any girl want to waste their time with me". and feeling this way for so long has killed my self esteem and confidence to the point where I feel so wierd even going out and doing things most people consider "normal". Im way to embarassed to talk to anyone I know about the way I am, but I feel like im getting worse and worse every day. Honestly I am getting tired of doing nothing on the weekends after working all week and would love to have a girlfriend to go out with and do stuff with. But I guess as alot of us on here know, its not so easy to break away from the norm' andstart doing things different

Well, I think you should start off by taking steps into changing your life. You said you were very close with your brothers back then, well why stop there? Try to rebuild that relationship you had with your brothers and bond with them more. I have 2 brothers too, and they're both the total opposite of me. They are both party goers, and I'm the obscure guy who dwells in his own room hiding from the world. I try not to be this person anymore.

You should work on your confidence more, and go on to clubs and stuff and find yourself a hot chick. Don't give up hope. Try to realize that time is money, so don't squander it on your negative thoughts.
How long have you had social phobia? What do you think might have caused it btw?

 

[man on the hill]

Well thats another issue I probably need to work on is friends. Im friendly to everybody and try my best to treat everyone the same, but I dont really have any close "friends". In school I was mostly a loner, didnt hang out with anybody really, just minded my own business and focused mostly on my school work. I was also pretty shy too. I missed several chances to go out with a few girls, some even had big crushes on me, but because I was so backwards acting they quickly lost interest in me. Today Im kind of the same, except replace "school" with "work". Im not into facebook and have no desire to even sign up on it, even though alot of peple I know tell me thats what I should really do.

I guess this might be worth mentioning also........almost 6 years ago I had a bad accident that should have probably killed me, but God gave me a second chance and Im still alive today. I was riding my fourwheeler and ran into a barb wire fence that cut my throat and cut my trachea completely in half. It paralyzed my vocal chords and I had to have a tracheostomy for about a year and 4 months. I couldnt talk no louder than a wisper. Then we found a doctor who could do surgery and remove the tracheostomy tube so I could breath normally and possibilly have a chance at getting some of my voice back. the surgery worked and today all you can see is a big scar across the front of my throat. I have somewhat of a normal voice, only I cant talk real loud or yell or anything. the only bad thing is that I run out of breath really easy cause my air way inside my trachea is less than half the size of a normal person's.

Usually when im feeling really down and out about myself I usually look back on this and remind myself that Im lucky to even be alive today. and usually it changes my mood and attitude and makes me feel better for a little while.

 

[thor01]

I relate to the feeling but in aslightly different way I guess.

BUT the thing is, don't let the pressure to do things such as "get a girlfriend" or "move out" get to you too much. BECAUSE they really don't matter IMO. They are just more standards people seem to expect you to live up to in thsi society. But its not about that really. You can take things at YOUR pace.

And some parents seem to think they've failed if their child hasn't done this or that by this time. But its rubbish!

 

[man on the hill]

I relate to the feeling but in aslightly different way I guess.

BUT the thing is, don't let the pressure to do things such as "get a girlfriend" or "move out" get to you too much. BECAUSE they really don't matter IMO. They are just more standards people seem to expect you to live up to in thsi society. But its not about that really. You can take things at YOUR pace.

And some parents seem to think they've failed if their child hasn't done this or that by this time. But its rubbish!

Alot of times I feel like im a disappointment to my parents. they dont necessarially say it out loud, but sometimes the way they talk about stuff its not hard to imply that they think something might not be normal about me, that something is wrong with me. I kinda want to tell them how I feel and whats on my mind, but at the same time Im just to embarrassed to tell ANYBODY (except maybe on here) about my personal problems. I think it may just make things worse for me.

 

[mikebird]

I'm not self-loathing. I'm proud of everything, and the way I think, but I can't seem to please anyone, or fit with their model of person. I don't WANT to please anyone. I'm a reject.

Just been watching Girlfight, with Michelle Rodriguez in it. Haven't finished it yet. I think that's the kinda lady i'd like... ::

 

[Feathers]

My cousin has had a throat operation too, his speech has had a tiny bit of difference because of it, some people notice it and some don't... He still got married and has a gorgeous son anyway!!

Since girls did have a crush on you, they will probably have a crush again!! I agree, Agent Violet said it beautifully: The fact you care makes you a better person than many people 'out there'!!

You're still young enough that girls won't expect too much of you (it's normal to not have a villa and a yacht at 24... in this economy, staying with parents can also be financially smart!) You can also say you're saving up to move out later... A girl can even appreciate that you might have a better start toward a flat/house together then!!

Some girls actually DON'T like partygoers!! (Too much party=too much alcohol sometimes, or possible problems with other women, later on not enough time for the girl or the family maybe etc.) You work which is a big plus too, hopefully you've been saving some of that hard-earnt money too, or paying off any student loans or such... which are both a big PLUS too!!

So, you've got a lot to offer to a girl... Just because your brothers are different, it doesn't mean all girls would like THAT!! Girls are different and may appreciate different characteristics!!

Also, there are about 6 billion people on the world, half of that presumably female. Your brothers are just TWO. Other women will want to date SOMEONE too, no?

Maybe you could try some 'quieter' places like a church group or book club or a course or hiking group, something of your interest...?

 

[Section_31]

Listen to that feathers girl, she knows what shes talking about

 

[Richey]

I agree that your mum or parents probably won't help you when it comes to philosophy or advice much, maybe somtimes. as mean as that sounds many baby boomber parents just live in their bubble and have very rigid opinions and in the end if they take the nagging stance then it just makes things worse. The best way for parents to converse about these issues is to talk with empathy and with open minded care and discussion but its rare to see that.

My advice is to get out of the house as much as possible. find places to go to study or to exercise or read and spend minimal time at home, it gets you out of the comfort zone and you can then have more open minded discussions with other people, potentially.

Its all about organising yourself to go somewhere. many people don't where to go especially if they live in isolated towns ..it just takes a bit of research and planning but it'll get you out and about which is what builds up your confidence in a better way rather then staying at home and wondering what to do meanwhile your parents just nag and you feel worse and worse.