My counsellor

[emre43]

Hello everyone this is my first post on these forums.

I am a 21 year old male and see a counsellor for my social anxiety. In my opinion she is the best counsellor in the world; every week she makes me feel so happy, always knows the right things to say and I feel that she's is the only person who has ever really listened to me. Because of how kind she is to me I have developed very strong feelings towards her - I love her deeply - despite knowing hardly anything about her.

I have always felt that I never want to stop attending her counselling sessions and fear the day that they come to an end. I saw her yesterday. She's Greek and informed me that due to personal reasons she has to return there for "a few months" and I will be appointed a different counsellor. I asked what will happen when she returns and she said "We'll never see each other again". My heart sank and I sat for the rest of the session facing the ground, hardly saying a word.

I was trying to prevent myself from bursting into tears. She was trying to make me feel better but nothing was working. I would try to speak but had a lump in my throat and it was quite obvious that I was trying not to cry. She asked me why I felt so sad and I told her that I love her. She raised her eyebrows and said "sometimes this happens between a therapist and a patient". My last appointment with her is at the end of June and I desperately don't want it to come around.

To top things off I got into my car and turned the radio on to try and take my mind away from things and the first song that came on was Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head and I burst into tears. Since getting back home I can't stop crying and I feel so despondent. I would prefer to not see anyone while she's away and then return to her when she gets back. She's the only person who has ever really listened to me in my life and I don't ever want to forget about her and everything that she has done for me to help me turn my life around.

Feeling heartbroken...

 

[Mickery]

There will be others in your life who will listen, and they'll do so because they care instead of it being their responsibility. You seem aware of the reasons why you feel this way and in time, it will pass. Probably must quicker than you believe now.

 

[emre43]

There will be others in your life who will listen, and they'll do so because they care instead of it being their responsibility. You seem aware of the reasons why you feel this way and in time, it will pass. Probably must quicker than you believe now.

It's not really her responsibility. She is a qualified therapist but volunteers for a local charity for people between the ages of 13 and 24 which I don't have to pay her for her services. I can see in her face and in the tone of her voice that she cares, either that or she's just graduated with a major from acting school.

 

[Darryl]

Hi emre43 and welcome,

I know this isn't going to help your situation and Mickery has summed it up.

It's easy to fall in love with someone who is helping who and is genuinely concerned with your wellfare, and by the sounds of it she has done her job.

You do need to move on the the next therapist and have that person care for you.
I'm sure she has helped you and by going to the next therapist is a way to show her that her care has helped you.

Darryl

 

[emre43]

Hi Darryl

I really needed to get my thoughts out of my head and post them on here. Having done so I deeply regret it. I know that both of you were only trying to help me but both of your comments have made me feel worse about myself. She is taking time out of her life to make me feel better about myself if that doesn't show that she that cares then I don't know what does. She is a wonderful human being, a lot better than the majority of people in the world who just want to insult, argue with and hurt others. I believe that she deserves a lot more respect than has been shown on here by people who don't even know her. She isn't passionless or careless and has a heart. She has done a better job than I had ever expected and that doesn't happen without a little bit of passion and care. The only reason that she is leaving me is because of her own personal problems back home. I believe that she is entitled to that after everything that she has done for me.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant it isn't intended to be. It's just that my mood is already incredibly low and I have just made things ten times worse for myself.

 

[Darryl]

Hi emre43,

I'm glad you have joined the SPW family, you can share your problems and let us try to help.

Sometimes you may not agree with an answer, but we care all the same by just commenting.

Darryl

ps
Sorry, if I gave the impression that she isn't passionate etc, it wasn't meant to sound that way.

 

[coyote]

your counselor no doubt cares very much about you

that's why she went into the line of work she's in

because she does care about people and wants to help them heal

i'm sure your feelings for her are genuine, but - as she said - it is something that happens routinely in therapy

in the process of opening yourself up to your therapist, you become very vulnerable and it's quite easy to attach yourself to the person who is there making you feel safe and protected

you do have the ability to move beyond this

good luck!

and welcome to the forum - feel free to share your feelings here any time

 

[emre43]

Hi emre43,

I'm glad you have joined the SPW family, you can share your problems and let us try to help.

Sometimes you may not agree with an answer, but we care all the same by just commenting.

Darryl

ps
Sorry, if I gave the impression that she isn't passionate etc, it wasn't meant to sound that way.

Hi Darryl

I know that you weren't trying to make me feel bad it's just I genuinely feel deeply in love with her and it is incredibly difficult to turn off and I don't particularly want to either, it makes me feel so happy. I know that nothing can ever come of it but just the thought that there is always someone out there who actually makes me feel loved is great.

 

[Darryl]

Your allow to cherish the love you felt, specially if it makes you happy.

Best thing is you will fall in love again, trouble is...We want it straight away to fill the void to replace the hurt we feel today.

Enjoy our company, the names may change from time but were here for you and when the time is right, you'll be here for someone new.

 

[emre43]

I'm not an expert on the ins-and-outs of how therapy works but is it possible to stay in contact with your counsellors after you have been discharged from them? She means so much to me that I can't just forget about her altogether. I was in a rut and she has turned my life around.

 

[Darryl]

I'm not an expert on the ins-and-outs of how therapy works but is it possible to stay in contact with your counsellors after you have been discharged from them? She means so much to me that I can't just forget about her altogether. I was in a rut and she has turned my life around.

Has she given you her home phone number or her home address (not her business numbers, but personal numbers?

If she hasn't she's cutting her ties to you, keeping everything professional.::

I'm sure this is a occupational problem for all therapists and pyschs-
People falling in love with their advice and one on one care.

 

[emre43]

She hasn't given me any personal details ::

Friday seems too far away for my next appointment though so I have written a really soppy e-mail to the charity she volunteers for - for her attention - pleading with her not to cut her ties with me. I feel really embarassed now though due to the content of the e-mail, it reads like someone begging their girlfriend not to leave them.

 

[Darryl]

Not a bad thing you've done.
This has forced the hand of the therapist, so you will get an answer one way or the other.

Just be prepared to go by the decision, you have asked the question so carry out the wishes of the reply... good or bad.

 

[Remus]

Crushing on your shrink is very common, I liked my therapist too but it's best to leave it as a 'crush' and continue no further. I'm sure the charity will recognise what's happened and maybe give advice, it's not worth being embarrassed about. Best move on and remember the therapy not the therapist.

 

[emre43]

With the greatest of respect it's a little bit more than a simple crush. I'm still crying this morning.

 

[BDDgirl]

This sounds a very one sided romance, more an obsession on your part maybe emre? Maybe discuss with another therapist from this charity.

 

[emre43]

It very much is one-sided, I would like to think that she likes me though. It's just in my 21 years no-one has ever really made me feel good about myself, I know I'm young but 21 years is a long time to feel nothing but constant knock-downs and hurt from others. I guess after all that time and someone listens to you, understands you, empathises with you and always says the right things it's difficult not to develop feelings towards them. She knows how I feel now though and maybe that will change things. And to be honest it wasn't really an obsession until this weekend when I felt an outpouring of emotion and I haven't been able to stop thinking of how good she has made me feel about myself and how much saying goodbye to her forever is going to pain me. If I'm like this now just imagine how I am going to feel once she actually does go.

 

[kihira]

This kind of feeling for another person can be intense, is wonderful to experience and I can really understand your sense of loss. However, it would be unlikely and unprofessional for you counsellor to reciprocate your love and it all may get in the way of proper help occuring for you. I think you will find that your feeling for her and the pain from your loss will calm down over time and be bearable. It is good to know that someone cares for you, have faith that you will find the same in another person eventually

 

[emre43]

Thank you that's very reassuring phocas. I love going to see her because of how happy she makes me feel and was really looking forward to seeing her on Friday. When she gave me the bad news it was such a shock, I just wasn't expecting it in the slightest and that impacted on my probable over-reaction. I can remember just before telling her how I feel about her saying that "she's the only person who has ever really listened to me" and she replied "I may have been the first but I won't be the last" it felt so poignant to me; I'm really going to miss her.

 

[emre43]

I have just reread the email that I sent and I feel even more embarassed than I did before. There are things that I wrote that I want to remove which, obviously, I can't. So I sent a second e-mail rectifying what I had previously written and saying that it wasn't what I meant. The e-mail didn't seem to be sending so I pressed send for a second time and immediately sent two e-mails both saying the same thing. I feel like such a retard. Just want to know what her response is now...the wait is unbearable...