My counsellor
- Thread starter emre43
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Mickery
Well-known member
It may be simple infatuation, but strong feelings towards one's therapist is very common and is known as transference. Note "often manifested as an erotic attraction".
emre43
Well-known member
What I think of eroticism is pure and simply a physical lust for somebody else. While I think that she's beautiful I don't get feelings of lust for her, I guess maybe I see her as providing the motherly love that I don't feel that I have ever received and maybe my love for her is as a motherly figure. I think love and eroticism are two different things. Love is a strong and deep emotional respect. Lust is hormonal with no emotion involved whatsoever. Therefore, in my opinion, love is in no way part of eroticism. I'm probably old-fashioned, but relationships aren't all about sex. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship in which all that I can think about is how much I want to have sex with them. Personally, I prefer things to be a little bit deeper than that. Unfortunately, for me I'm in a minority of one.
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Mickery
Well-known member
Did you read the link I provided? That sounds exactly like transference to me, as the name implies, it's the transfer of emotion from one person to another, and as the link says, it can take many forms.
It's very common, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but try not to get your hopes up. Your therapist will recognize it too.
You'll be fine.
emre43
Well-known member
Did you read the link I provided? That sounds exactly like transference to me, as the name implies, it's the transfer of emotion from one person to another, and as the link says, it can take many forms.
It's very common, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but try not to get your hopes up. Your therapist will recognize it too.
You'll be fine.
I did read the link but I was more occupied with your afternote that said it often takes the form of eroticism which I don't think is the case at all.
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emre43
Well-known member
Exactly. That's completely how I feel. I'm just not as good at wording it as you. I kind of wish that I lived in the 40s when gentlemen were gentlemen and ladies were ladies and not getting drunk out of their heads and sleeping with one another without knowing the first thing about one another. Like I said above I feel really old-fashioned and out of place in the modern age like an anachronism.
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emre43
Well-known member
My last session with her is on Friday. I have written a thank you note and just wanted to get your opinions on it. Here it is:
Thank you for everything that you have done for me. I am so appreciative, grateful and respectful for how you have helped me. You have given me hope that there are decent people in this world.
No matter what happens in the rest of my life or how things change, you will always be the first person that ever listened to me, made me feel welcome and like a human being and that means so much to me and is something that I will never forget. That is why it is so difficult for me to say goodbye. Although we will never see each other again, whenever I am having troubles I will remember the advice, help and support that you gave to me and it will help me to get through things. It also makes me feel happy to know that you will continue to make other people feel happy just like you have with me.
I wish you the best of luck in everything you do.
Thank you so much
Thank you for everything that you have done for me. I am so appreciative, grateful and respectful for how you have helped me. You have given me hope that there are decent people in this world.
No matter what happens in the rest of my life or how things change, you will always be the first person that ever listened to me, made me feel welcome and like a human being and that means so much to me and is something that I will never forget. That is why it is so difficult for me to say goodbye. Although we will never see each other again, whenever I am having troubles I will remember the advice, help and support that you gave to me and it will help me to get through things. It also makes me feel happy to know that you will continue to make other people feel happy just like you have with me.
I wish you the best of luck in everything you do.
Thank you so much
emre43
Well-known member
I had my last session with her today and I gave her the Thank You card. I am so upset right now and have been crying. I feel so despondent and miss her so so much. She said that she enjoyed our sessions because she felt that she was really helping me and that she admires me for having the bravery to open up to her so much because it was really difficult for me. ::
:Well that's nice to hear. My councellor is the worse, but I'm going for substance abuse reasons (which relates to SA), but I'm afraid to say anything to her, I'm always afraid they will hold it against me. Not to mention the original counsellor (who wasn't too bad) just up and left, so they randomly gave me another one there, so I had to start over essentially. The majority of the people are not there by choice like I was (mostly court ordered), so I got treated in the same manner of course. I.E. talked down to, and what not. Really bothered me the misinformation they were passing off as facts in order to scare you I guess. (I took advanced organic chem last semester, I'm not an idiot).
Now other counsellors I have had in the past have been just as bad, most times I stress I am not looking to get on anti-depressents or anything like that, and 9/10 times, next month they will try to push that on me. I actually had stand up and just start yelling at me about how I "NEED" to be on anti-depressents (I was 17, what high school kid isn't depressed in one way or another?). So, at that moment I told him that I will no longer need his services as I feel that you are just wasting my time and just want my money. At that point, he started getting more angrier, it was obvious, and started to say things that was borderline insults (basically that I am pathetic, and without the help he provides I will continue to be a "nothing", etc).
So yeah....not a big fan of counselling, but if it helps, I'm glad for ya
Now other counsellors I have had in the past have been just as bad, most times I stress I am not looking to get on anti-depressents or anything like that, and 9/10 times, next month they will try to push that on me. I actually had stand up and just start yelling at me about how I "NEED" to be on anti-depressents (I was 17, what high school kid isn't depressed in one way or another?). So, at that moment I told him that I will no longer need his services as I feel that you are just wasting my time and just want my money. At that point, he started getting more angrier, it was obvious, and started to say things that was borderline insults (basically that I am pathetic, and without the help he provides I will continue to be a "nothing", etc).
So yeah....not a big fan of counselling, but if it helps, I'm glad for ya
emre43
Well-known member
I'm sorry to hear that. Personally, from my experience of counselling I would be willing to recommend it to anyone. It helps that my counsellors are professional volunteers and do it because they want to help rather than for financial gain. I suppose there are decent people in life and then there are not so decent people. I feel so fortunate that I got to meet a really decent one.
P. S. Still in tears.
P. S. Still in tears.
TaylorSwift'sHubby
Active member
Had a very similar experience and the feeling sucks and takes quite some time to get over and heal from (in my case i have yet to heal from mine). tho i must commend u, the fact that u told her how u feel... U R Very Brave! just stick in there. A broken will only heal with time, and i'm sure there is another nice, beautiful, kind-hearted, and loving girl who will come ur way in the future. Keep Ur Head Up
just stick in there. A broken will only heal with time, and i'm sure there is another nice, beautiful, kind-hearted, and loving girl who will come ur way in the future. Keep Ur Head Up
emre43
Well-known member
Yeah, I don't think I'll be getting over this any time soon. I made things worse for myself though just as I was leaving. I felt so emotional that I thought if I hang around I'll cry so I just walked straight out and said nothing more than "bye". She said something to me but because I was feeling so emotional it went completely over my head. As soon as the door shut behind me it has left me with a feeling of regret. It's kind of haunting me to think that I don't know what the last thing she ever said to me was and now I never will know. I'll be getting a new counsellor on 7th July I guess I'll discuss it with him/her (hopefully it's a her; I find girls to be far easier to talk to).
Satine
Well-known member
Ah, emre, you're being referred. Forgive me if my response is out of time - I haven't read the whole thread, more or less just your initial post - but a referral can indeed be a jarring experience, and one that you understandably don't want to have.
If it's any consolation, your Greek counsellor is very likely unhappy about having to leave you, too. But she will have passed you on to the best person she knows. Weather this - you're going through what is most likely the hardest part right now, while you don't know what's around the corner.
If it's any consolation, your Greek counsellor is very likely unhappy about having to leave you, too. But she will have passed you on to the best person she knows. Weather this - you're going through what is most likely the hardest part right now, while you don't know what's around the corner.
Hey Emre, you can speak to us on the forums... Maybe just post another thread for any other things or questions... There's always someone who has gone through similar things on the forums...
And think about it, maybe if/when you get better you'll meet her again and maybe even ask her to join you for a cup of cocoa? And then maybe you can talk and you can get to know what kind of person she is, what kind of dreams and plans she has in life too.. Cause right now you really don't know...
Or maybe you'll meet someone even better (even if this may seem impossible now) and more compatible with you and your own dreams and plans in life!!
We all here wish you to meet many more great people in life - as friends and maybe something more too!!
And think about it, maybe if/when you get better you'll meet her again and maybe even ask her to join you for a cup of cocoa? And then maybe you can talk and you can get to know what kind of person she is, what kind of dreams and plans she has in life too.. Cause right now you really don't know...
Or maybe you'll meet someone even better (even if this may seem impossible now) and more compatible with you and your own dreams and plans in life!!
We all here wish you to meet many more great people in life - as friends and maybe something more too!!
emre43
Well-known member
I know I can speak to you all and I appreciate everybody who has posted on here, it shows that you're all trying to help me feel better. I just need to speak to somebody face-to-face.
And I would love to have the opportunity to speak to her over a cup of cocoa; that's something to aim for. After everything that she's done for me I have a real determination to finish the job that she started. I just hope that someday I can show her the final product and I can tell her about my wife and kids and how great my life is.
Right now I'm still crying though...