My counsellor

emre43

emre43

Well-known member
I've had two dreams about her in consecutive nights.

The first one I travelled to Greece to find her; which I did and I felt so happy. Only to wake up dissapointed (sp?) that it was only a dream.

The second one she told me that she was pregnant and instead of smiling and saying congratulations my heart sank and I felt jealous towards the guy that had done this to her. I still have that feeling now ::(:.
 
emre43

emre43

Well-known member
My current counsellor keeps changing the subject when I bring up my ex-counsellor so I started using a free online counselling service that I found. However, one of their counsellors directly told me that I use their service too much and they can't help me anymore than they already have despite the fact that I have barely told them anything about my situation. I just want to discuss this with somebody but nobody wants to.
 
Remus

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
If this was romance, you'd have got over it by now, what you have is an unhealthy obsession. This is why you cannot be talked out of it. That's why you are experiencing people changing the subject or distracting you. Personally I think you have not been diagnosed properly and should go back to square one with someone more qualified to diagnose your issues (a consultant psychiatrist for e.g.) . I think this forum is really of little help as it mainly deals with social anxiety, maybe try the psych forums for better guidance?

Psychology and Mental Health Forum

Or maybe someone else here could suggest a better forum/website ?
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
My last councellor, a woman, i found to be quite attractive (pretty, slim, etc). So at one point i asked her if we could have sex (oh what a stupid thing to say!). Of course she said no, as she's a professinal, amongst other things. But she knew i wasnt really serious - i just happened to find her "attractive", just another attractive woman, but never before had i even dreamt of saying that to a woman, so i surprised myself.
Not a "crush" mind you, wasn't obsessed or anything.
In fact i will be probably seeing her again soon (been 4 years since last saw her). She's "happy" to see me again, if i need to.
Just saying that its not wierd or wrong (unless start stalking/etc), it just happens
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
thesmallestloser said:
Just saying that its not wierd or wrong (unless start stalking/etc), it just happens
Click to expand...
But I have to add that i'm NOT NOT NOT NOT saying that its healthy, at all, as really no infatuation/obsession with a person is healthy or good for ANYONE involved.
I have been in that BAD place before, a few times, and have learnt from it.
What i have learnt is that IT IS POSSIBLE & DOABLE to significantly reduce your attraction to a person (or to a sex). You just have (which comes naturally to me ;)) to keep your mind filled with all the NEGATIVES (but rational negatives, not "nasty", hateful negatives). Basically it is about RATIONALISING the FALSE MISBELIEFS you have about the person (exaggerated, false, fantasy, mind-reading, fortune-telling the future "together", beleiving it/she would be 100% perfect (ie that you are 100% compatible)).
And another crucial point is this: although you may believe that she's "the one", your one true soulmate in the entire universe, that she's 100% your type, 100% your ideal woman ... if you cant get past all that, then try thinking like this: WHAT IF (the "very very remotely possibility" of) YOU are NOT HER one eternal soulmate, 100% HER type, 100% HER ideal man...
You know, she has a perspective, thought, feelings, likes, dislikes, demands, requirements,... as well. So you need to GET REAL about what HER thoughts/feelings/etc are. It "takes 2 to tango" (ie BOTH have to want to "tango", if just ONE does/doesnt, then NO TANGO WILL TAKE PLACE, & POSSIBLY never will).
Find some other women (even on tv/web will do?), if you need, to give you more options that JUST THIS ONE WOMAN. Spread your infatuation over MANY women?. But you gotta seriously do sth about it pretty quick, as it seems to be "eating you alive", and unless you start to "rise above" it's "hold" on you, youre just gonna sink lower & lower into this wild/crazy/painful abyss of infatuation. Its not natural, its not healthy, FIX IT dude - get to it!

Ps: Hows that Jewel? ;) :eek:
 
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emre43

emre43

Well-known member
thesmallestloser said:
But I have to add that i'm NOT NOT NOT NOT saying that its healthy, at all, as really no infatuation/obsession with a person is healthy or good for ANYONE involved.
I have been in that BAD place before, a few times, and have learnt from it.
What i have learnt is that IT IS POSSIBLE & DOABLE to significantly reduce your attraction to a person (or to a sex). You just have (which comes naturally to me ;)) to keep your mind filled with all the NEGATIVES (but rational negatives, not "nasty", hateful negatives). Basically it is about RATIONALISING the FALSE MISBELIEFS you have about the person (exaggerated, false, fantasy, mind-reading, fortune-telling the future "together", beleiving it/she would be 100% perfect (ie that you are 100% compatible)).
And another crucial point is this: although you may believe that she's "the one", your one true soulmate in the entire universe, that she's 100% your type, 100% your ideal woman ... if you cant get past all that, then try thinking like this: WHAT IF (the "very very remotely possibility" of) YOU are NOT HER one eternal soulmate, 100% HER type, 100% HER ideal man...
You know, she has a perspective, thought, feelings, likes, dislikes, demands, requirements,... as well. So you need to GET REAL about what HER thoughts/feelings/etc are. It "takes 2 to tango" (ie BOTH have to want to "tango", if just ONE does/doesnt, then NO TANGO WILL TAKE PLACE, & POSSIBLY never will).
Find some other women (even on tv/web will do?), if you need, to give you more options that JUST THIS ONE WOMAN. Spread your infatuation over MANY women?. But you gotta seriously do sth about it pretty quick, as it seems to be "eating you alive", and unless you start to "rise above" it's "hold" on you, youre just gonna sink lower & lower into this wild/crazy/painful abyss of infatuation. Its not natural, its not healthy, FIX IT dude - get to it!

Ps: Hows that Jewel? ;) :eek:
Click to expand...

If I'm honest I have been doing exactly this. I have told myself that she was the one for me but that I wasn't the one for her; although I odn't know what makes me assume that.

I would have been perfectly happy if she didn't have to leave and I could see her every week; in an ideal world I could have made her my girlfriend but just being able to see her would have been fine.

She's the only girl that I've felt even remotely capable of asking out; in fact the only reason that I didn't was because I feared being transferred.
 
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kilojoule

kilojoule

1
emre43 said:
If I'm honest I have been doing exactly this. I have told myself that she was the one for me but that I wasn't the one for her; although I odn't know what makes me assume that.

I would have been perfectly happy if she didn't have to leave and I could see her every week; in an ideal world I could have made her my girlfriend but just being able to see her would have been fine.

She's the only girl that I've felt even remotely capable of asking out; in fact the only reason that I didn't was because I feared being transferred.
Click to expand...

For the love of God emre!!!! We have 14 pages of this!!!! hahahaha , visualise the foot, my foot, see it in your mind...now get going the other direction, onwards and upwards!!!
 
emre43

emre43

Well-known member
jewel said:
for the love of god emre!!!! We have 14 pages of this!!!! Hahahaha , visualise the foot, my foot, see it in your mind...now get going the other direction, onwards and upwards!!!
Click to expand...

:d :d :d: :d :d

To be honest Jewel I barely think about her anymore but I have just had two dreams recently about her that brought her back into my mind. The thought of your foot had that effect on me. Was just responding to tsl.

Edit: Why didn't the smileys work?
 
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