My counsellor

[emre43]

I have just seen my new counsellor for the first time and it is not the same. He's very nice but for some reason I find it incredibly difficult to open up to a man. I feel that I would find things much easier if I could see a female counsellor. I am determined to tell him but I feel rude and I think that he'll take it personally and I am not really sure how to do so.

 

[Section_31]

Hi Emre.

I would just politely tell him you feel more comfortable talking to a woman. As a counselor/therapist, he should be fine with that. I had to do the same thing, im just way more comfortable talking with a woman than another man. The guy i was talking to even outright told me "if at any time you feel you would like to see someone else, just tell me and i'll make sure it happens". Its nothing personal to them, they prefer that you speak up. That way they can help the healing process by getting you in touch with the right person, otherwise its not going help you at all.

You need not worry friend .

 

[emre43]

Thanks TLG, that makes me feel much more confident in being able to tell him. Thanks for your advice.

 

[emre43]

I'm kicking myself right now and feel dreadful. My new counsellor actually asked me if I was happy to continue with him and I said yes because I didn't want him to take it personally if I said no. But I feel that it just doesn't work for me without a female counsellor.Now I've got to put up with another week of feeling like this before I tell him next week...really annoyed with myself...

 

[Section_31]

Hey Emre.

Dont kick yourself too hard. It was just a simple mistake.You obviously werent expecting him to outright ask you that, it sounds like he caught you off guard and you just reacted. It could have happened to anyone. Ive done it plenty of times. Just take some time to gather yourself and think about what your going to say to him, remember, he wont take this personally, you wont be the first person to tell him this and he does deal with plenty of people.

Its not going to be fun, make no mistake. I would suggest that after doing so you reward yourself somehow, because of how difficult this is for you. Is there any particular treat you like? or somthing like that?.

Do somthing that you enjoy afterwards. Make it worth your own while and future events may be easier. This has worked for me before and my wife as well.

Keep us posted on what happens, were all behind you here.

 

[emre43]

Phew. I just told him and he was perfectly fine with it. Now I just have to wait for a new counsellor to be appointed to me.

 

[Section_31]

Right on! good for you Emre!!!

Thats a huge brave step you took and not many can do that!. especially with S/A.

You need to reward yourself now somehow. Get your favourite drink from starbucks or somthing, but do somthing YOU like doing. Reinforce this kind of thing with a reward for yourself and it may become easier.

 

[emre43]

Why can nothing be straightforward for me? All of last week I was telling myself that I needed to tell my counsellor that it would be easier for me to speak to a female counsellor. Having done that I am unsure as to whether I made the right decision or not. Yesterday it felt right but now I am not sure. Some of his words are haunting me. He said "I'm sorry that it didn't work out I was looking forward to getting to know you better". Nobody has ever said that to me before. Feeling just the same as I did last week now...

 

[Section_31]

Hey emre

Your feeligns are understandable, and natural. theres always going to be doubts on decisions made. But based on your statements earlier, i still think takling to a female might be easier for you. see how you feel when you meet her. Dont think too much into how your feeling now, this was an awkward and unpleasant situation.

 

[TheSanctuarian]

It is not unusual to feel strong feelings of “love” or affinity toward your therapist. But those feelings probably aren’t what you think. Psycho-dynamic theory suggests the reason that many people fall in love with their therapist is because they are repeating emotional patterns they experienced as children toward their parents. Now you are visiting a new Therapist it is unlikely that you will feel a bond with them right away. its not very likely that you will find out of you are compatible with this new (3rd) Therapist either. you need time to adjust to the new person and build a bond with them. Talking about these events and feelings will make a good building blocks for you t build this relationship.

 

[Section_31]

^ i agree with this

 

[emre43]

Thanks guys, I'm starting to feel a little bit better now. Although still unsure whether I made the correct decision or not.

 

[emre43]

I have just received my new counsellor although I've got to wait a week until I can meet her. I still miss my original counsellor though.

 

[Blabla..]

Wow , you all seem to have wonderful therapists , i once tried to open up to a therapist on the phone , he literally laughed and told me that i should get on medication , worst and last experience ever , i felt like a freakin retarded.

 

[Section_31]

omg bla....thats...beyond words.

Dont let that one individual speak for all counsellors. Like any trade, there are good counsellors, and bad. Some you mesh with, others you just dont, for one reason or another.

Im sorry to hear about your experience.

Emre


Keep us posted on your updates when you get them .

 

[emre43]

Wow , you all seem to have wonderful therapists , i once tried to open up to a therapist on the phone , he literally laughed and told me that i should get on medication , worst and last experience ever , i felt like a freakin retarded.

He sounds like a fraud, I wouldn't let him put you off of them, they really help.

 

[emre43]

Just seen my new counsellor for the first time. She's great feeling very happy right now.

 

[Section_31]

thats great Emre!.

How is this one different from your last?. DO you feel more open and comfortable speaking with her?.

 

[chrisjurban]

imo....those feelings, the "nice" feelings, the pleasure chemicals we get when we make connections with people, they're one of the best parts of life. i don't have a problem with embracing the emotions, even though i always remember there's a difference between acting on the emotions and feeling them. if you're making a positive connection with your counsellor, and you've got some good energy and dialogue flowing between the two of you, i kinda think it's natural for feelings like that to rise up. the separation anxiety that comes when you lose someone that gives you those feelings is pretty natural too, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling it. it doesn't always necessitate a specific course of action, which you might be looking for in people's responses, maybe not...sometimes it's just best to recognize them, accept them, and let them fade on their own.

 

[emre43]

thats great Emre!.

How is this one different from your last?. DO you feel more open and comfortable speaking with her?.

My new counsellor is about 30 years older than my previous one. She tries to help by discussing things with you and tries to find a resolution whilst my former counsellor focused more on empathising with me and letting me know that she's on my side and that there are decent people out there. It is very easy speaking to my new counsellor; in fact as I was leaving she said that if she had met me anywhere else she wouldn't have realised that I had social anxiety because of how well I spoke.

In an ideal world I would prefer to see my former counsellor, which my current one acknowledged that neither she nor anybody else will ever be able to replace her.