LoyalXenite
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Loyal's Thoughts
- Thread starter LoyalXenite
- Start date
coyote
Well-known member
dear god why?!?
he needs an extra 15 minutes to brush his spectacular teeth or it would be 4:00 am :thumbup:
LoyalXenite
Well-known member
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coyote
Well-known member
15 minutes to brush teeth? :bigsmile: He really must have spectacular teeth
he does
his smile is dazzling :thumbup:
LoyalXenite
Well-known member
I smile at people and it's like staring into the Sun!
But no, I start at 5am for my morning shift, so I need to be up that early to have breakfast, get dressed, and allow for sleep-ins!
Geez that really sucks, i hate early mornings :thumbdown:
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
Its our anniversary today, my partner is here, just me and her, she's been here for two nights and goes up tomorrow. I will probably go up with her, then come home the day after. We are getting tattoo's for our anniversary.. She is showering right now so i thought i'd vent a little.. today was good until her sister called.. i just wish she'd let us have a day together.. Am i asking too much? for one day without her sister being there/calling/texting/etc.. Is that being too selfish and petty? i mean its been close to two months now i think.. over a month and a half...
Im so tired of all this back and forthing, im sick of this dragging on and on.. and when it "ends" her sister will be living here and i'll just be a third wheel... as it is our place is so tiny and cramped.. another person in here is not going to be pleasant...
But its the only way i get my partner home.. so i dont have a choice...
Im so tired of all this back and forthing, im sick of this dragging on and on.. and when it "ends" her sister will be living here and i'll just be a third wheel... as it is our place is so tiny and cramped.. another person in here is not going to be pleasant...
But its the only way i get my partner home.. so i dont have a choice...
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
Havent been able to get on for a few days.
Very behind in study and cleaning as usual, havent gotten much done because i've actually been with my partner a fair bit this week so i've not wanted to spend time cleaning or studying, just wanted to enjoy the time with my partner. I will be paying for it this week when i have to get more essays/exams/etc done in just a few days (and i havent even done the lectures yet).
We did end up getting the tattoos, i was surprised my partner went through with it but she did really well. I really like them, which is good.
My mood has been quite erratic and all over the place really, im constantly close to tears without valid reasons, i alternate between looking forward to my partner's sister moving in because we get along great, and not wanting her to move in because of the space/my own fears and insecurities. Aside from that i've been stressed about the amount of work i need to do as usual, lacking motivation to do any of it. Been stressed a bit about money too, due to all this travelling and other expenses our money is a bit tight at the moment, so im feelign guilty about doing anything tomorrow, its my birthday and i was thinking dinner and movies, but i dont like spending money on myself and when things are so tight its even harder, i mean as it is we dont really have the money to waste on my birthday- whether its presents or doing something...
On the more positive side of emotions i've really enjoyed the time spent with my partner, even if a lot of the time she is so tired that she is grumpy and snaps at me, which hurts but its just coz she is so tired and stressed and im rather annoying and clingy.
Supposed to be studying right now but i wanted to sneak onto here while my partner is napping, get a quick post done, then i'll get to studying.
Very behind in study and cleaning as usual, havent gotten much done because i've actually been with my partner a fair bit this week so i've not wanted to spend time cleaning or studying, just wanted to enjoy the time with my partner. I will be paying for it this week when i have to get more essays/exams/etc done in just a few days (and i havent even done the lectures yet).
We did end up getting the tattoos, i was surprised my partner went through with it but she did really well. I really like them, which is good
.My mood has been quite erratic and all over the place really, im constantly close to tears without valid reasons, i alternate between looking forward to my partner's sister moving in because we get along great, and not wanting her to move in because of the space/my own fears and insecurities. Aside from that i've been stressed about the amount of work i need to do as usual, lacking motivation to do any of it. Been stressed a bit about money too, due to all this travelling and other expenses our money is a bit tight at the moment, so im feelign guilty about doing anything tomorrow, its my birthday and i was thinking dinner and movies, but i dont like spending money on myself and when things are so tight its even harder, i mean as it is we dont really have the money to waste on my birthday- whether its presents or doing something...
On the more positive side of emotions i've really enjoyed the time spent with my partner, even if a lot of the time she is so tired that she is grumpy and snaps at me, which hurts but its just coz she is so tired and stressed and im rather annoying and clingy.
Supposed to be studying right now but i wanted to sneak onto here while my partner is napping, get a quick post done, then i'll get to studying.
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
Sneaking on to post while we are driving home. Feeling quite emotional right now without much reason. We are going to my partner's older sister's place for dinner, there is going to be a lot of people there (my partner's older sister with her husband and his sister, my partner's parents, younger sister and brother, my partner and me). I really don't want to go, partially because there will be so many people and I will be uncomfortable, but also because my partner's younger siblings are staying at our place and it's a mess so I'd rather clean it before they come. I'm a bit annoyed that my partner didn't ask me if I minded if her younger brother stayed at our place, it doesn't bother me I just hate that she doesn't discuss things with me at all, when I try to discuss everything with her first.
My partner is mad at me again, because I don't want to do anything for my birthday. I don't want to do anything tomorrow for my birthday mostly because of finances but also because my birthday's are always ****.
Also after this weekend my partner is back up with her sister as usual, so back to being alone and unwanted. Plus my partner won't have credit so I won't even get the rare texts and calls...
Just feeling very anxious, tired, miserable and rejected.
My partner is mad at me again, because I don't want to do anything for my birthday. I don't want to do anything tomorrow for my birthday mostly because of finances but also because my birthday's are always ****.
Also after this weekend my partner is back up with her sister as usual, so back to being alone and unwanted. Plus my partner won't have credit so I won't even get the rare texts and calls...
Just feeling very anxious, tired, miserable and rejected.
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
Birthday yesterday went ok mostly. I got a text from my father in the morning which left me confused and emotional for most of the day. But i had a nice time going to the movies and for dinner, with my partner and her siblings. But then once we got back home my partner's sister ended up having some drama's with her ex, and ended up calling him (which she is not supposed to do). She even told the ex that she was moving down to our area, which she was DEFINITELY not supposed to do, we are concerned that he may follow her one day and find out where she lives, which would compromise our home. So that got my partner upset and angry, for the rest of the night, so my birthday ended on quite an unhappy and frustrating note really.
Then they had to leave very early this morning, so i tried to keep busy cleaning and such, because i have a large amount of cleaning and study to do, like always.
But im having a slight meltdown now, partially because i havent had enough sleep, partially because of stress over money/cleaning/study/everything else, and majorly because i just wish my partner would come home. Plus i have the to go to the dentist in two days... I dont even know how long its been, i think its over two months now? or it will be by next weekend...
Im sick of being alone here, and my partner doesnt have credit so i wont get any texts or calls so the silence is gonna be hard.
Then they had to leave very early this morning, so i tried to keep busy cleaning and such, because i have a large amount of cleaning and study to do, like always.
But im having a slight meltdown now, partially because i havent had enough sleep, partially because of stress over money/cleaning/study/everything else, and majorly because i just wish my partner would come home. Plus i have the to go to the dentist in two days... I dont even know how long its been, i think its over two months now? or it will be by next weekend...
Im sick of being alone here, and my partner doesnt have credit so i wont get any texts or calls so the silence is gonna be hard.
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
feeling absolutely terrible.
My partner has been with me for the majority of the last two weeks which was great. Her sister came down for the weekend and today we (quite last minute) decided to go to a wildlife park. So i had to pack and clean cat bowls. I was trying to go as fast as possible and i asked my partner to do a couple other things (which werent technically necessary, but since they were waiting i figured she could anyway).
She ended up getting REALLY mad at me for wasting time. All i was trying to do was help, and now she is furious at me so i got quite upset and told them to go without me (i didnt want to pay money to be miserable with her so mad at me)).
They have just left and i cant stop sobbing.
All i was trying to was help and she is so mad at me.
I feel so useless and hurt and just tired of trying, when all i do is make her mad at me.
I just feel so low right now.
My partner has been with me for the majority of the last two weeks which was great. Her sister came down for the weekend and today we (quite last minute) decided to go to a wildlife park. So i had to pack and clean cat bowls. I was trying to go as fast as possible and i asked my partner to do a couple other things (which werent technically necessary, but since they were waiting i figured she could anyway).
She ended up getting REALLY mad at me for wasting time. All i was trying to do was help, and now she is furious at me so i got quite upset and told them to go without me (i didnt want to pay money to be miserable with her so mad at me)).
They have just left and i cant stop sobbing.
All i was trying to was help and she is so mad at me.
I feel so useless and hurt and just tired of trying, when all i do is make her mad at me.
I just feel so low right now.
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
I have two hours to get myself back together... They will be back around then..
I daresay my partner will still be furious at me when she gets back, possibly more so because i didnt go with them. But i just couldnt go, having her so mad at me when all i wanted to do was help just hurt too much.
I daresay my partner will still be furious at me when she gets back, possibly more so because i didnt go with them. But i just couldnt go, having her so mad at me when all i wanted to do was help just hurt too much.
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
Feeling even worse now.
My partner and her younger sister came back an hour earlier then expected, they had gone to the older sister's place instead. My partner packed some clothes and a lot of food, said she needed space and doesnt know when she will come back, then left indefinitely.
i dont know what to do
My partner and her younger sister came back an hour earlier then expected, they had gone to the older sister's place instead. My partner packed some clothes and a lot of food, said she needed space and doesnt know when she will come back, then left indefinitely.
i dont know what to do
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
feeling very close to the edge right now.
cant stop shaking and i just dont know what to do.
I dont know if this is it and my partner is breaking up with me.
im so ****ing useless.
i cant breathe and just dont want to keep going anymore. its too much. its been over two months of agonizing loneliness with only short bursts of being with my partner, and when she is there she is always so mad, everything i do makes her angry. i just dont know what to do.
i feel like im going to vomit and i cant stop shaking.
cant stop shaking and i just dont know what to do.
I dont know if this is it and my partner is breaking up with me.
im so ****ing useless.
i cant breathe and just dont want to keep going anymore. its too much. its been over two months of agonizing loneliness with only short bursts of being with my partner, and when she is there she is always so mad, everything i do makes her angry. i just dont know what to do.
i feel like im going to vomit and i cant stop shaking.
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
i dont want to break up with her. I cant even consider it
i know its just because she is so tired and stressed after all the stuff thats happened in the last two months. On top of her sickness, it makes her very short tempered and impatient.
but breaking up is not an option, i love her with all my heart, i cant even consider not being with her.
i know its just because she is so tired and stressed after all the stuff thats happened in the last two months. On top of her sickness, it makes her very short tempered and impatient.
but breaking up is not an option, i love her with all my heart, i cant even consider not being with her.
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GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
I find it interesting that you consistently use the term partner to identify this person, when the relationship you describe is not a partnership at all. Partners are evenly yoked. They share their burdens, they support each other, and they compromise. Your "partner," however, seems to treat you like a serf: you do all the work, and she enjoys the benefits; you sow, she reaps. That's not a loving relationship. It's not a partnership. It's abuse, and you deserve better. I sincerely hope you will find the courage and strength to overcome your addiction to this person and move on.
LoyalXenite
Well-known member
Its really not like that at all.
She is unwell at the moment, plus she is very stressed with supporting her sister. Usually our relationship is very equal and very supportive. Things are just rough at the moment with all the added stress on top of her illness, and because she was away so much the last few months im overly clingy and suffocating her a bit so she is feeling very drained and there i am making it that much worse for her. Problem is its hard for me to not cling to her after she was gone for so long..
Now that she is gone indefinately though i am panicking about losing her. I dont do our relationship justice on these boards. She is an incredibly supportive and loving partner most of the time, its just lately things are making her very stressed and so she shuts off emotionally and gets cranky easilly.
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LoyalXenite
Well-known member
I post on here when im struggling emotionally so you only get to hear the worst of it.
You dont get to hear how supportive she is to me, how loved she makes me feel, how thoughtful, loyal, kind, loving and sweet she can be. She is the best thing in my life, and despite the rough patch we are going through, i dont want to lose her.
You dont get to hear how supportive she is to me, how loved she makes me feel, how thoughtful, loyal, kind, loving and sweet she can be. She is the best thing in my life, and despite the rough patch we are going through, i dont want to lose her.
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