Feeling very hurt and lost today. we are going to try be roomates, partially for financial reasons, partially for the pets, and partially to try and be friends one day.
Last night my.. well my ex.. was discussing how she plans to grow her hair and how she will style it. Once it has grown long enough, and she was saying she could do it one way to look straight for during the days and another way for when she wants to pick up chicks.
that hurt so much, that she is already so over me as to joke about going out to pick up other girls. that really cut deep.
Her older sister called, she didnt know about the break up yet, she invited us to go to the store with her, my Ex said yes. But then after i hung up i recognized her facial expression, so i asked do you not want me to come, she said yes in her distant, cold, shut down voice (that she mainly uses to talk to me these days, even before the break up, like she broke up with me mentally when she first went away for those months). Gods, it hurt so much. I know she doesnt want me hanging out with her family now that its over, but does she have to be so cold about it. Its like she doesnt care what it does to me. They've been gone for like two hours,i finished separating most of our stuff.
I had a moment of strength where i figured if she can hurt me like this over and over again then i know its truly over, she definitely does not care for me, does not love me and she never will again.
so i figured i'd seperate off our stuff and I did, mostly. Now i've had time to sit and i feel miserable
why does she not care if she hurts me, i dont understand how it came to be like this. We started out so in love, i think we just had too much o deal with from the beginning and it put too much pressure from the very start and we just never had a real chance, and now she doesnt want to fight for this relationship, she started cutting herself off from me emotionally for the last say 6 months, being very erratic with how she spoke to me, sometimes with love, sometimes cold and distant. I think i've moved on from denial into acceptance that the relationship is over.
It still hurts like hell, but i think i've taken a step forward in accepting that its over and that she will never care about me again. Her older sister was nice to me of course, both of her sisters now have said that i can text them if i need to talk and such. I hate that i lose them as friends because of this.
I hate how much this has to hurt!
I spend so much of my time on this computer trying to distract myself until i can sleep again, watching movies and tv shows all day long because i cant stand the silence.
