Link between thinking your ugly and SA/SP?

[vj288]

There are people who think they are unattractive and have very low levels of SA
There are people with high levels of SA who think they are very attractive.

I don't think there is a necessary link between the two, but they each can be contributing factors to the other. If someone weights the importance of appearance highly and think there appearance is not good, they probably will not have much confidence in life. A lack of confidence can certainly contribute to SA.
On the flip side, when one has SA they may not have much confidence, and when one thing goes wrong they all go wrong. They may think there's "Something wrong" with them, and generalize it to every aspect of their lives, including appearance.

 

[MikeyC]

Haha, that's alright. Now send me some mousseee

One mousse coming up!

 

[Hamelech]

Kalos kagathos - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Silatuyok]

I feel unattractive because people aren't attracted to me (in any way), and most of the time seem not to see me at all. But I think I get overlooked because I am not outgoing and engaging.

 

[-lonestar-]

Let me throw this out there, if you are physically in shape I think you can be beautiful even if you think your face isn't anything special. The overall appearance and the way you dress I believe can make you beautiful no matter what. Just something to consider, same idea for beautiful people with crap attitudes their looks vanish with how bad they behave.

 

[MikeyC]

I feel unattractive because people aren't attracted to me (in any way), and most of the time seem not to see me at all. But I think I get overlooked because I am not outgoing and engaging.

I think you're attractive from your pictures, but I agree that not being outgoing can convey an aura of unattractiveness to others. I know physical attractive girls who have the worst personalities and that makes them ugly to me.

From what I've seen here, though, you are not one of those girls.

 

[Blabla..]

I feel unattractive because people aren't attracted to me (in any way), and most of the time seem not to see me at all. But I think I get overlooked because I am not outgoing and engaging.

If you get overlooked for being who you are , you are just not with the right people , i got overlooked all my life for being calm and silent , and you are not unattractive at all

 

[DeadmanWalking]

My looks have some contribution to my SA, but that's not then "end all, be all" reason why I have it. In the past, I never received any compliments on how I looked; in fact, I received some insults on my looks (though this was a rare occasion). So, because people were, for the most part ignoring me, my mind decided, "Since no one will look at me, then I must be ugly." Add that on to the fact that no girl has ever been attracted to me, then that makes up for one poor view of oneself (although I probably shouldn't depend on others opinions to validate myself). But, there are worse-looking people out there, I guess, so our SA only becomes linked to our looks when we receive negative attention or no attention at all about it.

The other part comes from thinking that I'm such a horrible person. I can't see anything good about myself and constantly tear into myself when I get the chance. I've called myself a coward, weakling, monster, jerk, and a devil. So, to summarize, my outside looks aren't the only stem of my SA; my inside looks are a cause as well.

 

[Siegfried]

You've basically summed me up in a paragraph. Good to see others think the same way (actually, that's not good!). I never believe people when they compliment my appearance because I think they're being polite or sarcastic, even when I'm sure it's genuine. It even goes so far as to make me a little uncomfortable. It's merely an issue of self-esteem.


Awwww, you are so awesome. Thank you.


Yeah, I have to agree. Pretty much every girl who's posted a picture is pretty. Even some of the dudes, too!

yeah.. i think it is the result of so much time thinking the same way, making it as you say a problem of self-esteem... at least in my case what becomes difficult is how to raise my self-esteem even when people say good things about me...

In my case, I think it stems from the fact that I was bullied for the way I look and speak, and that changed me. My SA has made me very insecure, worthless and a loser, and that affects my self image. I'm also very bitter when I see other girls/women, because they all look better than me, and I know I can't reach that. It intimidates me.

So, I'd say the common factor is the feeling of being a lesser being.

I feel the same way too... when i go out to some random place and i see other guys my mind is like "I will always be less than the others, they all look better than me,"... result= intimidation

 

[MikeyC]

yeah.. i think it is the result of so much time thinking the same way, making it as you say a problem of self-esteem... at least in my case what becomes difficult is how to raise my self-esteem even when people say good things about me...

Yeah, I just feel like they're not being truthful and I play whatever they say down. I need to learn to accept compliments when they come by and be happy about it.

 

[Kiwong]

Thinking you are ugly is a self esteem issue. I thought I was ugly in high school long before I developed anxiety.

 

[Falkor]

Thinking you are ugly is a self esteem issue. I thought I was ugly in high school long before I developed anxiety.

Me too, and now it's like the anxiety is triggered by feeling this way.
If I think I look good, I'm smiling and feeling a little more confident (less anxiety) BUT STILL never feel actually pretty, but just a little better... Like if I just get a nice comment or such. I never can believe it 100 %.... just feeling a little more satisfied but never for real once in life. and if I feel like this, I really start to feel anxious... Just that I feel so not confident and like really extremely feeling worse.

I don't know if I got BDD, I sure have an extreme feeling of ugliness, to make me feel terrible around people. It is a REAL bothering demon. but it is just me, being a bitch to myself. ._. I'm such a false friend to myself, but I cannot be friends with me, wish I could, just hang out and say Heeeey you pretty looking cool hey! .__.

But I know it's a real disability or ilness in my mind and it is making me feel sad..

good part is that I now face college and everything, even though I feel like the most ugly weirdow. I don't feel happy in my skin but just keep here and do my stuff. So I do have strength to face it. Still inside it's a monster. I know if I take a few steps I can reduce it somewhat though

 

[Ms Cloud]

Thinking you are ugly is a self esteem issue.

Yes it is, if you're not really ugly. If you are ugly, then it's just realism.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I'm curious on what you think the relationship between these 2 variables is.
For those who do "think they are ugly", do you think this is due to your SA? Like do you think the reason you "think" you are ugly is because of your SA/SP, or is it the other way around; Do you think you have SA/SP because you think you are ugly?

Well, I no longer think I am ugly really. I am not a beautiful girl but my looks are average, and sometimes I even look pretty. There is a link though. My SA is not brought about because I think I am ugly now. I grew up feeling very ugly and people would give me a lot of grief due to my appearance, to the point of making me scared to interact with people. I still struggle with low self-esteem; if I could I would alter/change a lot about my appearance. So, all that, plus OCD and related traumas, brought about my SA.

I never believe people when they compliment my appearance because I think they're being polite or sarcastic, even when I'm sure it's genuine. It even goes so far as to make me a little uncomfortable. It's merely an issue of self-esteem.

Same here. It makes me feel so awkward thanking people when they compliment me but I do thank them 'cause that is the polite thing to do.

I feel unattractive because people aren't attracted to me (in any way), and most of the time seem not to see me at all. But I think I get overlooked because I am not outgoing and engaging.

I often feel invisible too. I have always wanted to be charming and charismatic. Instead I am awkward and aloof.

 

[coyote]

Yes it is, if you're not really ugly. If you are ugly, then it's just realism.

"ugly" is merely a label

usually a product of hate or fear

used to distance others



"beautiful" is the same

but is a product of love or desire

used to gain closeness


neither truly exist outside of personal opinion

people just look like they look

 

[YellowBird]

anxiety,feeling like **** inside makes you think you look the same way,perfectionism,corrupt society promoting Nazi brainwashing propaganda.

 

[Ms Cloud]

neither truly exist outside of personal opinion

people just look like they look

I dunno. I'm sure everyone has something about their appearance that they would change if they could. It's just a question of degree; as in, how many things would you change, to what extent would you change them, and how badly do you wish you could change them.

In my case I only have one thing that I would change. But my complex about that one thing is quite severe, and I do think it was a major factor in the development of my social inhibitions. No doubt about it. And acne/erythema didn't help either.

 

[MikeyC]

And acne/erythema didn't help either.

I never had erythema, but I did suffer from terrible acne when I was growing up, and I think that severely dented my confidence in approaching girls. In fact, I'm 25 and I still suffer it slightly...not really on my face anymore, but on my ARMS!

I can understand where you're coming from, Cloud. While it's still something we have to endure growing up whether we like it or not, it still doesn't change its severity.

Do you still suffer from acne and erythema?

 

[Ms Cloud]

I never had erythema, but I did suffer from terrible acne when I was growing up, and I think that severely dented my confidence in approaching girls.

Of course it did. Acne is a major cause of awfulness. That's why I don't like it when people say that appearance doesn't matter. If beauty and ugliness are merely figments of the mind, then I should be able to go around with half my face swollen with pus and not worry about getting funny looks.

I can understand where you're coming from, Cloud. While it's still something we have to endure growing up whether we like it or not, it still doesn't change its severity.

Do you still suffer from acne and erythema?

Yes but I live in isolation so it doesn't matter now. My acne is a bit better than it used to be (I'm 34), and the erythema is a bit worse. (Erythema is a burning rash on the face and upper body-- comes and goes with nervousness).

Thanks for asking, Mike.

 

[MikeyC]

Of course it did. Acne is a major cause of awfulness. That's why I don't like it when people say that appearance doesn't matter. If beauty and ugliness are merely figments of the mind, then I should be able to go around with half my face swollen with pus and not worry about getting funny looks.

Appearance does matter, even to those who say it doesn't. I'm glad I'm old enough now that acne isn't a massive issue!

Yes but I live in isolation so it doesn't matter now. My acne is a bit better than it used to be (I'm 34), and the erythema is a bit worse. (Erythema is a burning rash on the face and upper body-- comes and goes with nervousness).

Thanks for asking, Mike.

That's no good that you live in isolation! Sorry to hear your erythema is worse, though. :: Can you treat it? Does it actually hurt when it comes up?

And you're welcome.