Link between thinking your ugly and SA/SP?

[Kiwong]

Yes it is, if you're not really ugly. If you are ugly, then it's just realism.

It seems that there so many very good looking people on this website and in the real world have a negative view of their appearence. Unecessarily so. That is not realism it is governed by their thoughts not facts.

I'm no longer preoccupied with my looks, maybe that is related to age.

 

[Ms Cloud]

Can you treat it? Does it actually hurt when it comes up?

It's... unpleasant, in many ways. But mostly because of how it appears to others (i.e. freakish). Apparently it can be treated with surgery (by cutting a nerve). But at this point in my life, the risks would outweigh the rewards.

The way I see it is this: when you go through life with a major social impediment (including but not limited to physical defects), you spend a lot of time not interacting with others, and therefore not learning social skills. So even if the impediment were suddenly removed, you'd still feel like a fish out of water around people. More so if you're older and you've pretty much rewired your own brain to adapt to your situation. It would take quite a while to reverse all that.

In other words-- when I really examine my identity, I can see how much of it has been built around my physical issues. But it's set now, like jello. Taking away the mold won't change its shape.

 

[MikeyC]

It's... unpleasant, in many ways. But mostly because of how it appears to others (i.e. freakish). Apparently it can be treated with surgery (by cutting a nerve). But at this point in my life, the risks would outweigh the rewards.

The way I see it is this: when you go through life with a major social impediment (including but not limited to physical defects), you spend a lot of time not interacting with others, and therefore not learning social skills. So even if the impediment were suddenly removed, you'd still feel like a fish out of water around people. More so if you're older and you've pretty much rewired your own brain to adapt to your situation. It would take quite a while to reverse all that.

In other words-- when I really examine my identity, I can see how much of it has been built around my physical issues. But it's set now, like jello. Taking away the mold won't change its shape.

Good post, and thanks for answering. Yeah, you'd still need some lessons on interacting even if you could get rid of erythema.

Still unfortunate, though. Sorry to hear that. ::

 

[Logical Anxiety]

I think my severe acne in my primary-school years caused my SA...it caused me to loathe seeing myself in mirrors and made me paranoid at whoever looked at me. Coupled with my shy personality...well, my self-esteem went down the drain.

Sad to say, I got a lot of hard stares whenever I was in public when I still had severe acne. Ha, but I saved myself from anymore stares when I FINALLY found out about dermatologists. So, little acne, if any = significant improvement in self-esteem.

But even without much acne now, people look away or look down whenever they see my face. No staring now. What's that supposed to mean, eh?! ._.

 

[Ms Cloud]

But even without much acne now, people look away or look down whenever they see my face. No staring now. What's that supposed to mean, eh?! ._.

Hmm... what does that mean? (what do you think it means?)

 

[ERose]

I really don't have a good relationship with the way I see myself and the way I think of myself.
I've always been insecure/ unconfident even if I was a loud, angry and hyperactive child, I was trying to get some sort of attention.
I have my good days, but body dysmorphia doesn't help at all.
I just have to work with it but it is a really big link between my social anxiety, I hate the attention, I hate the fact I have to constantly go to the toilets at college to look in the mirror and analyse.

There's a really big link between the lack of self confidence and social anxiety I think, it's really interesting but unfortunate too. ​

 

[Ms Cloud]

I hate the fact I have to constantly go to the toilets at college to look in the mirror and analyse.

Omg, when I was at school I think I spent more time in washrooms than in the classrooms. Me and washrooms... we have a long history together.

I don't remember much of what I learned at college, but I can remember every single washroom in great detail. LOL

 

[ERose]

Omg, when I was at school I think I spent more time in washrooms than in the classrooms. Me and washrooms... we have a long history together.

I don't remember much of what I learned at college, but I can remember every single washroom in great detail. LOL

Finally someone else! It's such a strange thing to do, but it's so comforting and quiet. People always say, you're always going to the toilets, haha.
It's not that I have to, I just feel the need to escape I think.

 

[Logical Anxiety]

Hmm... what does that mean? (what do you think it means?)

Oh, I forgot to mention only people on the street will look away/down if they see me walking towards them. If I'm inside a building or something similar, people will just look straight ahead if they see me walking towards them. Really confuses me, to be honest

 

[tovoxy]

i always thought i was ugly and that bothered me a lot, i think about how i look all the time and i usually keep my head down coz i think then people won't see my ugly face lol
but probably if i wouldn't have SA I wouldn't even give a damn bout my look...

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

The way I see it is this: when you go through life with a major social impediment (including but not limited to physical defects), you spend a lot of time not interacting with others, and therefore not learning social skills. So even if the impediment were suddenly removed, you'd still feel like a fish out of water around people. More so if you're older and you've pretty much rewired your own brain to adapt to your situation. It would take quite a while to reverse all that.

In other words-- when I really examine my identity, I can see how much of it has been built around my physical issues. But it's set now, like jello. Taking away the mold won't change its shape.

You articulated something I could not. Very well said. Yes, yes, yes, one hundred times yes. That right there is the story of my life and explains this whole mess I am now in.

As a child I had a "physical defect" that caused a lot of negative attention. This lasted throughout my teen years as well, and a bit during my early twenties. Luckily -and I am so grateful for this - this physical defect is no longer an issue. I look normal. It is such a relief! I always thought that if that were to happen I would be okay. It was not an instant POOF! type change, but more of a gradual process, and perhaps that is why not much did change other than that defect being gone. I have all these maladaptive tendencies, and I am socially anxious still. I suppose that this is what therapy is good for? Unlearning all this? Only, I don't have a therapist.

Thanks for writing this. I am gonna write it in my journal now

 

[pop-princess]

In my early & mid teen years I used to think I was extremely ugly. I thought absolutely everyone looked better than me and I couldn't even look at photographs of myself. Today I feel better about it. Deep inside I know that i'm not an ugly person. People compliment me about my looks but I get uncomfortable of compliments and don't believe them but at the same time I really need them to get a kick. Integrity is something I really value but sometimes I feel like being like those girls who exploits themselves just to get affirmation. I never do that though but I can understand them sometimes....

I'm a perfectionist and I analyze every trait in my face carefully. It takes a long time for me to get ready and if I feel like I have a bad day lookwise I feel deeply uncomfortable going out.

So yeah one can say I have a problem with my appearance but I for the most part don't think i'm ugly. I hate being a perfectionist.