Just got dumped... already


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Hi I feel really low and inferior at the moment. This emoticon sums it up ::(:

Here is why.
There was a girl I flirted with for a while, we always spoke when I saw her at work. I asked if she wanted to meet up. She said Yes, so we went to a lovely quite beach, splashed around a bit, had a cuddle. It was the perfect day, lots of flirting. I never implied it was a date, I didn't want to scare her by overly-romantic or to make her feel uncomfortable. Having SA, I found it tough sometimes to get into conversation, but after a while I felt very natural and confident around her.

We met up for a second time with a plan to go to the cinema, but we ended up going to another beach, then a walk through the forest, and finally a drink at a pub. I teased her a bit, and she enjoyed acting a bit silly. I felt like we were building some physical chemistry. At the end of the day, I try to kiss her but she backed away, saying she didn't know me well enough. Eventually after saying how I felt and talking for a bit, I tried again and she kissed me back.

This girl seemed to genuinely take an interest in me, she listened to me, laughed at my jokes. She even noticed a few of my quirks. I texted her that night about going for a picnic?, I got no reply. I texted her the next week, still no reply.
So I went to her work till (where I asked her out in the first place) and I went through a very awkward experience to find out why she's being selectively mute with me. I asked her why she had been so quiet and she said the immortal 'I just want to be friends instead.' My heart sank a little, I asked how come she feels this way. She said that the dates weren't 'proper' dates, they didn't feel like dates. That she expected to be spoken to and treated in a certain way, taken to certain places and for the guy to be keen. I defended myself a little saying I was keen. I felt a bit destroyed and confused, so I said 'I don't know what you want' and just left.

I just feel really bad atm. I had no idea she had such expectations, she never mentioned before. I never implied it was a date in the first place as I didn't want there to be lots of pressure on us. I love romance, but I'd rather get to know someone first, have some fun and go from there. I know it was only 2 dates we went on, but it is so rare for me to see any girl, and then to get rejected for such a weird reason, really really hurts.


I'm sorry this happened to you. If it makes you feel any better, know that everyone will have to face rejection at some point in their life even her. It really really sucks to have feelings.
Damn fear. I'm feeling your heartache right now.
That sounds like many of my situations too. Thinking you do everything right, just to be let down by confusion. It sounds like you did everything right, so in the end it's her loss.

I'm really sorry it happened that way. You're such a great guy, I wish you all the luck in the world.


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Thanks very much guys. And a secondary thanks for no-one telling me "there is plenty more fish in the sea"


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Thanks very much guys. And a secondary thanks for no-one telling me "there is plenty more fish in the sea"

we'll it may seem stupid when people say such things, but they just ry to cheer you up. And while it may seem irrelevant at that point when you're mad in love with someone, it's a fact that there are many

many more fish in the sea.

Oh and crabs, caring ones


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Ah thats a shame. :( . Those dates sounded much better than the usual drink in the pub or out to a disco thing that most couples round here do,you seemed to put a lot of thought into them.


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Well sometimes people just don't "click". Even if you have a really good time and have a lot of fun, there's no romantic spark. You just weren't the kind of guy SHE was looking for to have a relationship with. If you guys have a lot of fun together, I think you should try a friendship thing. But just because you weren't the kind of guy for her, doesn't mean you aren't the kind of guy for someone else.

And even if you hate the "there's plenty more fish in the sea" saying, it's true. There's 10000000 girls out there, there's absolutely no real need to get too upset over something not working out with one girl that wasn't even good for you anyway. Even though I can understand the disappointment, because it does suck when you like someone and they don't feel the same way for you.

You are going to be much much happier when you find someone that fits your style. There are a lot of girls out there that like to keep things "non date" ish in the beginning to keep things slow and casual. Wait for those girls, and just be glad that this girl allowed you the chance to find someone much much better for you.


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I’m sorry to hear this .
Yes it is hard to go through such an experience, but not to forget there are lessons to be learned here that might be very useful for your dates in the future.
Maybe the wrong thing that you might have done here was kissing the girl again after the first time that she backed up.
I actually have a male friend who is quite experienced in dating and etc and I recall him once saying that he would never kiss a woman unless she started the move or showed she was willing.
On the good side I also think you should give yourself a big pat on the back for having had the courage to ask her out and earning an opportunity to gain some useful experience.


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I'm very sorry to hear this. To me it sounds like you scared her a bit with the kiss. I don't know what you said after the kiss but some of us find it very hard to say 'no' because we don't want to hurt the guy and it's easier to reject or to break up via text messages or simply not to answer. To do THAT is completely wrong though and cowardly, all break ups should be face to face. And what she's saying about the dates not being 'proper' ones.... Well, that's completely bull**** in my opinion. Me myself would love to go out on that kind of dates! That comment just made her sound spoiled and picky. It's very weird indeed. You seem like a very sweet and romantic guy, it's her loss. This is something that happens all the time and all we can do is to move on. Hope you feel better soon.


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it's just bad luck on your part. i have extremely terrible luck in the dating world myself, i never meet girls that i fit the "expectations" of... and i've dated a variety of different kind of girls.


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I'm not gonna defend her one bit. It seems you didn't do anything wrong. You got unlucky, you crossed paths with with a weirdo.


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WHAT! Nights on the beach?!... WALKING THROUGH THE FOREST?!..to find a pub?! I want that!! She's just an odd one she is, sound perfect to me. =P you'll pick yourself up I hope :) *hugs*


Well-known member
Don't beat yourself up too much about it. Some women are like that. One second they think you're something special and the next you're just some guy. I remember my first experience with a girl back in college who suddenly changed her behavior around me for no apparent reason - obviously didn't want to associate. I couldn't figure it out. It ended as quick as it began.

Learn from the experience and move on to the next opportunity. There will be more.
I got dumped within one hour of being a girls "boyfriend". I win on the getting dumped scale::p:

Away from that though, I'm really sorry to hear you feel so bad about it. But to be perfectly honest, her saying that you didn't take her on proper dates and all tat makes her seem like a stuck up and spoilt cow. No offence. I'm sure you can find a girl who realizes what a catch you are, and wont treat you like she has.

Good luck with life