"Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
- Thread starter Social_Monstrosity
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pinkputter
Well-known member
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
You *have* to be yourself. Who else can you be?
Who was it that said, "be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else"
...that is wise advice.
I think what is meant by that is to not be so self-concious and just enjoy being yourself.
You *have* to be yourself. Who else can you be?
Who was it that said, "be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else"
...that is wise advice.
I think what is meant by that is to not be so self-concious and just enjoy being yourself.
GoBlue72
Well-known member
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
Some of my favorite points of yours Waybuloo...Just be yourself might be good advice-for some. But just because it works in many cases, doesn't make it good advice. Everyone is different, so how can you know people will like everyone if they're themselves? The husband who cheats on his wife and has a completely separate family for 20 years living in another city gets caught by his wife eventually. Did she love him more after discovering who he really was? I'm guessing she liked him more when he hid his cheating side from her. And ask the criminal who checked the "convicted felon" box on his job application how that's working out for him.
And yes, if I go to a job interview "being myself", odds are i'll be visibly anxious and saying whatever is on my mind. I would also focus way too much on my negative attributes and shortcomings, because that's the "self" I usually focus on or see. I like my chances much better if I act like the confident person I am normally not, and hide the aspects that might keep me from getting the job. The same would probably go for dating. Yes, I'd like to show my funny side, but if someone really appreciates me for who I am, they would see my shy nervous side as well and not hold it against me. Because the majority of the time, that's closer to who I've always been. For better or worse.
Some of my favorite points of yours Waybuloo...Just be yourself might be good advice-for some. But just because it works in many cases, doesn't make it good advice. Everyone is different, so how can you know people will like everyone if they're themselves? The husband who cheats on his wife and has a completely separate family for 20 years living in another city gets caught by his wife eventually. Did she love him more after discovering who he really was? I'm guessing she liked him more when he hid his cheating side from her. And ask the criminal who checked the "convicted felon" box on his job application how that's working out for him.
And yes, if I go to a job interview "being myself", odds are i'll be visibly anxious and saying whatever is on my mind. I would also focus way too much on my negative attributes and shortcomings, because that's the "self" I usually focus on or see. I like my chances much better if I act like the confident person I am normally not, and hide the aspects that might keep me from getting the job. The same would probably go for dating. Yes, I'd like to show my funny side, but if someone really appreciates me for who I am, they would see my shy nervous side as well and not hold it against me. Because the majority of the time, that's closer to who I've always been. For better or worse.
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
I don't really like looking at it as a ''weakness''. I prefer viewing it as a mental obstacle. It might make things more difficult, but it never really physically stops you from doing something. It becomes a weakness when it's allowed to dominate behavior. Which can be suppressed, and eventually changed to a certain extent.
When I say ''not part of your identity as a living creature'' I meant it more in the sense of fundamentals. Personality is merely a rough profile based on reoccurring/predictable brain/thought patterns. The profile is far from dead-on accurate, even to ourselves. Personality itself isn't directly part of your fundamental identity. It's merely a tool we use to roughly describe ourselves, and others. However, I do believe that SP/SA is caused by the aforementioned reoccurring thought patterns. When you learn what (exactly) triggers your SP/SA, you can learn to forcefully change the thought pattern.
Even though it's part of you through (unconsciously processed) thought patterns, it needn't affect your natural behavior so much that it makes ''being yourself'' a overly bad thing. And it certainly doesn't help to tell yourself that it's part of you as a whole, while it's just a tiny part of you. Especially when it's a part that is changeable. :3
I don't really like looking at it as a ''weakness''. I prefer viewing it as a mental obstacle. It might make things more difficult, but it never really physically stops you from doing something. It becomes a weakness when it's allowed to dominate behavior. Which can be suppressed, and eventually changed to a certain extent.
When I say ''not part of your identity as a living creature'' I meant it more in the sense of fundamentals. Personality is merely a rough profile based on reoccurring/predictable brain/thought patterns. The profile is far from dead-on accurate, even to ourselves. Personality itself isn't directly part of your fundamental identity. It's merely a tool we use to roughly describe ourselves, and others. However, I do believe that SP/SA is caused by the aforementioned reoccurring thought patterns. When you learn what (exactly) triggers your SP/SA, you can learn to forcefully change the thought pattern.
Even though it's part of you through (unconsciously processed) thought patterns, it needn't affect your natural behavior so much that it makes ''being yourself'' a overly bad thing. And it certainly doesn't help to tell yourself that it's part of you as a whole, while it's just a tiny part of you. Especially when it's a part that is changeable. :3
ripewithdecay
Well-known member
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
If someone says this to me I just tell them "Don't JBY me!"
If someone says this to me I just tell them "Don't JBY me!"
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
Define "Being yourself?"
People are adaptable and malable; often many people float through life wondering why they have no identity; they never found anything very special or interesting for them (they're still looking); that sets them apart or defines them. But YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY. So you cling to it. Protect it. Feel confused and frustrated by different outsiders who haven't found anything and float around.
But I seriously think those people go through life copying others because they are bored. They wonder: "How do i be myself?"
(its a mind****)
You don't have to stop liking what you want. You can be as wierd as you want and still be likeable; you just have to look at it from that perspective a little. People can be shallow and selfish.. Yes its true You just have to accept it. Try to be interested in things the general population are interested in and you'll have things to talk about with a certain percentage of the general population.
Also~ being warm and sincerely liking people is what it takes. If you don't really like people you have to work past that~ I have a problem where i project negative expectations on people~ Even if im trying to be nice it doesn't always work. You distance yourself, have a hard time connecting, cant trust people enough to really open up.
It really takes learning to like people, not just acting nice.
You can make friends with anyone if you are selfless and interested in them, not trying to avoid them out of fear. Its not just about being you though; its about involving everyone into your world and making them a part of you. Does that make sense?
I hope this helps.
Define "Being yourself?"
People are adaptable and malable; often many people float through life wondering why they have no identity; they never found anything very special or interesting for them (they're still looking); that sets them apart or defines them. But YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY. So you cling to it. Protect it. Feel confused and frustrated by different outsiders who haven't found anything and float around.
But I seriously think those people go through life copying others because they are bored. They wonder: "How do i be myself?"
(its a mind****)
You don't have to stop liking what you want. You can be as wierd as you want and still be likeable; you just have to look at it from that perspective a little. People can be shallow and selfish.. Yes its true You just have to accept it. Try to be interested in things the general population are interested in and you'll have things to talk about with a certain percentage of the general population.
Also~ being warm and sincerely liking people is what it takes. If you don't really like people you have to work past that~ I have a problem where i project negative expectations on people~ Even if im trying to be nice it doesn't always work. You distance yourself, have a hard time connecting, cant trust people enough to really open up.
It really takes learning to like people, not just acting nice.
You can make friends with anyone if you are selfless and interested in them, not trying to avoid them out of fear. Its not just about being you though; its about involving everyone into your world and making them a part of you. Does that make sense?
I hope this helps.
JamesSmith
Well-known member
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
I hope you don't take this wrong way, but it's because you've never actually been yourself. In my case, I don't even know what the real me is. People with a terrible anxiety disorder are tense all of the time, so they are never relaxed, and being relaxed is the only way you can truly be yourself. The Chinese figured this out a while ago: "Tension is you are trying to be, relaxation is who you are."~Chinese proverb
The only way to be your real self would be to learn how to make a habit of relaxing all the time. I am working on that by practicing relaxing every day and will let you know if I do conquer anxiety and learn how to relax. It's a lot of work, and I'm planning on this taking years, at least 4 years maybe longer. What is ironic is that is sounds simple, "you need to learn to relax." But the truth is it's like anything else, it takes time to get good at if it's possible. We basically need to tell our body to do something that it's not programmed to do.
Biggest load of BS ever? :
Being myself has gotten me nowhere in life, putting up a more friendly, approachable facade has worked for me from time to time, but it will surely fizzle out eventually.
Life with SAD is so frustrating...
I hope you don't take this wrong way, but it's because you've never actually been yourself. In my case, I don't even know what the real me is. People with a terrible anxiety disorder are tense all of the time, so they are never relaxed, and being relaxed is the only way you can truly be yourself. The Chinese figured this out a while ago: "Tension is you are trying to be, relaxation is who you are."~Chinese proverb
The only way to be your real self would be to learn how to make a habit of relaxing all the time. I am working on that by practicing relaxing every day and will let you know if I do conquer anxiety and learn how to relax. It's a lot of work, and I'm planning on this taking years, at least 4 years maybe longer. What is ironic is that is sounds simple, "you need to learn to relax." But the truth is it's like anything else, it takes time to get good at if it's possible. We basically need to tell our body to do something that it's not programmed to do.
1986Poe
Active member
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
yeah being someone else will attract people but only for someone else and if you want to be yourself afterwards they may then distrust you so its best to meet people who match you or not at all
yeah being someone else will attract people but only for someone else and if you want to be yourself afterwards they may then distrust you so its best to meet people who match you or not at all
JamesSmith
Well-known member
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
Are you saying shy people should only meet shy people?
Are you saying shy people should only meet shy people?
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
My mother says this to me all the time and I'm finally starting to get it. I spend so much of my time being nervous around people and afraid that they'll single me out that I'll be whoever I need to be to stay invisible.
My mother says this to me all the time and I'm finally starting to get it. I spend so much of my time being nervous around people and afraid that they'll single me out that I'll be whoever I need to be to stay invisible.
boro
Well-known member
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
Ive never thought of it like this before. Interesting. Now that I think back there has been many occasions where I could say ive deliberately put on an act as a direct result of my nervousness, only it didnt seem like an act at the time and instead felt like the only thing I could do. Anxiety has a funny way of creating tunnel vision like that.
Ive never thought of it like this before. Interesting. Now that I think back there has been many occasions where I could say ive deliberately put on an act as a direct result of my nervousness, only it didnt seem like an act at the time and instead felt like the only thing I could do. Anxiety has a funny way of creating tunnel vision like that.
theslowesthand
Banned
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
Here is my own unque take on all this - using "the onion model"...
(at the top is the outer layer, peeling away layers to reach more and more authenticity of "you")
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Put on an "act" (eg act not as nervous as you really are)
- PRETENDING to be warm/friendly & sincerely liking people (see also below)
- PRETENDING to be genuinely liking & interested in people
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Play a "role" (eg as a "polite small-talker"; seems to have more authenticity than "putting on an act", though both are "acting")
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The surface partly-true ego-self (you are "defined" by your thoughts/opinions/beliefs, interests, actions, job, car, ...)
- Having/sharing things that make you special/unique/interesting (& charming if possible) to others.
- Not having any negative thoughts such as projecting negative expectations on them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The more-true ego-self
- Being warm/friendly & sincerely liking people
. . . or
. Being hostile/cold & sincerely disliking people
- Genuinely liking & being interested in people (not just acting nice; forget about self & focus on them; "become one" with them)
. . . or
. Genuinely disliking & being bored with people (unable to forget about self, or focus on them; feel "apart" from them)
- Talking about your true thoughts & feelings, good & bad
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The 100%-true ego-self
- Talking, no-hold-barred about your true thoughts & feelings, good & bad
- Being brutally-honest/blunt/rude (that's the ego talking)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"True" self (beyond time & form; is the CORE of the onion)
- Just being
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Here is my own unque take on all this - using "the onion model"...
(at the top is the outer layer, peeling away layers to reach more and more authenticity of "you")
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Put on an "act" (eg act not as nervous as you really are)
- PRETENDING to be warm/friendly & sincerely liking people (see also below)
- PRETENDING to be genuinely liking & interested in people
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Play a "role" (eg as a "polite small-talker"; seems to have more authenticity than "putting on an act", though both are "acting")
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The surface partly-true ego-self (you are "defined" by your thoughts/opinions/beliefs, interests, actions, job, car, ...)
- Having/sharing things that make you special/unique/interesting (& charming if possible) to others.
- Not having any negative thoughts such as projecting negative expectations on them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The more-true ego-self
- Being warm/friendly & sincerely liking people
. . . or
. Being hostile/cold & sincerely disliking people
- Genuinely liking & being interested in people (not just acting nice; forget about self & focus on them; "become one" with them)
. . . or
. Genuinely disliking & being bored with people (unable to forget about self, or focus on them; feel "apart" from them)
- Talking about your true thoughts & feelings, good & bad
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The 100%-true ego-self
- Talking, no-hold-barred about your true thoughts & feelings, good & bad
- Being brutally-honest/blunt/rude (that's the ego talking)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"True" self (beyond time & form; is the CORE of the onion)
- Just being
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
1986Poe
Active member
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
no im saying dont mask yourself to attract someone, no matter what whether they are shy or outgoing it doesnt matter, the point is its best to be you and for them to be them (hope that makes more sense lol)
no im saying dont mask yourself to attract someone, no matter what whether they are shy or outgoing it doesnt matter, the point is its best to be you and for them to be them (hope that makes more sense lol)
D
deleted user 1
Guest
Re: "Just be yourself and you will meet people who appreciate you for who you are."
These "be yourself" mantras are too vague in my opinion. If you have a real problem interacting with people, then you real problems that need to be corrected. I'm only starting to correct these now after deep research into communication skills and techniques. And even knowing these things doesn't make it easy to do. We need more substance, not so called advice that, however well meaning, just fobs us off.
These "be yourself" mantras are too vague in my opinion. If you have a real problem interacting with people, then you real problems that need to be corrected. I'm only starting to correct these now after deep research into communication skills and techniques. And even knowing these things doesn't make it easy to do. We need more substance, not so called advice that, however well meaning, just fobs us off.