Just another journal

[jaim38]

Today I did something that I haven't done in a long, long time: participate in Amnesty's Urgent Action Network! The last time I did something like this was in high school. Even now, I still wasn't sure whether the urgent action thing is actually effective. So, I received 2 emails from Amnesty about prisoners of conscience that they wanted the public to raise awareness about. Basically, they wanted us to tweet, fax, email, or mail letters to authority figures in various countries. Ok, here's the weird part. I feel the urge to do something for these prisoners, out of the kindness of my heart, but I became paralyzed by performance anxiety and fear of criticism. When I was trying to compose my messages, I get negative thoughts in my head such as "What if this doesn't work? How do you know it's effective? You're only wasting your time! It's not worth it!" So I would stop what I was doing and sit there, paralyzed by such thoughts. I also feel performance anxiety, as if people are watching what I'm doing and, here goes, laughing at it. I imagine people critizing me, calling me stupid, dumb, crazy when they see what I'm doing, because who knows if Urgent action mass messaging is effective? I could be wasting my time! I also feel like a sheep because I'm just doing what Amnesty tells me to do, but it's not like I didn't read the cases and all that stuff. I kept calling myself a 'sheep', which is self-insult btw.

This is kinda weird, but I also had images of my arrogant cousins calling me stupid and dumb. I almost gave up after being struck by paralysis multiple times. But then I told myself, "Either I can be paralyzed and not do anything, just give up. Or, I can block out these voices and just do it, get it over with! The more time I spend being paralyzed and letting these voices get to me, the more time I waste. I have more productive things to do!" In the end, I sent those messages. I wasn't able to do international faxing though, but at least I tried.

Honestly, I'm not sure if my efforts are worth it. I'm not sure if urgent action is effective. But, I'm doing something that resonates with me. Amnesty Urgent Action Network is part of Amnesty's mission to abolish torture, discrimination, etc around the world. It is a decent cause, something that I support. I don't know if I'm being stupid or not, but I'm glad I gave this a try.

 

[jc972]

That's exactly how I feel. When I'm too nice he takes advantage of it. Yeah, he calls me into his room to ask me things such as should he go to school today, should he switch schools, should he buy something online, etc. He should be the one to decide for himself for many of these questions, not tell other people to decide for him. He keeps telling me to "put yourself in my shoes" and decide what to do. I told him I can never be him nor make decisions for him.

I'm proud of you for telling him what you think of the situation. :thumbup:

 

[jaim38]

I'm proud of you for telling him what you think of the situation. :thumbup:

Thanks! Even though it wasn't effective, at least I said something.

 

[jaim38]

Is it alright to get along with some relatives and not with others? People say things like, "friends may not be forever, but relatives are forever because of the blood ties." But, I only get along with some relatives, not so much with others. I don't want to prostrate myself and try to ***** up to relatives who don't like me, just to gain their favors/respect. They look down on me because they think I'm stupid. I say, let them think what they want to think. I don't need such negative people in my life. Relatives or not, it's important to surround yourself with positive people who will encourage you.

 

[jaim38]

So, I've been reading this manga Yamada kun to 7 nin no majo. There was one part where they were choosing VPs for the student council. There were 5 candidates total. 3 of them were the typical smart-*** students who looked down on people like Yamada. They behaved horribly towards Yamada but changed behaviors when they met with the interviewers. The other 2 weren't as smart or deceptive, but were more honest with how they behave. In the end, the last 2 were chosen to be VPs. I guess the lesson learned here is, smarts isn't everything. It's not the most important quality/trait in a person. Honesty, kindness, respect, etc are just as important. Smarts without honesty is useless.

 

[jc972]

Thanks! Even though it wasn't effective, at least I said something.

Hey, you had the guts to say it. That's all that matters in my book. Weather he listens to you is out of your control. So, again, good job! erfect:

 

[jc972]

Is it alright to get along with some relatives and not with others? People say things like, "friends may not be forever, but relatives are forever because of the blood ties." But, I only get along with some relatives, not so much with others. I don't want to prostrate myself and try to ***** up to relatives who don't like me, just to gain their favors/respect. They look down on me because they think I'm stupid. I say, let them think what they want to think. I don't need such negative people in my life. Relatives or not, it's important to surround yourself with positive people who will encourage you.

I hate it that they act that way to you but I don't believe in toxic relationships, family or not. I don't speak to my father or my half brother by him and I don't plan to. We ain't spoke or seen each other in 3 1/2 years, and I'm cool with it.

 

[jaim38]

So, I had a few new year's resolutions typed out, but being vegetarian is not one of them. I thought about being vegetarian, but I don't think it's feasible at this point, for several reasons. In the past I lived away from home and had more freedom to choose what I want to eat. I did go vegetarian for 1 year, but it wasn't easy. With a limited budget and being a poor college student, I didn't have many options. I felt like I didn't eat the required amounts of food to be healthy. Sometimes, I bought sweets and junk food since it's cheaper, other times I was starving. Being vegetarian is a lot of work. You have to make sure you get enough protein, calcium (especially if you avoid all red meat, fish, and dairy products, like vegans), and other nutrients. Living a vegetarian lifestyle can be very expensive. I suspect the reason why many celebrities such as Natalie Portman are able to become vegan is because they are rich in the first place.

There are many different types of vegetarians, with vegan on the extreme end. I was what they call "octo-lacto vegetarian". In addition to vegetables, I eat eggs and dairy products, but avoid red meat. I had to start somewhere, and going vegan all at once sounded too difficult for me. It was hard, especially when I was trying to wean myself off of meat. Plus I got weird looks and comments from meat eaters around me, who didn't like the food I was eating. And, it's sorta awkward when I'm invited to an event but they serve meat in their food so I can't eat it. One time, I think I was on my period and had painful cramps. I caved in and ate fish.

It is hard to be vegetarian in other ways. My parents weren't as accepting of it. I hid my vegetarian diet from my parents, because if they knew I was vegetarian they'd be very worried. They were brainwashed to believe that eating meat is a necessity becuase it provides the necessary nutrients for good health. I on the other hand think that a person can subsist on fruits and veggies and still be healthy.

Well, that was back in the old days when I lived independently away from home. Now, I'm back home and unemployed. I can't really complain to my mom about eating meat because then I'd look ungrateful. If I want to go vegetarian, I must: 1) have a freakin plan - lesson learned, make sure I eat the right food and have all my nutrition needs covered, 2) get a job so I could buy the food I need. A vegetarian diet, especially a vegan one, is very expensive. I'm sure I could eat cheap fries and drink coke everyday but that'd be very unhealthy, 3) have time to prepare my food. So, for now, I'll eat what my parents decide to cook.

Just to clear things up, I didn't become vegetarian because soemone pressured me to. I saw some documentaries, did some thinking, and came to my own decision.

 

[jaim38]

I was reading this online comic about 2 guys on a field trip. The guy with the glasses seems wise beyond his years - I wish I could speak deeply like him. In high school, I did a lot of rote memorization of facts, especially in history class. It was gruelling, took a lot of my free time away, maybe one day I will use the knowledge learnt?

The girl in the web comic reminded me of my classmates back in the old days. I remember letting this dude borrow my textbook, out of kindness, because he didn't have his for class. Then he checked his phone and started asking me all sorts of questions like he was quizzing me. I find it odd because he could have just searched for the answers in the textbook. I answered his questions, but felt a little uneasy. I knew he was testing me, to see how "stupid" I am. I heard some student said, "she's stupid" when I responded to his questions. He never sat next to me again.

I met many classmates who are simply insensitive and offputting. Yet, I find it ironic that they aspire to get into the medical field, where understanding and humility are required to deal with patients. Makes me think whether they're doing it because they truly want to help others?? or they just want the money and prestige.

 

[MikeyC]

I met many classmates who are simply insensitive and offputting. Yet, I find it ironic that they aspire to get into the medical field, where understanding and humility are required to deal with patients. Makes me think whether they're doing it because they truly want to help others?? or they just want the money and prestige.

People do change once high school is finished, although that's where you knew them, so it's unlikely to change your perception of them.

You seem to have had a long history of nasty people in your life. I'm sorry for that, jaim. I hope it turns around and you can meet some decent people for once.

 

[jaim38]

^Thanks!

Today I made an effort to talk to my dad during dinnertime, because studies show that children who converse during dinnertime exhibit higher levels of confidence and improved verbal fluency. Even though the convo got a little heated and things didn't turn out the way I expected, in the end I'm proud of myself for making an effort to improve myself.

 

[jc972]

^Thanks!

Today I made an effort to talk to my dad during dinnertime, because studies show that children who converse during dinnertime exhibit higher levels of confidence and improved verbal fluency. Even though the convo got a little heated and things didn't turn out the way I expected, in the end I'm proud of myself for making an effort to improve myself.

I thought you were an adult. :question:

 

[jaim38]

I thought you were an adult. :question:

I am an adult, but growing up my family didn't really sit together for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I think it's part of the reason why my social/verbal skills are so bad. When my dad sat with me yesterday, I saw it as a chance to hold a casual convo with someone. I have a choice: to either be quiet as usual, or speak up. So I chose to speak up but the convo didn't go smoothly partly because I was a bit rough-mannered. I notice my tone of voice is pretty harsh; I sound like I'm attacking people which in turn angers them. It's something I need to work on.

 

[jaim38]

Just thought I'd share this article:

In Praise of Better Praise : The New Yorker

Here are a few passages that stuck out:

It’s not just inflated praise that can backfire; so can praise that links a child’s success to some personal trait: “Wow, you’re great,” for instance, instead of, “Wow, you did a great job.” Brummelman found in earlier research that, after a child received personal praise, she felt ashamed after failing at a subsequent task, but if she had been praised for the activity itself, or got no praise at all, there was no shame. Attributing successes to children’s positive personal traits, the researchers speculated, likewise made the children attribute failures to their personal shortcomings; if they couldn’t do it, they must somehow be to blame.

“If praise is not handled properly,” she has said, “it can become a negative force, a kind of drug that, rather than strengthening students, makes them passive and dependent on the opinion of others.”

Growing up, people often praise me for my intelligence and physical attributes. Especially in high school, people often tell me I'm smart. I used to take a lot of pride in my grades. But, little did I know that such praise can be detrimental to my self esteem. I started thinking that I was born smart, that it's something inherited from my genes. Even my parents would brag about how successful my cousins and other relatives are, implying that it's in the genes.

children who had been praised for their intelligence—as opposed to their effort and problem-solving strategies—not only performed worse on subsequent problems but became less persistent in the face of failure, chose easier tasks, and enjoyed their work less. What’s more, they became more likely to misrepresent their scores to others: thirty-eight per cent of the children who had been praised for their intelligence inflated the number of problems they’d solved correctly, compared with just thirteen per cent of those who were praised for effort. They cared so much about how their performance reflected on them that they resorted to lying.

This is so true for me. Not so much the lying part, because when I get bad grades and people ask me, I would often say things like "I'd rather not reveal my grade..." and let them guess. But the other stuff about being less persistent, choosing easier tasks, and enjoying work less is pretty much spot on for me, especially in high school and college.

These students also became less likely to ask for help: instead of seeking assistance from their classmates on problem-solving strategies when they were struggling

Very true for me. I was afraid of speaking up in class becuase I feared criticism and judgements.

Perhaps most perniciously, the praise changed the way they thought about intelligence itself. Children who had been praised for being smart became far more likely to view intellect as a fixed entity—determined at birth and stable throughout life—whereas those praised for effort became more likely to see it as a result of hard work that could improve and grow over time.

Exactly!

Dweck has found that people with a fixed mind-set—that is, those who believe that our intellect and abilities are determined by the luck of the draw at birth, and that nothing we do will change that—tend to perform worse over time. They are less motivated in their studies, have a harder time learning from mistakes, and perform less well in high school, college, and beyond. Those who see intelligence as malleable, on the other hand, can end up not only performing better and learning more from their failures but even raising their I.Q. scores by being more motivated

Over the course of my life, I met many people with fixed mindsets, who see me as either "smart" or "stupid" to them. They are so quick to label/judge me that they couldn't see beyond their actions. I, regretably, used to have the same fixed mindset, but I wasn't a bully. Even though I thought I was smart, I didn't go around putting others down for being "dumb".

In high school, there was so much pressure to be/act smart especially for those with top grades. I envy the kids in the "middle" with a mix of good and bad grades. There's no such pressure on them. In fact, I know some of them who went on to become very successful after college, even though they didn't get the highest grades in school.

 

[jc972]

I am an adult, but growing up my family didn't really sit together for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I think it's part of the reason why my social/verbal skills are so bad. When my dad sat with me yesterday, I saw it as a chance to hold a casual convo with someone. I have a choice: to either be quiet as usual, or speak up. So I chose to speak up but the convo didn't go smoothly partly because I was a bit rough-mannered. I notice my tone of voice is pretty harsh; I sound like I'm attacking people which in turn angers them. It's something I need to work on.

Oh ok. I got confused.

 

[jaim38]

I think I'm making progress. One of my goals for this new year is to wake up earlier. Studies have shown that being a lark or owl is largely determined by the genes:

BBC News - Are you a lark or an owl?

My parents are early birds for the most part. They wake up before 9 AM. I thought I was an owl because as a kid and teenager, it was very hard for me to wake up early. I used to sleep in until as late as 11 or 11:30 AM. However, don't many teenagers have trouble waking up early in the first place? After teenagehood, waking up early becomes a lot easier. Recently, I found myself sleeping earlier and waking up earlier.

In the past couple of days, my appetite has suddenly increased and I'm finding myself getting hungry at night, and also early in the morning. Even eating at night to stave off hunger doesn't help much. I find myself waking up before 9 because I was hungry. One solution to this would be to eat more at night, but this could lead to weight gain. Staying in bed while hungry isn't fun either. So, the only viable option at this point would be to wake up early.

I don't see it as a bad thing, though my teenage self would be complaining about it. As an adult, waking up early would be the proper thing to do, plus I think it's in my genes. I see this year 2014 as a new beginning. I am already making progress towards fulfilling my new year's resolutions. I'm feeling positive today. Woo hoo!

 

[MikeyC]

The best part of being a teenager was sleeping in until midday, haha. I think we all did that, before waking up at a more reasonable hour was necessary.

 

[jaim38]

I just figured out this client was not interested! How did I arrive at this conclusion? I had to connect the dots! This morning, he commented on our group and my boss told him we don't accept donations or pay for services. We were scheduled to have a phone chat tomorrow. He suddenly emailed me to push the phone call up another 2 hours, out of the available times I gave him. I accepted it at first, thinking he probably had something that came up (excuse on his part). But now that I've connected the dots and read between the lines, I finally realized he's NOT Interested in doing business/partnering with us! Bummer!!!!:kickingmyself:

Now, I'm sitting wondering whether I should come up with an excuse just to get out of the phone call. Or, I can just speak with him for no more than 15 min and be brief. I don't know what to do! :idontknow:

 

[jaim38]

I've been giving this some thought. My dad had another seizure today. I don't think I will be living abroad/living away from home anytime soon. If I hadn't been there to help my dad, my mom would be the only one helping and it could be worse. Forget romance/relationships. I don't think I have the time or capacity for those at this time. My parents need me, I would feel bad if I just abandoned them and go off into some sunset paradise to live happily ever after with some ideal dude.

 

[jaim38]

Feeling like a zombie. I was planning to wake up 20-30 minutes earlier, but woke up later than usual. In the middle of the night, my mom's alarm clock went off and then I heard my brother taking a long, loud shower. I just couldn't sleep for a while. When I finally fell asleep again, I dreamt about being in a video game. I was playing myself as a character, fighting bad guys and looking for entrances to buildings. Then I woke up from my dream and felt so dead tired!! I decided to sleep in for another 30-40 min before waking up. Even now, I feel tired and my back kind of aches.

But, I think I've been making lot of progress over the past several years. I used to wake around 11, now I wake up around 9. That's a 2 hour difference, and I'm proud of myself. Now my goal is to wake up 30 min earlier, and I'm trying to reach this goal in increments day by day. By the end of the year, I would like to wake up around 8.