Jealous of girlfriend being chatted up
- Thread starter Hero
- Start date
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
He'd probably weighed up Hero, and didn't see him as a real threat. That's how some guys look at these things. They see a girl they want, they size up any bf, and decide whether they have a better chance with the girl themselves. One of my sister's friends has had this happen quite a lot. She's generally considered very attractive, and at one time was dating a guy who was not what you'd call the best looking guy in the world. Other guys would just hit on her while he was right there, like he didn't exist. Like you say, very sleazy and also presumptious to assume that everyone is as shallow as they are.
Richey
Well-known member
If it was me i'd probably take the girlfriend to task if it seemed obvious that she was really going along with it, i'd say to her "what was all that about before? Are we still together or are you losing interest? Because that looked like an offer".
If the guy doesn't know that you are a couple then I can easily forgive him but if he knows that you are a couple then I would approach him afterwards and just firmly set him straight that she is "not available".
There is also a difference in the substance of relationships that start from people just thinking about sex and behaving on impulse over those who actually build up a friendship for some time before going out.
If the guy doesn't know that you are a couple then I can easily forgive him but if he knows that you are a couple then I would approach him afterwards and just firmly set him straight that she is "not available".
There is also a difference in the substance of relationships that start from people just thinking about sex and behaving on impulse over those who actually build up a friendship for some time before going out.
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drganon
Well-known member
If I was in that situation, I probably would of told the guy to f**k off and yelled at her for flirting with him. Of course, I'm also overly paranoid and it's probably one of many reasons why I'm never going to get a girlfriend. I just don't trust people, especially girls.
BlueDays
1
Imo a girlfriend should be loyal to the guy she is going out with. Your "girlfriend" does not exhibit much loyalty :s
It appears from her behaviour that her heart is not really in the relationship.
Having your girlfriend obviously enjoying being chatted up by another guy when her boyfriend is sitting right beside her!? Sounds like you need to find a girlfriend who treats your feelings with more consideration.
It appears from her behaviour that her heart is not really in the relationship.
Having your girlfriend obviously enjoying being chatted up by another guy when her boyfriend is sitting right beside her!? Sounds like you need to find a girlfriend who treats your feelings with more consideration.
A lot of it isn't the words you choose, it's your tone and body language.
I don't know if this works for everyone but if I'm feeling insecure about something and I want to bring it up with someone, I tend to laugh at myself. It lets them know that I don't take myself too seriously and the problem isn't weighing down on me that much. If you act like it is, it'll only make the other party feel guilty.
You don't want to pressure them into changing their behaviors. It can be intimidating, especially at the start of a relationship and they don't feel that obligated to change for you because they don't know how much you mean to them yet.
So just laugh and smile and be like, "Hey, you know what. I've been acting ridiculous, lately. Like, I felt that guy you were talking to the other night was hitting on you but it's probably all just in my head." If you self-deprecate that way (in a polite way, not a way that actually puts yourself down) then the other person will feel the need to defend you. She'll be like, "Whoa, really? You think so?" And then you can take it from there, describing how you know guys better than she does and yeah, he was definitely coming on to her. Etc.
Newtype
Well-known member
I just read this thread:
Hero, where do you get these girls? You deserve to have true love. You're dating her, so it's not normal to be scared of someone that you're dating. You're supposed to be comfortable with that person. Make sure that she understands that you're not gonna tolerate things like that because you've already went through that in the past. Tell her that trust and loyalty are very important to you in a relationship. In the end, it's all about respecting yourself.
Hero, where do you get these girls? You deserve to have true love. You're dating her, so it's not normal to be scared of someone that you're dating. You're supposed to be comfortable with that person. Make sure that she understands that you're not gonna tolerate things like that because you've already went through that in the past. Tell her that trust and loyalty are very important to you in a relationship. In the end, it's all about respecting yourself.
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
Did she go and did she invite you? I think the answer would give you a very good idea if she's planning to replace you or not.
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
You're jumping very fast to conclusions. I've been in the exact same situation described in this thread but in the girl's shoes several times. I've never cheated on anyone and my clothes don't magically fall off.
Well asking us lot who have either no experience of such matters and those who do with traumatic experience, it is.... lets face it, just as bad an idea.
NP88
Well-known member
Lmao Aristocrat. How true, unique people are hard to find these days. Thats why I like these boards. Creativity and truth eminate from it.
Hero, try to get some more info, yeah... ideally from the girl, but in an 'inobtrusive' way...
The girl in the other thread does sound like bad news, the one in this thread still deserves some benefit of a doubt imo: if she asks you to come along than it's okay, maybe she assumed you were both being invited?
I've 'humored' totally uninteresting guys before, some were so silly and saying such outrageous things you couldn't NOT laugh at them or answer the silly questions... Maybe she was just trying to be nice? - and no, my clothes didn't magically fall off either...
A friend of mine (who IS a serial dater, ex-waitress) says she sometimes laughed *at* guys and their silly jokes too (while the guys thought she was totally charmed by them)... So don't assume...
Something you could do early on in such or similar situation would be to 'invite' yourself into conversation and act as if the guy invited you too? Or maybe even make yourself 'a friend' with that guy? Or joke with him so she sees you are a better catch?
You could even 'pretend to be stupid' and say something like, 'so when are we going to hang out with that guy?' (you might even push it and say 'new best friend/admirer of yours?' or something like that though if it would be too sarcastic then rather not..)
Some people also pull a strategy like taking the loved one's hand or put arms around her or say 'Honey?' (+ask a legit question) and show that they're a couple visibly... Sometimes this can work, sometimes maybe not if it's too transparent..
For many girls, attention from several guys can be flattering... It doesn't mean they will act on it...
Maybe she just liked talking to him...
If she might be more compatible with him than with you, that will show itself in the future... That's why it's good to get to know her well, to know what's important for her in a partner, so you see if you're compatible or not... If you know she eg loves dog-lovers and this guy hates dogs, you can feel safer...
By 8th date you can also maybe discuss what's important to you in a relationship, things like loyalty/faithfulness...
If you say nothing to her at an event she may think you might be not so interested in her...? So romancing her and talking to her at events etc is a good idea too... Or talking to other people, so she might feel a bit jealous too?
Right now I do think you guys still have a chance, if she's what you're looking for in a gf otherwise, maybe it's worth 'fighting' for?
I'd stay away from yelling and such, most girls don't like being yelled at... except if they're into drama, do you want to be with someone who is like that though?
You can show you didn't like it and maybe she'll be flattered... it's unreasonable to 'forbid' people to talk to other people though (a female friend behaved like that to her bf and to me, her friend, and it was annoying), it may only foster resentment...
Basically try to give her the benefit of a doubt and 'feel the situation out'...
The girl in the other thread does sound like bad news, the one in this thread still deserves some benefit of a doubt imo: if she asks you to come along than it's okay, maybe she assumed you were both being invited?
I've 'humored' totally uninteresting guys before, some were so silly and saying such outrageous things you couldn't NOT laugh at them or answer the silly questions... Maybe she was just trying to be nice? - and no, my clothes didn't magically fall off either...
A friend of mine (who IS a serial dater, ex-waitress) says she sometimes laughed *at* guys and their silly jokes too (while the guys thought she was totally charmed by them)... So don't assume...
Something you could do early on in such or similar situation would be to 'invite' yourself into conversation and act as if the guy invited you too? Or maybe even make yourself 'a friend' with that guy? Or joke with him so she sees you are a better catch?
You could even 'pretend to be stupid' and say something like, 'so when are we going to hang out with that guy?' (you might even push it and say 'new best friend/admirer of yours?' or something like that though if it would be too sarcastic then rather not..)
Some people also pull a strategy like taking the loved one's hand or put arms around her or say 'Honey?' (+ask a legit question) and show that they're a couple visibly... Sometimes this can work, sometimes maybe not if it's too transparent..
For many girls, attention from several guys can be flattering... It doesn't mean they will act on it...
Maybe she just liked talking to him...
If she might be more compatible with him than with you, that will show itself in the future... That's why it's good to get to know her well, to know what's important for her in a partner, so you see if you're compatible or not... If you know she eg loves dog-lovers and this guy hates dogs, you can feel safer...
By 8th date you can also maybe discuss what's important to you in a relationship, things like loyalty/faithfulness...
If you say nothing to her at an event she may think you might be not so interested in her...? So romancing her and talking to her at events etc is a good idea too... Or talking to other people, so she might feel a bit jealous too?
Right now I do think you guys still have a chance, if she's what you're looking for in a gf otherwise, maybe it's worth 'fighting' for?
I'd stay away from yelling and such, most girls don't like being yelled at... except if they're into drama, do you want to be with someone who is like that though?
You can show you didn't like it and maybe she'll be flattered... it's unreasonable to 'forbid' people to talk to other people though (a female friend behaved like that to her bf and to me, her friend, and it was annoying), it may only foster resentment...
Basically try to give her the benefit of a doubt and 'feel the situation out'...
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Sounds like she crossed a line to me. She gave a guy her #, agreed to go out with him, and is genuinely excited about it...
I'd definitely confront her about it. Imagine if it had happened the other way around.
Some hottie at a party approached you, got your number, and wanted you to go out with her. All right in front of her. Pretty sure almost any girl would be upset in that scenario.
Unless you're not actually together. You said you've been out with her about 8 times now? Has there been any talk about a relationship or are you just assuming you're in a relationship? Does she view it as just friends with benefits? Need more info in that department.
I'd definitely confront her about it. Imagine if it had happened the other way around.
Some hottie at a party approached you, got your number, and wanted you to go out with her. All right in front of her. Pretty sure almost any girl would be upset in that scenario.
Unless you're not actually together. You said you've been out with her about 8 times now? Has there been any talk about a relationship or are you just assuming you're in a relationship? Does she view it as just friends with benefits? Need more info in that department.
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Agree with this,I would definetely be wary with who they get involved with,I have little experience,but I know if it was the other way around,like if it was the guy getting number from slutty girls,being friends with them.....
Also I keep saying that girls are just like guys,but no one will listen
.