SlipStream7
Well-known member
Just wanted to get some advice about how to deal with this gal who I've been friends with for the past year or two. She's a really cute little asian gal (Amy) who's bisexual, although I've never heard of her having been with women so I'm assuming she's more into men. Here's a timeline of events:
Last winter break:
I just broke off a potential relationship that wasn't going to work with someone. I get a phone call from Amy at 1 AM that lasted 2 hours and we both ended up admitting to each other that we find each other really attractive and would want to see how things worked out once we got back to college post-break. The only issue was that my roommate at the time was her ex-bf, and it was an extremely awkward situation because I had to sort of sneak out to meet with her. In the end things didn't work out, although they never really progressed either; just hanging out on the couch, watching movies, etc. I let her know that I couldn't do the roommate sneaking around thing and that maybe later we'd try again.
This past summer
Another almost relationship with the exact same girl I was sort of with before ended during christmas break. I get another midnight phone call from Amy again, with almost the exact same admittances to each other. It basically felt like she was reminding me that she thought I was attractive and that we should hang out more.
This school year
This is where it gets bizarre. I've got a single, and within a week of being here, Amy and me have become really good friends. She's called me her "best" friend multiple times. She comes to hang out with me pretty much daily for hours at a time. She leaves her clothes and stuff here, her books, etc etc etc. She's even convinced me to sleep with her (not sexually, just side by side...but in a twin bed) about 5-7 times. We go out to eat together all the time, sometimes together and sometimes with some other people. I feel like the relationship is kind of like a romantic relationship without the romance (sexuality)....but I feel like maybe she wants to move it into that stage.
Anyways, she just left after we slept together last night and I need some advice. She's not an alcoholic or anything, but she is on antidepressants and adderall...so sometimes I feel like any "signals" she's giving me are not signals at all but some result of her meds. Why is it that whenever I try to put my arm around her in bed to spoon, she sort of pushes it away (in a very passive way)? Sometimes I feel like she's just really lonely and wants to be around someone all the time, including at night. She has "love" interests (sounds like a mild puppy crush) like a supposed freshman guy (we're juniors) that she finds attractive....but she has literally spent 100x as much time with me as with him, and rarely ever talks about him...in fact she hasn't even spent time with him in awhile. The other day on the phone I told her I was kind of upset earlier in the year when I found out about her crush on him because I wanted her to like me instead of him....and her response was something along the lines of her moving on from being interested in me for various reasons.
I'm at the point now where I need to know if the way she's acting is because she's bi and that she just regards me as a good friend....or if I'm supposed to be making moves or something? At this point I feel like if I asked her if she wanted to start dating that she would look at me strangely and just say "dude, we're just good friends."
I'm hoping there are some bisexual women in here that can help clear up what's going through her mind. I know I'm really really attracted to her, but I don't know if she's mentally put me in the "good friend zone" where I'll never ever have a chance at being more than friends ever again. The main reason I'm confused is because of the sleeping together thing. I'm also kind of uncomfortable with the relationship as it stands. From my end I feel like I'm being teased, having this really hot gal who knows I find her attractive wanting to sleep together and regarding me as her best friend....but from her end it may just be that she would act like this towards her "best" friend no matter who it is, and that she isn't interested in a "relationship" anymore, considering she told me herself that she moved on...yet she literally didn't move on to anyone. I know I need to be the assertive one and I was thinking of telling her to give me some space (aka find someone else to hang out with for awhile) and see what her response is. The problem is that she's kind of "integrated" into my room, with all her stuff everywhere...so it's kind of hard to get space without doing something drastic. Basically I want a relationship with her....or I want this to devolve back into "just friends" and no more of this constant teasing (sleeping together, her wearing my clothes, etc) I'm feeling.
Thanks in advance.
-Slip
Last winter break:
I just broke off a potential relationship that wasn't going to work with someone. I get a phone call from Amy at 1 AM that lasted 2 hours and we both ended up admitting to each other that we find each other really attractive and would want to see how things worked out once we got back to college post-break. The only issue was that my roommate at the time was her ex-bf, and it was an extremely awkward situation because I had to sort of sneak out to meet with her. In the end things didn't work out, although they never really progressed either; just hanging out on the couch, watching movies, etc. I let her know that I couldn't do the roommate sneaking around thing and that maybe later we'd try again.
This past summer
Another almost relationship with the exact same girl I was sort of with before ended during christmas break. I get another midnight phone call from Amy again, with almost the exact same admittances to each other. It basically felt like she was reminding me that she thought I was attractive and that we should hang out more.
This school year
This is where it gets bizarre. I've got a single, and within a week of being here, Amy and me have become really good friends. She's called me her "best" friend multiple times. She comes to hang out with me pretty much daily for hours at a time. She leaves her clothes and stuff here, her books, etc etc etc. She's even convinced me to sleep with her (not sexually, just side by side...but in a twin bed) about 5-7 times. We go out to eat together all the time, sometimes together and sometimes with some other people. I feel like the relationship is kind of like a romantic relationship without the romance (sexuality)....but I feel like maybe she wants to move it into that stage.
Anyways, she just left after we slept together last night and I need some advice. She's not an alcoholic or anything, but she is on antidepressants and adderall...so sometimes I feel like any "signals" she's giving me are not signals at all but some result of her meds. Why is it that whenever I try to put my arm around her in bed to spoon, she sort of pushes it away (in a very passive way)? Sometimes I feel like she's just really lonely and wants to be around someone all the time, including at night. She has "love" interests (sounds like a mild puppy crush) like a supposed freshman guy (we're juniors) that she finds attractive....but she has literally spent 100x as much time with me as with him, and rarely ever talks about him...in fact she hasn't even spent time with him in awhile. The other day on the phone I told her I was kind of upset earlier in the year when I found out about her crush on him because I wanted her to like me instead of him....and her response was something along the lines of her moving on from being interested in me for various reasons.
I'm at the point now where I need to know if the way she's acting is because she's bi and that she just regards me as a good friend....or if I'm supposed to be making moves or something? At this point I feel like if I asked her if she wanted to start dating that she would look at me strangely and just say "dude, we're just good friends."
I'm hoping there are some bisexual women in here that can help clear up what's going through her mind. I know I'm really really attracted to her, but I don't know if she's mentally put me in the "good friend zone" where I'll never ever have a chance at being more than friends ever again. The main reason I'm confused is because of the sleeping together thing. I'm also kind of uncomfortable with the relationship as it stands. From my end I feel like I'm being teased, having this really hot gal who knows I find her attractive wanting to sleep together and regarding me as her best friend....but from her end it may just be that she would act like this towards her "best" friend no matter who it is, and that she isn't interested in a "relationship" anymore, considering she told me herself that she moved on...yet she literally didn't move on to anyone. I know I need to be the assertive one and I was thinking of telling her to give me some space (aka find someone else to hang out with for awhile) and see what her response is. The problem is that she's kind of "integrated" into my room, with all her stuff everywhere...so it's kind of hard to get space without doing something drastic. Basically I want a relationship with her....or I want this to devolve back into "just friends" and no more of this constant teasing (sleeping together, her wearing my clothes, etc) I'm feeling.
Thanks in advance.
-Slip