In addition to having Social Phobia, I'm also selective. I know I have no right to be selective when looking for potential girlfriends because of my psychological issues; however, I can't help but be selective. The truth is, I probably could have dated a few women by now, but I only desire a relationship with a lovely lady. I've had the opportunity to talk to some lovely ladies, and for me, just talking to a lovely lady makes me feel so happy, in love, and at peace. When I talk to loud, obnoxious, unattractive, dirty, promiscuous and/or masculine women, I feel nothing.
What you have to understand is that no pathway is straight and narrow. We all can go in varying directions and yet acheive the same outcome. Remember nothing is set in stone. You may feel that you are far behind your peers and that you deviate from the norm. But the reality is we all choose our own pathways in life, and in our case it was the path of least resistance. What you have to keep in mind is that there is nothing wrong with you. The only way we can change that path is to face our fears and taking risks.
I see thats what dating is all about -- taking risks. If she says "no", its not about you, its about her. If I were you, I`d ask that pretty lady. Im in the process of asking out this cashier at the local supermarket. She is drop dead gorgeous, and has a dazzling personlaity. If she say "no" to me then its nothing personal. We all are looking for something in unique in people that will complement ourselves. Just learn not to give a sh&t about it and move on. You may have to adjust your standards some, but you will find someone.
Whatever ,please dont make the same mistake I did by putting it all on the backburner and bury yourself in work and school. Because sooner or later its gonna raise its ugly head and you will be miserable.Tackle these issues now because the longer you wait the harder it is to change pathways.
I mentioned about social support in my last post. It cxertainly not among friends. They view you as this quiet guy whom they have never been seen with a woman. So when I bring up the prospect that I might date someone, it becomes the joke of the day. They know I am a college graduate, and quite capable. I make a good living. But non shy people do not understand those who are in fact shy. People equate extroversion with intelligence. So the fact that you are the opposite makes you a lesser person in their eye. Hence the friends(if thats the right definition) that I do have is simply on business terms.
What I mean by social support is your therapist, support groups and your family. People who acknowlege your actual existance and have a better understanding on what you are going through.
If I actually told one of these "friends" that I have never had a single date in my life, they will, inevitably make value judgements about me.
So, social support, and knowing who your TRUE friends are is the first step towards the road to recovery.
