I can't help but wonder that a lot of things in life are overrated

[Dark angel]

What are the things in life that you consider are overrated? Ok, here's the thing. I got this best friend who is just 5-6 days to into labor and she is very excited about it. She has being nervous also 'cause she is a first time mom and she doesnt know what the moment is gonna be like and how she is gonna react. As a friend, I've told her previously to stop thinking about it way too much 'cause intuitively women are prepared physically for that kind of situation. Now, the problem is this. I've being sort of pretending to be excited for her in this new stage of her life but what I CAN'T understand is why people consider the birth of a newborn baby to be such a big moment? Yes the biological process in itself amazes me but people always say how having a child "completely changes your life and make you see things differently". Is it really like that, is that really the case? Because my friend used to hate the idea of having children and to this day she says she doesnt have patience for them(I know that'll change eventually). Also I feel like the idea of having a child is overrated at the moment it happens. Everybody calls it an indescriptible moment but after seeing a picture on facebook today of a labor, all I could think of was the pain the person feels.

Today she texted me and she said she was getting emotional and also cried because in a few days she is gonna have her baby. I couldnt help but think that she was being a hipocrite. Yes, it sounds God awful but I couldn't think otherwise knowing that just 1 year ago she was saying that she would never have children 'cause she wouldnt be able to handle them. I may sound bitter and envious but I swear to God I'm not. I dont know if the fact of spending too much time by myself has made me this sort of rock who doesnt feel or care. :idontknow:
I dont like it. I dont like the feeling of being so neutral about this important moment for her. I used to love being around children and playing with them but maybe being lonely too much time has taken its toll in my humanity causing a dehumanazation of my character. The birth of this child could mean lots of things to my relationship with my friend, it could bring us closer together or break us apart 'cause I know children takes time away. Why am I feeling so apathic towards it? and also, what other things you consider to be overrated in life?

 

[MikeyC]

People change. Your friend probably wasn't too keen on children, but going through the ups and downs of pregnancy has likely changed her views, and having another person grow inside her doesn't hurt, something which men can't ever experience.

Having a baby is a momentous occasion, so at least just fake enthusiasm for a little while. Once she has this baby, you're not going to see her very much.

 

[truffleshuffle]

I just think to understand what she is going though you would have to exsperince it yourself. Maybe thats part of why you feel the way you do that you want to have that exsperince. I also belive the other part is you are afraid to lose your friend.

 

[laure15]

Having a child can be a miracle for some people, but other people just can't deal with children. Child-rearing is overrated. I know someone whose hair turned completely white after having 2 kids, and he's not even that old!

Today she texted me and she said she was getting emotional and also cried because in a few days she is gonna have her baby. I couldnt help but think that she was being a hipocrite. Yes, it sounds God awful but I couldn't think otherwise knowing that just 1 year ago she was saying that she would never have children 'cause she wouldnt be able to handle them.

The alternative would be for your friend to abort the child out of dislike for having children. I think your friend is trying to make the best out of her situation. Whether she's a hypocrite or not, she took responsibility for her pregnancy and tried to turn this situation into a positive one.

I'm not going to go into this whole prolife/abortion debate. I'm saying your friend made the decision to have her child, and you should try to respect her decision.

 

[Dark angel]

I do respect her decision. And believe me I wouldn't want her to abort the baby.I never said that. I'm all against abortion. (except in certain cases which I do not wish to discuss either)
It's just difficult for me to understand how a person changes a certain posture in such a little time.

 

[truffleshuffle]

I do respect her decision. And believe me I wouldn't want her to abort the baby.I never said that. I'm all against abortion. (except in certain cases which I do not wish to discuss either)
It's just difficult for me to understand how a person changes a certain posture in such a little time.

Maybe she was fronting and not really feeling that way but she felt like it would never happen and she tried to convince her self that she was aginst having kids. Also maybe she felt like that until she actualy found out she was with child and her attatude changed. You can never trully understand until you go through something like that. You could also just ask here what changed from when she not wanting children until now.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Life itself is overrated. But maybe that is the depression talking. There are a lot of wonderful things out there, and having children must be one of them, at least for some people. Not for me though. And yet, I might change my mind on that later. I do find that the little things are what make things worthwhile for me; big things often end up being a big fat disappointment.

 

[cosmosis]

Having just witnessed my first born child 1 month ago, I think its safe to say that yes it is life changing. The way its portrayed in movies and culture like facebook is that its like going to the hospital, feeling some pain and then bringing home a cute baby as if its a puppy. That's nonsense. In my opinion, it is by far the most pain (especially emotional) you will ever feel and the most joy you will ever feel. Not many people realize how painful those 9 months are because its not really acceptable to talk about it because its 'suppose' to be all joyful. Unless you go through it, you have no idea the terror of wondering if your baby will be healthy or even alive. Will be it down syndrome, deformed, sick? Do you have what it takes to devote your entire life to a sick or retarted child? Countless appointments of testing and monitoring, false positivies that keep you up all night. Sleepless nights because there hasn't been movement in a while. The possibility of stillbirth. At the end, mostly you just want it to be over.

But with all difficult pain comes the greatest joy. Somehow, somewhere it is worth it and beyond worth it. Not because its such a cute baby that ooos and aaahs (I've barely slept in over a month because of how difficult newborns are), but because its such a HARD and REWARDING thing to give everything you have to another life. Yes it is very life changing when you go through so much pain, just so the baby can live one more day in relative peace. When you would give your life willingly for another. I used to roll my eyse when I knew someone had a baby...now I know.

 

[dottie]

this is a great post. very honest. you seem to be a lot like me, very cut and dry, black and white, no grey area. when people say something we hold it to be true for all time (even if it was just a year ago). people are so complex and sometimes carelessly say things without regard to the weight of what they are really saying. their comment may have been subconsciously swayed by a movie they just saw, the company they were in, or maybe even having acid reflex! people speak nonsense all the time just to fill time. or maybe she really did mean it when she said she did not have what it takes to raise a kid. this may be a huge mistake that she is now trying to cover up with smiles and rainbows even though she feels terrible inside.

whatever she said, she is having a baby and i don't think it's overrated. suddenly, she carries the weight of a million responsibilities. plus, her body is being ravaged. this causes major insecurities and depression.

my advice is to let go of the hostile judgement that she either said something carelessly (human) or that she made a huge mistake and is going to make the best of it (human). focus on the turmoil she is enduring and empathize for her.

 

[vj288]

As far as "big deals" are concerned, having a baby is one of the biggest I think especially the first. It's not like it is just a a few hour (or days, if unlucky) expeience, it's a lot more than that. First, usually, the decision to have a baby needs to be made, making a decsion that will dramatically change the parents lives completely. Then there is the 9 long months that the mother has to suffer though, having her body go to her future son or daughter to use as a place to develop. Then on the day of the pregnancy, there are all the worries cosmosis mentioned. You just gave the last 9 months of your life to this life, will it turn out okay? The possible heartbreak of losing what you just devoted the last year to it and wanted to for the rest of your life. Or maybe there is a problem with the birth, the struggles you would have to see in your child.

Or even if it all goes off without a hitch, your life is still totally different now. The life of a parent, a good parent, will be radically different than that of a non-parent. It's an extremely big change that you can't change you mind about. It's not like a few years in you can decide you'd rather go back to being childless. You're in it for the long haul.

To a friend though, probably not as big a deal though. You're not having a kid, you're life's not really changing, why should you be getting excited, unless you really like kids.

 

[Opaline]

I think losing your virginity is overrated.

Honeymoons are overrated too, if you've already been living with your partner. In fact, I don't even understand the point of a honeymoon if you've already been living together.

Being an adult is overrated DON'T GROW UP, KIDS!

 

[Dark angel]

To a friend though, probably not as big a deal though. You're not having a kid, you're life's not really changing, why should you be getting excited, unless you really like kids.

I do like kids. It is a little bit difficult sometimes to relate to them because kids can be very honest and they usually see things that we adults cannot perceive in general. I've always said that kids can see beyond a person's eyes. One of the reasons, my biggest dream ever is to become a doctor, is so I dont have to see kids suffer from terrible illnesses like the things you guys previously mentioned, it is a way of me doing something to stop that suffering from happening. So, my frustration isn't towards this upcoming child, it is toward the fact of the constant use of euphemism people tend to make when it comes to bearing a child. Of course, it is something marvelous that a woman's body can give life to another being but I hate the fact that usually, they dont tell you the 'other stuff'. How painful it can be, the endless nights of not sleeping because of that pain or once the child is here, the constant worries. If people are capable of stating how 'beautiful' a process is, why can't they talk to you about the other side of the coin? Why is it so bad to say the real stuff? Everything related to birth must always be flattering but beware of saying how hard those 9 months and the first years of that baby's life are...

...And about the fact that her life is changing maybe that's the hardest part for me to digest. I think that may be the source of my worry. That my life is exactly where it was several years ago, and hers is gonna change suddenly and abruptly. We have gone through a lot of stuff together so I may be a little afraid of being put to one side of the equation :idontknow:

 

[Dark angel]

I think losing your virginity is overrated.

Honeymoons are overrated too, if you've already been living with your partner. In fact, I don't even understand the point of a honeymoon if you've already been living together.

Being an adult is overrated DON'T GROW UP, KIDS!

Hahaahaha!!! I sooo gotta agree on being an adult! Man, nobody ever tells you the stuff that comes along with being a grown up. On the other two things, I still gotta give my verdict on them when they happen, if they happen at all.

 

[jaim38]

...And about the fact that her life is changing maybe that's the hardest part for me to digest. I think that may be the source of my worry. That my life is exactly where it was several years ago, and hers is gonna change suddenly and abruptly. We have gone through a lot of stuff together so I may be a little afraid of being put to one side of the equation :idontknow:

Sorry if I'm wrong about this, but could you perhaps be jealous that your best friend will now devote all her time to her baby and not spend as much time with you? Perhaps she will come to love her baby more than she loves you? I remember when I was 4-5 years old, I used to be very close with my aunt and uncle. They doted on me a lot, bought me games and lots of other cool stuff, and me and my brother were the center of their attention. But, after they had their first child, they cared less and less about me. They don't come visit as often and I felt like they've moved on.

 

[surewhynot]

How is having a baby overrated, you're actually creating life!

 

[Dark angel]

How is having a baby overrated, you're actually creating life!

Yeah. That is why in my post I stated that the whole process, biologically speaking DO amaze me. But I believe certain aspects of it, like the moment you are about to have your child is not only amazing but it is also nerve-wracking. Pain is also involve in the process so it is not all hearts and flowers. Of course, after the baby is already there I'm sure it'll bring joy but together with that joy comes a whole new gamma of concerns.

 

[jonas89]

My two closest friends had kids just last month, I have been going through similar thoughts actually, like pretending to be happy for them..
I'm happy for them but I somehow don't bother, maybe it's because I have had such rough life lately I don't bother for others as Im now.

 

[Dark angel]

Sorry if I'm wrong about this, but could you perhaps be jealous that your best friend will now devote all her time to her baby and not spend as much time with you? Perhaps she will come to love her baby more than she loves you? I remember when I was 4-5 years old, I used to be very close with my aunt and uncle. They doted on me a lot, bought me games and lots of other cool stuff, and me and my brother were the center of their attention. But, after they had their first child, they cared less and less about me. They don't come visit as often and I felt like they've moved on.

That's what I think it is. I do not want to tell her anything, 'cause my intention is not causing more concerns on her and I DO NOT want to sound like a petulant child.( Which I know Im already doing *sigh*) But I needed somewhere to vent my worries. She is not only a friend, I consider her like a sister for me and we have gone through a lot of things together for more than 10 years, the birth of this baby will also be one of them. But Im worried that our friendship might change and not for the better. I want to be there, be excited for her but instead all I can think of is that things wont be like they used to. She is the only person that knows every single detail about my life and the only one that knows me so damn well. Aside from her, I do have other friends but the relationship level does not reach this point of being like sisters.

 

[MikeyC]

I think losing your virginity is overrated.

Perhaps, but I still would like to one day beat whatever anxieties I have around sex and actually find out for myself.

 

[JackOfSpades]

I think the title of your post is somewhat ironic, because I think what the people you speak of who have children and call it the greatest thing that ever happened to them are realizing is exactly that. How much of life IS overrated, and how they see that now more than ever. As far as nature is concerned, I don't think there is any higher reason for our existence than this. To give life, care for it, so it one day too will give life. It has existed virtually for all time and will continue to. I don't have children but I do believe that no one who doesn't have any can thoroughly understand what that bond means. And that bond has it's basis in nature too, the same way the drive of attraction does. It's all for that same purpose of extending the entire species.