I am so depressed

Miserum

Well-known member
Stop the unnecessary worrying. It's killing your energy, your productivity, your happiness, your relationships, and your ability to remain present.
 
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Fear of being ruined through retaliation.

I think what holds me back from being honest or saying what's really on my mind a lot of the time is a fear of consequences from others that may cause me some kind of injury. Fear of either rejection, and a lot of the time, fear of retaliation. Fear that somehow, my life, my body, my sanity, will be easily ruined by others (which is kind of funny considering that I think my life is pretty much a steaming pile of shit to begin with).

This idea, that I will be "ruined," is largely rooted in other people's experiences, or in fictionalized scenarios (i.e., through books or other stories). But I don't think I've ever been fucked over personally for being "mean" or speaking my mind to someone. I don't think I've ever even tried to speak my mind in most cases, out of fear of retaliation. So my fear is actually largely baseless, personally speaking.

I'd say this fear is a major contributor to my overall anxiety and aversion to the outside world; if I don't feel like I can defend myself, verbally or physically, after speaking up when I've been wronged, why would I ever want to go outside and interact with people?
I get where you're coming from — others taking an honest opinion too personally even if your intentions are in no way rude or judgemental. It feels like there is an unrealistic etiquette to abide by to seem "normal", even if it involves white lies.

Technically, those who'd have it in for you could retaliate in a sneaky and inconspicuous way. If I knew you and held a strong grudge against you, only my sense of ethics would prevent me from using your publicly available picture to steal your identity and ruin your online reputation. You can't know how evil people may be. Not having any guarantees is what induces such fears and negative scenarios.

Giving an honest but constructively criticising review of a restaurant, for example, gives you no guarantee that the owner wouldn't secretly spit in your beverage – or even worse – the next time you frequent it. Not foreseeing people's reaction justifies such misgivings, regardless of how noble your intentions might be. Everyone is human, a bloated sense of pride may make integrity-lacking people act underhandedly.

This is what conditions some people to not mean what they say and don't say what they mean, as if there were an unofficial code of conduct to follow: pretend that a poor situation is okay or risk being given an even worse one the next time you complain about it.
 
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Miserum

Well-known member
I get where you're coming from — others taking an honest opinion too personally even if your intentions are in no way rude or judgemental. It feels like there is an unrealistic etiquette to abide by to seem "normal", even if it involves white lies.

Technically, those who'd have it in for you could retaliate in a sneaky and inconspicuous way. If I knew you and held a strong grudge against you, only my sense of ethics would prevent me from using your publicly available picture to steal your identity and ruin your online reputation. You can't know how evil people may be. Not having any guarantees is what induces such fears and negative scenarios.

Giving an honest but constructively criticising review of a restaurant, for example, gives you no guarantee that the owner wouldn't secretly spit in your beverage – or even worse – the next time you frequent it. Not foreseeing people's reaction justifies such misgivings, regardless of how noble your intentions might be. Everyone is human, a bloated sense of pride may make integrity-lacking people act underhandedly.

This is what conditions some people to not mean what they say and don't say what they mean, as if there were an unofficial code of conduct to follow: pretend that a poor situation is okay or risk being given an even worse one the next time you complain about it.
Thanks for your words, Jungle. I appreciate them.
 

Miserum

Well-known member

Often I am upset
That I cannot fall in love
But I guess
This avoids the stress of falling out of it

Are you, you tired of me yet?
I'm a little sick right now, but I swear
When I'm ready I will fly us out of here

Cut, cut hair, leave
Cut my hair
Cut, cut hair
Strangely he feels at home in this
Strangely he feels at home in this

Often I am upset
That I cannot fall in love
But I guess
This avoids the stress of falling out of it

Are you, you tired of me yet?…
 

Miserum

Well-known member
Old signature full of sayings I find meaning in:


++++ Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner. ++++ Breathe, Listen, Pause-T.H.I.N.K.-Play ++++ grit - courage and resolve; strength of character ++++ On the path to greatness an excess of repetition and boredom is unavoidable. ++++ Do not overthink. ++++ To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. ++++ Real peace is not just the absence of conflict; it's the presence of justice. ++++ Sucking at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something. ++++ Do not be consumed by anything but learning. ++++ Humor is not planned. It's spontaneous (Post #122).

If you're going to do something, commit 100% to it, because you're doing it anyway. Attack everything you do. ++++ You train people how to treat you. ++++ On the other side of suffering... is greatness. ++++ Live in the grip of life. ++++ If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you. ++++ If it scares the absolute shit out of you, and it hurts to do, but you're doing it anyway... you're growing. ++++ If you're suffering through hard work and think you probably can't endure any more, you're probably only using 40% of your full capacity.

To make a sword, you have to put it through fire and you have to beat the fucking shit out of it. Repeatedly. You have to beat. the living. shit out of it. And so my mindset, started to become that... and I realized that nothing hard comes from soft.

Get after it.
 
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lily

Well-known member
It's a drain trying to figure out something good to say when you have nothing to say. That pretty much embodies all of my interactions.
aw, I feel for you. Try not to think of something 'good' to say, try to just talk what's on your mind and which others can connect to and respond. Ppl just like to talk even if it's anything, there are people who would appreciate you :)
 

Miserum

Well-known member
aw, I feel for you. Try not to think of something 'good' to say, try to just talk what's on your mind and which others can connect to and respond. Ppl just like to talk even if it's anything, there are people who would appreciate you :)
I wish I could do this, and sometimes I can. Most of the time though, spontaneous conversation just leaves me feeling inadequate. Someone inevitably tries to one-up me, puts me down for being too silly, too boring, too serious, too ignorant... too... whatever the fuck ever. It depends on the person. Most people tend to be insensitive, unthinking fuck-wits in my experience. That or they are scheming toward some selfish end goal, which forces them to behave the way they do.
 

lily

Well-known member
I wish I could do this, and sometimes I can. Most of the time though, spontaneous conversation just leaves me feeling inadequate. Someone inevitably tries to one-up me, puts me down for being too silly, too boring, too serious, too ignorant... too... whatever the fuck ever. It depends on the person. Most people tend to be insensitive, unthinking fuck-wits in my experience. That or they are scheming toward some selfish end goal, which forces them to behave the way they do.
that's odd, r u sure everyone does that? ...just wondering 'cause I take the advice I had given you and have no problems. Sometimes people will say you're silly but they mean it in a good way, sorry for the negative things that happened to you though.

I'd find it rude if someone is always saying you're boring, not to mention arrogant.
 
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Miserum

Well-known member
that's odd, r u sure everyone does that? ...just wondering 'cause I take the advice I had given you and have no problems. Sometimes people will say you're silly but they mean it in a good way, sorry for the negative things that happened to you though
I think these negative events have happened often enough in my life that I can now see them a mile off. But... perhaps I am looking for them, and so maybe see things that aren't really there. Or I am blowing things out of proportion. It's extremely difficult to look at my own perspective objectively. :confused:

I think you give good advice though, Lily. I'll try to keep it in mind. Thanks. :)
 

lily

Well-known member
I think these negative events have happened often enough in my life that I can now see them a mile off. But... perhaps I am looking for them, and so maybe see things that aren't really there. Or I am blowing things out of proportion. It's extremely difficult to look at my own perspective objectively. :confused:

I think you give good advice though, Lily. I'll try to keep it in mind. Thanks. :)
thank you :)
 
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