How to not notice people staring?

[Livemylife]

I accept that people will always stare. But is there a way I can never notice it again? Do people without social phobia notice it, and just like it? I think it is animal instinct to notice if someone is blatantly staring at you. Your brain, and most animals, thinks "Oh no, is that a predator?" and prepares for possible attack. My theory anyway.

 

[Backandforth]

Well you have to be looking at them to be able to notice them staring. For a lot of my life I just looked down at my feet while I was walking or off to the side of the people so I wouldn't see if they were looking or not. Sometimes that's even worse though because then you don't know if they were or they weren't, and you'll always wonder...

 

[Livemylife]

Well you have to be looking at them to be able to notice them staring. For a lot of my life I just looked down at my feet while I was walking or off to the side of the people so I wouldn't see if they were looking or not. Sometimes that's even worse though because then you don't know if they were or they weren't, and you'll always wonder...

Nope. If someone is staring at me, I will look up and then finally lock eyes with them. I would guess that they'd probably been staring at me for quite some time, until my brain said "Predator alert!" and caused me to look in the direction of the starer. They snap their head away once they've been caught. Usually I lock eyes with them first because they hadn't been expecting me to finally look at them. This is just my experience. Maybe the key is to ignore my brain's "predator alert!" signal. But yeah I try to look down at a book, cellphone, or the ground, but sometimes that's not enough to block out all surroundings.

 

[MikeyC]

I think it's somewhat natural for people to observe other people when they're out and about. As long as you're not intently staring at one person, it's okay. We like to look at our fellow humans and try to suss them out in my mind.

 

[Livemylife]

I think it's somewhat natural for people to observe other people when they're out and about. As long as you're not intently staring at one person, it's okay. We like to look at our fellow humans and try to suss them out in my mind.

Uh well they are intently staring at one person: me.
I do not do that. In fact, my old counselor asked me if I stared at people, perhaps to show that "we all" stare. I knew the answer immediately to be no. I cannot relate to looking at fellow humans and sussing them in my mind. I know that's probably what they're doing. They stare at me longer because 1) they don't have a premade category to fit me into. I am confusing them, causing them to stare longer and 2) because they can. I won't notice until they are intently staring at me. I am naturally aloof and contemplative. My brain does not desire to look at fellow humans. I've read online about 'people watching" and the whole thing sounds bizarre to me. The question is how, once these people have latched onto me with their eyes, do I NOT notice it? If I could stop noticing it, I'd be one step closer to overcoming my social phobia.

 

[jaim38]

I can't do stuff right if I notice people are looking at me. I fumble, shake, or mess up in some way. I remember reading about this celeb mom who was not used to the attention after her family became famous. She finally got used to the attention. I think it takes frequent exposure and practice to get used to it.

 

[EvilFlyingCow]

If someone is staring intently at you, aren't they the weird one for staring? Maybe you should look directly at them, shrugging your shoulders and shaking your head as if to gesture, "is there a problem?"

 

[MikeyC]

Uh well they are intently staring at one person: me.
I do not do that. In fact, my old counselor asked me if I stared at people, perhaps to show that "we all" stare. I knew the answer immediately to be no. I cannot relate to looking at fellow humans and sussing them in my mind. I know that's probably what they're doing. They stare at me longer because 1) they don't have a premade category to fit me into. I am confusing them, causing them to stare longer and 2) because they can. I won't notice until they are intently staring at me. I am naturally aloof and contemplative. My brain does not desire to look at fellow humans. I've read online about 'people watching" and the whole thing sounds bizarre to me. The question is how, once these people have latched onto me with their eyes, do I NOT notice it? If I could stop noticing it, I'd be one step closer to overcoming my social phobia.

You have to really define "staring," though. I have stared at people, and I'm sure others have stared at me for one reason or another. Sometimes it's an unconscious thing and I'm focusing on one person too long. Other times it's more of a cursory glance at the people around me as I'm walking. Others do it to me, too.

As for not noticing, that's not really possible. Once you notice it, it's impossible to un-notice it. The key is to accept it and not allow it to bother you. Being stared at can be uncomfortable, but I'm sure that if you stared right back, you would equal their measure and they would relent.

 

[HexNoir]

I agree with staring back or making a goofy, acknowledging gesture in their direction. Throw your hands sideways to give it some pizazz, and I'm sure they'll stare at someone else for the time being!

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I sing a song in my head, over and over. It helps keep me from getting too plugged-in to what's going on around me.

 

[Kiwong]

Stop being hypervigilant, easier said than done. I reckon it's true that we are looking out for threats, ie people who are looking at us and maybe judging. You have dip out of the thought stream for a while, like thinking about worrying someone is looking at you.

 

[jaim38]

You have to really define "staring," though. I have stared at people, and I'm sure others have stared at me for one reason or another. Sometimes it's an unconscious thing and I'm focusing on one person too long. Other times it's more of a cursory glance at the people around me as I'm walking. Others do it to me, too.

As for not noticing, that's not really possible. Once you notice it, it's impossible to un-notice it. The key is to accept it and not allow it to bother you. Being stared at can be uncomfortable, but I'm sure that if you stared right back, you would equal their measure and they would relent.

Well said! I have stared at people sometimes because I want to make friends but just don't know how to approach them. I think it helps to throw in a smile or something so that the stare won't come off as creepy. But sometimes I focus on one person for too long in which case I should apologize for it?

 

[Hellhound]

I remember when I was awfully paranoid of people staring at me while I walked. It was bad to the point of walking funny in an attempt to walk normal.

Everyone looks at everyone, I believe it's common.