How often do you avoid social invites/situations?

[Kat]

One should really be careful about interpreting declines as "avoidance issues". You can simply not want to do something, and that clearly without being mentally sick.

well, that’s true but most people if you avoid their invites or situations that seem of importance to them, too often, they usually consider you to be a snob or something to the liking.

 

[ayama]

I don't have any friends now. And if I do get invited, sometimes I am even determined to go, but then I get scared at the last minute and don't go. it's really annoying actually.
I used to get invited more in the past, but since I never showed up, I don't get invites anymore.

 

[klytus]

well, that’s true but most people if you avoid their invites or situations that seem of importance to them, too often, they usually consider you to be a snob or something to the liking.

Why would you want to be social with such people anyway? If they jump to idiotic conclusions it's their loss that they aren't more mentally mature.

 

[Kat]

Why would you want to be social with such people anyway? If they jump to idiotic conclusions it's their loss that they aren't more mentally mature.

True, but when your options are limited you just take what you can get at times. We have our problems but we still all want acceptance so it's easy for us to have the mind set beggars can't be choosers. One day I won't care but I will probably be too old to appreciate it.

 

[klytus]

True, but when your options are limited you just take what you can get at times. We have our problems but we still all want acceptance so it's easy for us to have the mind set beggars can't be choosers. One day I won't care but I will probably be too old to appreciate it.

You can easily increase the number of options by meeting new people. Of course, that again isn't an easy thing to do. But you don't have to restrict yourself to only those few people you happened to meet by chance.

 

[KiaraBlue]

Too often. I don't go out as nearly as much as I would like to. I have few friends that still haven't give up on me. Just one of them knows about my problem.
I avoid social situations pretty much always when I can. For example..my identity card expired last month..I still haven't get a new one because I'm afraid of taking photographs for the card..and later staying in line at the police when I will go for new card..
Some things that I had to do before few months still waiting for me to gather the couriage to do them..
Today I had to go for some stuff in the store..I delayed that for tomorrow of course..::

 

[very_shy]

You can easily increase the number of options by meeting new people. Of course, that again isn't an easy thing to do. But you don't have to restrict yourself to only those few people you happened to meet by chance.

Agree. Recently, I have also been thinking of it in a geographical/diplomatic way: by meeting new people you (the more or less "isolated" country, in the frame of SA) you make new connections, you can "trade sources". By time you advance and maybe meet somebody, with whom you can "establish an embassy" . Or: think of you being a landlocked country and by meeting new faces maybe one day you can gain access to the sea.

 

[Weirdo]

klytus, don't tell me that you can't spare at least 10 hours a week for social activities. Or do you get up at 7AM, attend classes, come home at 2-3PM, study for the next 8 hours, go to sleep and do the same stuff the following day over again, week after week? That's insane. If there is someting like "studyholism", you have it. No offence, I just don't get it. I study an average of half a hour a day, the rest of the time I spend procrastinating/doing what I enjoy...you must have some hobbies.. or is studying your only hobby? Dude, If I had your life, I'd be out there banging chicks. You don't have to get A's at every subject, unless you're one of those crazy perfectionists.(omg I got a B! /cut wrists)

 

[Falkor]

well, actually i avoided planned things this whole weekend.
but i told them the truth why i canceled things off,
they told me its all fine so that is relieving.
but im afraid i'd mess up another weekend.
hopefully i can just step out of this viscious cirkle.
damn SA sucks.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

if it's one person to hang out with then i can sometimes talk myself into it.. if it's a group the excuses come out instantly :x

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

As much as I would like to avoid my friends all the time, I usually tough it out and just go along with it whenever I have to meet them. I have avoided them entirely a couple of times, but the problem is that they care. They care too much if I don't come. I mean honestly, I don't get it. I don't even say much when I'm with them but for some reason or another they just want to see me. In the days/hours following up to the time that I must see them, I become increasingly anxious/depressed and self-destructive. I wish I had the option of avoiding them much of the time but they've made it clear to me that I can't just disappear like I'd want to. I hate this so much.

 

[klytus]

klytus, don't tell me that you can't spare at least 10 hours a week for social activities. Or do you get up at 7AM, attend classes, come home at 2-3PM, study for the next 8 hours, go to sleep and do the same stuff the following day over again, week after week? That's insane. If there is someting like "studyholism", you have it.

I spare way too much time already for social activities. I talk to family members at least for four hours a day, and meet up with friends basically every Thursday from 2 pm until 11 pm.

That is, I usually get up around 10am - as I go to bed rather late - because I don't attend classes. I have always been most successful by studying the subject by myself. After I wake up, have a coffee (or two, or three), talk to my mum, I go to my room and study for a couple of hours, ideally. Usually I get interrupted by lunch and by my dog.

Two days are different, though. I have to wake up around 6am on Wednesday and Thursday, because I have to attend two mandatory training groups. I tend to spend the entire Thursday at university, attending two training groups, drinking coffee in the Cafeteria, explaining stuff to two of my fellow students, and meeting up with friends in the evening.

No offence, I just don't get it. I study an average of half a hour a day, the rest of the time I spend procrastinating/doing what I enjoy...you must have some hobbies.. or is studying your only hobby?

My hobbies are my interests, and my interests are what I study. Officially, I study Mathematics at university. To excel in this subject, a strong passion for and commitment to it is required. Studying is so to speak my only hobby, yes, unless you count listening to music, drinking coffee and tea, and watching television series as hobbies. Anyway - Luckily there is a virtually infinite amount of knowledge and understanding to study.

Dude, If I had your life, I'd be out there banging chicks. You don't have to get A's at every subject, unless you're one of those crazy perfectionists.(omg I got a B! /cut wrists)

I see no deeper sense in banging chicks. I would certainly do it - just for fun - but it's too much of an effort to get to that point. And the time that would consume is immense. I don't have to get A's, true, and it's not about the grades for me. I find abstract structures and systems very sexy, and my dream is to have a deep, profound theoretical and practical understanding of them. That's what I am working towards.

In fact, I would very much prefer to have a hot girlfriend similar to me in terms of personality, interests, and understanding, such that we could study together and some day in the distant future change the world.

 

[Weirdo]

Well, personally I can't think of a bigger waste of time than mathematics, but whatever floats your boat. I just think that with your intelligence and abilities you could be a succesful entrepreneur or something.

I see no deeper sense in banging chicks either, but I'm a virgin so...I'd try out at least 3 girls if I could. Then I'd get a gf. Oh and good luck with finding a hot math freak girl.(if such a girl even exists, lol)

 

[klytus]

Well, personally I can't think of a bigger waste of time than mathematics

Probably because you have no idea what it is. For one, without Mathematics nothing of our modern technology would exist.

I just think that with your intelligence and abilities you could be a succesful entrepreneur or something.

Money is meaningless to me. I will always have enough for all my purposes.

I see no deeper sense in banging chicks either, but I'm a virgin so...I'd try out at least 3 girls if I could.

I object to "trying out" girls. ::

 

[Kat]

You can easily increase the number of options by meeting new people. Of course, that again isn't an easy thing to do. But you don't have to restrict yourself to only those few people you happened to meet by chance.

Yeah, ideally to find a support network of friends that are accepting when you don’t want to go to their social get together would be nice. I mean people don’t throw a social get together thinking nobody will show up. So you would think that there would be some disappointed if people don’t go. I’ve found that to be rare for people just to be ok unless you have an excuse they can respect like excessive studying.

Whatever, works for you I guess.

 

[klytus]

Yeah, ideally to find a support network of friends that are accepting when you don’t want to go to their social get together would be nice. I mean people don’t throw a social get together thinking nobody will show up. So you would think that there would be some disappointed if people don’t go. I’ve found that to be rare for people just to be ok unless you have an excuse they can respect like excessive studying.

Whatever, works for you I guess.

Mhh, in my case, my fellow students work just as much, so they are probably understanding in this regard. Their lives aren't different to mine, and those who happen to have relationships just got lucky. Most of them are third year students, so they have a strong foundation in this subject, which makes it possible for them to have a bit more free time. I am a first year student.

However, I think that people - worth considering as possible friends - are in general quite forgiving when it comes to declining invitations. But then, at some point you should go with them. I wouldn't have met those people I hang out with on Thursdays, had I not accepted the invitation, and that was a quite unusual thing to do for me.

 

[206Raider]

Yeah am like a lot of you, I pissed off all my friends, I used to get invites all the time but they don't think I like them becuase I would decline around half the time or more and then they see me as not really caring so I don't get invited a whole lot. My friend even said that "I thought you didn't like us anymore man" No, I'm just doing my own thing, I just struggle it's not easy to say your anxious becuase when I'm drunk I'm fine. But I avoided them a lot and now that I want to change I'm having trouble making friends when I had so many before. I only have a select few that I talk to...

 

[BlueDays]

I declined one too many social invites with my past friends. They eventually gave up, and i lost contact!......one of the many big mistakes of my life

 

[Lorraine Manca]

i put in a huge effort to be "normal" for a good solid year. i went to the parties and had the friends and all that. i still felt alone and miles away from everything that was going on around me, even when i was calm. i never go to anything social anymore, and i have no regrets about that.

 

[combat]

I've been trying to open up more lately and go to stuff. Went out with a couple of buddies from work a few days ago and had some drinks. First time for me, used to consistently never join anyone for after work drinks (didn't use to drink either).

I'm sure I'll still be avoiding stuff (particularly if we're talking bigger parties and stuff), but I'm trying to be more social.