How often do you avoid social invites/situations?

[overcome.]

Ok, so I'm pretty sure this is the place to discuss this sort of topic. I take it from the point of view of somebody that suffers with this disorder that the obvious answer to avoidance in social situations would be extremely frequently, if not all the time.

The question is, how often? Also, how do you deal with it? I know that you can drift very far away from people/friends and end up losing friends even. It seems for me like everytime I get a social invite, even while somebody is still talking about the plans - I've already dismissed the idea in my head and am already thinking of a reason or excuse to decline. So I never or rarely end up going out or socialising.

Anybody else the same?

 

[anders055]

I was the same...just reduced a bit now after i finally understood that i suffered from SAD. But too late.......a lot of life has been wasted. Try your best to get out.

 

[overcome.]

I should have written that I have a phobia problem that I feel holds me back a lot. I'm doing my best to tackle with help from therapy, medication and just doing things regardless of anxiety.

 

[eski]

I was like this a lot but I'm now trying to at least get out there, even if I try to convince myself otherwise knowing that things may get a little awkward... I'm a bit sick of being stuck at home isolated from the world... it also depends on how well i know the people there. If I don't really know at least a few people there I probably would end up making some excuse not to go...

 

[iamthenra]

Ok, so I'm pretty sure this is the place to discuss this sort of topic. I take it from the point of view of somebody that suffers with this disorder that the obvious answer to avoidance in social situations would be extremely frequently, if not all the time.

The question is, how often? Also, how do you deal with it? I know that you can drift very far away from people/friends and end up losing friends even. It seems for me like everytime I get a social invite, even while somebody is still talking about the plans - I've already dismissed the idea in my head and am already thinking of a reason or excuse to decline. So I never or rarely end up going out or socialising.

Anybody else the same?

I'm always that way too... On a rare occasion I will accept and I immediately plan in my head that I am going to just be in the shadows of the party or event that I was invited to. Then I always appear to be a snob or standoffish... Some people come by to visit with me out of pity, but they soon will leave me once they realize I don't have much to say. I am sure I get labeled stuck up or asocial... If my buddy is having a fire outdoors I will usually attend the fire and make sure that it is being fueled with enough logs to keep it rolling. If I don't have something to do, I will start feeling depressed because everyone there has someone to talk to, except me. I see allot of pretty ladies that I would love to have as girl friends, and then I get even more depressed and I usually leave at that point. I usually go home feeling sorry for myself and most often the tears fall like rain. I start feeling more lonely and despair for something that seems so simple for most, is so unreachable for me...

 

[TheWall]

I never get any invites, so I don't have any social situations to avoid.

 

[very_shy]

With me the situation is a little better now, occasionally I meet with the former colleagues from work (luckily there are only three) to go to a drink or we gather at one of their places. Maybe the thing that they are all older than me calms me a little, as they are very understanding, knowing that I maybe cannot say a word for 1 hour and then suddenly splash something which they will remember for a long time.

Once or twice someone even invited me to a party, but I declined or did not appear there. Reasons: anxiety, fear (my problems), but on the other side also a feeling of boredom, let's say when people start drinking, the whole conversations become useless, unless you start drinking too.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Ok, so I'm pretty sure this is the place to discuss this sort of topic. I take it from the point of view of somebody that suffers with this disorder that the obvious answer to avoidance in social situations would be extremely frequently, if not all the time.

The question is, how often? Also, how do you deal with it?

It's not something I have to deal with very often because I don't really have any friends. When this situation does arise, it's usually a social thing related to work, and I make some excuse why I can't go. I don't really put a lot of effort into the excuses, so it's usually pretty obvious that it is just an excuse. I used to care, but I really don't any more.

I know that you can drift very far away from people/friends and end up losing friends even.

You really have to have friends to begin with for that to happen.

It seems for me like everytime I get a social invite, even while somebody is still talking about the plans - I've already dismissed the idea in my head and am already thinking of a reason or excuse to decline. So I never or rarely end up going out or socialising.

Anybody else the same?

Yes. The excuse machine in my head starts whirring around the moment I start hearing murmurings of a social outing, and by the time it's being officially arranged I'm all set with one I prepared earlier.

 

[Hellhound]

I don't know because I'm never invited to anything, I don't have much contacts in real life. I assume I would avoid it often... Just the thought of something like that scares me.

 

[lurknomore]

I never have gotten invites to avoid... so I don't know if I actually would or not.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I used to be invited places by my one & only "friend" all the time, years ago, but never anymore. I was always too scared, so I always declined & she stopped inviting me anywhere because of it. The closest thing I have to invites are family holiday stuff & my cousins kids birthdays, etc. But I'm too scared to go so I'm always alone for holidays & have never been to one of my little cousins birthdays & they're 5, 6, & 7 years old now.

 

[overcome.]

I was really very anxious for a holiday that was coming up, I went on it though and felt great afterwards, I literally had the time of my life and gained many positive memories from it. Looking back on it, I really surprised myself, I managed to keep stomach contents down and even eat before leaving home/boarding the flight - and I was going with somebody elses family who didn't quite know the true extent of my anxiety related problems.

Now I kind of ask myself, if I can go to a foreign country with relatively low anxiety compared to what I imagined (at least the leaving home to get there bit - the rest was mostly ok too), then why do I feel hugely overwhelmed at the thought of going back to work or out for a frends birthday meal, or going to a nightclub!?

Going on what you said (post above) about one friend, and then they stopped asking you, I think that's a shame. With some of my friends, I've mentioned little bits here and there about my issues with anxiety but not to the degree that I want them to know. I know they don't understand too well, because they still mention ideas and invite me places. Although this is nice of them and I can't believe I'll say this - fairly often or at least half of the time, I'll politely decline and come up with an excuse. Avoidance, I don't like it but I seem to do it more than I realise.

 

[Kat]

I don't get invites but I would probably make an excuse to avoid them anyway. ::

When, I was doing some studies some people who were sitting next to me were talking about someone who they invited to their party and they didn't attend and they we're making comments like ''well you know who your true friends are then.'' That's the backlash you get if you don't go to these things. I just wish there was some way they could feel how we felt in those situations.::

 

[Noca]

I avoid 2/3 of them lately.

 

[da_illest101]

i either, simply decline, say that i'm not interested in that kind of stuff or invent some excuses. it depends of the person who is asking and the social event

 

[overcome.]

I don't get invites but I would probably make an excuse to avoid them anyway. ::

When, I was doing some studies some people who were sitting next to me were talking about someone who they invited to their party and they didn't attend and they we're making comments like ''well you know who your true friends are then.'' That's the backlash you get if you don't go to these things. I just wish there was some way they could feel how we felt in those situations.::

I've heard that as well unfortunately, I think it's really quite unfair. Of course I'm talking about the whole "you know who your true friends are, true friends would be there", etc. I've been invited to a good friends birthday meal which can be daunting enough in a way, but there's going to be quite a few people I don't know there including an ex girlfriend with her new boyfriend. That, I'm not looking forward to. The excuses have already started in my head, but I believe that my friend will see right through it and have the attitude you described.

Where a lot of people don't experience it, they probably won't have much of an idea of what goes on inside the head of someone with these overwhelming levels of anxiety. I don't believe in judging people, especially if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes, they could be contending with all sorts of ****.

 

[Kat]

I've heard that as well unfortunately, I think it's really quite unfair. Of course I'm talking about the whole "you know who your true friends are, true friends would be there", etc. I've been invited to a good friends birthday meal which can be daunting enough in a way, but there's going to be quite a few people I don't know there including an ex girlfriend with her new boyfriend. That, I'm not looking forward to. The excuses have already started in my head, but I believe that my friend will see right through it and have the attitude you described.

Where a lot of people don't experience it, they probably won't have much of an idea of what goes on inside the head of someone with these overwhelming levels of anxiety. I don't believe in judging people, especially if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes, they could be contending with all sorts of ****.

Yeah, and it probably makes it look worse for ourselves when we do attend some events and not others. Because they will think well you did it that time?


And it gets worse when it's something like a funeral that's something I had trouble extreme problems with. My pop passed away last year from bowel cancer and I actually was there when he was passed away, it seemed like he was waiting for me to be there until he passed on::


As hard as it was, I am glad I didn’t let my anxiety get the best of me in that situation, I would be carrying around a lot of guilt, that I don’t think I could do anything about, if I didn’t go.

Your situation doesn’t fall into that category but believe me you have the strength as well even if you went for a short while like 10 minutes then people would see you at least tried to make an effort and kick some of that anxiety in the butt If you do come back and tell us about it if not better luck next time.

 

[nopark]

Don't really get asked out much these days lol. I used to just say no (I'm not really one who beats around the bush!). But I used to force myself out every once and a while, even if I didn't want to -- I called it "filling the social quota."

But since I moved out of my hometown and don't really know anyone here, there's no one to ask...

Except, well, there's this one girl who I barely know asked me out for coffee a few times now. I kinda want to go, but I hardly know her and it makes me super anxious. If it's just one on one I'm afraid she'll find out I'm a complete weirdo, and it'll be super awkward. So I've been putting her off, saying I'm busy with work. She's finally stopped asking so I think I missed my shot...

 

[Pink_Paula]

I'll avoid social situations as much as possible, i just don't feel comfortable especially if we are meeting up in a pub or something, just walking through the door can set off a panic attack! But i did manage to go out recently with a group of people that i always used to hang out with, i had to really gee myself up to do that, but i did it and it wasn't half as bad as i thought, it was actually nice to see them all again.

 

[klytus]

Well, I don't usually avoid such situations. It's more that I simply don't want it, for some very good reasons. Lately I have been asked to go play billiard with a group of fellow students on a Saturday evening. That's fine, in general, and I have no problems going with them, but I simply lacked the time. I don't want to get distracted too much from my studies. I regularly meet up with some other students. However, they asked me to go with them to play football on a Friday afternoon. I had to decline, again, because I have no time for that. Apart from the fact that I don't like football.

I could go on like this. Were I to say "yes" to every such invite, I would have no time whatsoever to spend with clearly more relevant activities - like studying. By now I would probably have a social meet-up every night. That's unacceptable.

A couple of weeks ago I asked a girl out, she said "yes", we spent the evening together, it was nice, but I won't do that again any time soon. If I compare what I got from that meet-up with what I could have studied in those six hours, I cringe. It's simply not worth it.

One should really be careful about interpreting declines as "avoidance issues". You can simply not want to do something, and that clearly without being mentally sick.