How do you deal with having a job?

[NickyNacker]

I'm 19 and have never had a job. I need one but I've been putting it off because I'm terrified of it. I can't go out in public for long without getting all the physical symptoms of my anxiety which is when I remove myself from wherever I am and go home. I get shaky, dizzy, sweaty, weak feeling. So I feel like how would I deal with having a job where I have to be out dealing with people for hours? How do you guys deal with work??
I also didn't graduate so until I get my diploma or GED whatever job I get will be something like working at a store.
But I'm getting to a point where I'm so sick of sitting in the house all day doing nothing (it drives me insane) that I feel like getting a job just to get out and have stuff to do. I just don't know WHAT to do and I'm losing it.

 

[Frazy91]

Without trying to worry you even more...i dont deal with it.

Ive had many jobs, none lasting more than 3 months. Im sure out there somewhere, is a job where i can feel comfortable. But at the moment i cant do anything about it. I get nightmares, im terrified constantly, i cry at work, and yet i have to go through this to live :/ Rest assured ill quit this job soon enough and go to another one hoping its the miracle job that i feel ok at :/

 

[BlackPuma]

You could try just going for it, and see where it takes you. I think it would be very brave if you did. But the more desired way (it seems) is through slow steps that are backed up by some kind of therapeutic program.

If you really just want to get out of the house, I could suggest doing some volunteers work. It doesn't require any fancy diplomas (in most cases). And, when you are ready for an actual paid job, the job as an volunteer will look very good on your resumé.

And besides, in my experience the people that work as volunteers are a lot more understanding in general. Providing a safer environment.

 

[Frazy91]

Just try and stay away from the public as much as you can is my opinion, im in retail, and im finding it so hard to deal with.

 

[Hottie]

Hey,

I dont have a job at the moment...im terrified for when i really have to. I really want to have a full time job and make my own money so i can pay my own way.

I am always going to push myself. I find if you stop for a while it is much harder to get back into the swing of things. For example when i was in college it was sooooo difficult for me to be in class...so i wasnt in class. I skiped a fair bit alright but the more time i took of college the harder it became for me to go back. I somehow stuck it out...

I want to go back, but i am worried for going back to college. I am going back to college to further my education. I want to be highly qualified and get a job i enjoy...but the ways thing are that may never happen........but im still going to try.

So all you can do at the moment is try things out. If you want to really get a job you take it in baby steps. Dont think about what situations you will be putting your self into, as that only feeds the anxiety.

What is it most that worries you about having a job? What bits could you cope with and what could you not?

 

[silent k]

a job is definitely sanity maintenance for me. sometimes i like to think about how work used to be much simpler. people used to have to work in order to survive no complicated questions to ask or decisions to make. you simply work hard in order to grow food, hunt, or gather it, or work hard in order to make money to buy food, food that is essential for life. so i guess to some it up, i just find a creative way to make myself believe that its worth doing. i think that deep down thats really the only reason that anyone ever does anything. convince yourself that its worth it because it is. take my advice or dont.

 

[Sial Axetder]

I work, yes I do.

 

[eternalnewb]

I managed to avoid having an offical job(I did a lot of babysitting) until I finished college. Now I work as a Special Education Assistant supporting students with special needs, for the past two years I've been working in a Highschool. I'm in my fourth year at this job and I think that it's because I find it so much easier to work with kids than adults. I still come home several days a week wishing I could have a job that didn't involve working with people at all, but until I can find that job I'll keep sticking it out. I always knew that i would work with kids, hopefully in time you can find a job that suits you or at least one that you find tolerable.

 

[NickyNacker]

Thank you for all the replies.

Hey,

I dont have a job at the moment...im terrified for when i really have to. I really want to have a full time job and make my own money so i can pay my own way.

I am always going to push myself. I find if you stop for a while it is much harder to get back into the swing of things. For example when i was in college it was sooooo difficult for me to be in class...so i wasnt in class. I skiped a fair bit alright but the more time i took of college the harder it became for me to go back. I somehow stuck it out...

I want to go back, but i am worried for going back to college. I am going back to college to further my education. I want to be highly qualified and get a job i enjoy...but the ways thing are that may never happen........but im still going to try.

So all you can do at the moment is try things out. If you want to really get a job you take it in baby steps. Dont think about what situations you will be putting your self into, as that only feeds the anxiety.

What is it most that worries you about having a job? What bits could you cope with and what could you not?

I'm really scared of any kind of rejection or confrontation of any kind so I'm scared I won't be able to understand what I have to do (I also have ADD which makes it hard for me to understand things a lot.) and I'll get in trouble with the boss or people will get annoyed with me. I'm also really scared of working a cash register. I'm terrible at math and I don't think I'd be able to count the change to be honest. And just dealing with the social aspect of it in general. I'm so awkard and scared of talking to people I don't know.

a job is definitely sanity maintenance for me. sometimes i like to think about how work used to be much simpler. people used to have to work in order to survive no complicated questions to ask or decisions to make. you simply work hard in order to grow food, hunt, or gather it, or work hard in order to make money to buy food, food that is essential for life. so i guess to some it up, i just find a creative way to make myself believe that its worth doing. i think that deep down thats really the only reason that anyone ever does anything. convince yourself that its worth it because it is. take my advice or dont.

I think this is the best response I could have gotten. Thank you!

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Thank you for all the replies.



I'm really scared of any kind of rejection or confrontation of any kind so I'm scared I won't be able to understand what I have to do (I also have ADD which makes it hard for me to understand things a lot.) and I'll get in trouble with the boss or people will get annoyed with me. I'm also really scared of working a cash register. I'm terrible at math and I don't think I'd be able to count the change to be honest. And just dealing with the social aspect of it in general. I'm so awkard and scared of talking to people I don't know.



I think this is the best response I could have gotten. Thank you!

These were my fears when getting a job. I have ADD too. Hard to focus and remember directions esp add on mega anxiety. BUT - having had a retail job where rang up ppl and had to work an overly procedural cash register computer... it seemed to be more complicated than needed to be. But... got through it eventually...

Now - it took me maybe longer I felt anyways to learn - I wrote things down. Helped. Just a lot to remember. I was always scared when things happened I forgot. And it did...

I didnt trust myself for a lonngggg time because of SA and everything u said - but it'll get better once do it. AND it was a small toy store - but they made me open and close even now TALK ABOUT STRESS AND MATH OMG - closing the store ------- counting money, etc. Talk about being up nights wondering if I screwed up. lol. But I didn't say for maybe a penny or two. Or three or four. =) I actually when came up short by a few cents or bucks it happens - would just put my own money in as screwed math up. Eh. ANYWAYS now Im just ranting about my silly past.

My problem now having been out of work is feeling same way despite having done it in past.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Making my own money is incentive for me to deal with having a job. My fear of not being able to support myself and my family is greater than any SA fear.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I think the first parts are the hardest... getting the interview, having it, the first few days, learning/being trained. It can be pretty daunting.

Although things may not be perfect, I think with practice they can get easier. You have to allow your self to open up a little bit though.

For me, when I had my uniform on it was like I was a different person. Now I wasn't super outgoing and talkative but I could talk to customers. "Hello, how may I help you?" Because, that's what part of the job is. No one is going to think you're silly for talking to them. Anything you do at your job dealing with customers is typical and normal for the work place. You have a role to play. So for me, that made it a lot easier.

 

[Hottie]

I'm really scared of any kind of rejection or confrontation of any kind so I'm scared I won't be able to understand what I have to do (I also have ADD which makes it hard for me to understand things a lot.) and I'll get in trouble with the boss or people will get annoyed with me. I'm also really scared of working a cash register. I'm terrible at math and I don't think I'd be able to count the change to be honest. And just dealing with the social aspect of it in general. I'm so awkard and scared of talking to people I don't know.

Hey,
well my best bet at the moment for you, would to prob get a job working on the floor of a clothes/shoe shop. If your employer asked you to go on tills, you just have to say i dont want to, you dont have to tell them why... Thats some advice my dad gave me a little while ago. I never used it though!!

I work on the phone now and its not the people on the phone making me anxious, its the oth 1, 2, or 3 persons in the room. I feel they judge what im saying on the phone so i feel im not giving my best... buy hey at least im doing something!!

So try andvdo it in baby steps... where would you most feel comfortable? i know nowhere is the answer!!! but most? And take it a few days at a time. first get th CVs written up, then typed and printed. Another day plan to send them off. The next step will prob be an interview. But what is best for people like us to do, is to only think one step and one day at a time.

Best of Luck...

 

[Feathers]

Many people have all sorts of problems and still manage to have jobs and earn money, maybe this can help? Even people with disabilities sometimes manage to find good workplaces..

If your employer asked you to go on tills, you just have to say i dont want to, you dont have to tell them why... Thats some advice my dad gave me a little while ago. I never used it though!!

hmm, I don't think saying 'I don't want to' is really for today's economic climate.. it may be better to say something like 'I think I can be much more valuable for the firm/make a bigger contribution doing (xyz - what you like doing and are good at, and to back it up with reasons that are important for the firm)' Or you could say, 'No thanks, I think XY would be better for this job..' It depends on the relationship with the boss/supervisor too, though..
Unless it's a supported/therapeutic program...? If anyone has any different experience, please do tell-! (I never tried it, I just think employers would expect people to be flexible or give good reasons, maybe with co-workers or people not much higher up, it could go..)

I work on the phone now and its not the people on the phone making me anxious, its the oth 1, 2, or 3 persons in the room. I feel they judge what im saying on the phone so i feel im not giving my best... buy hey at least im doing something!!

Wow, you're brave if you're working on the phones! (In a call center?)

Totally agree about baby steps!! And to split things up... You might want to research how to write good CVs first.. And to research the firm a bit, what they are looking for etc.

I've had jobs in the past and some were pretty stressful and some were okay-ish.. It really depends upon the job and co-workers etc.
I took some time off to do other things inbetween, and yeah, it can be more difficult after a break and stressful to just think about going back.. Wanted to start my own biz/non-profit/go freelancing inbetween, that's not so easy either..

Many of the jobs were easier than nagging parents tho, at least most of the time..
People were often/mostly more friendly than immediate relatives, if that helps?
(At least some people and some things were always allright, and you can focus on those..)
Or find a different job then, and the experience can help..

You can tell yourself you can do anything for 3 months! (at least) That's what I did when the going was tough, hehe.. Volunteering may be a good way to start, yup...
I would also eg read a motivational/inspiring book in the morning, or on the train.. And saving for something you really want can help too!

You can also learn about passive income and how to get it, and maybe start working on that.. (?) Some people have multiple 'moneymakers', not just 'a job' and this can make it easier... (it's good to have some 'start-up' money from a 'job' though..)
And you can also get valuable marketable experience and learn a lot in a job...
Look at it as 'learning stuff & getting paid for it' - maybe that could make it easier?

 

[Hottie]

hmm, I don't think saying 'i don't want to' is really for today's economic climate.. it may be better to say something like 'I think I can be much more valuable for the firm/make a bigger contribution doing (xyz - what you like doing and are good at, and to back it up with reasons that are important for the firm)' Or you could say, 'No thanks, I think XY would be better for this job..' It depends on the relationship with the boss/supervisor too, though..
Unless it's a supported/therapeutic program...? If anyone has any different experience, please do tell-! (I never tried it, I just think employers would expect people to be flexible or give good reasons, maybe with co-workers or people not much higher up, it could go..)

Wow, you're brave if you're working on the phones! (In a call center?)

I took some time off to do other things inbetween, and yeah, it can be more difficult after a break and stressful to just think about going back.. Wanted to start my own biz/non-profit/go freelancing inbetween, that's not so easy either..

What i ment by saying "i dont want to" was to kind of express to them slight aprenhension and worry about being put on the tills. If somebody asks you further you can say to them something like "i had a panic attack before and have slight worry about being on the tills" (that is one example out of many excuses!).

It does depent on the boss/manager, i agree. But if the job were to fire you over this, im sure you could create a law suit out of it becuase you would have been fired, and it goes against the employment discrimination acts.

But im sure that would be great - but because we have SA it isnt as easy as that !! Who with Sa would want a court case!! But what im getting at is the company/organisation have Act to follow against discrimination.

Yeah, i volunteer in a helpline once or twice a week. Only started at cristmas but i like it....apart from the social interactions - with the people in the room, not the phone!!!

What were your plans to start freelancing on??

 

[Feathers]

Hey Hottie,

WOW, a helpline sounds good!

hm, it depends in what country you are and what laws you have... I personally wouldn't be too happy to talk to any employers here in our country about any panic attacks or such.. there is still a lot of stigma here (unless you have 'certified' sa or such.. and the company knows about it beforehand..) maybe if you get to know them well, then maybe..
oh, I wouldn't dare to go for a lawsuit I guess (unless it were something much bigger, or the paycheck would be really *that* important), I think they're not so easy to win in our country lol - it's probably a good idea to check the laws though, as you say!

I'm not that keen on the idea of 'job' at all lol except for 'start up' money and/or necessities and as a learning opportunity and such.. or maybe as 'part time job' to add structure to the days and get out of the house.. if you have nice co-workers the socializing can be good too.. you can meet some really awesome people too..
as for freelancing - mostly was thinking about writing and such - you do need self-discipline and being organized and sometimes to be even 'braver' than in a job.. (more initiative and being a 'self-starter' etc)

 

[Hottie]

Hey Hottie,

WOW, a helpline sounds good!

hm, it depends in what country you are and what laws you have... I personally wouldn't be too happy to talk to any employers here in our country about any panic attacks or such.. there is still a lot of stigma here (unless you have 'certified' sa or such.. and the company knows about it beforehand..) maybe if you get to know them well, then maybe..
oh, I wouldn't dare to go for a lawsuit I guess (unless it were something much bigger, or the paycheck would be really *that* important), I think they're not so easy to win in our country lol - it's probably a good idea to check the laws though, as you say!

I know for me, the few interviews i have been at, the form i filled out had on it "do you have any dissabilities?". So i dont know would they have the right to fire you or not, if you didnt put it down on the form that you had anxiety. Also that could lead to no case!

From the stories i heard in one module during college there can be plenty of money made from things. But I really dont know...

I'm not that keen on the idea of 'job' at all lol except for 'start up' money and/or necessities and as a learning opportunity and such.. or maybe as 'part time job' to add structure to the days and get out of the house.. if you have nice co-workers the socializing can be good too.. you can meet some really awesome people too..
as for freelancing - mostly was thinking about writing and such - you do need self-discipline and being organized and sometimes to be even 'braver' than in a job.. (more initiative and being a 'self-starter' etc)

Are you saying that because of the anxiety is holding you back or is this how you really feel?
What are you at currently, if you dont mind me asking?

As for me, i want to be highly qualified and have job satisfaction with it. I have those aims in my head and i know the direction i am going to have to take. I have it all planned out. But wether i can get there...i have doubts but im going to try anyway...

 

[superfluouslyme]

I'm really scared of any kind of rejection or confrontation of any kind so I'm scared I won't be able to understand what I have to do (I also have ADD which makes it hard for me to understand things a lot.) and I'll get in trouble with the boss or people will get annoyed with me. I'm also really scared of working a cash register. I'm terrible at math and I don't think I'd be able to count the change to be honest. And just dealing with the social aspect of it in general. I'm so awkard and scared of talking to people I don't know.

Several years ago I got a job in retail. I was so desperate for a job that I took it without really thinking about how it was going to bring out my SP. My FIRST day, they had me running the cash register by myself. It was at a pet store, so I figured I would get some kind of training in animals or be filling out paperwork. Nope. I was indescribably terrified. I'd never worked a register before. I was afraid I would give back incorrect change or muff something up. I'm not gonna lie, I was scared every time I had to check someone out. But three things saved me. One, I wasn't working at Walmart or any place where it is busy ALL the time. Two, I interacted with the customers. Talking to them calmed me down. It gave me something else to focus on; I find when I multitask that I'm less nervous about any one aspect of the multitasking. Three, I would say about 50 - 60% of transactions are with check/credit/debit. Another 10% are people who pay with exact change, so the percentage of transactions dealing with cash back isn't that big.

I ended up staying at that job for almost 3 years, even being promoted to a managerial position. It wasn't an ideal job, mostly because I had to talk to people all the time about their dog's bowel movements or the mating rituals of red blood cichlids or why hamsters are the spawn of Satan himself. And my boss was an absolute pill. But, big BUT, I actually became comfortable with it all. Well, as comfortable as someone with SP can be in a retail job. I think it comes down to two things. The first being that it is just going to take experience for you to get comfortable. Having a job is never going to feel less scary unless you actually have experience in having one. My dread over getting my first job was probably very similar to what you are feeling now. I started with something simple and SP friendly - dishwasher at a nursing home. But now that I've had that experience, I do have some faith and confidence in my ability to have and hold a job. I'm currently on the job hunt and scared, but I know that I can do it. I just need to find a job within my limits. The second thing is actually the customers. They were a perfect distraction for my anxiety. Yes, there are the select few who are mean and most are indifferent at best. But the ones that are talkative and polite and kind, even when you want nothing more than for them to shut their pie holes, they are the ones that actually calmed me. I know it sounds weird, but talking to them opened me up a bit and it gives you something else to focus on other than what you are doing. The best part was that most of the nicer people are regular customers, so you know what they are going to buy and what pets they have and you can strike up a good repore with them. Anyhoo, I just rambled on for way too long. Hopefully even a sliver of this post will help you in some way.

In the interest of full disclosure, I got hired once as a member of the bookkeeping dept or a appliance store. It was 9-5, Monday thru Saturday. I went in on Monday, was taught the ropes and went home. I was tired and scared. I was up all night, my stomach in knots over going back in the morning. I cried half of the night. On my way there in the morning, I realized I was way over my head. I went in, told my boss the truth, and quit after one day. I have never felt that low in my entire life. Not everything goes according to plan. Sometimes things just aren't a good fit. You just need to know your limits, accept them as limits, find something that interests you, and go from there.

I'm going to shut up now.

ETA: That's the most I've talked in a long time!

 

[NickyNacker]

Several years ago I got a job in retail. I was so desperate for a job that I took it without really thinking about how it was going to bring out my SP. My FIRST day, they had me running the cash register by myself. It was at a pet store, so I figured I would get some kind of training in animals or be filling out paperwork. Nope. I was indescribably terrified. I'd never worked a register before. I was afraid I would give back incorrect change or muff something up. I'm not gonna lie, I was scared every time I had to check someone out. But three things saved me. One, I wasn't working at Walmart or any place where it is busy ALL the time. Two, I interacted with the customers. Talking to them calmed me down. It gave me something else to focus on; I find when I multitask that I'm less nervous about any one aspect of the multitasking. Three, I would say about 50 - 60% of transactions are with check/credit/debit. Another 10% are people who pay with exact change, so the percentage of transactions dealing with cash back isn't that big.

I ended up staying at that job for almost 3 years, even being promoted to a managerial position. It wasn't an ideal job, mostly because I had to talk to people all the time about their dog's bowel movements or the mating rituals of red blood cichlids or why hamsters are the spawn of Satan himself. And my boss was an absolute pill. But, big BUT, I actually became comfortable with it all. Well, as comfortable as someone with SP can be in a retail job. I think it comes down to two things. The first being that it is just going to take experience for you to get comfortable. Having a job is never going to feel less scary unless you actually have experience in having one. My dread over getting my first job was probably very similar to what you are feeling now. I started with something simple and SP friendly - dishwasher at a nursing home. But now that I've had that experience, I do have some faith and confidence in my ability to have and hold a job. I'm currently on the job hunt and scared, but I know that I can do it. I just need to find a job within my limits. The second thing is actually the customers. They were a perfect distraction for my anxiety. Yes, there are the select few who are mean and most are indifferent at best. But the ones that are talkative and polite and kind, even when you want nothing more than for them to shut their pie holes, they are the ones that actually calmed me. I know it sounds weird, but talking to them opened me up a bit and it gives you something else to focus on other than what you are doing. The best part was that most of the nicer people are regular customers, so you know what they are going to buy and what pets they have and you can strike up a good repore with them. Anyhoo, I just rambled on for way too long. Hopefully even a sliver of this post will help you in some way.

In the interest of full disclosure, I got hired once as a member of the bookkeeping dept or a appliance store. It was 9-5, Monday thru Saturday. I went in on Monday, was taught the ropes and went home. I was tired and scared. I was up all night, my stomach in knots over going back in the morning. I cried half of the night. On my way there in the morning, I realized I was way over my head. I went in, told my boss the truth, and quit after one day. I have never felt that low in my entire life. Not everything goes according to plan. Sometimes things just aren't a good fit. You just need to know your limits, accept them as limits, find something that interests you, and go from there.

I'm going to shut up now.

ETA: That's the most I've talked in a long time!

Thank you for the reply. I read it all and it was very helpful.

The cash register is the scariest to me. Counting and math are harder when I'm anxious because the anxiety is like a wall in my brain blocking me from concentrating on anything. I feel like I might try and get some ADD medicine before applying.

I'm trying to think of places that I feel I'd be most comfortable at. I love movies so I could apply at a Blockbuster or another store that sells movies or I could apply at Radioshack or something like that because I love electronics and am good with them.

The worst thing for me is usually the anticipation. I'm scared of GETTING a job but if I actually got one I could probably deal with it. It's just the anticipation of getting one and thinking about it and worrying. I'm also scared that if I get one and fail at it (can't do it and quit.. or get fired) that it will make my anxiety even worse because it will be a failure and I'll be even more scared. And that it will give me some kind of nervous breakdown/giant panic attack. But oh well, I'm gonna kick myself into doing it because I have to and have no choice. Eventually..

I'm just glad I have a place like this to come to and get support and inspiration! Thank you all again.

 

[ILovePocky]

I'm 19 and have never had a job. I need one but I've been putting it off because I'm terrified of it. I can't go out in public for long without getting all the physical symptoms of my anxiety which is when I remove myself from wherever I am and go home. I get shaky, dizzy, sweaty, weak feeling. So I feel like how would I deal with having a job where I have to be out dealing with people for hours? How do you guys deal with work??
I also didn't graduate so until I get my diploma or GED whatever job I get will be something like working at a store.
But I'm getting to a point where I'm so sick of sitting in the house all day doing nothing (it drives me insane) that I feel like getting a job just to get out and have stuff to do. I just don't know WHAT to do and I'm losing it.

Aw, I can totally relate! I'm 19 and I've only ever had one job. I was a bus girl at a restaurant. Not a job that I would recommend to ANYONE. It made me so scared and nervous all the time that I had to quit after only a few months. I didn't even give 2 weeks notice, I just had to get out of there =/
I haven't applied anywhere since because I'm so afraid of actually getting another job. I'm afraid that I can't handle it and I hate all the symptoms you mentioned- I get light-headed and dizzy and I feel so completely overwhelmed when I go out. Right now my parents are pushing for me to find another job and I really do need the money so I guess I'm going to have to face my fears.