How depression looks like for you?

[takethislife]

Hi I'm new to this subforum.
I'm thinking I might have depression. So I was wondering if you guys diagnosed with depression could describe how it looks like. You know that thread "You might be socially anxious if..."? Something like that. I mean specific things in everyday life, your thoughts, experiences... I'd appreciate if someone would share that with me.

 

[upndwn]

When I'm depressed I feel sad and burnt-out for no reason at all. I have no energy, no drive to do anything and I just want to sleep all the time. I can barely get up in the morning. I ignore even menial tasks like taking the dishes, going to the store and even showering. My head is filled with negative thoughts. Everything seems hopeless and sometimes I think about just giving up and go die.

Depression is not pleasant, it is kind of hard to explain to people who has never experienced it before. Most people have felt sorrow, but depression is not like sorrow, it's something else entirely. It's like your entire being is filled up with negativity and everything positive is just rebuffed.

 

[man on the hill]

When I'm depressed I feel sad and burnt-out for no reason at all. I have no energy, no drive to do anything and I just want to sleep all the time. I can barely get up in the morning. I ignore even menial tasks like taking the dishes, going to the store and even showering. My head is filled with negative thoughts. Everything seems hopeless and sometimes I think about just giving up and go die.

Depression is not pleasant, it is kind of hard to explain to people who has never experienced it before. Most people have felt sorrow, but depression is not like sorrow, it's something else entirely. It's like your entire being is filled up with negativity and everything positive is just rebuffed.

Thats very similar to how I feel. To me, its like a bad negative feeling in your gut that just never goes away. I used to be alot more active outdoors but now I dont even go outside enless I have too sometimes. I've lost intrest in alot of my old hobbies I used to have and now I dont hardly do anything in my free time except play video games and get online ocasionally. I have a full time job working 2nd shift and strangely, I feel better and not as depressed when im at work. Anymore, I dread when the weekend comes around and Im off for two days, cause thats when im expected to be a "social person" and get out and do stuff with my friends and family. But instead I just hide away and avoid all that and usually just stay at home alone and not really do anything. And im just getting worse and worse about this every single week it feels like eventually im gonna go over an edge that I wont be able to get back over.

 

[Broken Beat & Scarred]

well bascially its a very sad, brokenhearted helpess feeling that persists for me. Its like in a blink of an eye you lose interest in everything you ever loved. Evrything is "****". There are times when I can't even sleep to get relief from it for a few hours or so.

Add unemployment and being single to the mix and its so much more wose.

 

[MikeyC]

To me, its like a bad negative feeling in your gut that just never goes away.

well bascially its a very sad, brokenhearted helpess feeling that persists for me. Its like in a blink of an eye you lose interest in everything you ever loved.

I can agree with both of these. For me, it's just a feeling of hopelessness, uselessness, and just wanting to be on my own all the time.

And the big one - complete and utter apathy.

 

[sreeves]

Depression can be quite difficult to deal with. Especially if you are chronically depressed. Though I'm not chnorically depressed, I have been depressed in the past. I felt quite lonely, that nobody would understand me, felt let downby friends and other people. But I was able to get out of it, when I joined a new frocus group. And I still belong to this support group which is kind of comforting. I find nice people to talk to, spend time on weekends so on. So for me, I think sorrunding myself with positive minded people has helped.

 

[takethislife]

For me, it's just a feeling of hopelessness, uselessness, and just wanting to be on my own all the time.

To me, its like a bad negative feeling in your gut that just never goes away.

Yep that sounds familiar.. But I'm not familiar with that feeling being there for no reason. I always know what I feel bad about.

 

[Etbow23]

When depression hits me (I think it comes in cycles for me) then I want to be alone. Sometimes I'll just start crying randomly, when I open the fridge or get up to do something. Or even when someone talks to me, there'll be tears coming out of my eyes. I might watch a sad movie. Usually I'll lie in bed and do nothing. I'll be irritable with those around me and get mad. In general I'll fill pretty weak and unmotivated, like I'll want to do something simple like a load of laundry but just cannot. There'll just be this tiredness..
I'lll think about suicide, but won't actually do it because I don't want to hurt someone.

and then if someone gets irritated with me about my behavior I'll be like numb but frustrated, but really I just don't care & don't know why they care so much about some stupid thing. I guess that's the apathy people were talking about

When I'm extremely depressed it's different. It's like another mind takes over. I cry so much it hurts, and I might cut myself to relieve that pain or contemplate suicide.

 

[this_portrait]

On occasions when I become depressed, not only do I feel sadness where all I want to do is cry, but I also ask the question, "Why?" and I lose my appetite. I also become very unmotivated. I don't become suicidal, but there are times where I feel like dying. I felt that way a few times over the summer; one time I even walked around my empty campus crying and just wishing someone would walk up to me, put a gun to my head, and pull the trigger. There is also an anger part to it, where I just feel so consumed by rage and hatred, but then I end up crying my eyes out.

 

[Phoenixx]

When I'm depressed I feel sad and burnt-out for no reason at all. I have no energy, no drive to do anything and I just want to sleep all the time. I can barely get up in the morning. I ignore even menial tasks like taking the dishes, going to the store and even showering. My head is filled with negative thoughts. Everything seems hopeless and sometimes I think about just giving up and go die.

Depression is not pleasant, it is kind of hard to explain to people who has never experienced it before. Most people have felt sorrow, but depression is not like sorrow, it's something else entirely. It's like your entire being is filled up with negativity and everything positive is just rebuffed.

^ Hit the nail on the head. Exactly how I feel with it too, except for the dying part. Also, not only am I tired all the time, but I'll get dull headaches that come and go, and I usually have no appetite.

Sometimes I'll even feel emotionally numb, like nothing in the world could even make me angry, smile, laugh, or cry. No happiness, no sadness, just nothing but being tired. It's quite weird, and honestly I think I hate not feeling anything more than feeling sad.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I'm tired all the time but too restless to sleep.
No matter what 'happy event' passes; I feel nothing and if I do manage to feel something, it's usually cynicism or irony.
Zero appetite, even with my favorite meal infront of me. The smell of food makes me sick.
Body pain, aches, no motivation...

I'm probably not the best person to ask since I don't recall what it's like to not be sick and in pain and miserable all the time.
haah
What's normal? That's what I'd like to know.

 

[DevC]

Sadness, hopeless, tired, headaches on and of, basicly all the stuff others experience. I'll find myself not eating all day, but make frequent trips to the fridge, but never end up wanting anything inside it.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

When I was depressed I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I saw the world through darkened eyes and thought a lot about death. It felt like there was a perpetual sadness inside of me.
I didn't know what depression was until I was diagnosed with it. But I guess I thought it was it was just me and I didn't know that most other people weren't experiencing it.

And I never really experienced a loss of appetite because I actually ate more pleasant things to ease the pain (thankfully I didn't get fat!).

 

[taragizta]

I went through sadness, felt unfulfilled , negative, weak, helpless, sleeplessness, self-hate, easily irritated and can't control my anger. The most obvious part of it was I lost A LOT of weight due to loss of appetite most of the time. Hardest part of it was the fact that I wanted to cry but can't. To put it simply, It was hell.

But there is one good thing that came out of that experience. You could ask people who went through depression and I'll bet a lot of them would tell you that it made them stronger and emotionally mature towards themselves and other people.

Best way to deal with it is to start deciding for yourself whether you should let it run your life. I knew why I was depressed that's why I knew what to do. Maybe you should figure out what's troubling you or better yet, tell us so we can help.

 

[vj288]

At comes in two forms for me.

Sometimes I'll even feel emotionally numb, like nothing in the world could even make me angry, smile, laugh, or cry. No happiness, no sadness, just nothing but being tired. It's quite weird, and honestly I think I hate not feeling anything more than feeling sad.

^this is the one I feel the most. My default setting is numb, I don't feel happy, sad, mad, nervous, excited, anything. An "I don't care" feeling. I don't like anything, I don't want to do anything, I don't feel strongly toward anything. I'm not a complete zombie, I have some emotions, but I don't love anything and I don't hate anything. And relatively speaking I "care" and "like" some things more then others. I'd rather be thin then eat lots of good food, I don't care that much about either though. And I care enough about my grades to do all my homework. Nothing worth fighting for though. I'm just going through the motions it feels like.

Sometimes I'll get "hit" with depression though, and when I do I start to feel really hopeless. Nothing's going to be okay it feels like. I fantasize about death a lot when I'm like this, I just don't want to live anymore. I'm even more apathetic than I am on a regular basis. I'm just overcome with hopelessness. Hope is the driving force in my life, and when I lose it depression hits twice as hard.

 

[arsenalwa]

At comes in two forms for me.



^this is the one I feel the most. My default setting is numb, I don't feel happy, sad, mad, nervous, excited, anything. An "I don't care" feeling. I don't like anything, I don't want to do anything, I don't feel strongly toward anything. I'm not a complete zombie, I have some emotions, but I don't love anything and I don't hate anything. And relatively speaking I "care" and "like" some things more then others. I'd rather be thin then eat lots of good food, I don't care that much about either though. And I care enough about my grades to do all my homework. Nothing worth fighting for though. I'm just going through the motions it feels like.

Sometimes I'll get "hit" with depression though, and when I do I start to feel really hopeless. Nothing's going to be okay it feels like. I fantasize about death a lot when I'm like this, I just don't want to live anymore. I'm even more apathetic than I am on a regular basis. I'm just overcome with hopelessness. Hope is the driving force in my life, and when I lose it depression hits twice as hard.

Just about sums it up for me too.

 

[Insanewoman389]

I can agree with both of these. For me, it's just a feeling of hopelessness, uselessness, and just wanting to be on my own all the time.

And the big one - complete and utter apathy.

You described me exactly! Especially the uselessness and just wanting to be on my own all the time. It sucks cause when I do feel good and happy I'd still rather be at home on the computer but everyone always wants to go out and do something and I just never feel up to it. I wish I could just suddenly be where ever they wanted to go, cause I think my biggest problem is getting the motivation to go somewhere especially getting ready to go lol

 

[Insanewoman389]

I'm tired all the time but too restless to sleep.
No matter what 'happy event' passes; I feel nothing and if I do manage to feel something, it's usually cynicism or irony.
Zero appetite, even with my favorite meal infront of me. The smell of food makes me sick.
Body pain, aches, no motivation...

I'm probably not the best person to ask since I don't recall what it's like to not be sick and in pain and miserable all the time.
haah
What's normal? That's what I'd like to know.

I'm the same way but I tend to feel happy about something but most of it is tinged with sadness :/

I've been sick a lot too which is why I think I have SA the fear of getting sick every time I go somewhere has made it hard for me to WANT to go somewhere. And just being sick all the time makes me feel depressed :/

 

[Moa]

When I'm depressed I always want to be alone too. And it makes it worse, and I know that, but I'm too depressed to care.

I also get lots of aches and pains, and get super tired but can't seem to sleep.

And I get incredibly pessimistic about everything... someone can give me good news and I'll find something ugly about it. I hate that I do that, and I'm trying to be better about it.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I have had depression for so long it has become like my friend. It is always by my side. I can depend on it be there, even when no one else is. Sometimes I will indulge in it by listening to sad songs and writing sad things in my journal. Other times I will ignore it, especially during happy moments, but it will be there whispering there has to be more to life than this! spoiling my moment... it is always there!!! I am not always depressed, but a part of me is always sad no matter what.

A lot here have mentioned the same thing: the hopelessness, the apathy. The not wanting to do anything. I sleep too much when I am very depressed. My face feels puffy and my head feels swollen from being in bed too long. I also cry too much. I have been known to cry in public places. I am also irritable and tend to snap easily.

I tend to stuff myself with food to fill the emptiness I feel...but when I am really down, I don't eat at all.

Sometimes I get so sad I don't feel real. Like I get numb. When that happens I hurt myself. Yes, to feel something. It is so cliche.

Other times, the thought "I could end all this if I wanted to" keeps me going. I imagine how. I imagine their reactions. It gives me a sort of sick pleasure.

I'm probably not the best person to ask since I don't recall what it's like to not be sick and in pain and miserable all the time.
haah
What's normal? That's what I'd like to know.

I want to know too. I often wonder if this is just who I am now or if it is a disease. The only time I can remember not being like this was when I was very little but that was so long ago. If I have been like this all my life, then this is who I am.