neardeath
Well-known member
Hi-Why don't you challenge yourself and go against what you have so often done and loathed yourself for doing and Go for a change? Then all of the sudden you will no longer be in the mode of self talk that you "always cancel on the ones you love."
I am often amazed at how simple one act of doing something we thought we were always going to do, or not do in your case, can immediately erase so much negativity we have about ourselves.
The problem that instigated my last statement is that with all the kindness and patience I can muster, it seems like a few friends are not able to hear me when I make my needs known, or, and I hate the word, set boundaries.
I need all that energy to deal with my close family and a few old friends, and they're really all I can handle right now.
My 90 year old Mom is coming for four nights this week and she has Alzheimer's. Then the next week I have to drive to Pennsylvania with my son and hopefully come home with my grandson, whom I haven't seen in three years. Emotionally charged stuff, and I'm about to get the whole load in one month.
It's overwhelming and there's a lot of past history with failed attempts to see my grandson. It's my biggest trigger right now to the depression and anxiety.
Plus, when he gets here, he's a young man of 11-1/2, and he was still a little boy when I last saw him. The SA even extends to these closest relationships. Don't get me wrong, he loves me unconditionally and tells me so. He is smart, fun, and funny. He never complains. I am just so unsure of myself as a human being. This is a sad disease. Thanks for the challenge! You helped open the floodgate.