How are you feeling?

dean01

Well-known member
i feel kinda weird, like im in denial. i keep realising my errors but cant stop them.
i feel like ive become my illness and given up, yet thats not me and was never my intention.
ive ruined my life yet my goal was to improve it, where did i go wrong?
im confused, i tried my best and made things worst.

ive had sa for my whole life, it kicked in properley at 16 and im now 32. 2 years ago i decided ide had enough and attacked my sa head on. i started working, going fishing, approaching people, i learnt to drive, contacted old friends on fb and resat my gcse's. you might think my sa cant have been that bad considering i did the above all at the same time over a period of months but i was a recluse before and barely ever left the house.
i dont know what caused me the most stress but fb was awful, i got to see how all my friends had moved on with there lives and had kids, good jobs and stayed intouch with one another. that made me feel depressed but i then found a lump on my arm and that sent me deeper into depression.
i got a test and got the all clear but it took 4 weeks and all that time i was climbing the walls.
i also believed i had a sexual problem since my teens and went to a clinic and was told it was all in my mind. all those years and it was in my mind, it was to much everything came at once and the stress finally broke me.
i did everything i could but it obviously wasnt to be, i feel like im unlucky as im sure alot of people do.
so i triggered bipolar 1, apparently its something that was in me, one in a hundred people have the possibilty of triggering bipolar and for some lucky ones it never happens.
do i keep fighting? it doesnt seemed to have helped or should i just give up as the out come seems to be the same either way. im f**ked!!
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Like crap. Wanted to sleep in, but instead woke up to my brother and my mom having an argument at 8:30 in the morning. Wtf?! Ugh, I'm so sick of this. Sick of my brother, sick of my parents being so stressed out (and why they're even stressed I don't even know). My mom just took up smoking again, actually it's been like a week now. And it wasn't even a gradual getting into it. Out of the blue she just has a pack of cigarettes now she's smoking at least 6 a day. I ask her why, she ignores it. I tell her she shouldn't be doing that, she ignores it. I hate smoking. I can't stand the smell, or even the sight of it. (No offense to those on here that do it) I'm so tempted to just throw them out. I don't know what's going on, I just hope she's not becoming depressed again.

End mini rant.


I'm switching it on for the first time now :D
^ I like hearing good news. :)
 

IGotSeoul

Well-known member
Like crap. Wanted to sleep in, but instead woke up to my brother and my mom having an argument at 8:30 in the morning. Wtf?! Ugh, I'm so sick of this. Sick of my brother, sick of my parents being so stressed out (and why they're even stressed I don't even know). My mom just took up smoking again, actually it's been like a week now. And it wasn't even a gradual getting into it. Out of the blue she just has a pack of cigarettes now she's smoking at least 6 a day. I ask her why, she ignores it. I tell her she shouldn't be doing that, she ignores it. I hate smoking. I can't stand the smell, or even the sight of it. (No offense to those on here that do it) I'm so tempted to just throw them out. I don't know what's going on, I just hope she's not becoming depressed again.

End mini rant.

things will work out. it's a real tough habit to kick and one stressful moment can make things cave in. I dislike waking up due to noise too.

I'm switching it on for the first time now :D

awesome, this is good news. :D
 

simpsons2007

Well-known member
This is going to sound weird. Well... it sounded weird in my head before I wrote it and I guess it still does.

But I'm feeling very depressed but......

at the same time I feel like I'm in a good mood.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I hear you Phoenixx on the smoking. For idk, 20 years I've told my mom not to smoke near me because I can't stand it, and yet she still tries it. Now I just walk away, leaving her there with her cigarette, talking to herself. At least I don't live with her though. I hope your day starts looking up soon.
^ My mom used to smoke near me a lot too, back when she was a regular smoker. Thank god she doesn't do it in the house anymore. Even if it's outside though, I can't stand being near it. I do the same thing, I just walk away and leave her alone.


things will work out. it's a real tough habit to kick and one stressful moment can make things cave in. I dislike waking up due to noise too.
^ I've heard it's a pretty hard habit, but is it really that easy to cave in again? She's been clean for 5 years now and then all of a sudden she starts again..? I just hope she quits soon. :/
 
I hear you Phoenixx on the smoking. For idk, 20 years I've told my mom not to smoke near me because I can't stand it, and yet she still tries it. Now I just walk away, leaving her there with her cigarette, talking to herself. At least I don't live with her though. I hope your day starts looking up soon.

My mom actually feels guilty for smoking around me to the point that SHE will leave the room instead of me. She's trying to quit, but it is not going swimmingly.

I made pancakes for breakfast, but we didn't have any syrup. I was just going to eat them without, but I thought, "God damn it, I want some maple syrup. I deserve some maple syrup!" So I walked to the grocery store and got some. :) Suck on that, social phobia!
 
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