How are you feeling?

[Graeme1988]

:kickingmyself: Why did I have to be born? Everyday's just a struggle for me. I don't particular like the person I've become. Don't know if change is even possible at this midway point in my life. :idontknow: But then I don't exactly see what so likeable about me to begin with. Never have really, considering how rarely it was for me to hear a good word said of me by my family when I'm in their presence. Few n' fair, I'd say. Though I've felt as though I really fit in or belonged anywhere...

I also hate how I'm never really able to relax; can't have time to myself without thinking that, in someway, I don't really deserve it. And I'm almost always making for the fact my mum's incredibly lazy and set in her way. No wonder I feel mentally and physically drained living with her. Like I've got a weight constantly upon my shoulders from the moment I wake up in morning. :sad:

 

[FountainandFairfax]

:kickingmyself: Why did I have to be born? Everyday's just a struggle for me. I don't particular like the person I've become. Don't know if change is even possible at this midway point in my life. :idontknow: But then I don't exactly see what so likeable about me to begin with. Never have really, considering how rarely it was for me to hear a good word said of me by my family when I'm in their presence. Few n' fair, I'd say. Though I've felt as though I really fit in or belonged anywhere...

I also hate how I'm never really able to relax; can't have time to myself without thinking that, in someway, I don't really deserve it. And I'm almost always making for the fact my mum's incredibly lazy and set in her way. No wonder I feel mentally and physically drained living with her. Like I've got a weight constantly upon my shoulders from the moment I wake up in morning. :sad:

It's not you, Graeme, it's them.

Nobody could be trapped in that house and feel worthwhile. I know from personal experience what spending nearly 30 years in a nuthouse can do to someone.

 

[Graeme1988]

It's not you, Graeme, it's them.

Nobody could be trapped in that house and feel worthwhile. I know from personal experience what spending nearly 30 years in a nuthouse can do to someone.

Oh, it’s definitely me. Sorry to tell ye, but it’s me. Am the problem. Trying to be civilised, keep the peace n’ that. See? Problem. Well, it is problem when one o’ yer siblings has about as much self awareness as f*ckin’ root vegetables when it comes to how she acts. And my mother’s constantly in denial. Pretending everything fine. :kickingmyself: h:

So, swearing at your kids when they don’t do as they’re told is normal nowadays? :question: What a world we live in...

As for feeling worthwhile, I’ve been pretty invisible for the last 12 months. If it wus’nae for my niece wandering upstairs to me every time her mother start shouting, I’m pretty sure they’d all forget that I’m living in the house as well, it’s not just my mother by herself. But I’m used to going unnoticed...

At least my oldest sister was right when she said I’ve been the only one actually giving advice that tried to better the current situation, but they refuse to take it on board. If only I’d turned to drink when I was younger, I’d probably be dead by now.

 

[BlueDays]

Update on cute guy: He doesn't like me back. Maybe I knew that all along. I mean, working at the gym there are WAY prettier women than me. I'm just gross. :sad:

Sorry to hear that update, Sarah.
But to put a positive spin on it - would you really want a boyfriend who works at a gym??? Think about it. You would forever be wondering if any other girls in the gym are distracting to him and taking his interest away from you, lol.

I am certain there is a guy out there somewhere that will become besotted with you Sarah, and hopefully he won't have a job where he has fit and toned women walking past him all day, every day to distract him from you! lol
You've doged a bullet there Sarah. :thumbup: ::


Disclaimer; I am not implying that all men who work in gyms are not able to be faithful to their girlfriends : )

 

[PugofCrydee]

Sorry to hear that update, Sarah.
But to put a positive spin on it - would you really want a boyfriend who works at a gym??? Think about it. You would forever be wondering if any other girls in the gym are distracting to him and taking his interest away from you, lol.

I am certain there is a guy out there somewhere that will become besotted with you Sarah, and hopefully he won't have a job where he has fit and toned women walking past him all day, every day to distract him from you! lol
You've doged a bullet there Sarah. :thumbup: ::


Disclaimer; I am not implying that all men who work in gyms are not able to be faithful to their girlfriends : )

Hmmm... I ran a health club/gym/pool for 8 years, had a partner, was loyal and committed to the relationship. I definitely had girls interested in me at times but I was nothing but polite.

It comes down to the person, not the job they are in.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, I finally decided that I’m not gonnae put off packing up my stuff. Even if I’ve been offer a place of my own, ah might as well start getting stuff boxed up for the inevitable move. I’ve put it off for long enough. Though I’m kinda hoping that I won’t be still living in the family home come this time next year. raying:

 

[Sarah_M]

Sorry to hear that update, Sarah.
But to put a positive spin on it - would you really want a boyfriend who works at a gym??? Think about it. You would forever be wondering if any other girls in the gym are distracting to him and taking his interest away from you, lol.

I am certain there is a guy out there somewhere that will become besotted with you Sarah, and hopefully he won't have a job where he has fit and toned women walking past him all day, every day to distract him from you! lol
You've doged a bullet there Sarah. :thumbup: ::


Disclaimer; I am not implying that all men who work in gyms are not able to be faithful to their girlfriends : )

Thanks, Blue - you are always so sweet and supportive.

I didn't actually approach him... Someone else checked me in (he was busy talking to other people) and he didn't notice me the whole time I was there, so I got discouraged. He did say "have a good night" as I was leaving, but I feel like they HAVE to say that.

It just makes me want to work harder to achieve my goals.

If I knew someone loved me and only me, I wouldn't care if they worked at the gym, honestly. However, I need to be with someone who is as ambitious as I am.

 

[BlueDays]

Hmmm... I ran a health club/gym/pool for 8 years, had a partner, was loyal and committed to the relationship. I definitely had girls interested in me at times but I was nothing but polite.

It comes down to the person, not the job they are in.

Yup, I have no doubt at all you were committed to your partner, Pug.
That is why I put in the disclaimer down the bottom of my post.

I was just thinking of anything I could possibly come up with, in order to try and cheer dear Sarah up.

 

[BlueDays]

Well, I finally decided that I’m not gonnae put off packing up my stuff. Even if I’ve been offer a place of my own, ah might as well start getting stuff boxed up for the inevitable move. I’ve put it off for long enough. Though I’m kinda hoping that I won’t be still living in the family home come this time next year. raying:

I believe your mental health will improve immensely after you are able to move into a place of your own, Graeme.
Most of your troubles seem to be coming from living in that house and having no choice whether or not you interact with your insensitive relatives.
The sooner you can move the better! I hope you don't have to wait too much longer. :thumbup:

 

[PugofCrydee]

Yup, I have no doubt at all you were committed to your partner, Pug.
That is why I put in the disclaimer down the bottom of my post.

I was just thinking of anything I could possibly come up with, in order to try and cheer dear Sarah up.

Oh sorry Blue, I didnt see the disclaimer lol h:

 

[Graeme1988]

I believe your mental health will improve immensely after you are able to move into a place of your own, Graeme.
Most of your troubles seem to be coming from living in that house and having no choice wither or not you interact with your insensitive relatives.

Plus, the fact I'm only ever thought of when I'm in a situation where they'll come across better by caring. How they acted towards me before, during and after my stay in hospital 2 years ago, for example.

The sooner you can move the better! I hope you don't have to wait too much longer. :thumbup:

Yeah. If I'm not out by the end of this year, hopefully the beginning of 2019.
Cuz I've wasted the last couple years of my life when things really should've improved and changed for the better. But hey, can't really expect much from folk who make promises they never keep. :thumbdown:

 

[FountainandFairfax]

...to put a positive spin on it - would you really want a boyfriend who works at a gym??? Think about it. You would forever be wondering if any other girls in the gym are distracting to him and taking his interest away from you, lol.

 

[F0AM]

I'm just gross. :sad:

ヾ( ･`⌓´･)ﾉﾞWHAT ARE YOU SAYING? you're not gross AT ALL. You're very good looking, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, not even the f*cking SP!

THIS IS GROSS

If you were gross...your pic would be in my thread hahaha

He doesn't like me back

I didn't actually approach him

Then it is not a "no" either!

I was thinking: what IF that man has also SP and he wants to approach you but doesn't know how? what if he's acting normal so you don't suspect? cause you said sometimes he was constantly checking you. Maybe he had a bad day. WHAT IF this man is in SAS.com making threads about a girl he knows at the gym where he works but doesn't know how to talk to her cause you know...there are way prettier men. LOL

It just makes me want to work harder to achieve my goals

That's the spirit! life is not always about succeed, is about not giving up. (and believe me, i KNOW sometimes is very hard)

This made me so happy! are you a saiyan? everytime they're defeated, they become stronger

Wish i could travel and meet ppl like you and not this boring dickheads i have here, like Pug (and i in another post) said, you have a great sense of humor...one day i'll do that and you'll see one of my dark rituals (from the "what did you do today" thread) !! hahaha

 

[BlueDays]

Then it is not a "no" either!

I was thinking: what IF that man has also SP and he wants to approach you but doesn't know how? what if he's acting normal so you don't suspect? cause you said sometimes he was constantly checking you. Maybe he had a bad day. WHAT IF this man is in SAS.com making threads about a girl he knows at the gym where he works but doesn't know how to talk to her cause you know...there are way prettier men. LOL

 

[Graeme1988]

A few months ago I was so looking forward to going away this weekend. Now, it seems like a pointless waste of time. :sad: And my mother’s already gone and over exaggerated how she’ll “...not cope well” while I’m away. Which she’ll mean as a “joke”, but really, she’s just trying to make sure I spend as little time enjoying myself whilist away for the weekend. And more time wondering how she doing. :kickingmyself:

But it’s me who’s selfish, uncaring and inconsiderate. Uh-huh! mg:

 

[Sarah_M]

ヾ( ･`⌓´･)ﾉﾞWHAT ARE YOU SAYING? you're not gross AT ALL. You're very good looking, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, not even the f*cking SP!

THIS IS GROSS

If you were gross...your pic would be in my thread hahaha

Then it is not a "no" either!

I was thinking: what IF that man has also SP and he wants to approach you but doesn't know how? what if he's acting normal so you don't suspect? cause you said sometimes he was constantly checking you. Maybe he had a bad day. WHAT IF this man is in SAS.com making threads about a girl he knows at the gym where he works but doesn't know how to talk to her cause you know...there are way prettier men. LOL




That's the spirit! life is not always about succeed, is about not giving up. (and believe me, i KNOW sometimes is very hard)

This made me so happy! are you a saiyan? everytime they're defeated, they become stronger

Wish i could travel and meet ppl like you and not this boring dickheads i have here, like Pug (and i in another post) said, you have a great sense of humor...one day i'll do that and you'll see one of my dark rituals (from the "what did you do today" thread) !! hahaha

F0AM, have I told you lately how much I love you? 'Cause I do. Thank you for being so sweet. I wish so much that we could hang out in real life and hold seances in the living room together lol. I seriously need a BFF like you.

If he were on this site or any other one reading what I wrote or writing about me, I might be super embarrassed. I would die if he read this, for real. LOL I doubt he feels that way about me.

I just never give up. I can't and I won't. I'm not the type of person to do that.

Today was good. I am proud of myself. I test drove the car I want to buy today and guess what? I LOVE driving it! I am going to make this happen. Tomorrow morning I am scheduling my driving test. I am conquering my 11 year old fear and my life is about to only get better from here

As always, thank you F0AM and everyone else for your undying love and support- I love you all so much.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Hey!

I didn't authorize you to use my picture on this site!...:thumbdown:

 

[F0AM]

Hey!

I didn't authorize you to use my picture on this site!...:thumbdown:

Hahaha...WAIT WHAT?

What did SP do to you? õ.O

 

[Graeme1988]

Must be great being a wummin... ye get everythin' ya want when ya ask for it most of the time.
At least that's how it is in my family, where I apparently have no right to feel how I feel. :kickingmyself: :sad:

Could someone please tell me then, how am I supposed to feel when a good percentage of the time, it's me who's being disappointed and let down by those who say they love? :idontknow: And I phrased the question in that way, because how they treated at times is the oppose of how ya treat a person ye love.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I can't sleep and I smell like tater tots.