How are you feeling?

[Graeme1988]

Frightened sh!teless at the words that are gonnae flee oot ma gob the day my older sister and her wee 'uns moved oot. Cuz ah know I'm going to say summit she really doesn't want to hear, but needs to hear. And I'm the only member of the family with whom she hasn't had a prolonged half hour argument with... yet. :thumbdown:

And I'm still pissed off about what happened yesterday. My older sister is such a petty, jealousy bitch. Can't even do something mundane and simple without her ruining it. :kickingmyself:

 

[Marc7]

Kinda thought that. :sad: Just tried to focus on the positive, cuz I know ah wouldn't attend a get together. Don't even bother with family get together. As I know how those end with my family...

Thanks. Yea I don't like attending family get togethers either because I'm super anxious and uncomfortable. You know how they end with your immediate family or extended family?

Yeah, I get that a lot if my sister and I go to the local supermarket, and she sees someone she knows and sticks up a conversation with them. And unless the person also knows me, I'm usually left standing there until my sister introduces me.

I was referring to looking back on not talking during family get togethers. But yea I don't talk to strangers easily either.

 

[Marc7]

Given how things have been August 2017, I know ah'll just breakdown in tears at being asked how I've been feeling lately. To the point where filling out the would be impossible. :crying:

I'd be better off waiting to hear back from my local housing department and moving out.

You mean you will get so emotional that you will not fill out the referral form?

So your planning on moving out?

Uh-huh! But they don't see that, because - to them - I'm the one who's never grateful. :idontknow: I've gave trying to comprehend the logic of my mother and sisters.

Yea that's messed up that they feel your ungrateful.

Yeah, says she afraid of her.

I figured that kinda.

 

[Graeme1988]

You mean you will get so emotional that you will not fill out the referral form?

I wouldn't be able to, no. As the referral form for therapy is just a bunch of questions as to how you've feeling, how long have felt that way, what going on in yer life, lately. And it's kinda hard to describe that or write it down on paper when you've gone through months of being berated, swore at and made to feel guilty for leaving the house just to get some peace and quiet.

So your planning on moving out?

Yeah, permitted my mother doesn't resort to emotional blackmail this time. As I'd planned to move out this year, but she put a halt to those plans. Burdening me the responsibility of caring for her. As a result of which I don't really I've had a life. :sad:

 

[theslowesthand]

i feel stuck in life and i pray for it to go away.:::sad:

I'm stuck living, when i want to be dead.
The only thing that would help is a bullet to the head.

IF ONLY praying would help me. IF ONLY. :crying:

 

[theslowesthand]

Computer stopped working for couple days, and BOY was i BORED. So much so, that i've become depressed. Really, without the computer, i've got basically NOTHING in my life. It's SCARY how much i rely on it, for everything, my sanity. Without it (& socialphobiaworld, booze, chocolate, junk food, music) my life is not worth living. And i am again having thoughts of getting a gun. NOBODY should have a life like this.

 

[Graeme1988]

Computer stopped working for couple days, and BOY was i BORED. So much so, that i've become depressed. Really, without the computer, i've got basically NOTHING in my life. It's SCARY how much i rely on it, for everything, my sanity. Without it (& socialphobiaworld, booze, chocolate, junk food, music) my life is not worth living. And i am again having thoughts of getting a gun. NOBODY should have a life like this.

I can relate there. Have you managed to fix the issue with computer?

 

[PugofCrydee]

Computer stopped working for couple days, and BOY was i BORED. So much so, that i've become depressed. Really, without the computer, i've got basically NOTHING in my life. It's SCARY how much i rely on it, for everything, my sanity. Without it (& socialphobiaworld, booze, chocolate, junk food, music) my life is not worth living. And i am again having thoughts of getting a gun. NOBODY should have a life like this.

I hear ya brother.

I can't stand it when my pc stops working properly. I sympathize with you on what you have in your life, it sounds a lot like mine. I get what I call 'the itch'.. and I have to scratch it!

Every 3-4 years I get the urge to break the boredom of my life and do something different. A couple of years ago I went back packing through China for a month on my own. I just thought 'fk it'.. and went. I threw caution to the wind and ate live scorpions, cooked and ate tarantulas, rode a bike through their cities which was so fking chaotic.I sailed on a tiny junket in a raging storm, standing up at the front while the waves broke over the front, the rain stinging my face. I did a lot of crazy things..

I didn't really care if I didn't came back or not. So yea, that's my way of putting a gun to my head and playing Russian roulette.

 

[Graeme1988]

A couple of years ago I went back packing through China for a month on my own. I just thought 'fk it'.. and went. I threw caution to the wind and ate live scorpions, cooked and ate tarantulas, rode a bike through their cities which was so fking chaotic.I sailed on a tiny junket in a raging storm, standing up at the front while the waves broke over the front, the rain stinging my face. I did a lot of crazy things..

I didn't really care if I didn't came back or not. So yea, that's my way of putting a gun to my head and playing Russian roulette.

Must say, all that sounds f*ckin' awesome! :thumbup:

 

[Graeme1988]

Why must ah always feel obligated to spend time with my family at Christmas. Every year it's the same ol' "Spend time with us or yer a selfish b@$%@rd". I'm paraphrasing, obviously, but that's basically the sentiment o' their manipulative pleas. And, as ah fun oot over past 5 months of this year, my mother and older sisters don't like when I disagree or refuse to do as they say. :thumbdown:

And, frankly, I don't see the point sitting at the dinner table, faking a smile, laughing and pretending we all get a long. F*ck that! I'd eat my Christmas dinner alone in my room.

 

[Graeme1988]

On the one hand, that's 5 months of my life I will never get back. :kickingmyself: But on the other...

F*CKIN' YASS!! The sister I have the least love n' respect for is gone!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M

 

[grapevine]

well my niece and nephew loved their early xmas presents. One thing is for sure, LOL dolls is the key word. They are the' in thing'.

 

[theslowesthand]

Have you managed to fix the issue with computer?

Like my life, the power cable for my laptop is on-the-blink. I got it going again temporarily. I really hope the computer shop has a solution for me. I'm putting off ringing them, as i don't like dealing with stresses these days, as it sends my anxiety shooting up & moods playing up. I'm struggling to get through each day as it is, without any stressors. The real issue is with my life - i've got big problems, whether or not the computer is going; it just helps me to blot out reality.

 

[theslowesthand]

When oh when will all this pain and sadness and heartache end?
Only upon death???
All i know is i can barely take any more of it.
I can see why depression is a killer disease.
Just a moment of hope and relief, is all i ask.
I've suffered enough for one day.
Tell me what i should do.
:crying:

 

[Graeme1988]

Like my life, the power cable for my laptop is on-the-blink. I got it going again temporarily. I really hope the computer shop has a solution for me. I'm putting off ringing them, as i don't like dealing with stresses these days, as it sends my anxiety shooting up & moods playing up. I'm struggling to get through each day as it is, without any stressors. The real issue is with my life - i've got big problems, whether or not the computer is going; it just helps me to blot out reality.

Sorry to hear you're struggling with her mood lately. But with regards to the computer, it just sounds like the charger is in need of replacing. The computer shop will be able to help with that, no problem. They'll just need the make of the laptop so they can get you the right charger. :thumbup:

 

[Graeme1988]

Not great. Ma hopes of moving oot just got feckin' shafted! :crying: Can't move out. Nor am I allowed to moved to a different town in the south of Scotland. :thumbdown:
Now, I'm just stuck in miserable co-dependent relationship with my domineering, controlling mother. :kickingmyself:

Don't feel sorry for me, I'm used to things never going my way. My life never got off to the best start anyway. So, at least it's been consistently crap for 22 years. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh I wonder if it's b/c you have a physical disability. i know you've been going through a lot and i wish you calm days.

Indeed! A helluva lot! But...Nah! My physical disability doesn't play a part here. It's the fact I've spent most of my life wanting what my mum wants this family to be. But we just let her down big time. :sad: She's still deluded to believe her family is like The Waltons TV show from the 1970s, and that the physical, verbal and emotional abuse I was subject to in my younger days has made little affect on me. My depression, and crippling anxiety? Just attention-seeking, apparently.

And I get guff for trying to understand why things are the way they are. As if constantly arguing is just what all families do, right? But I've get accused of being emotional abusive for simply asking a question that might give some insight. My older sister expects us all to give a crap about her problems being divorced and stuck raising 2 kids. Like we don't have lives or issues of our own to feckin' deal. My mother needs me, cuz I'm the person who doesn't fly into a rage when she disagrees with me. And my oldest sister, well, the other day she told me I was a good brother, and that she glad I've been there for her through the past 5 months. :sad:

Yet I feel it's all taken such a toll on my mental health that I don't just feel depressed. My life feels pointless. Because it's always me who's left to pick the pieces, and pretend everything fine. We're one big happy family. :no: I can't even bring myself to get back into making music. The thought of picking my guitar, write some lyrics and channel it all into a song - even though it would probably help - is too... painful.

I certainly hope calm days will come again soon. I could use a some peace n' quiet. Though, happiness wouldn't go a miss, either. But... :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

I might as well be dead. At least then I'd feel how I feel emotionally, and be at peace. :sad:
Cuz there's not a moment where I'm not 2nd guessing myself. Or being made to feel I'm a terrible person for refusing to show a certain member of my family any sympathy when they start the fake tears and making it all about them. :kickingmyself:

But then wimmin like to make men suffer. At least in family they do. :thumbdown:
Though, my family are a prime of why dysfunctional people shouldn't reproduce, frankly.

 

[theslowesthand]

Sorry to hear you're struggling with her mood lately. But with regards to the computer, it just sounds like the charger is in need of replacing. The computer shop will be able to help with that, no problem. They'll just need the make of the laptop so they can get you the right charger. :thumbup:

I think it's the cable at laptop end, as if i wiggle/bend it the power goes on/off.

 

[Graeme1988]

I think it's the cable at laptop end, as if i wiggle/bend it the power goes on/off.

Oh, I've had that issue before. Basically, it's done. You just need to buy a new charger. But make sure you get once that fits your specific make and model of laptop. The jack input connections on the end of laptop chargers vary in size depending on what brand the laptop is.