How are you feeling?

PugofCrydee said: ↑

Full.

Two large bowls of ice cream will do that to ya.

*Looks around for his bowl of Ice Cream*

In a word: useless.

Today I stood silently in a place that was really frightening for me. I have been worried about it for weeks.

Last year someone called me a 'head job.' at this event, and this has deeply upset me, affected my health most of last year, and I nearly gave running away because of it.

Before today I had seemed to have three options to 1) walk away and not return 2) to speak out 3) to stand silent and let my actions speak for me.

I chose the third option, and today turned out to be a good day. I went there, and stood silently in the place that scared me most, and showed everyone who I am by my actions. I know that speaking out just increases hostility, I think standing silently shows more dignity.

Speaking of ice cream, I think that's what I need now too. It's pretty much been like a close buddy for the past week or so. It's comforting in a way.

Tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally... all of it. Just tired.

Kiwong said: ↑

Today I stood silently in a place that was really frightening for me. I have been worried about it for weeks.

Last year someone called me a 'head job.' at this event, and this has deeply upset me, affected my health most of last year, and I nearly gave running away because of it.

Before today I had seemed to have three options to 1) walk away and not return 2) to speak out 3) to stand silent and let my actions speak for me.

I chose the third option, and today turned out to be a good day. I went there, and stood silently in the place that scared me most, and showed everyone who I am by my actions. I know that speaking out just increases hostility, I think standing silently shows more dignity.

yes! :thumbup:

Kiwong said: ↑

Today I stood silently in a place that was really frightening for me. I have been worried about it for weeks.

Last year someone called me a 'head job.' at this event, and this has deeply upset me, affected my health most of last year, and I nearly gave running away because of it.

Before today I had seemed to have three options to 1) walk away and not return 2) to speak out 3) to stand silent and let my actions speak for me.

I chose the third option, and today turned out to be a good day. I went there, and stood silently in the place that scared me most, and showed everyone who I am by my actions. I know that speaking out just increases hostility, I think standing silently shows more dignity.

Well done mate :perfect:

Stuck on the one page

It can be quite upsetting and destabilizing to read posts from people who are having a tough time.

🙂 Facing up to people is like going over the top out of the trenches, Pug and Kihira.

Way to go, Kiwong; I got nervous just reading your post.

It really is a kind of fight, a secret war we'll never win any medals or commendations for.

It sure is a secret war, Fountain, a victory is sometimes just not being noticed.

Great Kwiong! It shows amazing character to ignore people that are baiting you and to prevail over them.

Hoppy said: ↑

People are good at being animals.

And my dog thinks he is human.

Pretty pup! Border collie? I hear they are the smartest of all breeds.

Pyrophosphate said: ↑

Tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally... all of it. Just tired.

Because of SA or something else?

I never know how to stop feeling tired in that sense. How do you stop feeling weary of life's demands? :/

Opaline said: ↑

Because of SA or something else?

Various anxieties weigh on me everyday, I get used to that.

Right now, I have too much stuff that I should be doing, but I'm not. I have things to say to people, but I don't know how. I have been referring to myself (in my head) as a useless shitbag for the last 4 months, which has not helped me motivate myself to do anything productive. Whenever I talk about this stuff (including now), I feel like I'm complaining too much, and sometimes I definitely do complain too much (and to people who don't necessarily care) and bring the conversation down or kill it outright. In the last few months, nearly everybody I was in regular contact with online (the people I talk to most comfortably, usually) has broken contact with me for some reason or another, and this makes me suspicious of why anybody else would continue talking to me. I assume it's because they would feel bad if they didn't.

It's been a few years since I've felt fundamentally defective as a person, but that's where I've been for the last couple of weeks or so. But, I know something will come along to improve the situation.

Pyrophosphate said: ↑

Various anxieties weigh on me everyday, I get used to that.

Right now, I have too much stuff that I should be doing, but I'm not. I have things to say to people, but I don't know how. I have been referring to myself (in my head) as a useless shitbag for the last 4 months, which has not helped me motivate myself to do anything productive. Whenever I talk about this stuff (including now), I feel like I'm complaining too much, and sometimes I definitely do complain too much (and to people who don't necessarily care) and bring the conversation down or kill it outright. In the last few months, nearly everybody I was in regular contact with online (the people I talk to most comfortably, usually) has broken contact with me for some reason or another, and this makes me suspicious of why anybody else would continue talking to me. I assume it's because they would feel bad if they didn't.

It's been a few years since I've felt fundamentally defective as a person, but that's where I've been for the couple of weeks or so. But, I know something will come along to improve the situation.

:/

I can relate to some of what you've said. I would say definitely stop referring to yourself as a useless shitbag though, that is completely pointless 😛

I always keep in mind that things will change, as well - change is inevitable and bad feelings never last. Bad situations usually don't last. You will feel normal again. Sometimes it's small comfort but you will likely look back and be glad this time is over. I remember all of the bad times I went through that, at the time, felt like they would last forever, but obviously they did not. I am currently going through a bad time, but I know it will pass and that is what I am holding out for. I find it very hopeful.

Kiwong said: ↑

🙂 Facing up to people is like going over the top out of the trenches, Pug and Kihira.

I agree. Sometimes you just have to take your fears on. Head on.

Honestly, if music didn't exist, I would fall apart. I spend most days just locked inside my apartment bedroom, even on weekends.

MollyBeGood said: ↑

Great Kwiong! It shows amazing character to ignore people that are baiting you and to prevail over them.

In a way it is pragmatic, Molly. I've let it get to me in the past, and I have reacted, but that only escalates hostility. In the short term it is the hardest thing to stay silent, but in the longer term, it works best.