How are you feeling?


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My uncle passed away, and I am a bit down because I know that my aunt and all my cousins from that family are hurting. I know what it is like to loose a parent. I lost my father to emphysema back in 2002. It is one of the hardest things to deal with in this life to loose a parent or child or sibling... Death sucks for the living....::(:


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I'm feeling terrible.

I spent all of last night crying and fighting with my best friend. He doesn't understand that he's hurting my feelings and I don't know how to get through to him. I think he hates me now.
I am feeling somewhat relieved and ashamed at the same time. It's like I've been fighting an inner battle with myself for the past week. School has died down since the end of my finals. I am supposed to be transferring to another college in january. i'm scared and terrified. the anxiety is influencing my mood. yeah, definite big mood swings. lately in my head i can only think of negative things or feel negative things about myself or the people around me. i have been sharp with my dad, and he's noticed. he doesn't know the real reason but he said if i continue my little act it'll mean the people around me will disappear because of my rude behavior. i know he's right and all this time i pretended like my bodily reactions didn't impact others but they do. even if i don't talk my silence is and will be a response for someone else. i feel ashamed because i've distanced myself from everyone like this. sometimes i just get so wrapped up in my thinking; in my emotional state that i forget about those who care for me. i've barely spoken for the past week. when i get like that it's like i'm in a fog. it feels normal to me but my dad is definitely worried for me. i feel like since we talked and discussed things my head feels clearer. there's always tomorrow...
i actually had energy and got stuff done today. that's really weird. i wonder if it's because of this magnesium supplement i took the last two nights. hmm...

edit: nope, it wasn't.
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Fell depressed when away from friends... as i do most of the time.. I just go out and do stuff with friends to kill this feeling otherwise i feel like crap for no apparent reason most of the time... but i believe in what my father says... The bad times come and go as much as the good times... There is definitely something good waiting for us somewhere might as well look for it and make the best of it..


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Looking forward to shoveling snow tomorrow morning. I think we got about 16" or so. And I'm "looking forward" to digging out the cars once they've been plowed in. At least we'll have a white Christmas.

Unfortunately my back is still killing me. I reinjured it by carrying too many groceries at once. So just walking hurts like hell. Heck, doing anything (or nothing) makes it hurt like hell. So tomorrow should be fun....


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I am thoroughly embarrassed.

I was at a party and people were talking about guys opinions on different breast sizes... And a guy I know decided to bring mine into the conversation as an example of really nice looking small boobs and started talking about them. I was blushing so bad!

I know it wasn't to be perverted or dirty and that talking about things like that is part of the culture, but I'm still not used to it yet...