I hope so. I've been crying over it a lot. During the summer he made me so happy. I was beaming confidence. Now I think he's bored of me. He'll text me then wont text back. Or he'll ignore me for long periods of time. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks. I hate being alone. It was so nice feeling like I had a bright future ahead of me with some who actually liked me, he was going to show me the world that I've been missing out on. If anything I miss being held by him. We would stay up all night and talk, it was the best I've felt in a really long time.
I just feel like I'm in a rut, not really sure where to go from here. School is okay. I need to try harder, however its hard when I've been so depressed. Sorry, this has been building up in me for awhile and I don't have anyone I can go to. I needed to get it out.
On that same subject, boy am I looking forward to my inevitable two+ colds a year :/ I always get at least two, no matter how often I wash my hands and all that jazz. And on top of it I have year-round allergies. Fun times, fun times.
Ill, sore throat, stuffed nose and feels like I got a fat guy sat on my chest.
I recommend cold-fx. I haven't had a bad cold in ages thanks to that stuff. I used to get awful, nasty, phlegmy, distgusting colds, especially when I was stressed. Now, if I feel like I'm starting to get a cold I take the extra strength cold-fx and it prevents it from getting real bad. Keeps things mild and bearable, as long as you take it soon enough. It won't do much good after you've gotten too sick though.
Way too tired considering how much sleep I got. At least 9 hours and I keep yawning and have no energy (and yes, I ate breakfast).
Plus I have this damn sinus headache on the left side of my skull. At least it's not a migraine though, for that I'm grateful. I can deal with a sinus headache.
Pathetic. And stupid. I was in the train with a couple of classmates, coming home after class. They are both very talkative when they are with someone else, but everytime I'm around there are no conversations, but I'm used to it. I waited for them to start reading their books and then I put my headphones on, I don't want to be the one who ends the "conversation" (and for conversation I mean awkward silence). And then I started feeling the urge to cry. I wanted to, I needed it. But at the same time I don't want to do it in front of others. I covered my face with my hand and pretended that I was sleeping (I do it often on the train). For their faces when they get off the train (before me) I think they noticed.
They already know I'm weak. They look at me differently than last year. Everyone does. I used to look serious but now I just look sad. I can't hide it. But I don't have real problems, it's just that I'm stupid, I shouldn't complain. I can't. But still, I do. I hope you don't mind.
Plus, I screwed it up again. Like always. Like with everything else. I'm not sure how, but I did it again. And it was something very important for me. I can't stand this feeling of guilt. I was trying to do something good, but I always end up doing something wrong.
Everyday seems to be harder, heavier. I don't know why I bother to wake up at mornings.
Pathetic. And stupid. I was in the train with a couple of classmates, coming home after class. They are both very talkative when they are with someone else, but everytime I'm around there are no conversations, but I'm used to it. I waited for them to start reading their books and then I put my headphones on, I don't want to be the one who ends the "conversation" (and for conversation I mean awkward silence). And then I started feeling the urge to cry. I wanted to, I needed it. But at the same time I don't want to do it in front of others. I covered my face with my hand and pretended that I was sleeping (I do it often on the train). For their faces when they get off the train (before me) I think they noticed.
They already know I'm weak. They look at me differently than last year. Everyone does. I used to look serious but now I just look sad. I can't hide it. But I don't have real problems, it's just that I'm stupid, I shouldn't complain. I can't. But still, I do. I hope you don't mind.
Plus, I screwed it up again. Like always. Like with everything else. I'm not sure how, but I did it again. And it was something very important for me. I can't stand this feeling of guilt. I was trying to do something good, but I always end up doing something wrong.
Everyday seems to be harder, heavier. I don't know why I bother to wake up at mornings.
you're not weak or stupid
i'm sure it feels that way to you, but i suspect your mind is lying to you
thoughts colored by depression or anxiety are not really your thoughts
just because they are coming from your own mind doesn't make them valid
try not to listen to them, try to see past them to find some help in overcoming their grip
the look you see in your friends eyes is probably one of helplessness
they can see you are troubled, but they have no idea how to help
Nooo,he's cute :3 He was like 'erm, so,erm...we must have the same numbers, huh...'
Awww
Why, are you thinking more like creepy? I think it takes some balls to talk to strangers, so...yeah.
Have you done that recently,at all.... just curious,of course? 😀
Oh it takes balls, but I hope he assumed you were much older lmao. I dont know how things run over in the UK but if I tried getting a 13 year olds number I could probably look forward to years of prison rape.
Oh it takes balls, but I hope he assumed you were much older lmao. I dont know how things run over in the UK but if I tried getting a 13 year olds number I could probably look forward to years of prison rape.
Indeed, you would. And I think that was Tino's point.
Awhh, some guy asked for my number really awkwardly in Birmingham city centre. He was like 'you live in the area?' I go 'erm,yep' and he goes 'oh right,so our phone numbers will..probably be the same,huh, haha....soo...what's yours?'
Awh, cutie pie. Too bad he was like 25 and I'm.....13, haha. Wow, he must like them young, the oldest I've ever got is 19.
^Awww he does seem cute. I guess some guys like younger girls (13 is a little too much though lol)
i'm sure it feels that way to you, but i suspect your mind is lying to you
thoughts colored by depression or anxiety are not really your thoughts
just because they are coming from your own mind doesn't make them valid
try not to listen to them, try to see past them to find some help in overcoming their grip
the look you see in your friends eyes is probably one of helplessness
they can see you are troubled, but they have no idea how to help
you have to be the one to reach out
twiggle said:
You are such a kind, warm-hearted person and so you really shouldn't be feeling this way! :🙁:
These classmates obviously like you or they wouldn't go with you on the train. It's probable that the reason they're quiet around you, is because you're quiet around them. It's like a vicious circle. When we are shy we close ourselves off to others and not everybody knows how to deal with that. Some people may take it personally, thinking that you're being quiet because you're not interested in them, or often people don't want to be the one who breaks the silence. But maybe it would only take something small, or just a smile or something, that would instantly make yourself seem more accessible and attentive. You could try talking about the course or something? And whether or not you enjoyed the lesson? When you next get a chance, even if you can't think of anything else to say, just smile. Believe me, it helps 🙂 You instantly make yourself more approachable that way. Shyness is a common trait even amongst people who wouldn't think they have S.A and to me, a smile is social lubricant which instantly makes people feel more comfy around one another.
You are CERTAINLY NOT STUPID and must never feel that way because in talking yourself down, you are only going to make yourself feel worse. Instead, just think to yourself, "I'm shy, and I have anxiety, but its not going to stop me from doing the best that I can"
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