Have you ever tried to get a girlfriend or boyfriend?

[Verynervous]

Does anyone else have friends that say "don't have a goal of looking for someone and you'll find someone before you know it."

Well that drives me crazy when they say that. I've waited, and waited, and waited, and no one seems to fall out of the sky for me. It's been nearly 4 years now since my girlfriend broke up with me and nothing!

I've gone on a few dates but only had 1 real girlfriend. I loved it while it lasted and it really took me a while just to get over it. I still think about it a lot about how great it really was.

 

[mads]

Rejection is probably the thing most people are affraid of when we are talking girlfriend/boyfriend. It is never nice to be rejected, not for anyone, but it is a thing we cant do much about. We cant be loved by anyone, but even if one dont want to be dating/have a relationship with you, then it does not mean there is something wrong with you. There is no key in what we find attractive. The overweight guy can be extremely sexy to one woman and she would never find the Brad Pitt type sexy, and the opposite. It is important to know that everyone has different preferences and we dont really decide ourself what they are.

I remember when I was a teenager and everyone talked about how many girls they had been with, but remember this, guys are very good a lying, not saying all do, but when guys talks about women, well it is like when guys talk about how big their catch were.

I was feeling bad some years ago that I havent found a girlfriend yet. I was very affraid of rejection but I found out that when you have tried it a couple of times it gets much easier to handle. At 26 (I am 27 now) I tried Internet dating and I got very lucky. I found one which I am living with now in Rio de Janeiro. We expect to get married in October or November, depending on when we can an appointment, so it is possible to find one.

I was also lucky that I got rid of my SA by myself. I some times when I was about 20 went to the north of Sweden (yes I know it is a little crazy to travel 2000 km or more just to get quietness) but I did it to relax and think about things. But best thing I did was to start all over by getting a job in Malta and getting new friends there. In the start I didnt go to any parties, but then one of my friends asked me why, and I said, I felt I was the borring person in the world and he said, do you know how much people would like you to be there, but when you have SA you just think that, oh he is just doing it to make me feel better or something. But I also thought what if he was right, what if they did like me, what if they really wanted me to be there, what if they did find me one.

It is the same with the opposite gender, what if she/he likes me, what if she/he wants to have a relationship with me. You will never find out if you dont try. Remember that.

 

[staticreflex]

Does anyone else have friends that say "don't have a goal of looking for someone and you'll find someone before you know it."

Well that drives me crazy when they say that. I've waited, and waited, and waited, and no one seems to fall out of the sky for me. It's been nearly 4 years now since my girlfriend broke up with me and nothing!

I've gone on a few dates but only had 1 real girlfriend. I loved it while it lasted and it really took me a while just to get over it. I still think about it a lot about how great it really was.

I don't think you shouldn't not look for someone, I think it just means you shouldn't focus your whole life on finding someone, just part of it! Maybe 66% on self and 33% looking. The rest of the time can be spend learning new things or just making regular friends and hanging out without the pressure of trying to always get with someone.

If you don't look for someone, you are only very rarely fall into a relationship so I personally think that advice is crap, but to each his own.

 

[Richey]

Does anyone else have friends that say "don't have a goal of looking for someone and you'll find someone before you know it."

Well that drives me crazy when they say that. I've waited, and waited, and waited, and no one seems to fall out of the sky for me. It's been nearly 4 years now since my girlfriend broke up with me and nothing!

I've gone on a few dates but only had 1 real girlfriend. I loved it while it lasted and it really took me a while just to get over it. I still think about it a lot about how great it really was.

i think your friend meant if you just live your life without an agenda things will just happen which to a degree is very true. you are more likely to meet people and maybe a girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever just from being relaxed without forcing anything and being out amongst it, meaning if you join a music club or play a sport or spend time at a certain shop and meet strangers, no idea but you get what i mean ...which is different to someone being reclusive and not doing much to be around people ...

dating websites could work out but be careful because its a very forced agenda ridden way of meeting people. most of the descriptions seem to be pitching a job advert about themselves and alot of it seems a bit fake and superficial. your best bet is to just casually ask someone you may know from school or a sport or somewone in real life first and meet people that way.

 

[Feathers]

dont really try , girls sometimes come to me like on a plane the other day , stalking me sending me love letters , camping outside my house , fighting over me god knows why , im sick of it to be honest

must be cause you're not fussy with the toothbrush... ??

gosh, life of famous superstars!!!

I've sort of had to turn down lots of guys too, it just didn't click or I knew they were wrong for me.. I sometimes felt badly about it.. I (usually) never thought badly of them, just they weren't right for me.. They could be great for some other girl, and some totally were... So guys with SA, even if a girl is not interested, she might still consider you a good friend or acquaintance, or a girl friend's boyfriend (yes it can get confusing!) it might be that particular aspect that she's not interested in at the moment (and might be perhaps interested in even that later on too, if you go about it right).. it depends..

 

[Illusions]

I've never actually tried to get a boyfriend (is it really that easy?) if you're talking about making the first move and asking them out, stuff like that.

Basically I turn down people who aren't right for me and wait and hope for that one person to sweep me off my feet. God, I am deluded.

 

[Inspiration]

I've never actually tried to get a boyfriend (is it really that easy?) if you're talking about making the first move and asking them out, stuff like that.

Basically I turn down people who aren't right for me and wait and hope for that one person to sweep me off my feet. God, I am deluded.

I think.. I'm deluded too. Waiting for a girl who is compassion, kind, honest, not too selfish and can accept my SA. I'm a bit curious... did you go on a date before decide they are not the right one?

 

[Verynervous]

I've never actually tried to get a boyfriend (is it really that easy?) if you're talking about making the first move and asking them out, stuff like that.

Basically I turn down people who aren't right for me and wait and hope for that one person to sweep me off my feet. God, I am deluded.

How often do you(or any girl here) get asked out?

 

[Verynervous]

So what makes you not so approachable? Is it because of the no eye contact thing that people don't approach you?

I'm curious because I sometimes look for eye contact with people when I feel pretty good and I notice most people don't look. Sometimes you'll get the complete stranger who will look and say hi or something, but most people seem to be in their own little worlds. I've had some really pretty girls say hi after giving them eye contact too. It never goes past that as I don't know what to say, so I just say hi and keep going.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I can recall trying to get a girlfriend, ages ago. I never had the least bit of success while trying. I've accidentally ended up in a few ill-conceived, unstable, and brief relationships but I've been alone the vast majority of my life.

I've tried online dating sites, and I've gotten a few dates and a little bit of...fun stuff. No relationships though, and I'm not convinced I could find a real relationship that way. Plus it took a lot of effort and was extremely stressful.

I really think the best way is to accidentally end up spending enough time with someone to get to know them. This requires circumstances which I have limited control over.

Even under circumstances where there is potential, in real life my brain usually freezes up if I'm presented an opportunity. ::

 

[Verynervous]

I've tried online dating sites, and I've gotten a few dates and a little bit of...fun stuff. No relationships though, and I'm not convinced I could find a real relationship that way. Plus it took a lot of effort and was extremely stressful.

I've tried it a few times too. I actually met someone from myspace one time(never will do that again). I also tried eHarmony and most of the contacts would close it at open communication or I would actually just stop responding as I wouldn't know what to say. The last girl I talked to on there was really pretty, but I just didn't know what to say to her and I just stopped responding. That was the end of trying online dating for me.

 

[Shadowplay]

When I like someone, I like someone. When I don't, I go about my business. I don't have any desire for company for the sake of company.

 

[McLeanJ08]

I've talked to women but I don't think I really have anything to offer them so I don't even bother.

 

[Felgen]

I've talked to women but I don't think I really have anything to offer them so I don't even bother.

What you have to offer depends on what the girl is interested in. You'll be suprised to see that most girls once they hit 20 find intelligence attractive.

 

[Freeflex]

I've never really had a boyfriend, and it was eating at me recently, but at the moment I don't give a toss. I used to have a really good male friend from Year 5 at school to Year 7, and if we didn't fall out, I believe we would've ended up together at some point (even if it wasn't for long), seeing as we used to plan a future together, and even kids. lol. As corny as it sounds. I still miss that guy as a friend, but I've tried to fix the patch twice and he is an absolute coward who couldn't tell me straight to my face that he didn't want to talk to me again, and just said "he'd think about it" and blocked me.

Most of my other male friendships have been completely platonic, but I've had a crush on a good friend of mine, however he lives all the way in Brighton and he now has a girlfriend and I'm not a fan of long-distance dating. I also had a crush on this guy named Chris who was in my GCSE History class for about one year, he was just so damn handsome and funny, but he rejected me on the basis that he didn't know me too well, which was true. I also had a crush on a guy called Luke, but it faded out, I never tried getting with him.

As for people liking me, I don't think many have. There was one guy a year younger called Gary than me that liked me (apparently) who I met through another friend, and I admit he was actually quite hilarious, but he only wanted to get with me so he could lose his virginity. I am not assuming this, he actually used to talk about having sex with me, yet didn't know me well. As much as I want a boyfriend.. I'm not desperate enough to use sex to get one. I'd rather my pride, thanks.

 

[lurknomore]

How often do you(or any girl here) get asked out?

I never get asked out. Actually, that's not quite true... I did have one ex-coworker ask me out recently, and one coworker right when I split with my husband four years ago... and my ex-husband and one guy in high school. So that's four people in my entire life. But running the odds on that based on my age, it may as well be never.

 

[Ran]

I've never tried, and likely will never try. I'm in a serious and awesome relationship at the moment, though. I've only had two partners and getting together with both of them was just chance each time; I don't look for relationships.

A perk of being asexual I think

 

[Jackiechanliness]

^ I'm the same, I don't worry about it and I'm currently in my second relationship.

Obsessing over the opposite sex only makes you a target, and you won't get many (if any) meaningful relationships that way.

You're not ready to be in a relationship if you're not okay with being single first.

 

[rodinski]

I've tried getting a girl friend 3 times.

The first one I was way too young to friggen have any sense....Chantel
The second one I was too nervous....Brooke.
The third ridiculed me, harassed, stalked me, turned so many people against me, cause immense amount of social anxieties, made me drop out, lose 4'000 dollars, and threatened me with the law. This chick was really f'ed up and yet the only chick that I've ever had such strong feelings for.....Nat.

Brooke would have been the best, and I bet we would have gotten along great if it wasn't for this anxiety disorder.

 

[DanFC]

What you have to offer depends on what the girl is interested in. You'll be suprised to see that most girls once they hit 20 find intelligence attractive.

Of course, that doesn't really matter in many cases. In my environment, there are plenty of people who are both smarter and more attractive than myself. That's life, huh.