Has anyone ever questioned this?

[OceanMist]

I see a lot of people saying one needs to work on themselves before they are ready for a relationship. I'm not disagreeing with that, but I do see something interesting with that statement.

If we need to work on ourselves first, and be happy by ourselves first, then why even pursue love? If you are telling me I can be happy alone, then why should I even try to get a g/f....ever?

I am currently seeing the searching for a mate thing as something that is insecure according to the "be happy by yourself" theory.

I want you to just think about something.....if you are really happy by yourself, then why are you wanting to be in a relationship, much less talk to anyone outside of work?

It seems like a faulty theory.

 

[S_Spartan]

^^^^"Why fall in love when there's better things to do?" from the song "Love without anger" by the band "Devo". I was listening to that song today and thinking similar thoughts as your post above.

 

[BlackPuma]

Because it's more an alternative sort of happiness with certain benefits that you can't (easily) obtain otherwise.

Things like a family, a bigger house (through shared income), constant companionship, ect. Crudely put a life partner can be seen as a asset to your life - but only if you utilize him/her correctly in your life.

It's also note worthy that ''work on yourself'' doesn't mean ''be as perfect as you can be.'' You can also be ready enough.

For example, a relationship won't likely fix things like phobias and the like, but it could however provide support and comfort to give you the strength to do it.

If you're able to utilize the partner for the latter, and treat the partner with the consideration and respect he/she deserves, then I'd say you're already ready. That phrase is mostly in regard to people that expect it to fix their problem like some sort of life-powerup.

You surely can be perfectly happy alone - but to consider that lifestyle ideal is more an introverted perspective I feel. There are of course also a lot of people that enjoy other people's company, no matter how happy they are on their own.

 

[bcsr]

Why not post this in the ongoing discussion thread that brought the question up? It's really already been answered. It's not so much an issue of "can I be happy without a girlfriend" it's more of "I think a girlfriend will fix all my problems and instantly make me happy." It doesn't work that way.

I'm happy. I could be content with my life as it is right now. That doesn't mean I won't strive to improve it.

 

[alxbkr]

Because if you're not happy with yourself and need a relationships to be happy, you're doing it wrong.

Working on one's self means becoming stable and self-reliable. If you aren't self-reliant and head into a relationship, things can go bad and they will

 

[R3K]

it's just a cop-out statement, a cliché... it's not really a marvelous piece of wisdom, this "you need to work on yourself b4 you get a gf/bf" statement. there are many fkd up *******s with drug addictions and issues who have gf's and bf's.

 

[Kiwong]

If you become comfortable in your own skin, the a whole lot of options in life might open up.

 

[AGR]

I see a lot of people saying one needs to work on themselves before they are ready for a relationship. I'm not disagreeing with that, but I do see something interesting with that statement.

If we need to work on ourselves first, and be happy by ourselves first, then why even pursue love? If you are telling me I can be happy alone, then why should I even try to get a g/f....ever?

I am currently seeing the searching for a mate thing as something that is insecure according to the "be happy by yourself" theory.

I want you to just think about something.....if you are really happy by yourself, then why are you wanting to be in a relationship, much less talk to anyone outside of work?

It seems like a faulty theory.

I think the same as you,also if you see,people who say that ARE in a relationship or are persuing one which contradicts their argument,I have once read something where this person was saying "there are no happy people,there are happy moments",which makes a lot of sense,so you are not always happy,you cant make yourself happy all the time,if you are waiting to be forever happy,or to become happy by yourself before you enter a relationship you will wait forever.

Someone always happy and flawless would become boring eventually anyway.

 

[Hellhound]

I believe they're trying to say that one has to sort things out before looking for a mate. If you pursue a relationship and you are dealing with a lot of problems yourself, things might get complicated.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

^That sums it up pretty well.....

 

[MollyBeGood]

^I agree. I think also too the OP was asking about the whole "Learn to be happy alone" and "don't look for happiness in a relationship theory". Like you fix yourself all good now and then what's the point in even trying since your great and happy to be alone.

Well yeah I do see the confusion though..some people are never happy alone, they want to be surrounded by people, large families etc.. and they can have successful relationships based on the fact that they don't want to be alone. So I don't think they really spend too much time mulling over that statement. I met this girl once who literally couldn't stand being alone for one min. That was very extreme but she obviously needed relationships badly-all of them.

And not looking for your relationship to be your only source of happiness makes sense in theory but then how much do you really have invested in a relationship if you treat it like a hobby and it's not something that has supreme value? I don't get that really, I know it's the worst feeling in the world when the relationship ends but that is only because it meant something to begin with. If you have other "sources" of happiness it seems like you didn't need the love of another to begin with.

 

[LimitX]

Here is what I think
1. Be happy by yourself
2. Share it with a mate
Less baggage that way