Friendship between a man & a woman

Status
Not open for further replies.

April72

Well-known member
#1
I always found very difficult to have relations with members of the oppossite sex. I had a father who never helped me in the understanding of males.
Now, with age, I had the opportunity to have male friends but they all cross the line.
When I need a friendship, they had another agenda. I'm talking about sex.

I'm very dissaponted because I believed I have friends when all said that I haven't.

What's your opinión? Have you got friends of the oppossite sex? Do they really valué your friendship?
 

Aylaa

Well-known member
#2
Nope.... Men don't even really notice me at all.

I had a male best friend before I moved away, but he was gay ;) I think he was a good friend, but also very self centered and that put my off. I still regret the way I dumped him now :(
 

Ransfordrowe

Well-known member
#3
As long as ground rules are established and you make it clear that only friendship is on offer then its possible to have friends of the opposite sex.No firting ,confusing signals, mixed messages etc.Chosen carefully is important I think since some people only see a member of the opposite sex as a potential partner.Beware of chosen players as friends as despite what they may say,these friendships usually will not work.
 

Sammie_Kay

Well-known member
#4
It seems like most of the males I talk to are only looking for that one thing as well. It disappoints me because I am just looking to have someone to talk to.
 

Gieky

Well-known member
#5
Several of my closest friends are guys, and they are true friends without ulterior motives. Yes it is possible!
 

bsammy

Well-known member
#6
being a guy i have to admit that the idea of having a girl as a friend only to hang out with and no sex involved is highly unlikely..i mean, most guys if they are honest will also admit that being true friends with a girl just isnt likely to happen...there will be some attraction involved in some way as guys tend to want to hang out with guys and girl tend to want to hang out with girls...i have girls that are friends because they are the gf or wives of my buddies but thats different..i would never call them and hang out with them one on one..thats the type of friendship you guys are talking about..that very rarely works long term..

from a male perspective, id guesstimate about 98% of men are going to want more than just friendship from a woman...whether its a week down the road or 6 months, u know the drill..
 

bsammy

Well-known member
#7
Several of my closest friends are guys, and they are true friends without ulterior motives. Yes it is possible!
do you have a boyfriend right now?how long have u been friends with these guys?do you hang out with them one on one?do they have gfs?guys are slick(sometimes) and they can wait a long time until an opening arises..im not doubting your guy friends, im just speaking from experience..
 

dany

Active member
#8
I have very good friends of the opposite sex and we get along very well without having to worry about wanting sex from each other. Each of us have partners or are married so no issue here.

It is possible but there are some basic rules that need to bond the relationship.
 

Gieky

Well-known member
#9
None of us have significant others at the moment, we have been friends for 14 years, and we hang out one on one and in groups. I can see why you asked based on your post and I am aware some men would agree with you, but I am so fortunate that my guy pals don't share those viewpoints. I don't know what I'd do without them.
 
Last edited:

GhastlyCC

Well-known member
#10
I always found very difficult to have relations with members of the oppossite sex. I had a father who never helped me in the understanding of males.
Now, with age, I had the opportunity to have male friends but they all cross the line.
When I need a friendship, they had another agenda. I'm talking about sex.

I'm very dissaponted because I believed I have friends when all said that I haven't.

What's your opinión? Have you got friends of the oppossite sex? Do they really valué your friendship?
That's unfortunate. :/

Me? there's a few people of the opposite sex that I'd call friends.
It works out though,since I'm basically asexual and they're probably not attracted to me in any way.heh

I can't speak for all men,but I personally believe that it's possible to have a purely platonic relationship between a man and a woman.
 

Missing

Well-known member
#11
The only friends I have are of the opposite sex. I'm a in a relationship and since all of us are open minded, they do sometimes make sexual comments to/about me but we always just laugh at it. Some have gotten really drunk and blatantly said to my other half that they wanted to "do me". He just laughs and takes it as a compliment.

I can see how being single and having them act like that and say comments that aren't welcome can be annoying though. I've been single and had male friends and had no problems too. It was just obvious I didn't see them that way, and they didn't see me that way. If they hinted anything remotely sexual I would just say "ew" or something and they never tried again. I had some good relationships with them afterwards still.

I don't really think it's a gender thing as it is a person thing. I think it's wrong to say "I'm not going to be friends with guys because all they ever want is sex." You could miss out on a lot of great friendships.

I think it's a good idea to be flat out and honest at the beginning and say you're not looking for a relationship. Or even talk about how annoying it is when guys are like that. It'll get in their head not to try.
 

cot

New member
#16
Clearly you need some social tips for dealing with men. Most likely you are inviting the unwanted attention.

If you are talking to a man, and you lean toward him, you are inviting him to touch you.

If you allow a man to touch you for an extended time - anywhere - you are letting him know you are available for sex. You might as well say, "I want to have sex with you."

If you smile at a man for an extended time, that is a clear indication of desire. It's okay to smile briefly when you first meet, or if he says something funny to laugh at the joke, but if you make goo-goo eyes at him and plaster a grin on your face the whole time you talk to him, he's going to think you want to have sex with him.

If you send a picture of yourself to a man - any picture - "Look I jammed my thumb in the door" even - he's going to think you'll send naughty pictures to him. He'll ask for a second picture - "show me the other one so I can compare them" - and if you comply, you're confirming that you're willing to send pictures of every part of your body to him. Best not to send any pictures ever one on one - if you want him to see your dog, post it to Facebook.

Time is important. If you talk to a man after 10 PM, on the phone or online, he will think you want phone or cyber sex. It's his time that's important. If you talk to a man at 3 PM your time, but it's 11 PM his time, he's going to think you want to have sex.

If you have done any of those things, you have solicited the man. You have made it clear you are available and interested in having a sexual relationship with him. You have come on to him.

If at that point he responds to your advances, he's not a horrible, friendship-ruining monster. He's accepting your proposal for sex. That's all.

You need to not do any of those things in order to maintain a friendship, a true non-sexual friendship, with a man.

And if you're thinking - well, how will I attract them to be my friend if I don't do those things?

You're not attracting friends if you do those things - you are inviting men for sex.

Clearly you want attention, a lot of attention. Look how much you post here for proof. However, enticing men, and then getting mad at them for responding, is not very kind. It seems like it bothers you, too. Though, who knows, maybe you were just bragging that you get a lot of sexual attention.

So, don't do any of those things, tolerate the fact that men won't respond to you in the same way, depend on your personality rather than your sex appeal, and you won't have these problems again.

I'm sure I'm missing some obvious signs of when a woman is coming on to a man. The rest of you please add to the list. I'm sure it will help her out if she realizes what exactly she is doing to make her male friends think she's willing to make her friendships sexual.
 

Aylaa

Well-known member
#18
I'm sure I'm missing some obvious signs of when a woman is coming on to a man. The rest of you please add to the list. I'm sure it will help her out if she realizes what exactly she is doing to make her male friends think she's willing to make her friendships sexual.
what the hell??
 

April72

Well-known member
#20
Clearly you need some social tips for dealing with men. Most likely you are inviting the unwanted attention.

If you are talking to a man, and you lean toward him, you are inviting him to touch you.

If you allow a man to touch you for an extended time - anywhere - you are letting him know you are available for sex. You might as well say, "I want to have sex with you."

If you smile at a man for an extended time, that is a clear indication of desire. It's okay to smile briefly when you first meet, or if he says something funny to laugh at the joke, but if you make goo-goo eyes at him and plaster a grin on your face the whole time you talk to him, he's going to think you want to have sex with him.

If you send a picture of yourself to a man - any picture - "Look I jammed my thumb in the door" even - he's going to think you'll send naughty pictures to him. He'll ask for a second picture - "show me the other one so I can compare them" - and if you comply, you're confirming that you're willing to send pictures of every part of your body to him. Best not to send any pictures ever one on one - if you want him to see your dog, post it to Facebook.

Time is important. If you talk to a man after 10 PM, on the phone or online, he will think you want phone or cyber sex. It's his time that's important. If you talk to a man at 3 PM your time, but it's 11 PM his time, he's going to think you want to have sex.

If you have done any of those things, you have solicited the man. You have made it clear you are available and interested in having a sexual relationship with him. You have come on to him.

If at that point he responds to your advances, he's not a horrible, friendship-ruining monster. He's accepting your proposal for sex. That's all.

You need to not do any of those things in order to maintain a friendship, a true non-sexual friendship, with a man.

And if you're thinking - well, how will I attract them to be my friend if I don't do those things?

You're not attracting friends if you do those things - you are inviting men for sex.

Clearly you want attention, a lot of attention. Look how much you post here for proof. However, enticing men, and then getting mad at them for responding, is not very kind. It seems like it bothers you, too. Though, who knows, maybe you were just bragging that you get a lot of sexual attention.

So, don't do any of those things, tolerate the fact that men won't respond to you in the same way, depend on your personality rather than your sex appeal, and you won't have these problems again.

I'm sure I'm missing some obvious signs of when a woman is coming on to a man. The rest of you please add to the list. I'm sure it will help her out if she realizes what exactly she is doing to make her male friends think she's willing to make her friendships sexual.
Thank you. I see your points. It can be an explanation.
To be honest, it's now when I've been contact with people.
There was a time when I don't have a single friend.
I didn't daré with talking to a man and now, I think that I care a lot for people who I know.

Anyway, I didn't know that I had to be so cautious with men. Now, I come back to see them as belonging to another planet, the same as before.

P.S.: writing in this forum is not for attracting sexual attention, though.
I like to talk with people, specially from other countries and specially if they have AvPD like me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top