Friendship between a man & a woman

[cot]

I'm very dissaponted because I believed I have friends when all said that I haven't.

She said everyone - "all" - is misinterpreting her. She wants friendships, and all her male friends want sex. Clearly she is approaching them in a way that they think she wants sex, too.

And it sounds like she's claiming it wasn't mutual, that both wanted it and they fell for each other, just her male friends out of the blue approach her for sex.

If that's the case, then she needs to learn what things she's doing that are making men misinterpret her.

If it was just one guy, I'd say it was just a ****. But if it's all men, she's doing something wrong. Don't you want to help her so she doesn't have to go through this again?

 

[April72]

I think it's save to assume cot don't have much success befriending females

No. I think Cop can be right in many things. For example, I spend a lot of time talking to an online friend. Then, the man I met last summer, I smile all the time.
It's good to learn from other people views, specially people like us who don't have many experience in social interations.
Another thing a friend talked to me is that I'm very affectionable and call people names. "My love, my heart, my guy...i do it all the time with my learners. It's a cultural fact that can be missunderstood.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

^April I think you should take cot's advice very lightly, while it might be his opinion, most people here and out there would disagree that so many precautions have to be taken when dealing with the opposite sex. Maybe cultural differences has something to do with the divergence of opinion.

*Edit: Though if you call your friends my love, well. Here's something that can create a lot of misunderstanding.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Clearly you need some social tips for dealing with men. Most likely you are inviting the unwanted attention.

If you are talking to a man, and you lean toward him, you are inviting him to touch you.

If you allow a man to touch you for an extended time - anywhere - you are letting him know you are available for sex. You might as well say, "I want to have sex with you."

If you smile at a man for an extended time, that is a clear indication of desire. It's okay to smile briefly when you first meet, or if he says something funny to laugh at the joke, but if you make goo-goo eyes at him and plaster a grin on your face the whole time you talk to him, he's going to think you want to have sex with him.

If you send a picture of yourself to a man - any picture - "Look I jammed my thumb in the door" even - he's going to think you'll send naughty pictures to him. He'll ask for a second picture - "show me the other one so I can compare them" - and if you comply, you're confirming that you're willing to send pictures of every part of your body to him. Best not to send any pictures ever one on one - if you want him to see your dog, post it to Facebook.

Time is important. If you talk to a man after 10 PM, on the phone or online, he will think you want phone or cyber sex. It's his time that's important. If you talk to a man at 3 PM your time, but it's 11 PM his time, he's going to think you want to have sex.

If you have done any of those things, you have solicited the man. You have made it clear you are available and interested in having a sexual relationship with him. You have come on to him.

If at that point he responds to your advances, he's not a horrible, friendship-ruining monster. He's accepting your proposal for sex. That's all.

You need to not do any of those things in order to maintain a friendship, a true non-sexual friendship, with a man.

And if you're thinking - well, how will I attract them to be my friend if I don't do those things?

You're not attracting friends if you do those things - you are inviting men for sex.

Clearly you want attention, a lot of attention. Look how much you post here for proof. However, enticing men, and then getting mad at them for responding, is not very kind. It seems like it bothers you, too. Though, who knows, maybe you were just bragging that you get a lot of sexual attention.

So, don't do any of those things, tolerate the fact that men won't respond to you in the same way, depend on your personality rather than your sex appeal, and you won't have these problems again.

I'm sure I'm missing some obvious signs of when a woman is coming on to a man. The rest of you please add to the list. I'm sure it will help her out if she realizes what exactly she is doing to make her male friends think she's willing to make her friendships sexual.

So, virtually any form of communication between a woman and a man is an invitation to have sex?

Good to know.

mg:

 

[Aylaa]

^April I think you should take cot's advice very lightly, while it might be his opinion, most people here and out there would disagree that so many precautions have to be taken when dealing with the opposite sex. Maybe cultural differences has something to do with the divergence of opinion.

*Edit: Though if you call your friends my love, well. Here's something that can create a lot of misunderstanding.

This. PLEASE do not take cot's posts seriously. Especially what they said about your posting here. Also I find it very strange that someone has never posted here before except for in this topic with this silly list:question:

 

[Rabbite]

If a male is already in a true double side love with a girl then he consider other girls as friends but in case that the guy is rejected many times then he would try his luck with every girl. According to science, females are more self controlled than males since they are carrying the baby.

 

[cot]

I've lurked for a long time, and this post offended me. It took me a long time to see it not as an attack on all men, but rather a cry for help.

 

[Aylaa]

I've lurked for a long time, and this post offended me. It took me a long time to see it not as an attack on all men, but rather a cry for help.

Or maybe it's just a problem expressing herself in a foreign language. I don't see anything offensive about this post. Yours, however, is quite offensive to men, portraying them all as cave men with nothing but sex in their brains.

 

[cot]

No, you misread me. I said, men look for signals from women that they are receptive to sex. The list I gave has some of those signals, and I thought it would be helpful for the poster since she said she doesn't understand what is happening.

If a woman does the things on the list - which is a narrow list, definitely not "any form of communication between a woman and a man" - chances are, a man will think she's open for sex. If she doesn't invite men to think of her sexually, then they won't.

What was offensive about the original post was that she said men and women can't be friends because the men always want sex. Did you skip that part? .

I had the opportunity to have male friends but they all cross the line.
When I need a friendship, they had another agenda. I'm talking about sex.

I think I'm going to go back to lurking now.

 

[April72]

^April I think you should take cot's advice very lightly, while it might be his opinion, most people here and out there would disagree that so many precautions have to be taken when dealing with the opposite sex. Maybe cultural differences has something to do with the divergence of opinion.

*Edit: Though if you call your friends my love, well. Here's something that can create a lot of misunderstanding.

I also take your all opinions into account.
I like to learn about people.
Yeah, a friend talked me about calling names. So, I'm now cautious.

 

[April72]

I've lurked for a long time, and this post offended me. It took me a long time to see it not as an attack on all men, but rather a cry for help.

Take it easy! I was only talking about my experience. A short experience by the way. I have nothing againts men. Perhaps, I didn't express myself very well. I don't mean to offend you.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Ugh. Gender wars crap. Locking this thread; we'll deal with it later. I don't have time.