Flying Feathers! Or, Trying to Change the World! - Journal/Rant thread

[Dronee]

EscapeArtist inspired me:

I called two of the people I was supposed to call (for a month or so..) - YAY!! The first were nice, kinda busy with other things so they might not have time to prepare anything for the Waste Reduction Week.. They would be willing to help out with some things nevertheless, later on possibly.. So at least we're in contact now..

One person called back and we're supposed to meet up for weekend - very scared about it though! I probably called too late, not sure if we'll get anything done for this time.. It would still be good to meet up and see if there are any options for co-operation and any projects together and such.. (I'm afraid nothing would come out of it, at least I'm being proactive about it, meeting up with people? Even if it's negative, at least I know I need to get other people to help then? Gosh, I'm such a sissy! lol!)

I don't want to burden anyone with anything.. or waste their time or something.. it's a blimmin half hour though.. not that much.. I'd have to be diplomatic though.. (and that's not my forte.. hmm?)

You remind me of someone I know... she was also into these sort of things before the busyness of life took over.

 

[Feathers]

You remind me of someone I know... she was also into these sort of things before the busyness of life took over.

What happened to her? (Maybe PM?) Hope not all sorts of terribleness??
Or just a job/career, 2.5 kids and a man?
Did she manage to get any good things done?

 

[Dronee]

What happened to her? (Maybe PM?) Hope not all sorts of terribleness??
Or just a job/career, 2.5 kids and a man?
Did she manage to get any good things done?

She became very busy with her career. Besides... she looks better than most models, sings better than most singers and she's got a very strong personality. Extremely determined person and very smart... and yeah.. she did quite a number of things for the eco groups before she had her career in full swing.

One of the few people who frightens me... not the person herself... more that.. ah nvm... But yeah... your eco stuff makes me think of her sometimes.

 

[Feathers]

She became very busy with her career. Besides... she looks better than most models, sings better than most singers and she's got a very strong personality. Extremely determined person... and yeah.. she did quite a number of things for the eco groups before she had her career in full swing.

One of the few people who frightens me... not the person herself... more that.. ah nvm... But yeah... your eco stuff makes me think of her sometimes.

Hm, I might thank you for the compliment then? I think she frightens me a bit too though What kind of things did she do for the eco groups, and what kind of career does she have now? Singing? Or other things?

Imagine someone on a much smaller level though, maybe 10% of what she does/did? (I don't look better than a model at all, lol!!)
(And ours is a very small country anyway...)

 

[Dronee]

Hm, I might thank you for the compliment then? I think she frightens me a bit too though What kind of things did she do for the eco groups, and what kind of career does she have now? Singing? Or other things?

Imagine someone on a much smaller level though, maybe 10% of what she does/did? (I don't look better than a model at all, lol!!)
(And ours is a very small country anyway...)

Haha... you seem like a nice person all the same though. She did beach cleaning, rallies and that kind of stuff. I couldn't remember more because my brain decides to go on vacation most of the time I talk to her.

It's nice that people like you care for the environment. If I were a better person, I'd find some ways to make the lives of battery hen and other such creatures better somehow. I know it's "only food" in the end... but I think the chickens and other animals have a right to live in relative comfort even if they are to be slaughtered in the end.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Feathers!! I am at a loss about how I am any inspiration! lol! But nonetheless IM SO HAPPYYY about your phone calls!! I know the feeling of needing to call somebody, but putting it off for MONTHS and MONTHS... I began doing this project for this old, very critical man. Illustrating a children's book for him. I finished two drawings, and then told him I'd meet up with him with number 3 and 4. Problem is, I don't take constructive critiscism w/o compliments very well, and I became afraid to meet up with him again! That was last December..... He already paid me 200 dollars!!! And I haven't even called him yet!!! So GOSH do I know the feeling of a phone call lingering over your head!

And that is definitely constructive! Golly! (Lol. Yeah.) you are inspiring me now. Seriously. That is such progress, even if it is in some way a "negative" seeming experience, that just means that you are conquering more fears than you expected. I bet it'll be fine though, you are passionate about this, so it's something larger than your SA to focus on, and something you seem to know well

 

[Feathers]

Be shocked - yes, I called another person today!! And am meeting up next week for some info...

EscapeArtist, you are now even wayy more fascinating in my book - you do illustrations!! WOW!!
(I'd love to see some! If it's possible, in a super-secret way maybe?? So it doesn't work against copyright laws and such?)

Oh I can totally relate to that, I did some collabs for songs early this year and uhmm.. haven't really gotten in touch since.. yikes.. (it was for free and just for fun, still I'm very embarassed about it.. we had renovations and such and it was difficult to record, but still.. uhmm.. really embarassed about it too..)

Dronee, thanks for the info! I don't really do rallies (do you mean with cars or just big meetings of people?) and cleaning up stuff.. though I took part in that too..

If you're worried about battery hens and such, there are definitely organisations you could join.. see if any are in your country, or check what is online internationally.. maybe at least e-mails you could sign up to and forward, or such things? Or you could try raising own chickens? We try to get food from farmers, where I think it's still more friendly than in big 'production units'.. it may cost a little bit more (or less, it depends) and you have more idea about the quality of food too.. And we grow veggies and such... (Okay Mom and Dad mostly do that.. we're occasional apprentices.. or 'free labour'..) We grew some soy and lentils and mungo beans this year, experimentally.. (chickpeas didn't come out though) So that was kinda my idea, to go exotic ha ha.. Some of that didn't go so well, some of it went okay-ish lol.. I was happy that anything came out lol! (Actually I was thrilled, though it's not 'big amounts' at all!!)

 

[Feathers]

Okay, the charity meeting didn't go so splendidly.. But at least I got there, got out of the house, among people.. For any suggestions, my mom knows best... There can be some politics and other issues involved at meetings themselves so it's better to talk about things privately first..

I'm learning these things, how organisations and people can work and operate.. It's not easy always.. Sometimes there's a lot of juggling, eg what they want, what do I want, what can we do together.. who does what (and why) etc. Maybe some things will be better for next year.. (I hope??)
Or done in another way? hmm..

And timing can be good or bad too.. They've been busy (and cross) with other things so I didn't want to bother them before, and I wasn't quite sure how to go about certain things.. (for some, I still don't know..) Ah well.. We'll see how it all goes...?

It did make me cross enough to want to record a song, not sure if it's good enough though..

 

[vj288]

I bet your song is great feathers

 

[Feathers]

Thanks vj! Though I think your faith in me is a bit, uhm,... exaggerated, possibly? (You haven't heard me yet lol, or seen any of my 'real' songs... la la la...)

I'm a bit embarassed cause this thread is now among the 'hot topics' and I'd like it to be more private.. Though I'm kinda glad people reply too...

I wanted to write a super-enthusiastic post but maybe later when I get super-enthusiastic again lol.. (I'm seeing you gotta ride with the moment when it happens lol!!) Just know that I WAS super-enthusiastic inbetween, lol!!

Wanted to make sure the notes were okay (to actually know later what we were talking about! ) and the moment kinda passed (I ate bread inbetween, not sure if that has anything to do with it either?)

I woke up feeling good today and the guy called and we met up and it went well..
Then back at home my mind started looking for trouble again.. And we'll see how it goes..

Have another meeting tomorrow morning, hope it goes well.. (kinda frightened too lol..) It's important to get the info, and hopefully we'd talk about some other things too but they are scattered across some old notes and I'm not sure I'll even find them! grr!!
(no wonder I've been putting this off for more than half a year!!)

I wish I had prepared better and didn't have brainfog in my head right now-ugh?

Told the guy I'd send him some info and can't concentrate on two things at once... hmm??!! (Is it bad practice to send it tomorrow? Kinda tired today though, and I wanted to gather more...??)
It's late too, probably just as well send it tomorrow? hmm??

 

[coyote]

but Feathers, you are a hot topic

 

[Feathers]

but Feathers, you are a hot topic

he he... not anymore... luckily

apparently, it was the stomach flu yikes
wasn't fun, am still not quite myself..

had to cancel the meeting, had a lot of phone-calls though (and worries)
don't know what to do about something..
it's so embarassing..

I don't feel quite fit to be someone's boss.. And it's odd to be almost-broke and with almost no income and asked by others to help them get a job.. (I've been asked by others to help'em get money or do things for free A LOT before.. and it's grr!! but this is different..)
I wish I could help, there seem to be different opinions about this though, whether it's good for any start-up non-profit to have any employees or not.. Would others still wanna help for free if some were employed? Would officials expect too much? (=Feathers worrying and throwing up more than needed too!! )
Some say it's better for everyone to volunteer first year - but those people have a job!!! grr!!
It may be true (and this person told me the same - before he needed a job, ugh!!)
I need a job or some sort of income too!!
And in a way, wouldn't people admire you even more if you could find money for jobs and help them survive?
(He qualifies for a certain grant and I don't, and maybe he could help me find other grants? to employ myself and others.. hmm..)
I definitely can't do all the work myself, and other people seem to be only interested in more minor help? (And not with grants.)

I understand true dedication may be seen in those who volunteer for free too, I've done things for free for three effing years!! grr!!
And gathered knowledge that someone can maybe implement in one minute (or a month) but it wasn't easy to gather.. And I'm still learning, feel like I only know 10% of things..

It's really difficult, don't know what to do..

 

[Feathers]

Also, I might have just written a too-long reply to someone who could actually help with finances, am still not fully coherent.. /damn flu/

 

[Feathers]

I feel the need to re-post here!!! And put it to heart for ALL future eco activists and wannabe changers-of-the-world!!

Always double-check!! If someone says 'do it for free' and you can't (anymore) clarify (and explain why not and what all you have done and are doing and that you can't do it all + also do X Y Z and earn money or worry about earning it or look at grants and deal with them) and they'll be more than interested to help you get help and funding (especially elsewhere) especially if you have really good projects!! (that they are interested in!! ) LOL

And if you don't agree with someone, say, 'If we do this and this, would it terribly bother you/would you still be willing to co-operate/participate?' and especially if you give reasons why, often people will be very interested anyway and understand or even like the idea better than the previous idea!!

What took me soo long???!!!

oh gosh, just spent the last 6 months worrying about something that wasn't even an issue once I spoke to the right people in the right way!!! uggh!!!

feeling pretty stupid lol... could have done soo much more in the RIGHT way for getting what I really want by now!!! lol!!

okay, always double-check and try to clarify/address things if you feel it's really needed, lol!!!

 

[Feathers]

Okay, the too-long post went okay..

Upcoming eco meeting, a bit frightened about it, hope it goes well...

Feeling anxiety over having to return some books (which I haven't looked at for a while! but still wanted to get some info from!! /yikes/ didn't want to infect them with any germs this week either... yikes!!) it's like I need them just to feel safe.. (might need them for the PR stuff..??) I'm scared. lol. I don't know how to do it. I don't really want to do it but I think it needs to be done... /sigh/

bottling apple juice in the house didn't really help my OCD-anxiety either.. and mom just sorta laughs and rolls eyes at my germ-anxiety or such.. (which is perhaps a GOOD thing-??)

I really need to learn more about the immune system... like about how bacteria and viruses work etc.
I used to be so carefree about it, it only got this worse the last year or so...

maybe it's because I drank the damn apple cider, it was sooo yummy!! /sweet things can throw me off balance though.../ maybe I need to eat something...

I don't know why some people need to be soo rude, just because others didn't agree with them??

I also feel soo old... /yikes/
And it's probably that time of month when my PMS/PMDD starts... so I can expect to feel gloomy for two more weeks I guess... yikes..
But it would be good to have the eco meeting/s as soon as possible? ugh..

I bet the hot chicks in chick-lit romances didn't have to deal with PMS while trying to organise eco meetings!!
Though I can totally use this in a novel, lol!!

Oh, and I'm not against people commenting on this topic, I love some feedback!!
I just don't want to be a trending topic, lol! Maybe need to talk to a mod? hm!

 

[Feathers]

I feel pretty miserable... Like all I do is a waste of time (and I should be doing other eco-worthy things instead...)

Called someone on the phone and didn't get'em on the phone.. Still don't have some info for an article..

Also, if mom got angry she could make me lose all interest for doing anything.. and she only needed help for a wee bit? Why does she have to get so cross? And why do I have to 'overreact' sort of? How stable is that?? Then I may lose all day feeling miserable about it... And doing largely irrelevant/off-topic stuff...

Then she was all friendly again in the evening, yikes... (Wanted to see some poeple and some babies for charity stuff, yikes...)
I'd really appreciate it if she made plans the day before so we could all be on the same page, instead of just 'expecting' things and then yelling-??

Didn't call someone else because I'm afraid she'd yell at me or steal our eco-non-profit ideas?? And maybe it's too late for that certain something anyway?? It's soo difficult to decide sometimes-??
(Maybe it's irrational, maybe it's a rational fear.. Some competition among eco non-profits - Yikes!! I hate it!! I'd much rather friendly cooperation!!)

Afraid to set a date for eco meeting. Different days seem better for different people... And I may have PMS and might feel guilty next week because not doing enough for the eco week...
And I didn't do much PR-wise cause I thought others would - and they didn't really...
And I'm not sure if too much PR wouldn't make the 'bad guys' crawl out of their holes and do TV promo and we'd not have any 'good guys' willing to do TV appearances and such-??
It all seems soo complicated... (

maybe I should just stop drinking apple cider?? uhh...

Okay, I googled it up: some helpful tips & advice here: http://www.life-with-confidence.com/deal-with-feeling-guilty.html

 

[mismeek]

sounds like you need some chocolate mam...

 

[Blake The Great Ect...]

Yes she does

 

[Feathers]

I'm trying to stay away from chocolate/sugar!!

Even the all-natural apple juice (no alcohol!) seems to have too much sugar?? (Sugar usually makes me go a bit bipolar-ish/yo yo...)

And calling me 'mam' - uhm, not helpful!!
I'm not THAT old!! lol!!

I think I stayed by the computer too long yesterday...

Probably not gonna be happiest today either... A band I was working with a bit a few years ago won a national award... And I feel a bit stupid for not writing that song for them when I was offered a chance (though maybe it wouldn't be so successful anyway...) It's a different style than mine.. Was also offered to record a few songs with them and just didn't.. Maybe I'm just too shy or something..
A friend said, 'They'll never get anywhere' - never believe people who say so!!!

It's just a gloomy rainy day...

Can't wait to have this November over... ::

 

[Feathers]

Okay, I decided to write into this thread again, even though the last few replies weren't really very helpful.. I'm a bit freaked out that 1.500+ people may have seen this, but then again Malice had 1.700+ views too, and some others have had even more visitors and so what? (Maybe it's mostly just a few people taking a look anyway )

I'm really big on privacy, and at the same time, wanting to keep track and be realistic and honest in what I write here etc.

Some people here may get unrealistic notions that I'm okay & don't have any troubles at all, when this is not true at all.. I just have good days sometimes, and I'm braver in SOME situations, but probably almost everyone here is braver in SOME other situations!!
When I read everyone's stories, I may get inspired, or forget my own troubles, or something clicks in connection to my own situation...

I had 2 good days, when I went to social occasions and was with quite some people.. It was good, most of it.. (I was scared first too, haha..) Okay, make that 3 this week... (had to really be brave for the 1st one haha it was very uncomfortable, but I survived..) Maybe I have 'overdone' it a bit.. Maybe I just shouldn't do this to myself, I may kinda feel 'overwhelmed' then.. Or maybe it's just Saturdays/weekends are my triggers.. (Mum starts yelling the house needs to get in order, I tell I'd sweep the stairs, as usually, she rants, 'Do you think that's enough?' ugh!!) I don't want to live like this anymore... I'm too old for this, ugh. Or maybe I just need my cocoa (we're outta milk.)

Noise from outside first thing in the morning when I wake up (splitting of wood or something like that), then Dad chatting with two neighbours, lamenting over politics and state of the world, very inspiring. (NOT!)

A lady I visited yesterday, when volunteering, was complaining over her man's mother who lives with them.. Very difficult situation, I didn't know what to say.. Kinda 'out of my league', I think someone with expert knowledge would need to help there.. Or volunteers would need special knowledge for this.. She's popping pills cause she's so upset with the situation.. I don't want this to happen to me or my parents.. Kinda very frustrating..

Still not sure what to do with the eco projects either.. if anything at all.. edited for privacy
I don't dare to write much about the eco projects, let's just say I really hate conflicts or perceived conflicts of interest and different opinions.. They told us to 'not be scared of it' but HOW??